Anxious SWer

Diary of an anxiety-riddled sex worker.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I am an in-person, black sex worker based in the U.S. I use this blog as my personal journal. I’ve never been more honest anywhere else than Tumblr. I talk about the good, bad, and the ugly. My life isn’t glamorous. It’s a little eventful. I keep it real here.

There are some sugaring, hypergamy, anti-patriarchy, and pro-black reblogs. If you’re a black woman, gold digger, sex worker, or feminist, this a safe place for you.

*** I am not a sugar baby or spoiled girlfriend so I cannot offer any advice on sugaring.

*** For all my personal posts written by me, click here.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I think my life is just starting to turn around. The cherry on top would be losing this 20 pounds I put on a year ago! 😄 Ugh. I need to get skinny again so badly!

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

What an amazing day it’s been so far!

First off, my Italian lesson this morning was great. I feel more confident with my accent and forming sentences.

Afterward, I went to acupuncture. I actually managed to rest during the session this time. Three times, I woke myself up snoring. I complained to the doctor about having very low energy lately and, whatever he did, I feel energized again.

After the session, I drove to the county courthouse. The house next to me was to be foreclosed on and was scheduled for auction today. I don’t plan to buy it (at least, not yet) but I wanted to witness a foreclosure auction and see who would end up buying the house. I ended up talking to this guy who regularly buys and flips homes. He sometimes wholesales. He gave me the rundown on how auctions work. He was giving me so much valuable information. I was so grateful. He was also wearing a pair of Balenciaga dad sneakers and a Versace polo so I knew he was no chump when it came to real estate investing (I mean, his taste in clothes was atrocious but his sneakers and mostly hidden logos told me he probably had money). When we were done talking, he didn’t ask for my phone number which I respected and appreciated.

Anyway, I drove home on an absolute high. I had so much to think about. I called my mom with updates throughout the entire process. She was very interested. My mom likes hearing about things that go in behind the scenes in business, real estate investing in particular.

Using the website Balenciaga gave me, I found out the foreclosure on my neighbor’s home was canceled yesterday! My neighbor might have caught up on payments, I don’t know. In any case, this gives me more time to do my due diligence and get into a position to buy the home if it goes up for foreclosure again. I’m fucking stoked.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

The more I think about buying this house, the more excited I get. Unfortunately, most of my hopes are banking on buying the house for $50K.

But, let’s say the bank would sell a distressed property for this little, I’m not 100% sure it will get to that point because I think the owner caught up in her payments (which is why the foreclosure was cancelled). But, if that’s the case, she’ll only be buying time and I think the home will go into foreclosure again within a year. That gives me time to do my research.

If I can get a rehab loan and fix up this house to make it brand spanking new again (well, almost), I may even move in myself and rent out my raggedy house next door. The house I’d be fixing up even has a deck in the back (it will need be torn down and rebuilt, though).

[unfriendlyblackthottyy]

I fear this textuationship (who I’ll now refer to as G) is now a full blown affair

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

What an amazing day it’s been so far!

First off, my Italian lesson this morning was great. I feel more confident with my accent and forming sentences.

Afterward, I went to acupuncture. I actually managed to rest during the session this time. Three times, I woke myself up snoring. I complained to the doctor about having very low energy lately and, whatever he did, I feel energized again.

After the session, I drove to the county courthouse. The house next to me was to be foreclosed on and was scheduled for auction today. I don’t plan to buy it (at least, not yet) but I wanted to witness a foreclosure auction and see who would end up buying the house. I ended up talking to this guy who regularly buys and flips homes. He sometimes wholesales. He gave me the rundown on how auctions work. He was giving me so much valuable information. I was so grateful. He was also wearing a pair of Balenciaga dad sneakers and a Versace polo so I knew he was no chump when it came to real estate investing (I mean, his taste in clothes was atrocious but his sneakers and mostly hidden logos told me he probably had money). When we were done talking, he didn’t ask for my phone number which I respected and appreciated.

