be afraid

Of not following your travel dreams! Book now @ Destined Destinations! Rose-Marie Wilder | Mare | Thirty-Three

[rn-zane]

With that logic, definitely one giant crab. Or you could just go through a door that it can't fit through. Crabs make noises? I thought they just... I don't know, clickety clacked.

[rosemariewildin]

What if you go through the door and it crushes the whole building instead? Like that one guy who tried to hide in a bathroom in Jurassic Park, it didn't work so well.

Little arms and low mobility does not guarantee a win, they still have size and brute strength on their side!

Hm they do. It's a little scratchy scratchy screech sound. They also have murder in their eyes, jot that down.

[park-ranger-is-my-comfort-animal]

Jerry, and no... I just don't appreciate folks talking about killing animals that ain't done nothing worse than exist

I'm a Park Ranger.

[rosemariewildin]

I read that 100% in a hero voice. Did you say it in a hero voice? Did you put your hands on your hips and pose?

Rest easy, great Park Ranger, I haven't stomped any crabs yet. I would like them to get out from underfoot, though.

[axisjr]

No, I open up this website and look at pictures until the stench overwhelms my eyes and I message them to take a shower. Go take a shower.

[rosemariewildin]

I showered an hour ago, does this mean I have to change the photo? Seems like an awful lot of work, I might just rather smell stinky in perpetuity in my icon.

Question, do I have the stinkiest photo, or does that honor belong to someone else?

[rn-zane]

I don't know and I don't intend to find out. Does sound like a 'would you rather' question though. One giant crab versus a 100 regular sized crabs... The crabs are really bothering you, then?

[rosemariewildin]

Well...would you rather one giant crab, or 100 regular sized crabs?

Seems like the giant crab would have a low dexterity score, easier to duck and weave, get at that sensitive underside while it's still trying to figure out how to move those big claws. These little things? Overwhelming, hard to get away from, obnoxious.

I just keep almost stepping on them on accident, and they make this little noise, it's haunting me.

[declinlalune]

Who is bob? I'm not being anti-crab, I'm telling people to stop hurting themselves at some stupid stall. Also, isn't it harmful to the crabs to be scared and pinching people? I actually have no idea if that's true or not, but

[rosemariewildin]

This is Bob.

The mistake here is thinking I'm pro-crab. I'm actually just anti-propaganda. I think people should bite the crabs if they want to bite the crabs. Just like people should be able to stomp the crabs if they want to stomp them.

Were these crab dunking stalls actually busy?

[banisheed]

SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: A very serious request. Not a joke. TO: [email protected] FROM: sexibbyangle69@ hotmail.co.uk

Moose,

I thought you died. Would I scream if you

I'm glad you're not dead

Well, at least one life goal has been accomplished. If I can't go on a date with your mother, at least I can be a pending HR problem. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like I'm a big enough problem for HR if Henry won't be moved from his cod. Shall I send you nude photos? Would that put me over the edge?

No, I don't like it. Just insult me. I believe if after a compliment you issue a devastating insult, they'll cancel each other out. That's how math works.

No, there is no freedom. There isn't meant to be any freedom. But it's...different. I must be limited, you're human, you don't have to be. I am loyal to my goal and the knowledge of my faithful servitude sustains me. Adventure is for other people. Not me. Though, in theory, yes. It might be nice to live without an end to serve. As much as you can't imagine having a singular goal, I can't imagine living without one.

Death isn't restrictive. It doesn't stop you...until it stops you, I suppose. But when it hasn't stopped you yet, then you're not stopped. Therefore...it's not restrictive.

Yes, horny fog is a really issue. Someone should tackle it...but not you. I think you sexually attract the fog. We need someone lacking in sex appeal. A rock, maybe. Mhm. Actually. Have you seen the Moai? Rocks can be sexy. Brainstorm this with me: what is completely unsexy?

Are you being serious? In Illinois? I told you, I can't leave Wicked's Rest and once I've accomplished what I came here to do, I'm going home. Maybe in a hundred years. Can you book me one a hundred years from now?

