pastel thoughts

blogs for school requirements

[rowenamarie-blog]

Dear you: a letter to a heart in pain

Dear you,

It's supposed to hurt. When you let go of someone you love, it's supposed to feel like you've lost a limb. It doesn't matter if the relationship lasted for a month or for years, it will always hurt once it ends. And I'm not gonna lie, but you're going to have to feel every stinging bit of it. You're going to feel as if every morning you wake up to is a bitter reminder of another day without him. You're going to cry at random moments over the simplest thoughts about him. You're going to live your day and come home with nothing but a heavy heart because all you want to do is tell him about it. You're going to see his clothes and photos around your room and you're going to cry until you can no longer breathe. And you're going to hear things about him from other people, about how he's doing, and it's going to feel like a million stabs to your heart, but you have to keep a straight face and act like there's a shield protecting your heart from the stabs.

But it gets better. Somehow, it always gets better. One day you feel as though all you ever do is cry about him, but before you know it, you live a whole day without even thinking about him. One day, you'll find yourself looking at your photos together and smile and be thankful for what you had. One day, the rain will no longer remind you of him and his favorite weather. One day, you will no longer wait for the ring on your phone to tell you that he's calling. And one day, you will find yourself again.

If there is one thing heartbreak taught me, it's that at the end of every relationship is an opportunity to discover yourself again. You don't know how much of your identity you've lost during the relationship until you find yourself in the middle of the debris of your broken heart. It will be difficult to figure out who you were before the relationship started, but you have to remember that you don't have to look for who you were because you have the capability to create who you want to be. It is such a freeing feeling when you realize that you can be who you want to be.

I can't promise you that the journey to healing will be short and easy, because it won't be. For the longest time, I kept my door unlocked, hoping to hear him knocking back into my life, but I realized that I was only torturing myself by doing that because the more I keep the door unlocked for him, the more I kept the door closed for me. You have to realize that in our lifetime, we will change and there will be versions of ourselves who are compatible with others only at certain points in our lives. Nothing is permanent in life, except for change.

Spend time with friends and family, and maybe try to embark in new hobbies, because a broken heart won't heal itself.

[rowenamarie-blog]

Abortion: You have a choice.

Oftentimes, when the topic of abortion is opened, the right of the fetus is what matters, that is, in the Philippines, but what we, Filipinos, fail to see and open our eyes to is the right of those who has conceptualized the child. The moment we enter this world, we are given the right to choose freely, and personally, when it comes to abortion, I am in favor of exercising one’s right to free will. We should not be constricted to the idea that the only path to an unplanned conceptualization of a child is to push through with the pregnancy even if we do not have the means to.

Abortion is the act of deliberately terminating a pregnancy within the first 28 weeks of having been fertilized. And within those 28 weeks, if the couple or even just the mother, has already been thinking about terminating the unborn child, what more if it was brought into this world? The choice is still in the hands of those who will be left to deal with the said child and not with those who will criticize them, because at the end of the day, it is their own problem to deal with.

And although there are alternative ways in which a child can be born but not kept, such as though adoption, there is no certainty that the child will have a good and stable life, which is the main reason why the act of abortion was taken into consideration in the first place.

Being pro-choice is a personal preference. I will not impose it to those who are not in favor of it, but all I want to point out is that being pro-choice is a right that you are given to choose which life you will save. If the circumstances are not in favor of having a child, why push through with something that you cannot afford?

The aforementioned statement comes with the question “then why have sex in the first place?” to which I answer to with, because we are humans. At the end of the day, we are just humans. We commit mistakes and how we deal with them is our own choice. We have a choice. Let’s not cage ourselves with the idea that there is only one way to get out of a certain situation.

There are those whose unplanned pregnancy turned out okay in the end and those who didn’t. And there are those whose abortion turned out okay in the end, and those who didn’t. It’s all in the matter of which life you will risk and which choice you will make, because at the end of the day, it is still your life. No matter what religion you are in, what ethics you practice, what law you follow, you still have a choice. And if you feel that abortion is the best decision to make, then go forth with it. Same goes for the alternative choice. Do not conform to what society wants you to do, make your own choice.

[rowenamarie-blog]

Why celebrate Valentine’s day?