Anyway, I drove home on an absolute high. I had so much to think about. I called my mom with updates throughout the entire process. She was very interested. My mom likes hearing about things that go in behind the scenes in business, real estate investing in particular.

Using the website Balenciaga gave me, I found out the foreclosure on my neighbor’s home was canceled yesterday! My neighbor might have caught up on payments, I don’t know. In any case, this gives me more time to do my due diligence and get into a position to buy the home if it goes up for foreclosure again. I’m fucking stoked.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I just finished the first 25 min lesson of my language learning subscription. It went well because I finished those exercises yesterday. I am getting more comfortable speaking Italian. I have a great instructor. Later this week, we are switching to French. I am so grateful for these 25 minute lessons. Short and sweet and I’m not mentally fatigued.

Now, headed to acupuncture.

[heauxgf]

It’s not coming. It’s already here. Act as if you already have it.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I'm doing the homework my Italian tutor gave me... I hate this.

And just like I did when I was in college, just like I did when I was in elementary school, I waited until the last minute to do it (my next lesson is tomorrow). 😑

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

OMFG. One of the assignments she sent me is 13 pages long.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

It took about 35 minutes to complete her assignments. I feel so good about myself. I am going to do some much deserved mindless scrolling on social media right now. 😌

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

These videos of people’s farm animals on Tik Tok playing and showing off their personalities makes me want to become vegetarian or pescatarian again at the very least. Cows are so sweet! 😩 Eating animals is wrong! 😩😩😩

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I'm doing the homework my Italian tutor gave me... I hate this.

And just like I did when I was in college, just like I did when I was in elementary school, I waited until the last minute to do it (my next lesson is tomorrow). 😑

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

OMFG. One of the assignments she sent me is 13 pages long.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I'm doing the homework my Italian tutor gave me... I hate this.

And just like I did when I was in college, just like I did when I was in elementary school, I waited until the last minute to do it (my next lesson is tomorrow). 😑

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I have a reached the next level of mindless, addictive social media: TikTok live streams. Oh my God. I just watched about 30 minutes of a live stream at Disney Land. It’s 9PM over there now and they had fireworks over the magic kingdom. No matter where you stood in the park, the sound quality of the soundtrack during the show was impeccable. I could tell because it came through the live streamers video so crisp and clear.

The park was filled with families, 1/3 of them overweight, 1/6th walking around wearing mouse ears. It was such a very bizarre, American scene. The park was filled with people at 9PM and a lot of people were not leaving the park after the fireworks show. Many were walking to the next area of the park. The streamer said some rides don’t close until midnight. She also said she her family has had park passes for about 10 years. What!?!??? Is the park that fun?????

Watching Disney Land live streams is the most bourgeois, conservative, middle class thing I’ve ever seen! This shit is the Twilight Zone!!!!!! It wasn’t even interesting to watch but I couldn’t turn away!

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

I temporarily unblocked British because I need his wisdom about making an investment and I was hoping he would text me tomorrow morning. But, I realized I really don’t want to open that up again. He was once useful as an in-person client but coordinating with him became harder because he would always make last minute appointments. And, unless I was seeing him for an appointment, he was useless… yet, he took up my time more than anyone else!!! I don’t want to fall back into those patterns again.

For now, I am safe. It seems I can trust myself to not unblock him. The real test is when he starts emailing me again. Which, curiously, he hasn’t done yet. He’s either had enough of me too, he’s vacationing in Europe again, or his ex mistress is back in the city and turning up in him.

sigh Whatevs…

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

Preply allows you to take one “test” lesson with a new language tutor but, if you want to continue taking lessons with that same tutor, you have to sign up for a lesson subscription. I hate signing up for subscriptions of any kind (who are to ask me to commit myself and for a large chunk of money???) but, I had no choice if I wanted to continue with the tutor.

