warning/notes: religious themes, cheating, age gap, a hint of corruption & manipulation, power imbalance, car sex, loss of virginity, protected sex. took inspiration from crossroads and the starling girl, love the book and the movie both! english isn't my native language, not proofread.
"love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. love never fails. but where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away…" don's voice sounds so calm and deep within the walls of the youth church group meeting hall. you sit, gazing at him with reverence. you don't place him above god, but he is the voice of god, your spiritual mentor, and you melt into his reading of the first epistle of paul the apostle to the corinthians.
the hymn of love - that's what this passage is called. and you naively believe it's about you and don.
you're his favorite, and it's so obvious that even the others in the group tease you about it without any real malice. you help him organize retreats, you're always by his side at every public event, on missionary weekends; he always waits for your word with more eagerness, though he doesn't let the other group members feel neglected - all are equal before the face of god, but you know you're special. and the others know too, and that soothes you.
what also soothes you, and simultaneously weighs on you, is that don has a perfect, model family - a beautiful wife and a five-year-old son, and it's only for this reason that no one suspects either of you of anything sinful. but returning home from don's office at the church, or from his car, you don't feel euphoria- you feel nausea and a heavy, suffocating sense of shame, squeezing you like a serpent.
"god, forgive me for my sins. i have been seduced by my own lust, i have placed myself above god's law, and i pray for your forgiveness for my weakness, for my shameful desire to possess that which does not belong to me…" you whisper, kneeling, palms pressed together at face level, but inside you, that flame don has stoked within you cannot be quieted.
and it's like this every time.
his lips on your lips, his tongue slipping into your mouth - his mustache tickles your skin slightly, but you're used to it now, so it no longer causes discomfort or the quiet giggling that used to charm don so much. he smells of something woody, and also of laundry detergent. his hands - warm, soft, large - slide under your long skirt and squeeze your thighs with confident strength.
"were you thinking about us? today in church? when you were reading the apostle paul's epistle…" you ask as don moves down with kisses to your neck - he doesn't leave hickeys, just open-mouthed kisses, greedily licking your skin as if trying to devour you so the taste of your skin never leaves him, while his palms travel higher toward your ass.
"who else could i have been thinking about?" don whispers, and his breath against your skin, damp from his saliva, gives you goosebumps. he asks it in a tone as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. you believe him. "get comfortable."
he pulls one hand away from your ass for a moment to slide a pillow under your head. there isn't much room in the backseat of his car, but you don't need much. soon you'll merge into one.
"are you scared, darling? is everything okay?" don asks, placing his palm over your mound, on top of your panties. you've already pulled your skirt up, and don sits between your legs, sitting back on his heels. even in the darkness of the car parked somewhere deep in the woods, you can make out the visible bulge in his pants.
your throat is dry, but don doesn't really need your answer. he already knows you're ready. he pulls your panties off and tosses them onto the front seat so you won't have to search for them later. he runs his fingers between your already slick folds and smiles. in the darkness, his smile seems devilish for a second - the thought frightens you, but only for a moment, until he starts gently circling his fingers around your clit, just to relax you and arouse you even more.
"you love me, right, not her?" you reach your hands toward don and he takes your wrists in his free hand, leans closer, and presses your palms to his chest. you feel his heart beating. "what we have is a real connection."
"everything will be fine, my darling, you trust me, don't you? i love you. you," don repeats tenderly, and you believe him. the cross and icons on the dashboard seem judgmental when you turn your head toward them, so you decide to look only at don.
he presses the pad of his thumb against your clit and begins to massage it gently. you moan, quietly panting, eyes closed, and your cheeks flush with shame. your innocence - in every sense - stirs something almost primal in don, something he interprets as yet another manifestation of spiritual mentorship, yet another sign that you are his true love, because he never felt anything like this with his wife. this is his purpose - to be your first, to make you a woman, to become one with you.
he abruptly pulls his fingers away from your pussy and unbuttons his pants. he pulls his pants and boxers down and you hear the crinkle of foil.
"look only into my eyes, okay? it might be a little uncomfortable at first, but just think about how now i'm not only your spiritual mentor, but your physical one as well…" don murmurs, rolling the condom onto his cock. he's larger than average, and he doesn't want you to get scared and tense up. "relax for me, okay?"
"okay," you whisper and pray silently. it won't hurt. it won't be scary. it's you and don- it's your connection, your love, and even if it's a sin, god will forgive you once don divorces and dissolves his marriage to his wife…
"ah!" you cry out as don's head pushes inside. your inner walls clench.
