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I was such a fool

I don’t know how it could have happened to me. Jeremy came into my life turned it upside down and took my money. He didn’t love me, he was using me. It took me a long time to realize that. There is so much more I can say, but I don’t remember it all and it’s all the same. He went back to prison, He called me and wanted to know if he could come back home. no. He said he was sorry. saying your…

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less money

I tried to show Ted the bank account online, and how to pay bills, when we noticed more money missing. And charges in inquires. I never check inquires at the ATM, I hardly use an atm. I always get change back when buying something or I go to the bank for a hundred or more. Well, Ted tried to get a picture of the person who took the money last month and they said the pictures only last a week,…

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Jeremy

I have been thinking of Jeremy a Lot lately, I don’t know why I just have, He use to call me every month some times twice, but of course he can’t do that any more, he’s dead. Oliver’s real name is Jeremy.

I guess I should tell you right now, I don’t know how much of what Jeremy told me was true about his childhood but I did look him up online through one of those ‘know everything about…

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A new life

Little Teddy was smoking pot and dating a girl who was teaching him how to be bipolar. He was burning things into his arms, get a piece a metal, lite it with a lighter until it got hot enough and put it on his arm. something was not right. I took him to the mental health center, they put him on some medicine a couple of months go by and the doctor say’s it looks like teddy doesn’t have to come…

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the twins

They put me to sleep. I have a line that goes from my bellybutton all the way down. it’s gross. I woke up and I already knew, they didn’t have to tell me. the twins were dead. their lungs were not developed enough. Deep, Deep Depression. Ted didn’t know what was wrong with me. I cried all the time, faking smiles were getting hard to do. After a week Ted said I need to just get over with it, what…

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marriage life and mental illness

so, we lived at his mothers then my mothers and finally we got an apartment. We would hang out with Josephine and her husband, Andy and Mandy, playing poker until late into the night. we would go places, like Hacklebarney state park, I love it there, all nature and hiking, water falls, streams. keansburg New Jersey had a kinda boardwalk, and it was close to the shore. You could see New York on…

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things I am sorry for

I went on a ‘real’ date once. He was one of my brothers friends. He took me down the shore, Seaside Heights, it was the place to go. He took me out to eat, then down the shore, walking the boardwalk, doing some rides, he won me a mirror picture of the band Wings. We drove home, he parked by my house, leaned over and kissed me, he started to put his arms around me and I had to tell, it was nice of…

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#blonde #depression #stoned

Marriage and babies

It wasn’t always easy. I was pregnant, Ted didn’t believe me because of the miscarriage I had. I bleed a lot during the miscarriage, it seemed like weeks. Ted said I was making up time because I had my period for so long, my body was taking a break. What did he know? I knew. I went to the doctor and had a pregnancy test. yep. We lived at Ted’s parents house. I had the baby a boy, little Teddy, he…

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#marriage

fall

Summer ended, so did my romance. One day, in September not to far from the tenth, Mandy asked if I wanted to go with her to friends house. I wasn’t doing anything, so why not. I was so blonde back then, I didn’t have a clue, it never entered my mind until like 25 years later. She was setting me up with someone else so I wouldn’t go back to Andy. We went around the corner a few building down to an…

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#fall #love

10/8/20

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10/8/20

I know it’s been a long time since I wrote anything on here. A lot has happened. My 7 year old granddaughter moved in, she’s ADHD, the mouth does not stop, she’s either pacing, walking or jumping while she’s talking to me. But anyway, I was checking out my facebook, it was a memory, made me think about writing on this and how I started.

this is what I read:

You didn’t make a mistake by…

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#love

it takes time

I am very sorry it’s been a long time since I posted anything. I started a job which took some of my time, but since the virus that’s been slow. I am trying to redo my kitchen with my cricut machine, takes a lot of time, but most important I’ve been depressed. My blog really started with my page ‘writing.’ https://roxannesstudio.wordpress.com/about/writing/

Where I wrote about a little boy…

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#depression #drugs

1979

1979, memories

I am sorry it took me this long to get back into writing. my computer was so slow it was unbelievable. So, 1979 was a wonderful summer. We went white water tubing, white water canoeing, went to Hacklebarney State Park, and festivals. White water rafting, nobody told me to pick up my butt and I hit a few rocks, then Violet told me pick my but when I saw white water, which seemed to look like it…

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Summer Romance

If there was one year I could go back to it would be the summer of 1979. I was 18 years old, shoulder length blonde hair, green eyes, five foot two and weighted 120. I was a size ten with a big chest. My cousin Violet’s boyfriend, Joe, teased me once calling me Jersey Jugs and it stuck. JJ Jersey Jugs. But anyway. Violet asked me to go down the shore with her to Daniel’s boat,’ she didn’t want to…

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#sex #teenage memories

Lord of the Rings

Lord of the rings was a cartoon in the 70’s. Violet told me I was going the to movies with this guy named Jeff. There weren’t any no, buts, or I can’t, about it, I was going. The movies. Lord of the Rings, I couldn’t wait, I wanted to see it. In door theater might be different, I thought. Jeff was cute,short brown hair and my favorite, brown eyes. When we got there he wanted to sit in the back,…

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#getting used #teenage memories #The Movies

Andy and me

I went to the new school for a month, I couldn’t handle two gym classes and nobody to talk to so I quit. I was home during the day and I don’t remember how it happened, but Andy started to pick me up in his truck. We would drive someplace and stop to talk and make out. Once he picked me up and said it would be boring if I went with him because he had to fix the truck. I said it wouldn’t be boring…

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#love #making love

thought I was done

I took a week off of school. I didn’t eat very much, My aunt was into making fish. I hate fish. I ate the veggies. I lost ten pounds and weighted 120, I was looking good. My mother called and said I could get my clothes and any other stuff I wanted from my room. I went home when she wasn’t there and put my clothes in an big old chest that I got from the flea market, it was supposed to be my hope…

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#mental illness #teenage memories

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