I can barely concentrate on anything most days so learning Italian and French is wearing me the fuck out. I enjoy the short lessons I find on TikTok but even that is an assault on my brain. And my tutor from Preply makes learning both languages at once easy but, even if I were just learning one, I still doubt I would have the mental fortitude to keep up. Also, I’ve chosen to take 25 minute lessons instead of 50 minutes because, after 15 minutes, I loose focus, my brain gets tired, and I get agitated. It’s so bad. I can’t carry on like this.

I have to do something about this, though, because I won’t make progress unless I start studying in between sessions. It’s been nearly a week and I haven’t done the exercise the tutor gave me after my first session.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

Gross. I just spent $100 to boost my ad for the month of August. I didn't pay for ads in July but I really need to get some calls... even though I really don't want to work. I gotta pay for these upcoming trips! 🥳

I'm also really trying to repeat the trip I made in January this year in November. It was so expensive but I loved the 5-star hotel experience and I did enjoy myself.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

First off, I had no idea one of the singers from One Direction died 2 years ago from drugs. Secondly, he died from drugs in a hotel room after he hired Argentinian sex workers. They said he wouldn't pay them because he had no cash. He tried to pay them with his $30K Rolex and, when the girls asked for it, he smashed the watch. They also said he was high and he danced and sang his One Direction songs for them in the hotel room. 😂 (sorry - I have absolutely no sympathy for uber wealthy white men).

My sister said it was sad and that he basically died from having to much wealth. She was surprisingly more sympathetic about his death and I'm pretty sure she hates white men more than I do. Please read this shit.

Liam Payne’s final chaotic hours revealed in call girls' sworn statements

Two sex workers who say they were hired by Payne on the day of his death gave sworn testimony to police

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

Wow. I had a great session with a new client this morning.

He’d been booked for about a week. He’s from China but he uses an American name. He showed up with a gift in hand (a gift for him really - a body stocking for me). He was scheduled for a massage + full service session but we mostly skipped the massage because he was so horny. He penis was a nice size (it’s total bullshit that Chinese men are small).

After sex, we laid down for talksies. He told me the story about an electronics manufacturer he works with that regularly committed fraud with their Amazon stores:

They have a team who used to spend $1M a year alone on buying their own Amazon products and leaving reviews.

They would bribe the Amazon employees to reinstate one of their stores when Amazon caught the fraud and suspended them.

Every time a major brand, such as Apple, came out with a new product, they would bribe someone at the manufacturer’s warehouse so they could learn the product specs and develop a perfectly compatible product for that item before the launch. They would make their item available for sale before the original item dropped (for instance, an iPhone 12 case would be available for the iPhone 12 in their Amazon stores before the iPhone 12 was even released by Apple).

He really enjoyed telling me that story and I loved hearing it. I realized he is definitely one of those people who likes impressing women with their intellect.

I tried on the body stocking for him but it looked goofy on me. It was too small and the crotch didn’t rise high enough to fit into place.

After we talked about Amazon, we talked about China. He tried to impress me with talk about their bullet trains but I already knew about those. He talked about city life in China (he doesn’t like it anymore and prefers living in the states). He encouraged me to journey to China one day. I can’t wait.

He spoke a little Chinese for me, which I absolutely loved. He explained that accents (in pinyin, I guess) are for the tones. He said, “how are you?” in Chinese (“ni hao ma?”) and it was like music to my years. I’m impressed by people whose speak Chinese because it’s a hard language to learn for those who speak alphabet-based languages.

I encouraged him to see me again because it was genuinely nice spending time with him.

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

Also, the client complimented me on how organized I was. He remarked that every step of the booking process, I checked in and coordinated with him. He complained that he’d been having trouble finding someone professional. He said that girls would change the time of the appointment at the last minute. When he said that, I was relieved that I’d never done asked a client to change their appointment even though I’ve wanted to.

There are a handful of times I’ve been tempted to ask a client to change their time so I can accommodate another client. But, if we’re going to operate like professionals in any other service industry, it makes sense to keep the client’s time as is. A masseuse or waxer won’t ask you to change your appointment so they can fit in another client before or ahead of you. I try not to make that mistake either. When he told me he’d run into that problem before, I congratulated myself for being a professional.