On the way to school on the 14th of February, my mom and I tuned in on the radio. There was a segment ongoing entitled “What is pag-ibig?” (What is love?) which many Filipinos react strongly about. Most of the answers that I remember from the people tuning in on the radio were: “What is pag-ibig when you have food?” (What is love when you have food?), “What is pag-ibig when your boss gives big cookies for everyone?” (What is love when your boss gives big cookies for everyone?), and “What is pag-ibig when it is not returned?” (What is love when it is not returned?).

Filipino netizens are often vocal about their strong opinions about love, which I am a huge fan of since most of them are very creative and often relatable, but it gets out of hand at times, to the point where celebrating love is frowned upon.

February 14 is not just a day to celebrate romantic love. It is a day to celebrate love in general, whether is it’s your love for food, a thank you from your boss, or even the love you have for someone that did not reciprocate it. It is a day made especially for love, and isn’t that a wonderful thing?

“Love makes the world go round,” as the famous saying goes. And it does. Your love for your parents, friends, siblings, classmates, co-workers, significant others, work, students, pets, and even yourself makes the world go round because without them, where would you be? Who would you live for?

Aside from celebrating Valentine’s day for its historical background, celebrate it just for the sake of celebrating something that is often taken for granted. Yes, love can be celebrated at any day that you want to celebrate it, but giving someone a token on the 14th of February makes it that much more special because of the day. 

[rowenamarie-blog]

Love is...

Love is painful. It will make your chest cave and your stomach empty as if you have asthma and you’re about to throw up.

Love is tiring. It will feel like you ran a thousand miles and yet you’re still far from your destination. You’ll find yourself sitting there, thinking why you even started running in the first place.

Love is a joke. You think he’s the one, and then you’re proven wrong.

Love is imperfect. It’s never gonna feel like a dream come true. He’s never gonna look the way you want and expect him to.

But, love is filling. When he’s the one, he’ll make your stomach hurt from laughing too hard. He’ll make your chest ache from all the love that’s bursting from the inside.

Love is breathtaking. After all the running, the destination will be breathtaking. It will make you thankful for running despite the bumps in the road.

Love is worth it. Even when you have to go through a lot of heartbreaks to find the one, it will all be worth it.

And lastly, love is beautiful. Despite him not being the man of your dreams, he is still beautiful because he love you. 

[rowenamarie-blog]

IMMERSED.

My whole life, I’ve only ever known one school. I have only seen the same people, been following the same rules, been treated the same way I have always been treated. And it’s been nice. Familiarity and sentiment is nice, but it gets tiring. You can only be so familiar and comfortable with a place for so long.

So when we were given the opportunity to experience being immersed in a new environment for a week, I felt all sorts of emotions, but mainly excitement. I have always been one hungry for new things, despite loving the comfort of familiarity. 

I admit that a week is not enough to be truly immersed in an environment foreign to you, but it was enough to feed my hunger for both the new and the answers I have been asking for about my future career.

I knew I’ve always wanted a career that wasn’t confined withing the walls of a cubicle in an office. I have always dreamed of a job that was engaged with the people and the world. That has always been my career goal. There was never a specific college course that I wanted to take, or even a job description that I wanted to have, but over the last three years, I have narrowed my decisions down to two: Psychology and Nursing.

Before the immersion began, I found out that the school I will be attending to had a class and program that dealt with children who had special needs. I knew that that was the path I wanted to take when I narrowed my decisions down, and so I made it a point to at least have a day within my immersion dedicated to them and I was lucky enough to have more than that.

I was able to spend most of my hours during my immersion with the children from the SPED department and I couldn’t have been more fulfilled. I will forever hold the stories they shared and the memories we made in my heart.

I went into the week of my immersion afraid of what my future holds and came out of it ready and hoping for what it has to offer. I will no longer live today in fear of what tomorrow might not bring, but will live it for the assurance of tomorrow’s hopes.