This Will Impact The Score I Give You On Your Customer Service Survey, Sexy

P.S. What kind of books does your mother like? Actually. I don't care. What kind of books do you like? P.P.S. Homeschooling is rather piteous on an application. Perhaps with enough money they might have, but it's probably better I never went. Yes, well...I grew up at an antiquated time. P.P.P.S. You failed to tell me that your mother was spoken for. How was that not the first thing you told me? Now I look like a fool! And in front of Henry and his cod too. How dare you? P.P.P.P.S. No. But you can bring your own wine. I often do. Cake too. P.P.P.P.P.S. If you get me a date with someone's mother--anyone's mother, anything's mother--I will allow you to pet my dog.

[rosemariewildin]

SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: A very serious request. Not a joke. TO: sexibbyangle69@ hotmail.co.uk FROM: [email protected]

Sexy,

You know, I don't actually know what Henry's filters are. It's possible he just checks when he feels like it, or he has a ping set up but I couldn't tell you what makes that ping ping. You really have to ask yourself, do you want Henry to see your nudes?

Is this a requirement? What if I don't want to cancel out the compliment, will this negatively impact my customer service survey? Now I'm under pressure and I can't even think of an insult...

Why must you?

[User types and deletes a few things, stares at her computer for a moment.]

Does serving one goal make you happy? Right now, are you happy?

There are a lot of belief systems that don't see death as an ending, some that even revere it. I think it would be easier, if it was a stopping point. Imagine if it's just another event, a thing that happens to you, then you still have to get out of bed the next morning, but now there's no more stopping points. What do you do, then?

I'm taking the compliment, please don't negate it with an insult I need this win. Personally, I find barracudas, those old kinda thin brown stained carpets, and James Franco to be lacking in sex appeal, but throwing a barracuda into the fog might result in loss of limb, the carpets would be an awkward toss, and James Franco might result in a lawsuit.

It won't let me book past May of 2024, but I've set a reminder in my phone. Get back to me in 2122 so we can get a head start. I've even attached a picture as proof. Or any day before that, if you get restless.

How Can I Improve My Score? Moose

P.S. Everything, anything. Stephen King used to be a no go, but I've learned to appreciate it. The classics are nice, but I was very into Hunger Games and the Shiver series when I was younger. What are your favorite books? P.P.S. Is it something you want to do now? College, I mean? Now that times aren't antiquated, and home school is perfectly acceptable as long as education requirements are met. P.P.P.S. I said fling, which sort of implies she's open. I think. Haven't actually talked to her in some years. The point is! She's not spoken for, she's just having fun. And Henry isn't looking. Watch, I'll insult Henry and he won't even butt in to defend himself: Henry you suck at CoD. P.P.P.P.S. Attached is a photo of the lovely lady you have a meet and greet with tomorrow at 3 pm at the shelter in Wicked's Rest, Maine. She's seven years old, she's a mother of six lovely children, and she's looking for love and a furrever home. I hope you don't mind I just told them "Sexy will be there." P.P.P.P.P.S. If you're not bound by human limi– [User hesitates, and deletes this question at least five different times.]

📎 2122appointment.jpg 📎 misslouise.jpg

[rn-zane]

Wouldn't it be easier to just... scoop them outside? Sounds like just as much effort to do whether you squish them or not. Might make a mess. Or bring crab revenge upon you.

[rosemariewildin]

Crab revenge? What does crab revenge look like?

No, don't tell me. I can imagine. They have so many friends, they could stage the ultimate siege. I'd be toast, no butter. I mean I still think squishing is a viable option, but new fear unlocked, carefully considering risks versus benefits will be important.

Some things are worth the mess.

[axisjr]

What the fuck is a soulsbo

[User does some googling. ]

None. I touch grass.

[rosemariewildin]

[User turns her copy of Bloodborne backwards on her games shelf so the title is hidden.]

