♔Kingdom Come

♚ ROYAL | 19 | HAWAII My Kingdom Come I blog about fashion, fandoms, anime/manga, video games, art, photography, nsfw shit, a whole buncha other stuff, and my personal life.

[roseisroyalty]

I'll do anything to keep this alive.

[roseisroyalty]

Hanging, hanging on. Lost in the universe but residing in Kingdom Come.

[roseisroyalty]

it truly is lonely without you, dear.

truly lonely without you here.

[roseisroyalty]

you’ve given me nearly everything i’ve ever wanted in such a short amount of time. and you continue to keep giving and giving and i keep receiving. but i’m giving you my all too, babe. you deserve it more than anyone ever has from me. i want you to feel the way you make me feel, every day of our lives. i ache when you’re not around. i lye in bed, arms stretched out as if to grasp you or wrapped around a pillow that could never compare to your comforting build. it pains me to go to bed with no lips to kiss goodnight and to wake up with no lips to kiss good morning. everything i do, i want to do with you by my side. with you feeling a bit of my limelight- or at least watching me from where you are. i’ve never had love like this before, but it’s everything i hoped for, everything i deserve, and everything i’ve attracted. i know i have something good here. i know i have something worth building and working for. no time for mess ups, no time for the same old things i’ve had and done before. time for me to do me, you to do you, and for us to do us. just the way we do, babe.

[roseisroyalty]

my words used to be so poetic and deep but now i feel like they are but a fumble- little burbles of speech that pop into my head whenever i think of you. little, incoherent, and jumbled up in my mind and even my voice. maybe i can’t find the right words. maybe you just make me feel so out of order sometimes. whatever it is, i hope in the little ways i can, you understand, and you know these feelings that i feel for you.

[roseisroyalty]

it’s been a few months now. i feel as if i’m on top of the world.

everything in my life is where i wanted it to be.

i’m thriving in love.

i’m succeeding in work.

i’m advancing in business.

i’m enveloped in relationships.

i love myself now more than ever.

everything is perfect.

[roseisroyalty]

i know i haven’t updated much.

well, that’s because i’ve been doing a lot more living and a lot less logging.

but i have some updates to share.

[roseisroyalty]

last night i was talking to my brother about these issues i have with all the boys i’ve ever tried to love. and i asked him, “do you think i’ll ever find the right guy?”

and he said to me, “you shouldn’t be with any guy that i don’t see fit to be my brother in law.”

and that was one of the greatest things my brother has ever said to me in my life.

[roseisroyalty]

i was talking to a friend once about my love issues and how it’s become quite difficult for me to trust people with my affection. and he said to me,

“i want you to be able to trust people, rose. because trust is a form of love, and i want you to always be in love.”

and it was one of the most nicest and most beautiful things a friend has ever said to me. i will never forget this.

[roseisroyalty]

truth be told, i loved you. i still love you. and you have no idea what kind of power you have over me. i had you for a moment, and in the blink of an eye you slipped right out of my hands, through my finger tips, and there was just nothing i could do to catch you. i desperately tried to recollect you. i desperately tried to make you want to want me. but my efforts- all for nothing. all for you to turn me down. but you were kind. you were so kind it was cruel. because i’m still tortured. and you still haunt my heart. and im so mad. im so angry. im so lost. im so fed up. im so foolish. im so desperate.

[roseisroyalty]

i would do anything to just get the chance to talk to you. to just see you again. i go out of my way and i pretend to be okay every time i do. i laugh everything off because jokes make it a little better. but if i’m honest with myself, it still hurts, babe. it still fucken’ hurts. i wish i didn’t feel this way for you. i wish i could be over and done with it already. but you, you’re so hard to let go of. and i don’t think you’re even aware of it. but of course, you only ever think of yourself. because you’re selfish, and i am stubborn. 

[roseisroyalty]

you

you were like fire, babe. like red hot flame burning in my heart and i was blue for you. a cold, cold flame in your palm. you scalded me while i merely flickered and danced at your fingertips. so easily put out by the mere flow of your breath. meanwhile, i try to force the wind and rain upon you to put you out and when i think your blaze has gone you reignite and over and over my ash turns into ash. my dust to dust. all for your love and lust.

[roseisroyalty]

here i can talk all about you and not worry much. because you probably never ever check up on me here. nor do you even know that i exist on this blog site. and so i feel safe enough to say these things i will probably never have the chance of saying to you in my life.

it’s been quite some time now that what we had is no longer here. and it’s been a bit of time since you told me that i could do better and to go out and take chances. i talk to you like none of it ever happened. as if all we ever were was just pals. and it feels okay if i’m honest. it feels nice. but if im really honest, i think about it a lot after i’ve left. and it eats me up inside. because im reminded, every time i see you, exactly why i am,

undeniably,

in love with you.

and that’s something i could never have said to you before. that’s something i’ve wanted to say. but i remember you told me that some things are better left unsaid. and i wonder, did you say that for my sake, or for yours?

i tried to get every answer out of you that night at the church. every answer to all of those questions that lingered in the back of my mind. but yet, i still have more, and they keep coming. and i wonder if i’m always gonna feel this way for you. mad about you.

because i know for sure i’m always going to feel love about you. whether you like me or not. this feeling is going to remain. all because i see so much in you. more than you could ever understand. more than you will ever know.

the heart wants what it wants. and i want you badly. i dont know if moving on is ever going to be an option for me. all i can ever do is move forward. and see where things take me. hopefully, it leads me right back to you, babe. i’d love to take you, end game.

*i realized that i can’t be in love with you. can i? for that to happen you’d have to be in love with me too, right? then i could say i am in love WITH you. i’m probably thinking too technically here. i suppose, maybe, i’m more in love for you. that sounds about right. right? i am in love for you, almost lover. why’d it have to be this way?

[roseisroyalty]

i see you and i’m okay.

i talk to you and it’s alright.

but i still think of what we coulda been, almost babe.

[roseisroyalty]

maybe in another life, babe.

maybe in another life.

but i much prefer this one.

[roseisroyalty]

meanwhile, him.

still holding on to the thought of what could be. foolishly. i should be smart about this. but for now i am hopeless. hopelessly longing for just the title of “his”. all i need. good enough for me. just a chance. just another chance. odds be in my favor.

[roseisroyalty]

i’ve let you go, dear.

i am truly at peace.