"I did not desire to die."Â But as Napoleon's chief of staff, Berthier was famously tireless, sometimes going weeks without sleep. He endured Napoleon's legendary temper, serving as his right hand and the one who go abused physically and mentally by him. He killed himself because of the emperor. That was a theory for why he fell of the three story building.
Only Davout was angry about it. The Emperor would've mourned the loss, but not with fury. He would not willingly lose anyone, least of all his Berthier. He believed people should die for him, never because of him.
The secretary, however, could no longer endure Napoleons brutality.
Davouts loyalty was absolute, almost fanatical. He wasnât angry at Napoleon (never), he was angry at Berthier. To him, taking his own life when the Emperor still needed him was the ultimate act of selfishness. The Emperor had wanted him alive, and that should have been reason enough to endure.
Unlike the others, Davout offered no pity. He wanted everything preserved for Napoleon: every loyal servant, every capable hand, every life that could still be spent in his service. Compassion had no place in that conviction.
Berthierâs admission hung in the air like a death sentence. The marshals absorbed his words, each reacting differently.
Ney and Lannes exchanged pained glances; they understood exhaustion, burnout⊠but not this. Not suicid by jumping from a three-story height. Still, at least Berthier was unmarked, and Davout took the weight of the fall.
But Davout? His face twisted with fury, not grief. He shoved past Lannes and grabbed Berthierâs collar: "You coward! The Emperor needs you alive!" He slumped forward, his back wounded from saving Berthier, just because the emperor needed him alive for reports. And he would do so much for the emperor. "He needs you!"
The marshals stood in stunned silence as Davout, small, wounded, furious, shoved Berthier with trembling hands. The usually gentle-faced chief of staff didnât fight back; he just took the shove like a man who expected punishment.
Berthierâs hollow eyes met Davoutâs blazing ones. There was no defense. No justification that could soften this betrayal in the eyes of Napoleonâs most fanatical loyalist.
Lannes grabbed Davoutâs shoulder to steady him (and maybe restrain him), but even he, hardened by war, looked sick at heart over what Berthier had done, not out of malice⊠but sheer exhaustion.
Ney knelt beside them both, his voice quiet: "DavoutâŠ" But there was nothing to say. No words could bridge this divide between duty and despair.
He didn't let go of Berthier's collar.
Davout held on like the man might dissolve, might float away like smoke from a spent candle. His knuckles had gone white, then bloodless. The wound in his back, Berthier's weight, three stories of momentum, the crack of Davout's spine against the cobblestone, leaked through his coat in a slow, dark bloom. But he didn't let go.
"Say something," Davout said. His voice cracked on the second word. "Say something, damn you."
Berthier's lips parted. Closed. Nothing.
And that nothing, that hollow, emptied-out silence, was what finally broke him.
Davout's grip went slack. His hands dropped to his sides. For a moment he stood there, swaying, the smallest of Napoleon's marshals, the one who'd carved his legend at AuerstÀdt with a single division against an entire Prussian army. The one who'd never flinched. Not once. Not ever.
It wasn't the controlled grief of a soldier. It was a child's anguish, raw, ugly, unstoppable. His shoulders heaved once, twice, and then a sound escaped him that Ney had heard only from dying horses. A wet, keening sob that seemed to come from somewhere Davout had never let anyone see.
"I caught you," Davout said, his voice unrecognizable. "I caught you. Why did you make me catch you?"
Berthier's hand moved, slow as winter honey, toward Davout's shoulder. But Davout flinched away from the touch, stumbling backward until his spine hit the wall. He slid down it, the wounded back leaving a red smear on the plaster, until he was on the floor on the same floor Berthier had tried to leave by the window.
Lannes moved first. The Gascon's boots scraped the floorboards as he crossed the room, but he didn't kneel. He stood over Davout like a man watching something he had no right to see.
"Louis," Lannes said quietly. "Get up."
"I have to stay down here." Davout pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Because if I stand up, I'll have to look at him. And if I look at him, I'll have to ask him why, and I don't want to know. I don't want to know that even this wasn't enough. That serving him wasn't enough. That being good wasn't enough."
Ney crouched beside him. Not touching. Just there.
"You were enough, Louis." Ney's voice. Quiet. The voice of the man who'd held Murat while he bled out, who'd written letters to widows who couldn't read. "The failure isn't yours."
"Then whose is it?" Davout's hands came away from his face. His cheeks were wet, his nose running, his eyes red and swollen. He looked twelve. He looked young. He looked like every boy who'd ever signed up for a war he didn't understand and then had to live through the understanding. "Tell me whose it is. Tell me so I can hate them. Tell me so I can fix it."
Because there was no answer. There was only Berthier, standing by the window he'd tried to die through, looking at his own hands as if he barely recognized them. There was only Davout, bleeding into his coat, crying on a stranger's floor. There was only Ney, who'd seen too much, and Lannes, who'd buried too many.
Lannes turned toward Berthier. His voice had no judgment in it, that was the worst part. Just exhaustion. Just the bone-tired weight of a man who'd spent his entire adult life watching young men break.
"Help me get him to a chair," Lannes said to Ney. "He's bleeding through. We need a surgeon."
"I don't want a surgeon." Davout's voice. Petulant. Wounded. Young.
"I don't care." Lannes bent and hooked an arm under Davout's shoulder. Ney took the other side. Together they lifted him, and he let them. That was the terrible thing. He let them, because fighting required something he'd left on the cobblestones outside.
As they carried him past, Berthier finally spoke.
Davout's head snapped toward him. His eyes were wild, wet, broken.
"Don't," Davout said. "Don't you dare apologize to me. Apologize to him. He needs to know that youâ that weâ"
He couldn't finish. The sentence died in his throat.
Berthier's eyes, hollow and ancient, met Davout's for one long moment. Then he looked away. Toward the window. Toward the three-story drop.
"He knows," Berthier said. "He simply does not care."
Davout made a sound that wasn't quite human. And Ney, the old lion, the one who'd never been gentle with anything except his children, pulled Davout's head against his chest and held him there.
"Don't listen," Ney murmured into Davout's hair. "Don't listen to that. He's not himself. He's sick. Grief-sick. You understand?"
But Davout's fingers curled into Ney's coat, and he said nothing.
Because Davout, young, brilliant, fanatical Davout, understood something the others didn't. Berthier hadn't jumped because he was sick. Berthier had jumped because he'd looked at Napoleon, really looked, and seen something that made death preferable.
And Davout was terrified, in the quietest, most secret part of his ruined heart, that he would see it too one day.