TW ED @rottenalive - Tumblr Blog

Idk if anyone will even see this but i am still alive! And kinda sorta recovered¿ its a bit complicated but no i don’t restrict anymore nor do I have a desire too and i am currently at my highest weight in my whole life and i’m not even worried about it :) And i’m finally on testosterone which means i am interested in building more muscle so i will probably be gaining more weight! I started this blog and developed this disorder almost 7 years ago when i was 14 as a way to cope with dysphoria, now im almost 21 and im happy where i am so to anyone who comes across this blog it can get better ❤️‍🩹

#personal

99 lbs today even though i havent really been hardcore restricting for the past two months😂 guess my body learned how to maintain a weight in double digits yasss

#personal #still fat bc i dont work out -.- going to change that #well as for hardcore restricting.. i eat like one meal a day LMAO but im not hyperfocused on my eating #like i used to be so its nice #but relapsing and gonna become with my ed again bc i Need the control back.#become obsessed* the typos in this malnutrition already affecting my brain

Thinking about how i was too tall for regular kids jeans but too skinny for adult jeans and i wore like 000 at american eagle when i was like 10..😩

#personal #im 18 now and im sure that is just physically impossible especially since im taller now but…❤️

the way eds were so prevelant in early 00s emo/scene culture.. like the normal part of my brain is like omfg that’s terrible while my disordered thoughts are just like i too will be a skinny edgy myspace famous emo boy🖤

#personal

hi still alive 😒

#personal #didnt recover or whatever just. existed #i graduated and just indulged in all my interests like 24/7 so i wouldnt form a single thought #well now i cut for the first time again and gonna relapse cos i hate myself idgaf #one thing tho.. i barely eat like i barely think about it and i get so full quickly and i love it #i didnt even eat a proper meal today [proud]

Caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and realized how fat and feminine i look after binging for the past month so we’re back to restricting again yassss<3

#personal #i want to kms😂#been getting triggered a lot too so

ive been really depressed this week and have been binging and i cut again and

#personal #self harm tw #i have to go to school in person monday for testing.. 300 cals for the weekend so i can lose this weight again before i go #rationally i know that will barely make a difference and will only make it harder to concentrate but #the disordered part of my brain is like skinnyyy😝

Everybody who made those ana rules acting like they would be able to maintain good grades while restricting and losing weight are fucking liars

#‘if i eat less i’ll have more time to study and do hw!!!’ Die.#personal #i need everybody to stop acting like u wont be completely depressed with an ed🤣😂

my bmi is like 15.2 and I should be on the verge of like collapsing everyday and barely having strength but like? I feel fine and normal and that scares me more

#personal #ok yeah this was supposed to be my suicide but i dont want to die umm

99.8 lbs today holy shit

#personal #double digits 😏

Just saw a post get taken down in real time pls

Got away with eating only one meal today while my mom was still home and it was such a small portion

#personal #but the hunger pangs are so bad rn omg i know im gonna feel like shit in the morning

I think im the skinniest ive ever been in several years rn... my hip bones are so defined

#still fat #personal

Probably gonna start fasting all day until my mom comes home just in case she ever brings food home. So even if i overeat it wouldnt be that bad. Plus shes not even home during the week and eating when no ones watching are calories eaten in vain or whatever pro anas say

#personal #im a genius

Random but i was supposed to start stretching my ears this month but i never received the kit and im being refunded but i couldnt help buying something else so i’ll feel bad if i spend money again immediately rebuying it :/ have to wait a few more months

#actually sad lol #my emoification being delayed #personal #the other thing was completely worth it but changing my appearance wouldve been more exciting

god-----like

Mom brought food nobody hmu.

#fasting for 24 hours idgaf.#and then tomorrow my limit will be 300 cals #😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂#personal

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