Getting your face cradled by hands that kill>>>>>
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@ros3-boy
Getting your face cradled by hands that kill>>>>>
You don't need a "WIFE". What you NEED is a beautiful priestess of the old religion to lead you down a dark path.
Happy Pride Month!!! 🌈💕🌼✨
Y/n: *approching the 141 table at the mess hall*
Y/n: Hey, guys, are you busy?
Price: *sipping a cup of tea* Course not.
Soap: *mouth full of food* Nah.
Ghost: *locked in, hyper focused on Y/n*
Gaz: *eating a bowl of cereal* Not really.
Y/n: Want to build a blanket fort?
Everyone: *nods*
Soap: Hell yeah!
Y/n: Slay. Come to my room, we’re watching Halloween movies after.
Ghost: *first to stand and follow after Y/n*
Ghost: *watches Y/n as they prattle on beside him*
Price, Soap, and Gaz: *exchanging amused glances and silent laughter*
(Y/n in Price’s office, after an op gone wrong)
Price pacing, absolutely fuming: you almost screwed up the entire mission!
(Y/n): I..I-I’m…
Price impatiently: you’re what Sergeant? What are you?
(Y/n) panicking, on reflex: an idiot sandwich.
Price: you’re… what?
(Y/n) sweating profusely: I’m…sorry…?
[About to be sparring hand-to-hand combat]
Y/N: It's not too late to back off, Ghost
Ghost: I was actually expecting you to be the one to back off.
Y/N: I'm not scared of you! Your tank top don't even distract me.
Ghost: *tilts his head in confusion*
Y/N: Shouldn't have said that.
Captain Price : why are these burgers so small?
Y/N : that’s how they make them :>
Captain Price : why don’t they make BIG burgers?
Y/N : I never asked :>
Captain Price : they taste good?
Y/N : they’re amazing!
Captain Price, took a bite : is that onion I’m tasting?
Y/N : it is!
Ghost : they got pickles on ‘em
Y/N : they do!
Ghost : what if I don’t like pickles?
Y/N : just tell them not to put ‘em :>
Ghost : I’ve already placed my order…
Y/N : mine don’t have pickles, let’s trade!
Ghost : you would do this for me? 🤨
Y/N : absolutely! :>
Ghost : 😶
Captain Price : 😶
Y/N : ☺️
Captain Price : if you have enemies that need taking care of…
Ghost : you come to us.
Y/N: Hey so as my stalker exactly how much of my life do you see? Ghost, from inside the walls: Are you asking because you tripped on your own shoelaces in the hallway and fell on your face? Y/N: oh..so you saw that... Ghost, trying to be nice: ....no
Soap: What did you do on break, Lt?
Ghost: Rode my bike and slept in an alleyway behind a bar.
Gaz: Checks out... (leaves the room)
Ghost: ...
Ghost: Want to know what I really did?
Soap: (immediately interested)
Soap: Yeah!
Ghost: (pulls out his phone)
Ghost: (shows picture of him having someone cuddled up next to him, both under a blanket, two switches in hand, both on the Stardew Valley logo screen)
Soap: (his smile falls immediately)
Soap: Wh—
Ghost: I played Stardew Valley with the missus.
Soap: The mi—?!
Ghost: Planted crops, went to the mines...
Ghost: (swipes through more pictures of them playing)
Soap: (stunned silence)
Ghost: Upgraded the house for the missus, made some town friends... (screenshots of more gameplay)
Soap: Wait—
Ghost: Even fishing. (shows a picture of him catching a legendary fish)
Ghost: The missus doesn't like fishing. (clicks his tongue) Caught them all though. (nods to himself)
Ghost: (smirks) Want to know why I'm telling you this?
Soap: (still stunned, but nods)
Ghost: Because nobody will believe you.
Ghost: (starts deleting all pictures in front of Soap)
Soap: (pained gasp)
Soap: Ye monster.
commit war crimes with mama
I will die on this hill. Give my bois Gaz and roach some fanfics.
Meme redraw by @c00k13zz
For my fellow bloodymary critters that want to flee this Earth right now, I want to remind you that for a long time Mark has had to deal being publicly shipped with fellow youtubers and friends of his. I think him finding out one fictional character of his is being shipped with Ryan Gosling is milder and hilarious in comparison.
In hand luggage, no less
Imagine you’re just out walking your dog, hood up, earbuds in, having a nice little stroll like a normal person.
And then there’s pounding footsteps behind you, a hand snatching the back of your jacket, and suddenly you’re yanked off your feet and hauled backwards against a stranger’s chest. There’s a gun jammed up under your chin and some asshole is kicking at your dog.
