BOY, FORGOTTEN.

saeran choi of mysmes. freed by cat.

[rosenfaith]

PINNED.

wip blog for saeran choi of mystic messenger. affiliated with @adoranoia.

[rosenfaith]

chronic pain my beloathed.......probs wont get anything done today lmao

[rpmemegraveyard]

hurt comfort prompts

“ you can stay here, if you'd like. “

“ please don't go. “

“ why don't we stay at your place tonight? “

“ can i get you anything? “

“ let's be pathetic together. “

“ are you crying? “

“ i'm glad that you're here. “

“ you're not doing this alone. “

“ i don't have anyone anymore. “ “ you have me. “

“ are you sure [about staying]? “

“ you didn't force me. i volunteered [to be here], remember? “

“ you are what’s important right now. “

“ it’s okay, you know. if you need to vent. “

“ are you sure? it's quite heavy [of a topic]. “ “ i've got all night. “

“ tonight is about you. you can make it up to me some other time. “

“ i've got nowhere else to be. “

“ you said you needed a distraction. “ “ so... where is it? “ “ you're looking right at it. “

“ why don't you come here for a second? “

“ wanna talk about it? “

“ i can't talk about it. not tonight. “

“ you need to distract me. do something, anything. “

“ i just don't want to be alone tonight. “

“ i'm tired of thinking. let's just... make out, or something “

“ i feel like shit. “ “ you look like it, too. “ “ hey! “

“ it’s okay to cry, you know. “

“ you’re a little hurt, that’s all. “

“ anything you want me to get you? “

“ nothing a good [drink] can't fix. “

“ let’s get you cleaned up. “

“ this is you thinking rationally? “

“ you're really all i've got. “

“ c'mere. let me give you a hug. “

“ and you're absolutely sure this is what you need? “

“ you don't need this right now. “

“ how long are you gonna sit there? “ “ all night, if that's what it takes. “

“ what's it gonna take to make you smile? “

“ if you're not ready to talk about it, let's not talk about it. “

“ wanna play some mario kart? it'll give us both a reason to cry when you beat me. “

“ how about we stay like this, holding each other? “

“ i don’t know what’s wrong with me. “

“ i can’t stop crying. “ “ i'll be strong for the both of us. “

“ i didn’t know where else to go. “

“ the door's always open, you know that. “

“ i thought you were leaving town. “ “ i can't leave now. “

“ there's that smile i know and love... “

“ stay with me. “

“ hey, what’s your favorite snack? “

“ i’m not leaving. “

“ just let it out. “

“ you're stronger than you think. “

“ how about i make a quick run to the store, get you some aspirin? “

“ grab a burger or something on your way home. “

“ you were always there when i needed you. let me repay the favor. “

“ i don't mean to bother you. “ “ you're not. “

“ hey, listen to me... “

“ you’re not a burden. “

“ aren’t you tired? “ “ this isn't about me. “

“ you’re going to be okay. “

“ hey, look at me… “

“ i don’t know what to do. “ “ we’ll figure it out. “

“ you’re not alone. “

“ hey, hey, hey, it's okay... it's okay. you're okay. “

[adoranoia]

min-ji walks up to saeyoung casually, nudging his arm so he'll take his headphones off, " so, i told saeran his ears turn when he lies. "

and, saeyoung simply blinks! " uh, why? "

" so i could do this. " she turns, " hey saeran, do you love us? " // @rosenfaith .

[rosenfaith]

skeletal hands rush to over his ears, a frown ( no, a childish pout! ) sliding into place. “ no—! fuck off! ” his tone is petulant, pink dusting pale cheeks, and —

what is that? between the gaps of his boney fingers, his ears-tips might just just be turning the faintest bit red!

[rosenfaith]

META 002. // MEDICAL (PHYSICAL)

saeran has never been healthy: from birth, he was always more on the sickly and frail side. he's always been smaller than his twin, and more prone to getting ill. as he grew up, he remained on the smaller side ( at least, relative to how tall his brother grew to be ). somewhat tangentially related, saeran sometimes gets random nosebleeds.

saeran suffers from chronic pain, courtesy of years of abuse and injuries not healing properly due to malnutrition -- that, and the fact that longtime exposure to trauma genuinely impacts the way one's body develops. childhood trauma, physical or otherwise, oftentimes leads to chronic pain that never fully goes away. this, compounded by life in mint eye, means that saeran is always in pain one way or another, though he has good days and bad.

along with this, saeran is predisposed to having migraines. they can be triggered by loud noise, time spent in bright lights, or sometimes just because.