"shh, shh…" don hovers over you, bracing one hand against the car window and squeezing your thigh with the other. he holds himself back from thrusting in sharply, because he doesn't want to hurt you, and he doesn't want any blood either. he peppers your face with kisses, slowly pushing his cock into your pussy. "see? everything's fine. just breathe, darling, breathe…"
you cling to don's shoulders with your fingers and look into his eyes. he squeezes your thigh almost to the point of pain, greedily kneading your skin, and finally, he bottoms out inside you. his balls slap against your ass and you exhale in sync. at first he doesn't move, giving you time to adjust to his size, to the unfamiliar sensation of fullness inside.
"how do you feel?" don whispers, kissing you. his tongue tangles with yours, his saliva tasting like the coffee he usually drinks. slowly, he begins to move. shallow thrusts. no rush.
"like a stuffed turkey," you mumble between quiet moans slipping from your lips, and don lets out a raspy laugh. he cups your face with one hand, gently stroking your cheekbone. having sex in the car is uncomfortable, but you had no other options - don can't rent an apartment or a motel room, everyone knows him here, and driving to another town… it would take too long, plus your parents wouldn't let you go, even though you're eighteen now, but that doesn't mean you can do whatever you please.
but you know don will leave his wife soon - that's what he tells you- and then he'll be responsible for you. you just need to wait a little. and so you wait.
"don't worry, it won't always be like this. it's sacred. what's between us. you'll get used to it and you'll enjoy it very much," don doesn't need to convince you, you already like it - because you're with him. he picks up the pace and his thrusts become more confident and sharp, and your moans louder. you adjust the pillow so you don't hit your head, but don has already moved his hand from your cheekbone to the crown of your head, protecting you from a potential bump. his fingers tangle in your hair.
"i like it, i already like everything," you whisper, trying to roll your hips up to meet his. he groans quietly, breathing deep and heavy, panting, and those sounds, along with the expression of absolute pleasure on his face, make everything inside you clench. you squeeze his cock inside you, tightening your inner walls, and the sensation of even more tightness makes don's head spin.
he moves his palm from your thigh to your mound, using his index and middle finger to massage your clit, while the base of his palm presses slightly down on your lower belly - your pupils dilate from the new sensations. you can feel him inside you even more clearly now.
"you're so, so hot inside," don whispers, pressing his forehead to yours, he had to practically fold himself in half for it, his rhythm faltering for a moment, but it doesn't stop you from feeling pleasure. he kisses you again, nibbles your lower lip, pushes his tongue inside, and all you can do is moan into his mouth.
feeling your orgasm approaching, the tickling sensations in your lower belly make you dig your fingers into don's wrist, but he doesn't pull his hand away, doesn't even break the kiss - just thrusts into you harder, deeper, presses down on your lower belly a little harder, increases the pressure on your clit. you writhe beneath him on the narrow back seat, and when your orgasm washes over you, he grinds his hips into yours, giving shallow thrusts right up to your cervix. the muscle spasms of your vagina, your moans and sobs, your squirming- he comes a few seconds later, letting out a guttural groan. he collapses onto you, pressing you into the leather seats, and rests his forehead against your shoulder. his breath is hot, damp, and he leaves open-mouthed kisses right through your t-shirt, damp with sweat.
"don…" you whisper, your mind hazy after your orgasm. you can feel him pulsing inside you, no condom can hide that sensation.
"did you like it, darling?" don asks tenderly, running his fingers through strands of your hair. he reluctantly slips out of your reddened pussy, straightens up, sitting back on his knees on the seat, and carefully pulls the condom off so nothing spills. he ties it and tosses it into a paper bag with empty soda cups and the box of donuts he bought you earlier. he'll throw it out later.
you nod, unable to find the right words. you watch as don pulls his pants back up, fastens his belt, and then reaches for a pack of dry tissues.
"let's get you cleaned up," he says and carefully wipes between your legs, gathering your juices and the lube from the condom. you blush from the shame and intimacy of the moment, but don looks perfectly calm. his touches are gentle and soft. "there we go. now give me your pretty feet," he asks and, taking your panties from the front seat, helps you pull them on.
"thank you," you mumble and sit up on the seat. you slip on your ballet flats, smooth your skirt down. don gets out of the car, walks around, and opens the door for you so you can move from the back seat back to the passenger seat. your legs are slightly shaky and he chuckles quietly.
"you look like a newborn fawn. you're adorable." he opens the front door for you and when you sit inside, he leans down and kisses you again. tucks your cross, which had slipped out from under your t-shirt, back in. "now let's get you home."