[rowenamarie-blog]

I remember coming home to my grandma's house and seeing a bare tree. I've always wanted to decorate one, so when my aunt asked me to decorate this tree for her, I just had to say yes. My aunt -my mom's sister who lived with their mother- pulled out huge boxes that were filled with different christmas decorations and i remember seeing this light blue ribbon that was net-like and glistened in white and purple. It reminded me of mermaids. I took inspiration from the said ribbon and worked my decors around it. I chose a christmas ball that was pearl white and had a hint of pink and purple, along with some other silver ones. I picked out blue and white snowflake hangers and white flowers to fill up the tree some more. The tree was almost twice as big as I was, so you could only imagine the amount of sweat pushing through the pores of my skin. For some reason, it didn't matter that I was sweaty, or that a thousand germs were sticking on me because of how dirty my grandma's carpet was. All that I had in mind at the time was that I really wanted to make this tree as beautiful as I can and have fun doing it, which I did. I am well aware that this tree isn't the best-looking tree out there, but it is for me. And it doesn't matter how people view it, all that matters is that I had fun doing it and that seeing the tree made me happy. The only downside to this is that taking down the tree would be 10 times more difficult and I haven't even done it yet.

[rowenamarie-blog]

18 things I learned in 18 years

1. Self-care is a MUST. There will always be a point in your life where you are not the biggest fan of yourself, but that is where you will mostly need you. Do yourself a favor and take care of yourself because if you won’t, who else will?

2. Life is an endless cycle of trial and error. No one is born with their life planned ahead of them, and neither is there a manual for how to live one. Try different things and if it doesn’t work out, you can always choose to abandon it.

3. Read. A lot. Even if you don’t want to, even if it’s not from a book. Read. There are so many articles, textbooks, novels, blogs, comics, magazines, etc. that is just out there waiting to be read. I promise you that you will not regret it. 

4. Keep an open mind. People are different from one another and how you think will most likely differ from the next, but always remember to keep an open mind. Never be too quick to judge and always consider the point of view of others. 

5. Not everyone you meet is meant to stay. You will meet so many people in this world, but not everyone is meant to stay, and that’s okay because that’s part of growing up. But know that if you lose one, you’re making room for another.

6. Never please anyone but yourself. If you live your life pleasing people, thinking you will be fulfilled, then you need a life check. People will never stop criticizing you, so you might as well just do what you want than break your bones trying to please them.

7. Always say Thank You. To the waiter who served you, to your grandfather that took the time to fetch you from school, or even the cashier who gave you your change. Let them know that you appreciate them and their hard work. You never know when they need it.

8. Never stop believing in magic and fairy tales. Sometimes we just need that child in us to keep us sane.

9. Keep your friends close, and your family closer. No man is an island. Relationships that support you and your growth and keeps you happy are relationships worth keeping. 

10. There’s always room for improvement. If you’re dissatisfied with yourself, know that you can always choose to make a change at any moment and at any pace that you want. 

11. Speak kindly, but never forget to speak up for yourself too. Words are the strongest bullets and they are the hardest to recover from, so always watch what you say. At the same time though, know when you have to speak up and fight for yourself. Sometimes those bullets are necessary.

12. Create. One of the greatest achievements you will feel is the achievement from producing something out of your own talent and passion. Whether you share it to the world or keep it to yourself is up to you, but having finished that output is already a reward on its own.

13. Let go of grudges. As much as possible, don’t hold one. Don’t allow yourself to drown in a pool of negativity when you can get up and get out.

14. Spread as much positivity as you can. Compliment people, support them. There is so much negativity in this world, try not to add up to it.

15. Get involved with the world. Be as aware as you can be about your surroundings, and do as much as you can for it. 

16. Sleep as much as you need. Or even just take a nap. Sometimes your brain gets too fuzzed and all it needs is a sleep. Your homework can wait, your health can’t.

17. Welcome growth and maturity with open arms, but don’t forget to have fun. Growing up is inevitable and maturity is empowering, but don’t forget to breathe and laugh and take a moment to enjoy. Life’s as fun as you make it.

18. Never stop learning. As the famous Filipino parents would say, “Education is the only thing I can give you that cannot be stolen.” Educate yourself with as much resources that you have. Learn from your own and others’ experiences. And make the most out of what you know by putting them to good use.

[rowenamarie-blog]

You were red And you liked me 'cause I was blue You touched me And suddenly, I was a lilac sky And you decided Purple just wasn't for you Colors//Halsey

[rowenamarie-blog]

The designer of this trash can saw an opportunity and took it.