Your dog- your rescue dog- bolts, leash slipping from your fingers, and the blind panic that hits you has nothing to do with the weapon under your jaw or the group of very armed men who suddenly appear in front of you barking orders.
“Put the gun down!”
“Let them go!”
“Hands where I can see them!”
There are like, a plethora of different voices shouting, guns raised, tension sky high, and all your brain can process is: oh my god this is going to set him back so bad in his recovery.
You’re squirming in this guy’s grip, not because of the gun, but because you are furious. that’s your baby. your abused, soft-eyed, loud-noises-are-still-scary baby.
The shouting ramps up, your annoyance ramps up with it, and finally you just snap, throw your head back and slam your skull into your kidnapper’s nose.
He screeches, his arm jerks, there’s a deafening crack of gunfire from someone in front of you, and a hot spray of blood hits your face as the guy drops. You slip in it, hit the ground hard, ears ringing.
And all you can think is: oh my god my dog is definitely freaking the fuck out somewhere.
You’re probably a little in shock because your survival instincts are nonexistent. instead of crawling for cover, you suck in a breath and start yelling at the top of your lungs. “GHOST! GHOST, COME HERE, BOY! IT’S OKAY, YOU’RE SAFE! MOMMY’S OKAY!”
The armed men in front of you actually jerk back in surprise.
You scramble to your feet, still wobbling, spinning in circles as you cup your hands around your mouth.
“GHOST! COME HERE, BABY! IT’S OKAY, SWEETHEART, YOU’RE SAFE, MOMMY’S RIGHT HERE! ”
“Uh… Ghost?” one of the men asks carefully.
You whirl toward him, wild eyed. “Yeah, that’s my fucking dog. My good boy who has been doing so well in his recovery from being an abuse victim, and now his progress is probably going to backslide because some jackass decided to play hostage taker- GHOST! C’MERE MY WITTLE BABY BOY, MOMMY WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU- ”
Three of the soldiers are doing that nervous side eye thing at the fourth one- a hulking mountain of a guy in a skull mask- who has gone absolutely, completely still with a very real, very noticeable bulge forming in his cargo pants.
You, meanwhile, are still cupping your hands and cooing into the empty street:
“Ghoooost, baby, it’s okay! Mommy’s okay! Come to mama, my brave, handsome boy!”
Incorrect Quotes
Here are some incorrect quotes for you guys while I cook up some new stuff hope you guys enjoy!!!!! Also I will be putting up a poll soon for something exciting so keep an eye out!
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Gaz: Why is there a four-year gap in your resume?
Reader: That’s when I went missing for a bit.
Price: You what?
Reader: Yeah, I don’t know what happened either.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Soap: bursts through the door YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
Ghost: You used a coaster?
Soap: …
Reader: You told someone “no”?
Soap: …
Gaz: You took responsibility for your actions?
Soap: OKAY, YOU’RE CLEARLY NOT READY FOR THE LEVEL OF AWESOME I’M ABOUT TO DROP.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Price: This is a tactical mission. No unnecessary risks.
Reader: raises hand Define “unnecessary.”
Price: Anything that gets you killed.
Reader: lowers hand
Soap: grinning What about using me as a human projectile?
Price: pauses …What?
Reader: nods Yeah, theoretically speaking, if I were to—
Ghost: interrupts They tried to throw him out of a moving vehicle to take out an enemy.
Gaz: AND IT ALMOST WORKED.
Price: I LEAVE YOU UNSUPERVISED FOR FIVE MINUTES.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Ghost: sees Reader cooking What are you making?
Reader: Mistakes.
Ghost: …Need help?
Reader: Please.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Soap: You know what they say: “A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.”
Reader: That’s cool and all, but you just told Gaz his forehead is so big it has its own zip code.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Gaz: We’re not mad. We just want to know why you jumped off the roof.
Reader: Because Soap bet me five bucks I wouldn’t.
Soap: And I was JOKING.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Ghost: I made a tactical decision.
Price: You fell down the stairs.
Ghost: AGGRESSIVELY.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Soap: holding a map upside down We’re lost.
Reader: No, we’re on an adventure.
Ghost: We’re gonna die.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Gaz: You’re being irrational.
Reader: No, I’m being hilarious. There’s a difference.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Price: Where’s Soap?
Ghost: He and Reader got into a dumb competition again.
Price: What is it this time?
Gaz: They’re seeing who can eat an entire raw onion without crying.
Price: …Who’s winning?
Ghost: Neither. I think we’re all losing.
⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻
Soap: Why on earth did you give a knife to Graves?!
Nikolai: He felt unsafe.
Soap: Well now i feel unsafe.
Nikolai:
Soap:
Nikolai: Do you want a knife?