Good, I was about to judge, and you were so far ahead. Still so, so torn up about being smelly in my photo, truly. Recovery is going to be a journey.

Do you have a wheel of users, you spin and whoever you land on gets the insult of the day?

[declinlalune]

I think this goes without saying, but please don't bob for crabs.

Somebody's got a bucket set up telling them they can keep whatever crabs they catch, but it's the same as bobbing for apples. Just don't do it.

[rosemariewildin]

I don't know, I just saw in another post that this is anti-crab propaganda, dare I say even anti-bob propaganda. What's the truth?

[rosemariewildin]

@honeysmokedham replied to your ask:

I was born better than everyone else. It's a skill issue. Stay bad.

This is so close to get good. How many Soulsborne games have you played?

[rosemariewildin]

I looked at a photo you posted of yourself, and I think you smell really bad.

I'm going to skip right past the part where I pretend to be offended, how dare you, blah blah blah please pretend it was Oscar-worthy, and get right to the important part:

When and how did you learn to smell with your eyes? Share your secrets.

[justtakingchances]

Damn. What did those crabs do to you??

The only right answer with the crabs is to adopt them.

[rosemariewildin]

Eyed my turkey sub like I'd bought it for them. A stompable offense if there's ever been one.

Scale of 1 to basically a therapist, how good are crabs at being emotional support animals? I'll consider this if the answer is 7 or better.

[park-ranger-is-my-comfort-animal]

Are you saying that if these crabs looked as cute and adorable as a puppy, then you'd give their actions a pass? Let them chew up your favourite slippers? Steal your turkey sub? Take a shit in your laundry?

But because you don't see them as 'cute', they're getting stomped on for that self same behaviour? Is that right?

Please tell me that you can at least recognise the double standard inherent in that opinion...

[rosemariewildin]

For a puppy specifically, yes. Hi, I'm Rose-Marie, and I have double standards.

The...laundry thing might get me, actually. That one is a hard sell, the crabs might have one up on puppies in that regard. But only that regard. Everything else puppies have the upper hand.

Do you work for a zoo? Are you the crab handler?

[chasseurdeloup]

It's normal to forget it's your birthday on the day of, right?

[rosemariewildin]

No. I heard 1 in 5 people suffer from forget-their-birthday-itis, you should really get that checked out.

[park-ranger-is-my-comfort-animal]

Seriously? We're here already...? Well, that sure didn't take long.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised though. 'Might Makes Right' is practically coded into the DNA of our Great Nation. Forget all about trying to understand migration patterns or what might be happening to their natural habitat to force them into the town... just stomp on anything that's even a minor inconvenience to our way of life.

Let's hope nothing bigger than us decides we're the inconvenience one day... And people wonder why I live in the woods away from y'all.

[rosemariewildin]

They're not puppies, I'm not stomping on some puppies. They're little rock gremlins with claws and an agenda. I don't know what that agenda is yet, but I'm sure they have one, and I don't like it. One was eyeing my turkey sub the other day, menacingly. I'm supposed to just sit there and take that?

If I get stomped that's just the circle of life. I think.

[rosemariewildin]

Has anyone tried just squishing the crabs? We're like godzilla to them, we could just...stomp. I haven't stomped yet no one get angry, but they keep doing this little SQUEEE noise and I've stubbed my toes no less than four times and I'm going to stomp.

I'm bigger, I'm stronger. The solution is right there. (Yes, I have considered the swarm of rats stat block. No I'm not deterred).

[banisheed]

SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: A very serious request. Not a joke. TO: [email protected] FROM: sexibbyangle69@ hotmail.co.uk

Moose,

Don't do that. I want to be sexy. I want to be an HR issue in the making. Live on the edge, Moose.

Than No one has ever really Thank y Actually I hate it. I don't want to be complimented. Go back to sounding like you were making fun of me. I don't really accomplish everything. More often, it seems, I just make a mess. But I can fix it. I can if I just Are you making fun of me? I can't tell anymore. People don't usually compliment me on that. They say I'm pretty or....just that one, actually.

