#1 depressed emo boy @rottingpuppycorpse - Tumblr Blog

★ intro post , block don’t report . sideblog

.⋆♱⃓ ren . shedblr blog . it/he/rot . im a freak 🖤

hypothesis: i lost my identity from being so high masking for so long (the psychologist said my autism was only diagnosable based on my childhood behaviors and that it doesn’t show enough now to qualify on its own ,, which is how heavily ive been masking for over 5 years). so now there are lots of different things that i resonate with that are all sort of similar but different enough to not align . and it’s been so long that i dont know what the “original” is or what identity i would claim if i hadnt repressed myself so heavily . and being autistic also makes me averse to sticking to a strict label i think ? even though id really Like to have A Label ,, its just hard to know where i fit. so nonbinary lesbian is a part of me & aroace trans guy is a part of me & girl liking nonbinary boy is a part of me and those all have overlap in some way but i can’t push them together . and a part of me wants to be scenemo and a part of me wants to be grunge and a part of me wants to be just emo and a part of me would genuinely be adam sandler with converse if allowed. some parts of me r nonhuman and r human. and i dont know which to choose and i dont know who i am where i is the person writing this. and im very tired

identity confusion might be a plurality thing

yes but the thing is what if im not plural and im just Lost

what if i get there and everyone thinks im horrible and weird what if they all hate me what if they put her in a different cabin and i wont have anyone ill be alone it makes sense though because ill be alone the rest of the summer my friend backed out of plans so its not like people normally want to be with me anyway

what if ill be all alone what if ill be Alone i dont want to be alone

it’s ok that i dont know who i am or who i should be or anything at all and that i think i look stupid most of the time because i dont have time to think about it . so there

things i know:

autistic

queer

i love my girldriend #mygirlfriend

i like my chemical romance

what i dont know:

what kind of queer i am (it changes sometimes but i usually like girls)

my pronouns (aside from it/its,, i know the other ones that usually work but sometimes they just Don’t)

what i want to do with my life

#unstable sense of self whattt

isnt it so great not knowing who you are

im tired and lonely and sad and scared and i have no reason for any of this