I have made friends with people in roleplaying, but I have had to tell myself that everything is temporary because if we don't share an interest ( Ie : my hyper fixation will burn strong for maybe 4-7 months at best, and then I'll abruptly lose interest in THING. Then I struggle to talk with people I like, and I have to let them go and find other people to talk to. )
This is part of growing up. I try not to have hard feelings because that's just how life is.
If we have nothing left in common, then all we have is whether you like my very eccentric and often capricious personality or not.
I've been told before that I have an abrasive personality that is ' charming in person' but comes off differently on the internet. I have struggled to maintain as much of a positive attitude, but that turned into toxic positivity really quickly. (Something that I am working out now with characters like Donut and Caboose tbh. )
I became the Clown. The silly little jester and people liked the act, but it was killing me slowly to pretend to be silly at all times. I was always ON. I was always cracking self-depricating jokes and laughing off mean things people who I deluded myself into calling ' my friends,' said to me.
When I turned 30, it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was extremely unhappy. I was depressed. Still am, but I feel like I can manage it better now. My mother's passing was a breaking point. I just broke emotionally for several years, and I apologize for what that did to my friends, but I was going through it. And I was frankly tired of being nice and cheerful when I wasn't feeling like that.
In real life and roleplay life, I learned very quickly that the people around me only pretended to like me when I was ON. When I was the silly jester. They didn't want me around when I was despondent or sad. When I set boundaries that I no longer appreciated being singled out in games or things, they promptly stopped wanting me around.
I learned that people only liked the Jester. The Clown. The silly self-harm one who made fun of herself and was cruel to herself for comedy. the one who '' jokingly '' talked about kys in a video game but wasn't actually joking. The one who constantly felt like a burden to everyone but kept that quiet so not to bother anyone.
(There's a reason why characters like Gangle make me feel a lot of emotions. It's very ' I'm in this picture and I don't like it. ')
I refuse to be that person anymore. And If that's a deal breaker, then you should probably just leave me alone.
Moved to rolliesmuses // dni if you were blocked previously
i took some time away from the ducktales fandom and the series but im ready to come back now.
i hope that the people that i have attempted to ruin my friendships and isolate me have gone off and done some soul-searching. hopefully, become better people.
Moved to rolliesmuses // dni if you were blocked previously
i took some time away from the ducktales fandom and the series but im ready to come back now.
i hope that the people that i have attempted to ruin my friendships and isolate me have gone off and done some soul-searching. hopefully, become better people.
@ros-muse-surplus is still on semi-hiatus ( only some characters are active) - active : monday ; multiple media muses. Featuring : Dark Crystal , Secret of Nimh & Amphibia characters.
@crushedmystars : active all off days. Mostly DangaRonpa muses ( with some spare anime muses )
@toliet-kun : active most off days ; Toliet-bound Hanako-kun muses.