[rosenfaith]

META 001. // APPEARANCE

saeran’s natural hair colour is now white. this is due to a few things, but the two main ones are: the pain and shock of the ‘cleansing’ process of mint eye, and the trauma of….well, everything. he’s considered dyeing it, but hasn’t gotten around to it yet.

his eyes, altered because of the mint eye drugs, never fully return to their original golden colour once he has left the cult. they still retain flecks of that chemical green. ( as a fun sidenote, his eyes now also reflect light oddly because of the effects of the drugs! )

saeran is very skinny, almost unhealthily so. he doesn’t get hungry often, courtesy of years of deprivation, his own predisposition to getting sick, and also a side-effect of the drugs in mint eye

he has so, so many scars, all over his body from years of abuse — and some from his time in mint eye. he covers up a lot because of this. he’s self conscious about it, and doesn’t like people asking questions.

saeran has a heart-shaped birth mark on one of his ankles, just like his twin has.

[rosenfaith]

min-ji tips her head, slowly, she sets her hand on the others arm, gently, just to get his attention, " i hope that you find some peace in this life time. "

physical touch was not something that saeran would ever claim to be entirely comfortable with: for, how could he be, when for so many years touch equated pain, equated suffering, equated curling in on him- self both physically and emotionally. it is some- thing of a contentious topic for him, something that he struggles with, and he believes that he always will.

however, when min-ji touches his arm, feather- light and careful, he does not flinch away. he holds steady, steady, trusting her, telling himself it’s alright, it’s okay, and it is.

she speaks, and it is alright, her hand — butterfly- gentle — lifting from his arm. saeran feels the memory of her fingers, her palm, against his arm, and it is all he can focus on for a moment. her hand, warm, even through the fabric of his sweater, fabric separating his scarred skin from her artist’s hand—

min-ji’s voice, soft and melodic, brings him back, and he looks at her. the words hang between them, almost tangible, and saeran feels a warmth in his chest.

i hope you find peace in this lifetime.

she does not want him fixed, she does not want him to be made whole: she wishes that he finds peace.

what a foreign concept: peace, wished upon a child born of war, a child knowing nothing but hatred and fighting. he is battle-scarred, he is a child born of conflict—

he is nothing without a fight boiling just below the surface, but oh, he wants to be more.

emotions swell, tears prickling his eyes, and saeran sniffs, blinking them away.

“ i… ” words stick in saeran’s throat, and he swallows hard. emotions, nameless and warm, blossom in his chest. he reaches out a skeletal hand for hers, the touch petal-soft, grazing the back of her hand hesitantly.

“ …if i find peace, i hope you are there with me. ”

[memedetonator]

☠ ― 𝑄𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑀𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝐶𝑎𝑛 𝐴𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟. (𝑉𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑑𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝐼𝐶.)

Why were you named the way you were? Is there a special meaning behind your name (or middle name if applicable)?

When is your birthday? What is your ideal birthday?

What is your sexuality/orientation? How did you discover them?

What's usually on your shopping list?

What are some general hygiene things you do? How do you normally do your hair? What kind of products do you use?

What is in your pockets/bag/etc. right now?

What is it like where you live? How does it compare to where you grew up if it differs?

Do you have a favorite food? What's your favorite breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert?

Do you have any other family members? Parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc.?

How do you feel about makeup? Are you any good at putting it on? Do you wear it often?

Would you say you are an introvert, or an extrovert?

If someone were to invite you to a party, would you enjoy it? What would you do during?

What scares you the most? And if it really happened... how would you deal with it?

Have you ever raised a weapon towards someone? Was it in self-defense, or was it purposefully? What happened afterwards?

Do you honestly believe that you are funny? Tell us your best joke!

Tell us about something that's happened recently (asker can request a specific "vibe" to the story--happy, sad, annoying, funny, etc. if they wish).

If you were to describe yourself in a few words, what would those words be?

Do you have any pets? If so, what are their names? What are they like personality-wise? Can we see them?

What is something you care desperately about? Something that you just couldn't live without?

Have you ever broken a bone? Have you ever had surgery?

How often do you cry? Do you happy cry, or do you mostly cry in sadness?

What are some weird interests or hobbies you have that people probably wouldn't expect you to have?