What do I do with all this gouda then? See attachment.

How safe is it, then, if it can cave in so easily? Aren't you dooming yourself to getting stuck? My future was determined to me the moment I was born. I had a role. I still have one. I do what is asked and that is my future. It doesn't matter what tomorrow is like, as long as I understand my duty to this world I will always carry a path forward. I understand that you humans do not have such guidance in your lives but I do also understand a great deal about the future. You have one inevitability in life: death. Everyday is one step forward to meet it. If you know where your tunnel ends, what is there to be afraid of?

I believe being eaten by the foggy future would be vorarephilia. Perhaps if you think about it that way, you would try not to be eaten by the fog lest you sexually arouse it. No one wants sexually aroused fog.

Unfortunately with your lack of skill in booking me a vacation with your mother I may never end up in Illinois. It's a shame. It seemed like they really were beautiful. Did you look up at them often?

No It Was Supposed To Sound Sexy, Sincerely, Sexy

P.S. WHAT. WHO IS BOOKING YOUR MOTHER? Is her music career this important to her? P.P.S. I didn't go to university. At the time, it wasn't exactly expected of women to go. And my mother wouldn't allow it; she said it was juvenile. I was homeschooled all my life, anyway. I'm not sure they would have taken me. P.P.P.S. Are you actually glad your attractiveness has assisted your mother's romantic life or is that sarcasm? P.P.P.P.S Because there's a pit of death nearby. Big pit. Very romantic spot. You should take your dates there. As I do not have any--BECAUSE YOU'VE DENIED YOUR MOTHER TO ME--I cannot. P.P.P.P.P.S I will never call you Ma.

📎 DefinitelyAPictureOfGoudaAndNotJohn.jpg

[rosemariewildin]

SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: A very serious request. Not a joke. TO: sexibbyangle69@ hotmail.com FROM: [email protected]

Sexy,

Yeah so I know it's been ten days but it's been a rough ten days so can we just ignore it–

Hello HR nightmare in the making! I disassociated in a park for a week and haven't eaten in a bit let's not talk about how long a bit is I'm so sorry for the delay. how about that vacation with my mother!

I think you are an HR issue in the making, so go ahead and mark that one off under "things you've accomplished." That is, if Henry ever gets ahold of this. Hi Henry, how's COD. Also, you'll notice I'm still addressing you as Sexy, as requested.

What if, bear with me, what if I complimented you but made it sound like I'm making fun of you? Wow, Sexy, being all determined. Who has that kind of determination, anyway? Only really determined people, pfft.

That's the second time you've said something like you humans–

And isn't having every day planned out for you just as limiting? Where's the freedom in taking steps only towards one, pre-determined goal? Maybe there is some adventure in not knowing what comes next, in just letting it happen and dealing with it when it does. Terrifying, yes, but I couldn't even imagine being bound to a singular goal. And death really isn't the ending everyone seems to think it is–

Humans, and their finality of death. Awfully restrictive.

You know, sexually aroused fog wasn't something on my list of fears, but it might be now, thank you for that. Someone should really do something about it.

Pick a place, any place. Somewhere that's not with my mother. Or my father. I'll get you a vacation there. It can even have stars, I hear they're pretty over in Illinois.

Oh, I'm Sorry, I Didn't See the Implied Smirk, I'll Do Better Next Time, Sincerely, Moose

P.S. It is, it's very important to her. So is book club on Fridays. P.P.S. Why wouldn't they have taken you? And that sounds awfully antiquated P.P.P.S. I would prefer it if my attractiveness helped my own love life, if we're being honest. My mother's fine, I'm pretty sure she's got a book club fling going, she's living her best divorced life. P.P.P.P.S. Oh huh. Yes, romantic, first thought that comes to mind when I hear pit of death. Do they serve wine? P.P.P.P.P.S. Can I pet your dog?