Have you ever lost someone close to you? Who was it? How did you cope with it?

What is your favorite holiday? What makes it your favorite? Is there something in particular that you enjoy most about it?

Do you have any crushes at the moment? If so, do you think you will ever tell them? Has anyone ever had a crush on you?

Are there any certain scents, sounds, or textures that you like? What about ones that you dislike?

Would you ever consider starting a family? How do you feel about getting married, having kids, and potentially settling down?

What are a few things (or one thing) you want to do before you die? Why?

Are you happy in your own skin? If you could change something about yourself, would you, and what would it be?

Do you have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? Do you go out of your way to always wear it when you can? Why is it your favorite?

[mpregeminem]

words of affirmation. there's nothing wrong with me i choose to be like this every day for the bit

[rosenfaith]

holds out hand. give me plotted dynamics

[tlirsgender]

T shirt that says "I don't want to hurt people I just have issues with vulnerability and get unimaginably angry for weird reasons" on the front and "I do also want to hurt people so much" on the back

[rosenfaith]

DEAD BY DAYLIGHT AU.

the believer, searan choi.

POWER: THE CLEANSING. a chemical elixir created by mint eye, modified into a thrown weapon. when the bottle smashes, a cloud is released that, when entered, disorients and confuses any survivors who breathe it in. movement is slowed for a few seconds, and, upon exiting the cloud, survivors hallucinate until the effect wears off.

perks:

TRAITOR. while the obsession is in the injured state, gain 3%/4%/5% movement speed, and the obsession does healing actions at a decreased rate. upon sacrificing the obsession, keep this boost for the rest of the trial, and the decreased healing is applied to all survivors for the remainder of the trial.

HEX: SACRIFICIAL BLOOD. the first time a survivor is put into the dying state, a random unlit totem becomes a hex totem. while the totem is lit, all survivors suffer the haemorrhage status when wounded.

SOLITUDE. at the start of the match, five lockers on the map are turned into traps. when a survivor enters a trapped locker, the killer gets a notification and the trap is sprung. the survivor has to pass a difficult skill check to exit the locker. on a failure, the survivor is trapped there for 5/6/7 seconds, while on a success they are able to exit, but their location is revealed by killer instinct for 3/4/5 seconds.

[ruhlare]

[3000s]

"wanting something" wins Most Embarrassing Thing You Can Do award for 23rd year in a row

[rosenfaith]

❛  you are more important than me.  ❜

“ no, i’m not. ” the words are out of saeran’s mouth before he fully processes what he is saying, syllables tripping over each other as hands curl into fists, skeletal fingers bunching the rough hospital blanket. unnaturally green eyes are fixed on his own hands ( bones stark against pale skin ), the bruises on his knuckles, the scars that tell a story that is best left in a grave.

“ i’m… ” his voice is rough from disuse, brows pinched together — he is a shadow of himself, cheekbones jutting against skin in a mockery of who he once was. teeth dig into chapped lips hard enough to draw blood, and saeran almost relishes in the familiar iron tang.

gaze dragged up from the coarse blanket, saeran finds his brother, all golden and bright, so alive! a splash of life in this white hospital room, fluor- escent lights buzzing in the background! saeyoung is looking at him, saeyoung is seeing him, and his gaze is so kind, so warm, so familiar—

and saeran can’t stand it.

he can’t fucking stand it.

( he said he’d protect me. he promised. )

“ i’m not. i’m fucking not. you know what i did— what i almost did— ” words are ashen, sticking in his throat, his lungs, heavy coals that burn at the very core of saeran’s being. the syllables are smoke: they sear and choke, threatening to swallow him whole.

“ stop being so selfless! ”

( why does saeyoung still care?! )

“ you’re wasting your time! ” voice raised, it cracks all the same:

a shattered mirror, a shattered image, a shattered promise.

( but the promise wasn’t shattered, was it? ) ( saeyoung came back. they are together. )

but he left!

but she lied.

“ go to hell. ” there is no punch to it, saeran’s rage having burned out days ago. he feels empty, all of his emotions carved away, leaving room for an unwanted animal to make itself at home. “ you don’t have to stay here. ”

( please stay. )

[rosenfaith]

one day im gonna write a whole-ass meta abt how saeran just so desperately wants to be loved and wanted, and how he would do literally anything to get even a scrap of that… but at the same time doesn’t feel worthy of it

[metamorphesque]

― Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood