now i propose the idea of dex with a reader who doesn't quite feel feelings like normal people do. not diagnosed, not going to therapy, but there's definitely something wrong up there. sometimes they can't feel anything (embarrassment, awkwardness, happiness) but sometimes they feel it really intensely, like for example if dex sends a message that can be read as 'hes being rude' or 'hes so over me' without it actually being like that, it's just an instant full on sobbing session.
i think it'd be really interesting seeing ur perspective on how dex would deal w a partner like that!! :))
first of all THANK YOU!!! dex is such a fun challenge to write for <3
now onto the question at hand...
when you really stop to think about it, dex has always been the "other". something is broken within him, and he knows that / feels that deeply. how can people understand him? does he even understand himself? that's such a deeply isolating experience. but then, he meets someone...like him.
can you imagine how that would feel? think about it like this: let's imagine you're a wind up toy but the external key is malfunctioning. so you're wandering around, technically functioning, but you know something is wrong and it's a bit scary because maybe it's broken in a way that you move too quickly one moment, or will randomly stop the next, and you never know what's going to happen. then one day, you meet another wind-up toy with the same exact problem. it's either too much, or nothing at all.
just like dex.
their emotional sensors are broken. sometimes it's turned all the way down, stuck on mute, or sometimes it's at full volume. dex KNOWS how that feels. and maybe, by being with someone who has the same problem, he could finally unlock an understanding of himself.
that would be such a relieving experience. you both know what it's like to perform normalcy when you feel nothing. you both know what it's like to panic over something so minute or misread social cues.
but also...when it gets to the emotional sensitivity part, oh boy would dex THRIVE off that. because that's validation. you're calling him sobbing uncontrollably because he said "love you" instead of "I love you"? i'm going to be honest...he probably gets hard from that. because you NEED HIM like he NEEDS YOU!!! you feel it too. you can't deny whatever is between you. the tie.
only dex knows how to handle you. only dex knows you.
i can imagine fbi dex being so gentle and loving and delicate towards you in bed, like: he would ask you to be more clingy, a skin-to-skin kinda love and not that "turn me around and fuck me in a headlock" that you ask him to do sometimes, right?
"baby... can we do it just laying in bed? i want to look at your eyes"
knowing that he was a virgin when he met you, you keep worrying a little that he'll get bored of you. ugh, you poor thing, don't know well enough how much he loves to cum while moaning into your mouth that he loves you, as if he can somehow transmit his love to you
you let him hit raw? he will die smiling.
you want to try something new beyond missionary-cowgirl? he would swallow his shame for you and discover that he LOVES something called the lotus pose to hold you even closer.
and if you don't want to explore beyond your comfort zone? dex won't get bored, trust me. that man adores routine and making love to you is the only part of his private life he can tolerate. and if he can predict in advance what you're going to want and how, you'll solve all his problems.
summary: dex is the perfect boyfriend. at least, he makes you forget the things that would prove otherwise.
pairing: benjamin poindexter x f!reader
content/warnings: 18+ (mdni), brief description of sexual acts, obsessive behavior, codependency, manipulation, toxic/unhealthy relationship dynamics, mention of firearms
word count: 1.5k
A/N: surprise!! i didn't want to leave you guys without any Dex while i'm on my trip before the next week's chapter of North Star :) so here's a treat from me to you! technically part of the North Star universe, but can be read separately from the series. i like to think of this as a little interlude, a peak into Dex and reader's relationship before chapter seven. hope you enjoy!
divider by: @uzmacchiato
Dex will never leave you alone. Proximity, to him, is worship.
Standing at the stove making dinner? He’s pressed behind you, arms looped around your waist, chin hooked over your shoulder as he watches you stir whatever you’re making that night.
Grading papers on the couch? He’s sitting there too, reaching over to take your legs and place them over his lap, idly running his hands up and down your calves as he waits for you to be finished.
Getting ready? He’s leaning in the doorframe, watching you apply your makeup in the mirror, already starting to conjure up some excuse as to why you shouldn’t be going out to dinner with your friends that night.
And worst, the shower.
You made that mistake once before. After a long day at work in the dead heat of summer, you trudged home covered in sweat and misery, wanting only to take a shower, get a moment of peace, and slide between your sheets clean as a whistle.
You managed to do that, actually. In rare form, Dex had been stuck late at the field office for God knows what. He had texted you multiple times earlier to inform you of that.
Hey, going to be late tonight. I’m so sorry. Do you want to meet me at the office and then we can go to dinner? I hope you had a good day. I love you.
Did that dad from parent teacher conferences email you again?
Actually, just wait at school. I don’t want you riding the subway alone.
[ 2 missed calls ]
Call me when you see this.
Are you still in your classroom?
Hello?
[ 4 missed calls ]
Are you mad at me?
Who are you with right now?
I love you
Baby?
Are you not going to answer my call?
[ 17 missed calls ]
Oh, Dex.
Unfazed at this point in your relationship by his reactions (and sometimes, a little bit flattered), you had promptly called him back and assured him that no, that dad from parent-teacher conferences hadn’t emailed you again, no, you weren’t going to ride the subway alone, yes, you loved him, and no, you weren’t mad at him.
Finally, you had settled on assuring him you would come straight home after work. It wasn’t like Dex didn’t already have your location, anyway. He would pick up food on the way home.
You just hadn’t told him you had changed plans halfway through and decided a shower and bed were a better fit. It was no big deal, you thought.
How wrong you were.
You were in that limbo between deep sleep and waking when you distantly heard the familiar jangle of keys, then the heavy sound of footsteps moving down the hallway. Your bedroom door creaked open.
“Hey, baby.”
You cracked open an eye. Dex stood in the doorway, illuminated by the hallway light. A black figure cut in the pale backdrop. In one hand, he held a plastic bag– your favorite Chinese takeout, likely.
“Hi, honey,” you yawned, stretching your arms out and watching as Dex disappeared, likely putting the takeout on the kitchen counter (he despised food being anywhere other than the kitchen). A moment later, he reappeared and sat on the bed beside you, his weight dipping into the mattress.
Dex’s calloused hand found yours on the sheets, squeezing once. He had to touch you as soon as he saw you, always. Like he was checking if you still existed.
“You’re already in bed? Are you feeling okay?”
You hummed and sank back against the pillow, eyes heavy as you looked affectionately upon your boyfriend. He was so cute when he was concerned. “Mhmm. Just tired.”
He brushed his free hand over your forehead, pushing back some of your hair. Then he leaned forward, skimmed his lips over your forehead, and–
Dex stilled.
You felt him stop breathing. His hand stayed in his hair, his mouth close to your skin. Dex’s nose brushed your hairline, and then he inhaled.
“...Did you already shower?”
You blinked. Dex’s face hovered over yours, only inches away, but the expression on it had gone strangely blank. Empty, almost. Like blood had drained from him and left only a mask. It made your stomach tighten.
“Um…yeah,” you stuttered, taken off guard by his sudden change in demeanor. “I got really sweaty walking home. It was kind of gross so–”
“Are you mad at me?”
What? You pushed yourself up from the pillows onto your elbows. Dex remained in place, watching you too closely with that flat expression. “Dex, what? It was like, ninety-five degrees out.”
He scrubbed a hand down his jaw. Something was building, you could sense it.
“It wasn’t ninety-five today,” he said flatly. “It was eighty-nine.”
…was he fucking with you? Your mouth opened, and then closed. “Dex.”
Suddenly, Dex stood from the bed and began pacing the bedroom. In the low light, you could see red blooming beneath the collar of his shirt. He was still dressed for work: white button-up, sleeves rolled to his forearms, gray slacks, holster at his hip. His gun was still in it.
“I don’t–” Dex dragged both hands behind his head, fingers pressing hard into the back of his neck. “I just don’t know why you would lie to me.”
“Dex, I didn’t lie–”
He kept rambling, almost like he was talking to himself. “You’ve never showered without me. I mean, not since we– I don’t know why you do that and not tell me. I-I would tell you.”
“Dex, stop.” You pushed the comforter off of you before you could think better of it. Dex turned sharply towards you at the sound of your bare feet padding against the floor, like the small movement had startled him. His chest was rising and falling too fast, his hands still locked behind his neck, elbows drawn wide. In the dark, his eyes looked almost black. “I’m not mad at you. I promise.”
His jaw worked. “We always shower together.”
Dex was right. Since your relationship had become official, since the first time you slept together and suddenly apartment 415 ceased to exist, Dex had more or less moved into 416. You realized you hadn't showered alone in weeks.
You would rise from the couch, or the dining table, or the bed, and on instinct, Dex would too, following you down the hall as you made your way to the bathroom. It was like he had Pavlov-ed himself to the sound of the shower head turning on. The second the water started, he knew it was time to join you.
You were still in that glorious haze of the early days of your relationship, where being joined at the hip felt romantic instead of suffocating. Where you wanted to spend every moment either snuggling, whispering cringey words of affection, or fucking like rabbits. The shower tended to be the latter.
“I know, honey.”
“And it’s not even–” He cut himself off, swallowing. “It’s not about sex. I don’t need it to be about that. I just…I just like taking care of you.”
Looking back, you should have countered that. You should have said something about how taking a shower wasn’t a betrayal, and you were allowed to be alone. That you didn’t need him in you or on you constantly.
But Dex was upset. And that fact alone hurt you. Because you loved him.
So instead of doing something smart, you reached for him.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered softly as your hands cupped his twitching jaw. Dex’s shoulders loosened the second you touched him. “I didn’t know it would upset you this much.”
His breath left him all at once, shaky and relieved. “No, no, don’t–” Dex’s hands came up to hold onto your wrists, thumbs moving over your pulse. “Don’t apologize, please. I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to freak out.”
“It’s okay.”
“I know I get…” His eyes flickered between yours. “Intense.”
“A little.” You gave him a small smile. “But I like it.”
Dex huffed a thin laugh that quickly disappeared. His eyes had gone watery.
“I just love you,” he said. “That’s all. I just… I love you so much that sometimes it hurts, and I just– I don’t know what to do with it.”
Your heart squeezed. How could it not? How could you look at this handsome man, who bought you your favorite food and gave you mind-numbing orgasms and listened to you and wanted you with such total devotion, and be mad at him when he said he loved you so much he couldn’t stand a second without you? You were only human.
“I love you too,” You kissed the corner of his mouth gently, then fully on his lips. “I’ll make it up to you.”
And just like that, as you took a second, unnecessary shower with your perfect boyfriend, you didn’t think once about that silly little fight. You couldn’t, with your cheek pressed to the glass door, his hips snapping against your ass, his cock hitting that perfect spot in you over and over again as his mouth was at your ears, telling you how he loved you. Dex always made you forget those things when he had you like this. He made you forget the blank look in his eyes. He made you forget how any sane person would have broken up with someone over that. He made you forget the loaded gun that had been holstered at his hip for the entire conversation. He just made you…
summary: dex finally gives you all of him. every. single. inch.
pairing: benjamin poindexter x f!reader
content/warnings: 18+ (mdni), SMUT!! with feelings, unprotected p in v sex, cunnilingus, loss of virginity, finishing inside, multiple orgasms, mentions of daredevil, suicidal ideation (brief but multiple mentions), technically reproductive coercion, manipulation, stalking, delusional dex as usual, some fluff <3
word count: 8.6k (...guys...i'm tired lol)
A/N: well...it's finally here. hope y'all enjoy because i certainly enjoyed writing it. also, housekeeping note-- you may notice that the next chapter won't be published until 7/10. mr. roxxmo and i are taking a nice long vacation! hoping i can get something to you before then, but we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming once home and i'll try and get around to asks while i'm out. thank you as always for the love on this whole series, i've had such a good time writing it and seeing that you guys love this absolute pathetic freak of a man as much as i do makes me all warm inside :)
divider by: @uzmacchiato
← previous chapter
MASTERLIST
next chapter → (COMING 7/10)
Dex was doing well.
“Well”, by his standards, at least.
Being your boyfriend gave him purpose. “Boyfriend” was a loose term, admittedly– you hadn’t called him that specifically, and you had only been seeing each other for a month. To Dex, the word felt too small for what you were, anyways. “Soulmate” was probably closer. Still, “boyfriend” seemed like the most socially acceptable term and Dex was trying very hard to be socially acceptable for you.
There was structure in it. Just like the FBI, or the Army before that. A role to fill, a routine to follow.
His life finally, finally had purpose. And because of that, everything felt better. Dex was sleeping more. He was eating better. At the field office, he was sharper, less prone to that constricting feeling in his ribcage when too many things were happening at once. He could talk to other agents and remember what his face was supposed to be doing. The old Mercer cassette tapes and headphones that used to anchor him were collecting dust in the drawer of his coffee table. He didn’t need them anymore, because he had something better.
You.
After your first date, Dex committed himself to becoming the perfect partner. Like all things he excelled at, he approached it with an alarming amount of discipline and research. Advice columns, psychology blogs, old nineties rom-coms, classic romantic novels– he consumed every piece of information he could get his hands on to learn how he could make you stay.
The morning after your first date, he had caught you (as usual) in the elevator. You had shyly given him your number, like you didn’t give him the most transcendental moment of his life the night before by kissing him outside apartment 416. Like Dex hadn’t been on his way to the jewelry store on 12th Street to buy you a diamond ring and claim you forever.
“Maybe we can go out again?” you had asked quietly, batting your eyelashes as you finished typing your number into his embarrassingly empty contacts and handed his phone back. Maybe? Dex would’ve thrown himself off the roof if you didn’t go out with him again.
“Yeah,” he stuttered. “Of course. I mean– definitely."
He already had your number memorized, of course. Alongside a plethora of other information, including your social security number. But you giving it to him willingly? Dex still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. Then again, he couldn’t comprehend most things about you. How kind you were, how perfect you were, how beautiful you were, how real you were. What remained most incomprehensible, however, was the fact that you seemed to want him, too.
Dex did whatever he could to keep you wanting him. He read online that women liked good morning texts, so he texted you good morning. He learned that they liked compliments, but didn't want to be overwhelmed by them or for them to be insincere, so he chose carefully. He complimented your hair if you wore it differently, or told you he liked your earrings, or the color of a dress or skirt you wore. Specific compliments were better, he had learned, because they show attentiveness. Dex was nothing but attentive.
He knew that women liked it when men took initiative, too, so he planned your next dates and told you what time he would pick you up from across the hall. You liked that. You especially seemed to like when he paid for the dates, even though you would pretend to argue with him about it.
“Dex, seriously,” you had attempted to complain on your third date. Dex had seen you post on your Instagram about wanting to see a new sci-fi movie that had just come out, so he suggested it as nonchalantly as he could possibly manage two days later.
You both stood at the box office, and Dex was pulling out his wallet while you frowned at him. “You paid for dinner the first time, then coffee on our last date. I seriously can’t let you pay for this. My friends are going to start saying you’re my sugar daddy.”
Dex didn’t know what a “sugar daddy” was. He looked it up afterwards; shouldn’t a man want to pay for everything a woman needed if he loved her? Wasn’t that the point? To make sure she never had to ask anyone else for anything? To make sure she never needed anyone else?
He only shrugged and swiped his card. “It’s no problem. I like taking you out.”
Your only response was to roll your eyes and thread your fingers through his as you walked towards the theater.
There were things about being a good partner that were harder for him, though. The first was trying to appear less eager than he actually was. On the same relationship forum where Dex had read about the good morning texts, he also learned that he shouldn’t respond too quickly. That was easier said than done. Sometimes, after hearing his phone ping with a message from you, he would have to literally set a timer to keep himself from answering. Fifteen minutes, usually. Enough time to seem attentive. Enough time to seem like he was doing something other than waiting pathetically by his phone, pacing until the timer went off.
The worst was the ring. Dex had bought it the morning after your first date. A perfectly symmetrical two-carat diamond perched delicately atop a thin gold band. Beautiful. Permanent. The black velvet ring box sat in the coffee table drawer next to the old Mercer tapes, both of them untouched. He would’ve proposed that very morning. He wanted to, desperately. And if God had any mercy on his mottled soul and you said yes, he would’ve marched you straight to city hall and made it official right then and there.
Apparently, though, it was not considered “socially acceptable” to propose after the first date. That was “too soon”. Dex disagreed. Because what was “too soon”, really? Your relationship? To Dex, whatever the two of you had did not start when you asked him to dinner in the lobby that fateful morning. It began when he opened the door to you holding that frog-colored plate of chocolate chip cookies. Or maybe, it began before that. Maybe it began when you moved into apartment 416 and rearranged his mundane, miserable, structured world. Maybe it was before then, too. Maybe you both had always been connected, somehow, someway.
So, Dex told himself he would wait. But as much discipline as he had, Dex knew that when it came to you, he wouldn’t be able to wait forever.
Physical intimacy between the two of you was a whole different matter. The two of you had kissed since that first night. Several times, in fact. Sometimes outside your apartment door after a night out, inside the elevator in the morning, on street corners after dinner when you looked at him with your lips stained from whatever bottle of wine you two had shared. Sometimes the kisses were quick and sweet. Sometimes, they were not.
Sometimes you would lean into Dex until your breasts were pressed against his chest, your fingers curling into the edge of his shirt collar while his hands spanned the small of your back and dipped lower and lower until they met soft flesh, and Dex would have to remind himself of every single discussion thread he had read about patience. About not pressuring a woman, even though every single fiber of his being was made from pulverizing pressure.
He tried his best to wait for you.
But tonight, Dex knew it would be different.
Dinner had gone well, as it usually did these days. You laughed whenever he attempted a joke, complained about lesson plans, asked about the field office even though Dex would have much preferred to talk about you, and, after your second glass of wine, you spent the entirety of the meal staring at his mouth like you thought he wouldn’t notice. Dex noticed everything.
By the time you both stood outside your apartment door, he could feel the shift. You had been quieter on the walk home, holding his hand tighter than usual, your hand squeezing him again and again like you were trying to work up the nerve to say something.
His pulse had steadied into something strong and restless as he watched you fish your keys out of your purse. You unlocked the door, and then paused with your hand on the knob.
You looked at him. “Do you…want to come in?”
Dex had been in your apartment before. Many times, though you didn’t know it, of course. As a matter of fact, he had been inside it only nineteen hours ago, sitting in his favorite chair in the corner of your room as he watched you softly snore.
But beyond your request for him to water the fern in your living room, never had he been invited in.
Dex felt his mouth go dry. “Yeah. I’d love to.”
You stepped to the side and let him in.
When the door closed behind Dex, he realized how different it felt to be inside your apartment as a wanted guest. Everything felt warmer, softer this way. From the lamps by your couch to the scent of the vanilla candle you kept by the stove, it was like Dex had all the pieces to the puzzle of your life spread before him, arranged perfectly, but only on your invitation had he been able to connect them and see the whole picture. And the whole picture was even better than he imagined, because he was in it.
You brushed by him, toeing off your heels as you stepped into the kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink? Water? Wine?”
Dex suddenly didn’t know what to do with his hands as he followed you into the kitchen he had paced so many times before. He shoved them in his pockets. “Uh, wine is fine.”
“Would you get the glasses?” you asked, opening your fridge and peering inside. “They’re in the–”
Before you could finish speaking, Dex was already opening the cabinet above your sink. The one with the wine glasses. You blinked at him, bottle of Pinot Grigio in hand.
“Oh. You found them.”
Dex froze with his hand around the stem of a glass. Fuck. “I…I keep mine there, too.”
You raised an eyebrow.
Fucking fuck. He tried for an easy side smile and hoped it landed. “FBI intuition, I guess.”
For one horrible second, you only stared at him. Then you giggled. It worked.
“I guess I should be careful dating an agent,” you teased as you took the glass from him and poured wine into it. “I’m never going to be able to hide anything from you.”
Dex laughed. You were right.
Wine poured, you nodded towards the soft velvet couch in the living room. “Shall we?”
“We shall.”
Dex walked behind you and tried not to stare at the bare line of your calves under your dress as you settled onto the couch and tucked a leg under yourself. Stiffly, he sat beside you at what he believed was an appropriate amount of space between your bodies. You looked at the space with what seemed like annoyance, then at him, and shifted closer until your knee brushed his thigh. Dex took a long sip of wine and hoped his face was arranged normally.
You fidgeted with the stem of your glass, eyes moving from his face to the dark television screen across the room. Dex realized you were nervous.
“Do you, um–” you gestured towards the screen. “Should we put something on?”
“Sure,” Dex said, though he had no idea how he was supposed to watch anything when you were sitting close enough for him to feel the heat radiating off your body. Close enough to smell that intoxicating citrus shampoo. The same kind he had bought for his own shower.
You grabbed the remote from the coffee table and clicked the TV on.
“...and in Hell’s Kitchen tonight, locals are reporting new sightings of a masked vigilante some are claiming may be Daredevil–”
You frowned as the grainy news broadcast footage showed a blurry, dark shape on a rooftop. “I thought that guy was dead.”
Dex’s eye twitched as he watched the screen. “Even if he is, there’s always going to be some idiot trying to copy him. Half of the shit he does is illegal but because he’s wearing a mask, everyone thinks he’s a hero.”
You raised an eyebrow and flipped the channel. “I didn’t know you had such strong feelings about him.”
“It’s just…” Dex paused. For some reason, the conversation made his skin feel tight. He didn’t know why. “Guys at the field office complain about it a lot. People like him make our jobs a lot harder.”
“Hmm.” You changed the channel again until you landed on some mindless standup comedy special. “Hopefully the FBI doesn’t have strong feelings about comedians, too.”
Dex huffed out something close to a laugh because that felt like the right response, and felt you ease yourself into his side. The laugh track filled the room but he didn’t register a single joke. All he could hear was your breathing. Dex watched as you took a sip from your wine glass, the tip of your tongue darting out to catch a stray droplet on your lip. He couldn’t stop staring.
Surely, the heat of his gaze had bored into the side of your face, and finally you tipped your head up to look at him. The blue light from the screen moved softly over your face, catching on the little crease between your brows.
“I can feel you staring, you know.”
Dex felt like a hand was around his throat. “I am.”
Your voice had gone hushed when you spoke again. “Why?”
There were hundreds of answers Dex could’ve given you. Because I love you. Because I’ve been watching you sleep every night for the last two months. Because I never stop thinking about you. Because there’s a ring waiting for you just across the hall. Because I wish I could crawl into your skin and live with you forever. Because you belong to me.
All were the truth, but each answer felt too big. Instead, he gave you a small amount of honesty, though it was the most genuine Dex had ever been with you.
“I just…I can’t believe you’re real.”
The crease between your brows smoothed as your expression changed. Your eyes darted away, and then came back to meet his. “Well, last time I checked… I’m real.”
“I know you are.”
You looked at him for another moment, like you were trying to decide whether he was joking. He wasn’t. Slowly, like you were trying not to startle a skittish animal, you leaned forward and set your wine glass on the coffee table. Then you settled back on the couch, but this time your body was twisted to face him. Your hand came to rest against his chest, right over his thumping heart.
“I’m…not always good at this stuff, but– I really like you, Dex,” you whispered.
Something inside him shattered. All at once, the discipline in him– the articles, the forums, all the research into how to be a man you stayed with– left him. Every breath scraped like sandpaper through his ribs. Every organ was twisting in on itself until the only thing that would make the ache stop was touching you.
This time, though, he didn’t want to wait. He couldn’t wait.
So, Dex touched you.
His mouth crashed onto yours, all urgency and need and no hesitation. You moaned against him, lips parting so his tongue could slip inside to meet yours. Dex could taste the white wine clearly, like he was drinking it straight from you, licking it off the enamel of your teeth. Your hand had migrated from over his rapidly swelling heart to the side of his neck, fingers sliding into the coarse blond hair on the nape of his neck. He wanted you to pull it, to yank it out of his scalp. But in order to ask you to do that you would have to stop kissing him, and Dex couldn’t risk that.
Grabbing the soft flesh at your waist, he pulled you until both of your legs framed his hips and you straddled him on the couch. As you settled over his crotch and let your weight sink onto him, Dex suddenly understood with terrifying clarity that tonight would be different from the sweet little kisses you two had shared before. He would finally, finally have you. He would have something no one else had ever taken from him and give it to the only person he had ever wanted to receive it: you.
And in return, you would give yourself to him. No matter what happened after tonight, you would never be able to rid yourself of the proof that he had been here.
Dex would give his virginity to you.
“Dex,” your breathless whine brought him out of his stupor. In his haze, he had moved his mouth from your lips to your collarbone, sucking and biting hard enough he knew with all prideful certainty it would leave marks the next morning. “Can you…please…”
He felt you grind your clothed cunt helplessly against the tent that had formed against his jeans. Dex was already so hard, so aching, he felt like any movement from you would send him over the edge. He stilled your moving hips with his grip.
“What?” His lips ghosted over where your shoulder met your neck. “What do you need?”
Dex would do anything for you. You should’ve known that.
Your face was flushed. You dipped your head down so your lips skimmed the shell of his ear. “My room. Take me there.”
Dex stood immediately. One arm around your back and the other under your ass, he lifted you like you weighed nothing. Your mouth was already on him again, pressing desperate, open-mouthed kisses to his jaw, his cheek, the crinkle of his eye, any patch of skin you could find.
You didn’t tell him where to go, because he didn’t need you to. Still holding your writhing form against him, Dex moved down the short hallway, past the framed photos of your life before him, past the bathroom door, straight to your bedroom– the same path he had taken silently in the dark more times than he could count.
You were too busy acting like a bitch in heat to notice.
Dex nudged the bedroom door open with his shoulder and stepped inside. Your room was the same as it had been nineteen hours before. But never had he allowed himself to fully, truly imagine it in the light of all that was to happen. With a single invitation, the room had mutated. No longer was it a sanctuary; it was an altar.
Reverently, Dex lowered you onto your mattress, holding himself up above you on his hands. You stared up under him, hair spread wildly against the pillow, mouth swollen and red from him. You were more beautiful than anything he had ever thought possible.
Both of your hands came to frame his face and he nuzzled into your touch like a neglected animal.
“Maybe this is embarrassing to admit, but– I’ve thought about this before,” you murmured, tracing your fingers across his brow bone. “I’ve thought about it so much.”
Dex could feel his breathing go ragged. He wanted to die. He buried his face into the crook of your neck.
“W-what…what did you think about?” he asked shakily, voice muffled against you. Dex knew what you were going to say and still didn’t know if he could survive hearing it aloud.
Your fingers carded back into his hair. “... What you would feel like. On me. In me.”
He could only groan in response. You tugged on him, ever so slightly but enough it stung so fucking good, guiding his face back to yours. Dex followed helplessly, mouth finding you again, sloppy and uncoordinated before he forced himself to slow down.
Your hands slipped from his hair to your dress, fingers searching blindly for the zipper at your side. Instinctively, Dex caught your wrist before you could find it.
You pulled back from his mouth, confusion flickering through your wild eyes.
Dex stared at your smaller hand in his, then at your dress clinging to your body like a second skin. His voice was thin when he finally managed to speak.
“...can I?”
Your expression softened for just a second before a flash of something he hadn’t seen before passed. “Can you…what?”
He wanted to light himself on fire. “T-take it off. Of you.”
You waited patiently. He wanted to light himself on fire and then stab himself.
His fingers scrambled for the zipper, fumbling with it because he couldn’t stop shaking. Finally, he caught it, and moved it down the track, each tooth giving way, inch by inch by tortuous inch.
Dex watched the fabric loosen around you, watched as the dress began to fall open beneath his hands. Finally, it was loose enough he could pull the straps down off your shoulder, then down, down, down until it bunched at your hips. You lifted them, and Dex slid the dress the rest of the way off and tossed it somewhere behind him, forgotten before it hit the floor. Only then did he allow himself to sit back on his heels and look at you fully.
Like a figure from a painting, you lay back on the pillow, arms twitching at your sides like you couldn’t decide if you wanted to cover yourself or let him see you. Your bare breasts rose and fell with each breath, full and soft with peaked nipples beginning to stiffen in the cool air. Dex forced his eyes down, over the dip of your sternum, the softness of your stomach, and lower still. There was still one barrier between you– a pair of lace panties the color of the morning sky. He knew them. He had seen them folded neatly in your drawers before, had skimmed his hand over the fabric. He always wondered what it would be like to feel them warm and damp from your arousal, or to smell your scent on them, or to taste you through them. To be honest, he had thought about taking them with him many times. But now, Dex was glad he didn’t. Because no stolen relic would be able to come anywhere close to the honor of doing what he was about to do.
A sound more animal than human left him, and instinct forced him to lean down, hands opening your thighs. Before you could even register what was happening, he placed a kiss on your clothed cunt.
“Ooh, shit–” you gasped, hips bucking against him.
Dex did it again, sloppier this time, needier. Like he was thanking you. Each kiss wetting the fabric, each kiss a gesture. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You were close to trembling as you put your hands on each side of his face, practically having to pull him back.
“Dex, please…” your eyes met his, nearly black with want. “No more teasing. Take them off, now.”
A command. He was familiar with them. Words barked across a firing range, across a battlefield, across a rooftop with his scope trained on a life he was about to end with one clean pull of the trigger. But never had Dex wanted to obey an order as badly as this one.
His hands moved from holding your thighs open to slipping under the band of lace. Once he slid that final piece of fabric off you, there was no more script. Technically, he knew what happened next. Dex was a man and had seen what men like to see; he wasn’t a prude and he certainly wasn’t stupid. He had been in the Army, for fuck’s sake. He had been there when men opened their phones in the barracks and played videos of women pretending to find pleasure beneath men with comedically long penises. He had watched them pass around half-naked pictures of girls back home and brag about what they could do with their mouths.
Dex knew where to put his hands, his fingers, his tongue, his cock. But knowing how to do something isn’t the same as wanting to do it. Dex had never had the desire. What was the point of doing any of that to someone he didn’t care about? What was the point of pushing himself inside a body that meant nothing to him? A body that wasn’t yours? A body that didn’t belong to his North Star? Maybe that’s why he waited all this time– because in his whole thirty-three years on this planet, you were the only person who had ever made desire feel like it was worth obeying.
Dex hooked his fingers beneath the lace and pulled. He tried to be slow, but the starving, caged animal in him was screaming at him to just rip them off, bury his face in your cunt, and finally learn if you tasted the way you smelled: sweet and oh-so human. But his hands shook too badly for that, so he watched in agony as the lace made its slow descent down the curve of your hips. Dex eased the panties down your thighs, over your knees, past your calves, until they slipped free around your ankles and landed in his hand.
You whispered his name.
He looked up, and you were bare. Completely. Your flushed thighs had fallen back open, exposing your wet, swollen pussy to him, the soft curls between your legs damp and glistening with arousal.
Dex wanted to cry. Instead, he dipped his head back to you and brushed his nose against the soft crease where your thigh met your pelvis. He inhaled deeply, letting the heady musk of you infiltrate his senses, and groaned aloud.
Maybe he should’ve felt humiliated, scenting you like a dog. But this was the holiest experience he had ever had. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to your inner thigh. Then again, higher. Then another. Until finally, his lips hovered over the swollen nub at the top of your cunt.
The tip of his tongue darted out, placing a careful lick directly to your clit.
“Fuck!” you cried out, hand flying over to cover your eyes like you couldn’t bear it.
Dex did it again, and then again. And then again, and again, and again, until your hand had moved from over your eyes to clutch at his hair. Dex lifted his gaze to see your eyes rolling into the back of your head, the whites of them showing like you had become possessed.
He didn’t know if he was doing it right. Dex knew how to study, though, and how to become accurate. He had built his life around noticing and correcting until he found that exact target. He could execute. Dex could, would do the same for you.
He moved from those small, careful licks to longer ones, slowly dragging his tongue from your dripping entrance to the sensitive bundle of nerves above it. Softer, then faster. Slower, then with more pressure. Adjusting, correcting, narrowing in. He learned what you liked. Your moans became louder when he circled your clit with the edge of his tongue, so he did that. Your thighs trembled when he sealed his mouth over you and hummed, so he did that. Your body spoke, and Dex listened.
“Oh my– Jesus fucking Christ, Dex,” you gasped. Your moans had become garbled and near incoherent at this point.
He lifted his gaze again and met your eyes as he continued drawing tight, slow circles over your swollen clit. Your face was twisted in what could only be described as pleasure and agony, mouth open, brows pinched, tits heaving with every labored breath. Dex couldn’t look away.
“Mmm… I’m gonna–” your thighs tightened around his face, trembling against his ears. “Fuck, how are you doing that?”
He only hummed in response, and your back arched off the mattress.
“Dex,” you cried, hand fisting at his hair, pulling so hard it sent a shock through him. “Please, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna– oooh, fuck–”
Dex felt your cunt pulse underneath his tongue, your whole body spasming as you came with a broken sob. He held you still through it, mouth never stopping as much as you seized. He tried to watch you as much as he could to memorize this very moment, the trembling in your muscles, your eyes fluttering, the shape your mouth made as his name left it over and over.
Dex, Dex, Dex.
He could have stayed, face buried into your pussy, for days. Weeks. Months, even. Hell, Dex would have happily died of suffocation if it meant never having to take his mouth off of your still-convulsing cunt.
You, though, did not seem ready to kill him yet. Oversensitive and still twitching with aftershocks, you pried his pussy-drunk face away from you with trembling hands until he reluctantly released your cunt from the suction of his mouth. He kissed a trail back up your body, stopping to press his mouth in a grateful kiss to each peak of your breasts before finally reaching your mouth again. The second your lips met, you let out a quiet gasp at the taste of yourself on his tongue.
“Dex,” you mewled against his lips. Your breath was still shallow, though the fact that he kept sucking softly at your lower lip probably did very little to help you recover. “I think that was…shit. That was definitely the best orgasm I’ve had. Like, in my entire life. Where the fuck did you learn that?”
Dex paused only briefly, his hand stopping on its way from your waist to paw at the soft flesh of your tit. “I, uh– practice. And I pay attention. I guess.”
Apparently, you found that answer sufficient, because you gave only a girlish giggle and pulled him back down into another kiss. Your hand moved from his jaw to the cords of his neck, then lower still, over his chest, his stomach, until your fingers paused at his belt.
“Hmm,” you looped one finger through the leather. “I think we’re a little unbalanced here.”
You were right. You were bare, as naked as the day you entered this world and were bound to him. Dex, hovering above you, was still fully clothed from head to toe.
You tugged once at the belt. “Off.”
Another command he was more than happy to oblige. He sat back on his heels, first wiping the mess of your arousal off his chin before grabbing the bottom of his shirt and pulling it over his head before tossing it to join your dress on the floor. You sucked in a quiet intake of breath at that, though Dex wasn’t sure exactly why.
His hands moved to his buckle, and Dex could feel your eyes on him as he worked the leather free. They were everywhere, the dusting of dirty blond hair on his pectorals, the trail of darker hair that extended from his stomach to disappear beneath the waistband of his jeans. It felt like you were cataloging every single piece of him.
Dex shoved his jeans down his hips, kicking them off once they pooled around his ankles.
It should have made him nervous. Dex had spent his whole life finding ways to hide, behind roles, structures, masks, anything to avoid truly being seen. But this didn’t feel like exposure. It felt like…recognition. Like his body was already yours. A part of you. You two were equal, but opposite. The same soul in different skins.
His North Star.
The thought alone made his cock throb.
As if you sensed it, your eyes dropped to the bulge beneath his black briefs, and your lips parted into a small “o”. He was so hard it hurt, the fabric stretched tight. Dex had been hard because of you before. Alone in his apartment, the blue light of his laptop illuminating the screen that showed a smiling picture of you stolen from one of your social media accounts. In the shower, sniffing the exact citrus shampoo he had bought after finding the bottle in your bathroom. Sitting in this very bedroom, watching you toss and turn under the covers.
But never had he touched himself to you.
Dex wasn’t a saint, obviously. He would lay there, every fiber of his being aching for some sort, any sort of relief to the coil building low in his gut. He could never do it, though. Every time his hand would hover lower, even graze his pulsing member, a wave of disgust would come over him so strongly it forced his hand back. It would have been…false. Blasphemous. Like kicking dirt over an act of salvation.
He saved himself for this exact moment. Once he took off his briefs there was absolutely no going back. There would be before, and then there would be after. Nothing in between.
You pushed yourself up, folding your knees underneath you, rising until you were level with him again. You put your hand on his chest, delicate fingers trailing across his chest, brushing his nipples, and then lower. His abdomen braced as you skimmed your fingertips past the hard ridges, until finally, you placed your palm over his cock.
He gasped your name, head dropping to your shoulder. He hadn’t touched himself in months. No one, no one had touched him like that. Ever.
Your hand moved again, fingers closing around him through the fabric, and his hips jerked forward before he could stop them. Dex was so far gone from the taste of you and the sight of you and the knowledge that you wanted him like he wanted you that the light pressure shot through him like a bullet.
Your face turned into his, lips slotting into each other again before Dex could collapse against you. It was slower than before, your tongue exploring his mouth like you had all the time in the world. Like he wasn’t seconds away from spurting ropes of cum into his briefs when you hadn’t even actually touched him yet.
Dex kissed you back desperately, one hand fisting your hair to hold you close, the other grabbing at your waist. He could feel your hardened nipples brushing against his chest, your hand stroking him softly. He was going to cum. Just from that.
“Wait.”
With what seemed like great effort, you pulled back from Dex’s mouth. A thin, translucent string of your mingled saliva followed you until it snapped, landing against your chin. Dex resisted the urge to lick it up. Your palm still cupped the twitching length of him through the fabric of his briefs.
“Do you…” Your eyes flicked briefly away from his. “Do you have…protection?”
Dex stared at you in silence. You huffed, though your cheeks were already beginning to burn. Were you…embarrassed? Even after all he just did to you? For you?
“What?” Dex asked. He knew what you meant.
“A condom. Do you…have one?”
Technically speaking, no. Not on him, at least. There was, however, a small box of unopened condoms under his bathroom sink. He bought it exactly four weeks ago, on the afternoon before your first date. Not the thought something was going to happen that night, obviously. But Dex was always, always prepared. He had thought maybe, eventually, something like this could happen. But now…it was happening. And the idea of something stopping this, something coming in between the two of you, it was unbearable. Disgusting, even.
After everything that had already kept him from you, after all the doors and walls and locks and rules that had made him stand on the other side, waiting and waiting and fucking waiting, did he really want another barrier?
Absolutely not.
Dex leaned in and placed a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Uh, n-no. No, I don’t.”
You chewed on your lip, eyes darting down to where you still held him. You were considering something.
“I…I don’t think we have to use one, if you don’t want to,” you began slowly. “I’m on birth control.”
He knew that. Dex had found the little foil packet of pink pills in your bedside drawer weeks ago. He stared at it, and it stared back at him like it had a personal vendetta. That would be dealt with another time.
“And…I’m not seeing anyone else.”
Of course you weren’t. If you had been, Dex would’ve taken care of that, too. You wouldn’t need to worry yourself with the details.
You looked back up at him, eyes wide and cautious. “Unless…you’re seeing someone else?”
Dex felt genuinely offended. He would have rather disemboweled himself and let vultures pick at his organs than even think of someone other than you. He genuinely didn’t think he was physically capable of wanting anyone else.
“What? I– no, no, of course not,” he sputtered, his grip on your waist tightening before he could stop it. Did you think so low of him? “Do you think I am?”
You shook your head quickly. “Dex, no. I didn’t think you were. I just meant…obviously, it would be okay if you were, I just–”
“I’m not seeing anyone else. I won’t be seeing anyone else.” Just like you won’t be seeing anyone else, he wanted to add.
Something in his tone made you go quiet. After a few seconds, you blushed and nodded your head. “Okay. I believe you.”
You placed one tender kiss on his lips, as if that was the final confirmation you needed, and then slipped your hand into the band of his briefs.
This was it. The final wall between the two of you.
Your fingers paused, brushing the coarse hair on his pubic bone. “...can I?”
Dex didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded.
You pulled the briefs down slowly, and Dex had to steady himself with against you. His cock sprang free, veined and girthy, and slapped against his stomach, head red and drooling with precum just below his navel.
Your eyes bulged. “I don’t…I don’t think that’s going to fit.”
His whole body pulsed at your words. He knew he was…big. Solders had made jokes of it in locker rooms. He felt it. But he had never cared before. Now, he did. And he was going to make himself fit, one way or another.
Dex kicked the briefs the rest of the way down, and your hand wrapped back around him before he had a chance to prepare himself. Your fist moved up, thumb tracing the vein underneath the head, before it moved back down the silky shaft, all the way to the base, and then back up–
Quickly, he put his hand over yours. “I–you should probably stop.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t…I don’t think I’ll last,” he admitted sheepishly. “If you keep doing that.”
Your expression softened, which only made the humiliation worse.
“Oh,” you whispered, pressing your lips to his jaw. “That’s okay. We can go slow.”
Dex nodded weakly, and guided you back down onto the mattress with blood rushing in his ears. Your thighs opened once more, this time wrapping around his hips, heels pressing into the dimples of his back.
Slowly, shakily, he lowered himself down. The heat from your cunt was radiating. Only a few centimeters of air lay between your sexes. Only a few centimeters of air before he would be forever changed. A part of him would be inside you, and even after he left, even after you washed him from your skin, Dex would know the truth.
It had to be perfect.
Dex wrapped a trembling hand around himself and guided the sensitive head of his cock slowly to your entrance. The first touch made his whole body seize. You were so hot, so wet. He wasn’t going to last. He had to control himself.
Dex's eyes squeezed shut, face twisting. He needed to breathe. In…and out.
“...Dex?” you asked, breath hitching. You looked genuinely concerned. “Are you–”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine, I just–” What was he supposed to say? I’m about to lose my virginity? My life is going to be forever changed? For the first time in my life, I’m scared?
Dex roughly exhaled through his nose, then regrouped himself. It would be perfect. He brought his leaking head back to your pussy lips, dragging himself through your slick. The tip bumped your clit, and you moaned.
“I know, baby, I know,” he mumbled, though he didn’t know anything anymore.
Finally, Dex lined himself up with your entrance, jaw clenched so hard he thought it might shatter. The head of his cock pressed against you, and stars swam in his vision.
Dex could have researched, read, and studied all he wanted, but absolutely nothing could have prepared him for this.
He pushed forward, and the world ceased around him.
“Oh my God,” you whined as the head of his cock slipped inside you.
He barely had an inch of his cock in you, and already it was too much. Your cunt was tighter than he could have ever imagined, so much so that he started to think maybe you hadn’t been lying when you said he wasn’t going to fit.
Dex’s forehead, beaded with sweat, dropped to yours. He couldn’t think. Nothing existed anymore.
“You’re so…tight,” he panted. “I… I don’t think I can–”
“Please, Dex,” Your voice was shaking, your hips bucking like you could draw him deeper by sheer force. “Want you to fuck me. Want it so bad, Dex. Keep…keep going. Please.”
He obeyed. Dex pushed forward a little further, easing another inch of his cock into you. Your mouth fell open, brows pinching together as your nails dug into the muscles of his back.
It took every ounce of self-control he had to not give in to every primal instinct ingrained within him slam himself forward. He didn’t want to hurt you. Every inch, every shift, you would whimper, head tossing against the pillow while you adjusted. And Dex wanted to last. Patience, he reminded himself, teeth gritted. He would be patient with you.
Finally, after minutes of feeding you one inch after another while you whined and whimpered and begged for more, while Dex nearly bit his tongue off to keep from losing control, it was done.
One small thrust forward, and Dex bottomed out with a groan. He was buried deep inside you, the pulsing head of his cock brushing your cervix.
It didn’t feel real.
“I’m…I’m inside you.”
“OhmyfuckingGod,” you slurred, raising your head off the pillow to peer down at the obscene sight of him fully sheathed inside you, slick smeared across both your thighs, your bodies joined completely. With one trembling hand, you pressed below your navel. “I can feel you.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
In disbelief, Dex raised his hand and placed it over yours. There it was-- the long shape of him evident even under your skin. Him. Where he would live forever.
“P-please, Dex,” you dug your nails again into his back, dragging him back to reality. “Fuck me.”
He obeyed.
Dex drew his hips back an inch, terrified of leaving you completely, then pushed back in. Your head fell back onto the pillow, eyes closing in total ecstasy.
He eased himself out, a little further this time, then slowly back in. Again, then again. Again. Again. Again.
On one of his thrusts, Dex felt something spongy drag against the sensitive ridge near the head of his cock, and your eyes rolled back.
“Oooh, shit, Dex,” you whimpered, hands moving to claw at his shoulders. “Dex, right there, again, again, please…”
Dex braced his forearm beside your head and angled his hips slightly until he felt that spongy muscle once more. Your moans were getting louder, more high-pitched, with every perfect thrust. Even like this, even with his body threatening to come apart too soon, Dex could still learn you.
You were close, he could tell. Dex slipped a hand between your bodies, the pad of his thumb finding the swollen pearl he already knew was key to your pleasure. At the same time, he dipped his head and captured one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking it between his lips and rolling his tongue over the tight bud. He rubbed tight circles over your clit, trying to match the rhythm of his hips, the rhythm of how you liked his tongue only minutes earlier.
“That’s– oh, God. It's so good. You’re gonna make me come again,” you gasped. “You’re gonna make me come–”
“Yeah? You’re gonna come on my cock?” He raised his eyes, releasing your breast from his mouth with a soft pop. His voice was strangled, panicked and relieved at the same time. For the first time in his life, it was Dex’s turn to command. “Come for me.”
Your body began to convulse, back arching off the mattress, muscles of your perfect cunt clamping down around him so tightly his vision went white at the edges. It was like all language had left you, and the only thing you still knew was his name.
“Fuck,” he groaned, thrusts becoming uneven as the erratic spasms of your pussy pulled him deeper, dragging him closer to the edge. His body was winding up, the coil in his gut bracing for what he now knew was inevitable. Dex wasn’t going to last. It was too perfect. You were too perfect. “I’m close, I’m–”
Your hand shot from his shoulder to the back of his neck, dragging his face down closer to yours. Even with tears brimming at your lower lids, your eyes were clear. Focused.
“Come in me, Dex,” you whispered, world narrowing to only the slap of flesh against flesh and your hushed voice. “Do it.”
Your final wish, your final command. It was over. Every practiced act of self-restraint, of control, of trying to restrain himself, had vanished.
His hips stuttered as he tried to bury himself deeper into your organs, deep enough to leave an imprint. His mind had gone blank, feral. Dex grabbed at your chin, squishing your face between his fingers because he needed you. Needed to see you. Needed you to know.
“I love you.”
With his final utterance, the only truth he could ever fully tell you, Dex came.
His hips pushed forward, shuddering as he spilled his seed into you. He couldn’t stop the words.
“I love you,” Dex gasped again, grip tightening on your face. He couldn’t stop coming, couldn’t stop saying it, couldn’t stop the truth from pouring out of him and into you. “I love you, I love you, I– fuck–”
He collapsed onto you.
In…and out.
Dex smelled your shampoo, your sweat.
In…and out.
He felt the cool cotton of your twisted sheets, your sweat-slick breasts against his chest. His cock still twitching inside you, the warmth of his release beginning to leak out around him in a pearly track.
In…and out.
In…and…
With sudden clarity, he remembered all that he said.
Fuck.
Dex’s eyes shot open. He scrambled backwards on the bed, his softening cock slipping out of you as panic tore through him.
“I’m– I don’t know why I said that, I–” His heart rate was beginning to climb frantically, splotches of red blooming on his chest. He dragged a shaking hand down his face. “Fuck, I’m…I’m so sorry, I just–”
You followed after him, pushing yourself up on the bed from where you lay, limbs heavy and still shivering.
“Hey, hey. Dex,” You took his face in your hands, thumbs smoothing across his cheekbones. Soothing him. “Dex, it’s okay. Look at me.”
Eyes bleary with tears, he met your gaze. He fucked it up. He hadn’t done what he practiced. He was too eager. Too quick. Too honest. Too himself. It would be over now. You would send him out of your room, laugh at him, do what everyone else had done to him his whole life and abandon him.
There was no point in continuing if you did that. No purpose for Dex. No point in living if you weren’t his North Star.
He would end it all.
“Dex,” you said his name again. Dex managed to blink the hot tears from his eyes, and he saw you clearly. You were…smiling.
“It’s okay,” you whispered, voice soft and sweet. “I feel the same.”
He stilled.
Did you– no. No, surely he hadn’t heard you correctly. Surely the blood was still rushing throughout his body so loudly that he misunderstood.
“I…I don’t…” He stumbled over his words, throat tight. “What?”
Your smile grew wider. The same smile you gave him when he first opened his apartment door and found you standing there. The same smile that made him feel like his eyes had finally opened for the first time in his life.
“I love you, too, Dex.”
His breath, which he hadn’t realized he had been holding, left him in a shaky exhale. You loved him. You wanted him. You needed him. You felt what he had been feeling this entire time.
Your thumbs moved on his cheeks again, this time wiping away tears Dex hadn’t realized had fallen.
“I know it’s early,” You paused, and then laughed softly, like you couldn’t believe what you were saying. “It’s probably insane. And maybe it’s partially the life-changing orgasm still talking, but…”
You bit your lip bashfully, but looked deep into his eyes. “I mean it. Seriously. I care about you, and I just… I like what we have.”
Dex opened his mouth, but no sound came out. You seemed to understand anyway.
You pressed one tired, affectionate kiss to his cheek, then two to his lips, before patting his chest. “So…stop freaking out and get back into the bed so we can sleep, okay? And hopefully I can still walk in the morning.”
Dex tried to laugh. The two of you moved clumsily back beneath the sheets, bodies sticky with sex. You turned onto your side, snuggling into him and guiding his arm around your waist. You placed one last kiss to his chest, just above his heart, and closed your eyes with a sigh.
The room fell into silence.
You loved him.
Dex had been in this room so many times before, had seen the moonlight move slowly over your sleeping face with every hour that he watched over you. He had often wondered what it would feel like to finally cross the distance between you, to climb under the covers. To hold you.
Now, he was finally here.
Dex’s hand crawled from your waist to splay over your ribcage, feeling your breath begin to even out.
In…and out.
The rhythm that had once belonged to him had transferred to you.
He didn’t know what he had done to deserve this. Dex had lied, he had murdered, he had felt nothing but emptiness in spaces he should feel empathy. He had spent years convincing himself there was nothing in him but flesh and bones. No soul. Nothing worthy of mercy.
And yet, here you were. Holding onto him, sleeping like you trusted him…because you did. More than that, even. You loved him.
Dex would do whatever he could to keep you. Nothing would take you from him. Even if the world separated you, he would remain in your life. You would never be rid of him. Ever.
He closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to your shoulder. His hand drifted from your chest to rest over your belly.
life… changed…. My life is changed forever…….. reading this in the darkest setting in my phone at the Cracker Barrel…. But I should have turned it up… they deserve to read it too….
summary: dex finally gives you all of him. every. single. inch.
pairing: benjamin poindexter x f!reader
content/warnings: 18+ (mdni), SMUT!! with feelings, unprotected p in v sex, cunnilingus, loss of virginity, finishing inside, multiple orgasms, mentions of daredevil, suicidal ideation (brief but multiple mentions), technically reproductive coercion, manipulation, stalking, delusional dex as usual, some fluff <3
word count: 8.6k (...guys...i'm tired lol)
A/N: well...it's finally here. hope y'all enjoy because i certainly enjoyed writing it. also, housekeeping note-- you may notice that the next chapter won't be published until 7/10. mr. roxxmo and i are taking a nice long vacation! hoping i can get something to you before then, but we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming once home and i'll try and get around to asks while i'm out. thank you as always for the love on this whole series, i've had such a good time writing it and seeing that you guys love this absolute pathetic freak of a man as much as i do makes me all warm inside :)
divider by: @uzmacchiato
← previous chapter
MASTERLIST
next chapter → (COMING 7/10)
Dex was doing well.
“Well”, by his standards, at least.
Being your boyfriend gave him purpose. “Boyfriend” was a loose term, admittedly– you hadn’t called him that specifically, and you had only been seeing each other for a month. To Dex, the word felt too small for what you were, anyways. “Soulmate” was probably closer. Still, “boyfriend” seemed like the most socially acceptable term and Dex was trying very hard to be socially acceptable for you.
There was structure in it. Just like the FBI, or the Army before that. A role to fill, a routine to follow.
His life finally, finally had purpose. And because of that, everything felt better. Dex was sleeping more. He was eating better. At the field office, he was sharper, less prone to that constricting feeling in his ribcage when too many things were happening at once. He could talk to other agents and remember what his face was supposed to be doing. The old Mercer cassette tapes and headphones that used to anchor him were collecting dust in the drawer of his coffee table. He didn’t need them anymore, because he had something better.
You.
After your first date, Dex committed himself to becoming the perfect partner. Like all things he excelled at, he approached it with an alarming amount of discipline and research. Advice columns, psychology blogs, old nineties rom-coms, classic romantic novels– he consumed every piece of information he could get his hands on to learn how he could make you stay.
The morning after your first date, he had caught you (as usual) in the elevator. You had shyly given him your number, like you didn’t give him the most transcendental moment of his life the night before by kissing him outside apartment 416. Like Dex hadn’t been on his way to the jewelry store on 12th Street to buy you a diamond ring and claim you forever.
“Maybe we can go out again?” you had asked quietly, batting your eyelashes as you finished typing your number into his embarrassingly empty contacts and handed his phone back. Maybe? Dex would’ve thrown himself off the roof if you didn’t go out with him again.
“Yeah,” he stuttered. “Of course. I mean– definitely."
He already had your number memorized, of course. Alongside a plethora of other information, including your social security number. But you giving it to him willingly? Dex still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. Then again, he couldn’t comprehend most things about you. How kind you were, how perfect you were, how beautiful you were, how real you were. What remained most incomprehensible, however, was the fact that you seemed to want him, too.
Dex did whatever he could to keep you wanting him. He read online that women liked good morning texts, so he texted you good morning. He learned that they liked compliments, but didn't want to be overwhelmed by them or for them to be insincere, so he chose carefully. He complimented your hair if you wore it differently, or told you he liked your earrings, or the color of a dress or skirt you wore. Specific compliments were better, he had learned, because they show attentiveness. Dex was nothing but attentive.
He knew that women liked it when men took initiative, too, so he planned your next dates and told you what time he would pick you up from across the hall. You liked that. You especially seemed to like when he paid for the dates, even though you would pretend to argue with him about it.
“Dex, seriously,” you had attempted to complain on your third date. Dex had seen you post on your Instagram about wanting to see a new sci-fi movie that had just come out, so he suggested it as nonchalantly as he could possibly manage two days later.
You both stood at the box office, and Dex was pulling out his wallet while you frowned at him. “You paid for dinner the first time, then coffee on our last date. I seriously can’t let you pay for this. My friends are going to start saying you’re my sugar daddy.”
Dex didn’t know what a “sugar daddy” was. He looked it up afterwards; shouldn’t a man want to pay for everything a woman needed if he loved her? Wasn’t that the point? To make sure she never had to ask anyone else for anything? To make sure she never needed anyone else?
He only shrugged and swiped his card. “It’s no problem. I like taking you out.”
Your only response was to roll your eyes and thread your fingers through his as you walked towards the theater.
There were things about being a good partner that were harder for him, though. The first was trying to appear less eager than he actually was. On the same relationship forum where Dex had read about the good morning texts, he also learned that he shouldn’t respond too quickly. That was easier said than done. Sometimes, after hearing his phone ping with a message from you, he would have to literally set a timer to keep himself from answering. Fifteen minutes, usually. Enough time to seem attentive. Enough time to seem like he was doing something other than waiting pathetically by his phone, pacing until the timer went off.
The worst was the ring. Dex had bought it the morning after your first date. A perfectly symmetrical two-carat diamond perched delicately atop a thin gold band. Beautiful. Permanent. The black velvet ring box sat in the coffee table drawer next to the old Mercer tapes, both of them untouched. He would’ve proposed that very morning. He wanted to, desperately. And if God had any mercy on his mottled soul and you said yes, he would’ve marched you straight to city hall and made it official right then and there.
Apparently, though, it was not considered “socially acceptable” to propose after the first date. That was “too soon”. Dex disagreed. Because what was “too soon”, really? Your relationship? To Dex, whatever the two of you had did not start when you asked him to dinner in the lobby that fateful morning. It began when he opened the door to you holding that frog-colored plate of chocolate chip cookies. Or maybe, it began before that. Maybe it began when you moved into apartment 416 and rearranged his mundane, miserable, structured world. Maybe it was before then, too. Maybe you both had always been connected, somehow, someway.
So, Dex told himself he would wait. But as much discipline as he had, Dex knew that when it came to you, he wouldn’t be able to wait forever.
Physical intimacy between the two of you was a whole different matter. The two of you had kissed since that first night. Several times, in fact. Sometimes outside your apartment door after a night out, inside the elevator in the morning, on street corners after dinner when you looked at him with your lips stained from whatever bottle of wine you two had shared. Sometimes the kisses were quick and sweet. Sometimes, they were not.
Sometimes you would lean into Dex until your breasts were pressed against his chest, your fingers curling into the edge of his shirt collar while his hands spanned the small of your back and dipped lower and lower until they met soft flesh, and Dex would have to remind himself of every single discussion thread he had read about patience. About not pressuring a woman, even though every single fiber of his being was made from pulverizing pressure.
He tried his best to wait for you.
But tonight, Dex knew it would be different.
Dinner had gone well, as it usually did these days. You laughed whenever he attempted a joke, complained about lesson plans, asked about the field office even though Dex would have much preferred to talk about you, and, after your second glass of wine, you spent the entirety of the meal staring at his mouth like you thought he wouldn’t notice. Dex noticed everything.
By the time you both stood outside your apartment door, he could feel the shift. You had been quieter on the walk home, holding his hand tighter than usual, your hand squeezing him again and again like you were trying to work up the nerve to say something.
His pulse had steadied into something strong and restless as he watched you fish your keys out of your purse. You unlocked the door, and then paused with your hand on the knob.
You looked at him. “Do you…want to come in?”
Dex had been in your apartment before. Many times, though you didn’t know it, of course. As a matter of fact, he had been inside it only nineteen hours ago, sitting in his favorite chair in the corner of your room as he watched you softly snore.
But beyond your request for him to water the fern in your living room, never had he been invited in.
Dex felt his mouth go dry. “Yeah. I’d love to.”
You stepped to the side and let him in.
When the door closed behind Dex, he realized how different it felt to be inside your apartment as a wanted guest. Everything felt warmer, softer this way. From the lamps by your couch to the scent of the vanilla candle you kept by the stove, it was like Dex had all the pieces to the puzzle of your life spread before him, arranged perfectly, but only on your invitation had he been able to connect them and see the whole picture. And the whole picture was even better than he imagined, because he was in it.
You brushed by him, toeing off your heels as you stepped into the kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink? Water? Wine?”
Dex suddenly didn’t know what to do with his hands as he followed you into the kitchen he had paced so many times before. He shoved them in his pockets. “Uh, wine is fine.”
“Would you get the glasses?” you asked, opening your fridge and peering inside. “They’re in the–”
Before you could finish speaking, Dex was already opening the cabinet above your sink. The one with the wine glasses. You blinked at him, bottle of Pinot Grigio in hand.
“Oh. You found them.”
Dex froze with his hand around the stem of a glass. Fuck. “I…I keep mine there, too.”
You raised an eyebrow.
Fucking fuck. He tried for an easy side smile and hoped it landed. “FBI intuition, I guess.”
For one horrible second, you only stared at him. Then you giggled. It worked.
“I guess I should be careful dating an agent,” you teased as you took the glass from him and poured wine into it. “I’m never going to be able to hide anything from you.”
Dex laughed. You were right.
Wine poured, you nodded towards the soft velvet couch in the living room. “Shall we?”
“We shall.”
Dex walked behind you and tried not to stare at the bare line of your calves under your dress as you settled onto the couch and tucked a leg under yourself. Stiffly, he sat beside you at what he believed was an appropriate amount of space between your bodies. You looked at the space with what seemed like annoyance, then at him, and shifted closer until your knee brushed his thigh. Dex took a long sip of wine and hoped his face was arranged normally.
You fidgeted with the stem of your glass, eyes moving from his face to the dark television screen across the room. Dex realized you were nervous.
“Do you, um–” you gestured towards the screen. “Should we put something on?”
“Sure,” Dex said, though he had no idea how he was supposed to watch anything when you were sitting close enough for him to feel the heat radiating off your body. Close enough to smell that intoxicating citrus shampoo. The same kind he had bought for his own shower.
You grabbed the remote from the coffee table and clicked the TV on.
“...and in Hell’s Kitchen tonight, locals are reporting new sightings of a masked vigilante some are claiming may be Daredevil–”
You frowned as the grainy news broadcast footage showed a blurry, dark shape on a rooftop. “I thought that guy was dead.”
Dex’s eye twitched as he watched the screen. “Even if he is, there’s always going to be some idiot trying to copy him. Half of the shit he does is illegal but because he’s wearing a mask, everyone thinks he’s a hero.”
You raised an eyebrow and flipped the channel. “I didn’t know you had such strong feelings about him.”
“It’s just…” Dex paused. For some reason, the conversation made his skin feel tight. He didn’t know why. “Guys at the field office complain about it a lot. People like him make our jobs a lot harder.”
“Hmm.” You changed the channel again until you landed on some mindless standup comedy special. “Hopefully the FBI doesn’t have strong feelings about comedians, too.”
Dex huffed out something close to a laugh because that felt like the right response, and felt you ease yourself into his side. The laugh track filled the room but he didn’t register a single joke. All he could hear was your breathing. Dex watched as you took a sip from your wine glass, the tip of your tongue darting out to catch a stray droplet on your lip. He couldn’t stop staring.
Surely, the heat of his gaze had bored into the side of your face, and finally you tipped your head up to look at him. The blue light from the screen moved softly over your face, catching on the little crease between your brows.
“I can feel you staring, you know.”
Dex felt like a hand was around his throat. “I am.”
Your voice had gone hushed when you spoke again. “Why?”
There were hundreds of answers Dex could’ve given you. Because I love you. Because I’ve been watching you sleep every night for the last two months. Because I never stop thinking about you. Because there’s a ring waiting for you just across the hall. Because I wish I could crawl into your skin and live with you forever. Because you belong to me.
All were the truth, but each answer felt too big. Instead, he gave you a small amount of honesty, though it was the most genuine Dex had ever been with you.
“I just…I can’t believe you’re real.”
The crease between your brows smoothed as your expression changed. Your eyes darted away, and then came back to meet his. “Well, last time I checked… I’m real.”
“I know you are.”
You looked at him for another moment, like you were trying to decide whether he was joking. He wasn’t. Slowly, like you were trying not to startle a skittish animal, you leaned forward and set your wine glass on the coffee table. Then you settled back on the couch, but this time your body was twisted to face him. Your hand came to rest against his chest, right over his thumping heart.
“I’m…not always good at this stuff, but– I really like you, Dex,” you whispered.
Something inside him shattered. All at once, the discipline in him– the articles, the forums, all the research into how to be a man you stayed with– left him. Every breath scraped like sandpaper through his ribs. Every organ was twisting in on itself until the only thing that would make the ache stop was touching you.
This time, though, he didn’t want to wait. He couldn’t wait.
So, Dex touched you.
His mouth crashed onto yours, all urgency and need and no hesitation. You moaned against him, lips parting so his tongue could slip inside to meet yours. Dex could taste the white wine clearly, like he was drinking it straight from you, licking it off the enamel of your teeth. Your hand had migrated from over his rapidly swelling heart to the side of his neck, fingers sliding into the coarse blond hair on the nape of his neck. He wanted you to pull it, to yank it out of his scalp. But in order to ask you to do that you would have to stop kissing him, and Dex couldn’t risk that.
Grabbing the soft flesh at your waist, he pulled you until both of your legs framed his hips and you straddled him on the couch. As you settled over his crotch and let your weight sink onto him, Dex suddenly understood with terrifying clarity that tonight would be different from the sweet little kisses you two had shared before. He would finally, finally have you. He would have something no one else had ever taken from him and give it to the only person he had ever wanted to receive it: you.
And in return, you would give yourself to him. No matter what happened after tonight, you would never be able to rid yourself of the proof that he had been here.
Dex would give his virginity to you.
“Dex,” your breathless whine brought him out of his stupor. In his haze, he had moved his mouth from your lips to your collarbone, sucking and biting hard enough he knew with all prideful certainty it would leave marks the next morning. “Can you…please…”
He felt you grind your clothed cunt helplessly against the tent that had formed against his jeans. Dex was already so hard, so aching, he felt like any movement from you would send him over the edge. He stilled your moving hips with his grip.
“What?” His lips ghosted over where your shoulder met your neck. “What do you need?”
Dex would do anything for you. You should’ve known that.
Your face was flushed. You dipped your head down so your lips skimmed the shell of his ear. “My room. Take me there.”
Dex stood immediately. One arm around your back and the other under your ass, he lifted you like you weighed nothing. Your mouth was already on him again, pressing desperate, open-mouthed kisses to his jaw, his cheek, the crinkle of his eye, any patch of skin you could find.
You didn’t tell him where to go, because he didn’t need you to. Still holding your writhing form against him, Dex moved down the short hallway, past the framed photos of your life before him, past the bathroom door, straight to your bedroom– the same path he had taken silently in the dark more times than he could count.
You were too busy acting like a bitch in heat to notice.
Dex nudged the bedroom door open with his shoulder and stepped inside. Your room was the same as it had been nineteen hours before. But never had he allowed himself to fully, truly imagine it in the light of all that was to happen. With a single invitation, the room had mutated. No longer was it a sanctuary; it was an altar.
Reverently, Dex lowered you onto your mattress, holding himself up above you on his hands. You stared up under him, hair spread wildly against the pillow, mouth swollen and red from him. You were more beautiful than anything he had ever thought possible.
Both of your hands came to frame his face and he nuzzled into your touch like a neglected animal.
“Maybe this is embarrassing to admit, but– I’ve thought about this before,” you murmured, tracing your fingers across his brow bone. “I’ve thought about it so much.”
Dex could feel his breathing go ragged. He wanted to die. He buried his face into the crook of your neck.
“W-what…what did you think about?” he asked shakily, voice muffled against you. Dex knew what you were going to say and still didn’t know if he could survive hearing it aloud.
Your fingers carded back into his hair. “... What you would feel like. On me. In me.”
He could only groan in response. You tugged on him, ever so slightly but enough it stung so fucking good, guiding his face back to yours. Dex followed helplessly, mouth finding you again, sloppy and uncoordinated before he forced himself to slow down.
Your hands slipped from his hair to your dress, fingers searching blindly for the zipper at your side. Instinctively, Dex caught your wrist before you could find it.
You pulled back from his mouth, confusion flickering through your wild eyes.
Dex stared at your smaller hand in his, then at your dress clinging to your body like a second skin. His voice was thin when he finally managed to speak.
“...can I?”
Your expression softened for just a second before a flash of something he hadn’t seen before passed. “Can you…what?”
He wanted to light himself on fire. “T-take it off. Of you.”
You waited patiently. He wanted to light himself on fire and then stab himself.
His fingers scrambled for the zipper, fumbling with it because he couldn’t stop shaking. Finally, he caught it, and moved it down the track, each tooth giving way, inch by inch by tortuous inch.
Dex watched the fabric loosen around you, watched as the dress began to fall open beneath his hands. Finally, it was loose enough he could pull the straps down off your shoulder, then down, down, down until it bunched at your hips. You lifted them, and Dex slid the dress the rest of the way off and tossed it somewhere behind him, forgotten before it hit the floor. Only then did he allow himself to sit back on his heels and look at you fully.
Like a figure from a painting, you lay back on the pillow, arms twitching at your sides like you couldn’t decide if you wanted to cover yourself or let him see you. Your bare breasts rose and fell with each breath, full and soft with peaked nipples beginning to stiffen in the cool air. Dex forced his eyes down, over the dip of your sternum, the softness of your stomach, and lower still. There was still one barrier between you– a pair of lace panties the color of the morning sky. He knew them. He had seen them folded neatly in your drawers before, had skimmed his hand over the fabric. He always wondered what it would be like to feel them warm and damp from your arousal, or to smell your scent on them, or to taste you through them. To be honest, he had thought about taking them with him many times. But now, Dex was glad he didn’t. Because no stolen relic would be able to come anywhere close to the honor of doing what he was about to do.
A sound more animal than human left him, and instinct forced him to lean down, hands opening your thighs. Before you could even register what was happening, he placed a kiss on your clothed cunt.
“Ooh, shit–” you gasped, hips bucking against him.
Dex did it again, sloppier this time, needier. Like he was thanking you. Each kiss wetting the fabric, each kiss a gesture. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You were close to trembling as you put your hands on each side of his face, practically having to pull him back.
“Dex, please…” your eyes met his, nearly black with want. “No more teasing. Take them off, now.”
A command. He was familiar with them. Words barked across a firing range, across a battlefield, across a rooftop with his scope trained on a life he was about to end with one clean pull of the trigger. But never had Dex wanted to obey an order as badly as this one.
His hands moved from holding your thighs open to slipping under the band of lace. Once he slid that final piece of fabric off you, there was no more script. Technically, he knew what happened next. Dex was a man and had seen what men like to see; he wasn’t a prude and he certainly wasn’t stupid. He had been in the Army, for fuck’s sake. He had been there when men opened their phones in the barracks and played videos of women pretending to find pleasure beneath men with comedically long penises. He had watched them pass around half-naked pictures of girls back home and brag about what they could do with their mouths.
Dex knew where to put his hands, his fingers, his tongue, his cock. But knowing how to do something isn’t the same as wanting to do it. Dex had never had the desire. What was the point of doing any of that to someone he didn’t care about? What was the point of pushing himself inside a body that meant nothing to him? A body that wasn’t yours? A body that didn’t belong to his North Star? Maybe that’s why he waited all this time– because in his whole thirty-three years on this planet, you were the only person who had ever made desire feel like it was worth obeying.
Dex hooked his fingers beneath the lace and pulled. He tried to be slow, but the starving, caged animal in him was screaming at him to just rip them off, bury his face in your cunt, and finally learn if you tasted the way you smelled: sweet and oh-so human. But his hands shook too badly for that, so he watched in agony as the lace made its slow descent down the curve of your hips. Dex eased the panties down your thighs, over your knees, past your calves, until they slipped free around your ankles and landed in his hand.
You whispered his name.
He looked up, and you were bare. Completely. Your flushed thighs had fallen back open, exposing your wet, swollen pussy to him, the soft curls between your legs damp and glistening with arousal.
Dex wanted to cry. Instead, he dipped his head back to you and brushed his nose against the soft crease where your thigh met your pelvis. He inhaled deeply, letting the heady musk of you infiltrate his senses, and groaned aloud.
Maybe he should’ve felt humiliated, scenting you like a dog. But this was the holiest experience he had ever had. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to your inner thigh. Then again, higher. Then another. Until finally, his lips hovered over the swollen nub at the top of your cunt.
The tip of his tongue darted out, placing a careful lick directly to your clit.
“Fuck!” you cried out, hand flying over to cover your eyes like you couldn’t bear it.
Dex did it again, and then again. And then again, and again, and again, until your hand had moved from over your eyes to clutch at his hair. Dex lifted his gaze to see your eyes rolling into the back of your head, the whites of them showing like you had become possessed.
He didn’t know if he was doing it right. Dex knew how to study, though, and how to become accurate. He had built his life around noticing and correcting until he found that exact target. He could execute. Dex could, would do the same for you.
He moved from those small, careful licks to longer ones, slowly dragging his tongue from your dripping entrance to the sensitive bundle of nerves above it. Softer, then faster. Slower, then with more pressure. Adjusting, correcting, narrowing in. He learned what you liked. Your moans became louder when he circled your clit with the edge of his tongue, so he did that. Your thighs trembled when he sealed his mouth over you and hummed, so he did that. Your body spoke, and Dex listened.
“Oh my– Jesus fucking Christ, Dex,” you gasped. Your moans had become garbled and near incoherent at this point.
He lifted his gaze again and met your eyes as he continued drawing tight, slow circles over your swollen clit. Your face was twisted in what could only be described as pleasure and agony, mouth open, brows pinched, tits heaving with every labored breath. Dex couldn’t look away.
“Mmm… I’m gonna–” your thighs tightened around his face, trembling against his ears. “Fuck, how are you doing that?”
He only hummed in response, and your back arched off the mattress.
“Dex,” you cried, hand fisting at his hair, pulling so hard it sent a shock through him. “Please, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna– oooh, fuck–”
Dex felt your cunt pulse underneath his tongue, your whole body spasming as you came with a broken sob. He held you still through it, mouth never stopping as much as you seized. He tried to watch you as much as he could to memorize this very moment, the trembling in your muscles, your eyes fluttering, the shape your mouth made as his name left it over and over.
Dex, Dex, Dex.
He could have stayed, face buried into your pussy, for days. Weeks. Months, even. Hell, Dex would have happily died of suffocation if it meant never having to take his mouth off of your still-convulsing cunt.
You, though, did not seem ready to kill him yet. Oversensitive and still twitching with aftershocks, you pried his pussy-drunk face away from you with trembling hands until he reluctantly released your cunt from the suction of his mouth. He kissed a trail back up your body, stopping to press his mouth in a grateful kiss to each peak of your breasts before finally reaching your mouth again. The second your lips met, you let out a quiet gasp at the taste of yourself on his tongue.
“Dex,” you mewled against his lips. Your breath was still shallow, though the fact that he kept sucking softly at your lower lip probably did very little to help you recover. “I think that was…shit. That was definitely the best orgasm I’ve had. Like, in my entire life. Where the fuck did you learn that?”
Dex paused only briefly, his hand stopping on its way from your waist to paw at the soft flesh of your tit. “I, uh– practice. And I pay attention. I guess.”
Apparently, you found that answer sufficient, because you gave only a girlish giggle and pulled him back down into another kiss. Your hand moved from his jaw to the cords of his neck, then lower still, over his chest, his stomach, until your fingers paused at his belt.
“Hmm,” you looped one finger through the leather. “I think we’re a little unbalanced here.”
You were right. You were bare, as naked as the day you entered this world and were bound to him. Dex, hovering above you, was still fully clothed from head to toe.
You tugged once at the belt. “Off.”
Another command he was more than happy to oblige. He sat back on his heels, first wiping the mess of your arousal off his chin before grabbing the bottom of his shirt and pulling it over his head before tossing it to join your dress on the floor. You sucked in a quiet intake of breath at that, though Dex wasn’t sure exactly why.
His hands moved to his buckle, and Dex could feel your eyes on him as he worked the leather free. They were everywhere, the dusting of dirty blond hair on his pectorals, the trail of darker hair that extended from his stomach to disappear beneath the waistband of his jeans. It felt like you were cataloging every single piece of him.
Dex shoved his jeans down his hips, kicking them off once they pooled around his ankles.
It should have made him nervous. Dex had spent his whole life finding ways to hide, behind roles, structures, masks, anything to avoid truly being seen. But this didn’t feel like exposure. It felt like…recognition. Like his body was already yours. A part of you. You two were equal, but opposite. The same soul in different skins.
His North Star.
The thought alone made his cock throb.
As if you sensed it, your eyes dropped to the bulge beneath his black briefs, and your lips parted into a small “o”. He was so hard it hurt, the fabric stretched tight. Dex had been hard because of you before. Alone in his apartment, the blue light of his laptop illuminating the screen that showed a smiling picture of you stolen from one of your social media accounts. In the shower, sniffing the exact citrus shampoo he had bought after finding the bottle in your bathroom. Sitting in this very bedroom, watching you toss and turn under the covers.
But never had he touched himself to you.
Dex wasn’t a saint, obviously. He would lay there, every fiber of his being aching for some sort, any sort of relief to the coil building low in his gut. He could never do it, though. Every time his hand would hover lower, even graze his pulsing member, a wave of disgust would come over him so strongly it forced his hand back. It would have been…false. Blasphemous. Like kicking dirt over an act of salvation.
He saved himself for this exact moment. Once he took off his briefs there was absolutely no going back. There would be before, and then there would be after. Nothing in between.
You pushed yourself up, folding your knees underneath you, rising until you were level with him again. You put your hand on his chest, delicate fingers trailing across his chest, brushing his nipples, and then lower. His abdomen braced as you skimmed your fingertips past the hard ridges, until finally, you placed your palm over his cock.
He gasped your name, head dropping to your shoulder. He hadn’t touched himself in months. No one, no one had touched him like that. Ever.
Your hand moved again, fingers closing around him through the fabric, and his hips jerked forward before he could stop them. Dex was so far gone from the taste of you and the sight of you and the knowledge that you wanted him like he wanted you that the light pressure shot through him like a bullet.
Your face turned into his, lips slotting into each other again before Dex could collapse against you. It was slower than before, your tongue exploring his mouth like you had all the time in the world. Like he wasn’t seconds away from spurting ropes of cum into his briefs when you hadn’t even actually touched him yet.
Dex kissed you back desperately, one hand fisting your hair to hold you close, the other grabbing at your waist. He could feel your hardened nipples brushing against his chest, your hand stroking him softly. He was going to cum. Just from that.
“Wait.”
With what seemed like great effort, you pulled back from Dex’s mouth. A thin, translucent string of your mingled saliva followed you until it snapped, landing against your chin. Dex resisted the urge to lick it up. Your palm still cupped the twitching length of him through the fabric of his briefs.
“Do you…” Your eyes flicked briefly away from his. “Do you have…protection?”
Dex stared at you in silence. You huffed, though your cheeks were already beginning to burn. Were you…embarrassed? Even after all he just did to you? For you?
“What?” Dex asked. He knew what you meant.
“A condom. Do you…have one?”
Technically speaking, no. Not on him, at least. There was, however, a small box of unopened condoms under his bathroom sink. He bought it exactly four weeks ago, on the afternoon before your first date. Not the thought something was going to happen that night, obviously. But Dex was always, always prepared. He had thought maybe, eventually, something like this could happen. But now…it was happening. And the idea of something stopping this, something coming in between the two of you, it was unbearable. Disgusting, even.
After everything that had already kept him from you, after all the doors and walls and locks and rules that had made him stand on the other side, waiting and waiting and fucking waiting, did he really want another barrier?
Absolutely not.
Dex leaned in and placed a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Uh, n-no. No, I don’t.”
You chewed on your lip, eyes darting down to where you still held him. You were considering something.
“I…I don’t think we have to use one, if you don’t want to,” you began slowly. “I’m on birth control.”
He knew that. Dex had found the little foil packet of pink pills in your bedside drawer weeks ago. He stared at it, and it stared back at him like it had a personal vendetta. That would be dealt with another time.
“And…I’m not seeing anyone else.”
Of course you weren’t. If you had been, Dex would’ve taken care of that, too. You wouldn’t need to worry yourself with the details.
You looked back up at him, eyes wide and cautious. “Unless…you’re seeing someone else?”
Dex felt genuinely offended. He would have rather disemboweled himself and let vultures pick at his organs than even think of someone other than you. He genuinely didn’t think he was physically capable of wanting anyone else.
“What? I– no, no, of course not,” he sputtered, his grip on your waist tightening before he could stop it. Did you think so low of him? “Do you think I am?”
You shook your head quickly. “Dex, no. I didn’t think you were. I just meant…obviously, it would be okay if you were, I just–”
“I’m not seeing anyone else. I won’t be seeing anyone else.” Just like you won’t be seeing anyone else, he wanted to add.
Something in his tone made you go quiet. After a few seconds, you blushed and nodded your head. “Okay. I believe you.”
You placed one tender kiss on his lips, as if that was the final confirmation you needed, and then slipped your hand into the band of his briefs.
This was it. The final wall between the two of you.
Your fingers paused, brushing the coarse hair on his pubic bone. “...can I?”
Dex didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded.
You pulled the briefs down slowly, and Dex had to steady himself with against you. His cock sprang free, veined and girthy, and slapped against his stomach, head red and drooling with precum just below his navel.
Your eyes bulged. “I don’t…I don’t think that’s going to fit.”
His whole body pulsed at your words. He knew he was…big. Solders had made jokes of it in locker rooms. He felt it. But he had never cared before. Now, he did. And he was going to make himself fit, one way or another.
Dex kicked the briefs the rest of the way down, and your hand wrapped back around him before he had a chance to prepare himself. Your fist moved up, thumb tracing the vein underneath the head, before it moved back down the silky shaft, all the way to the base, and then back up–
Quickly, he put his hand over yours. “I–you should probably stop.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t…I don’t think I’ll last,” he admitted sheepishly. “If you keep doing that.”
Your expression softened, which only made the humiliation worse.
“Oh,” you whispered, pressing your lips to his jaw. “That’s okay. We can go slow.”
Dex nodded weakly, and guided you back down onto the mattress with blood rushing in his ears. Your thighs opened once more, this time wrapping around his hips, heels pressing into the dimples of his back.
Slowly, shakily, he lowered himself down. The heat from your cunt was radiating. Only a few centimeters of air lay between your sexes. Only a few centimeters of air before he would be forever changed. A part of him would be inside you, and even after he left, even after you washed him from your skin, Dex would know the truth.
It had to be perfect.
Dex wrapped a trembling hand around himself and guided the sensitive head of his cock slowly to your entrance. The first touch made his whole body seize. You were so hot, so wet. He wasn’t going to last. He had to control himself.
Dex's eyes squeezed shut, face twisting. He needed to breathe. In…and out.
“...Dex?” you asked, breath hitching. You looked genuinely concerned. “Are you–”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine, I just–” What was he supposed to say? I’m about to lose my virginity? My life is going to be forever changed? For the first time in my life, I’m scared?
Dex roughly exhaled through his nose, then regrouped himself. It would be perfect. He brought his leaking head back to your pussy lips, dragging himself through your slick. The tip bumped your clit, and you moaned.
“I know, baby, I know,” he mumbled, though he didn’t know anything anymore.
Finally, Dex lined himself up with your entrance, jaw clenched so hard he thought it might shatter. The head of his cock pressed against you, and stars swam in his vision.
Dex could have researched, read, and studied all he wanted, but absolutely nothing could have prepared him for this.
He pushed forward, and the world ceased around him.
“Oh my God,” you whined as the head of his cock slipped inside you.
He barely had an inch of his cock in you, and already it was too much. Your cunt was tighter than he could have ever imagined, so much so that he started to think maybe you hadn’t been lying when you said he wasn’t going to fit.
Dex’s forehead, beaded with sweat, dropped to yours. He couldn’t think. Nothing existed anymore.
“You’re so…tight,” he panted. “I… I don’t think I can–”
“Please, Dex,” Your voice was shaking, your hips bucking like you could draw him deeper by sheer force. “Want you to fuck me. Want it so bad, Dex. Keep…keep going. Please.”
He obeyed. Dex pushed forward a little further, easing another inch of his cock into you. Your mouth fell open, brows pinching together as your nails dug into the muscles of his back.
It took every ounce of self-control he had to not give in to every primal instinct ingrained within him slam himself forward. He didn’t want to hurt you. Every inch, every shift, you would whimper, head tossing against the pillow while you adjusted. And Dex wanted to last. Patience, he reminded himself, teeth gritted. He would be patient with you.
Finally, after minutes of feeding you one inch after another while you whined and whimpered and begged for more, while Dex nearly bit his tongue off to keep from losing control, it was done.
One small thrust forward, and Dex bottomed out with a groan. He was buried deep inside you, the pulsing head of his cock brushing your cervix.
It didn’t feel real.
“I’m…I’m inside you.”
“OhmyfuckingGod,” you slurred, raising your head off the pillow to peer down at the obscene sight of him fully sheathed inside you, slick smeared across both your thighs, your bodies joined completely. With one trembling hand, you pressed below your navel. “I can feel you.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
In disbelief, Dex raised his hand and placed it over yours. There it was-- the long shape of him evident even under your skin. Him. Where he would live forever.
“P-please, Dex,” you dug your nails again into his back, dragging him back to reality. “Fuck me.”
He obeyed.
Dex drew his hips back an inch, terrified of leaving you completely, then pushed back in. Your head fell back onto the pillow, eyes closing in total ecstasy.
He eased himself out, a little further this time, then slowly back in. Again, then again. Again. Again. Again.
On one of his thrusts, Dex felt something spongy drag against the sensitive ridge near the head of his cock, and your eyes rolled back.
“Oooh, shit, Dex,” you whimpered, hands moving to claw at his shoulders. “Dex, right there, again, again, please…”
Dex braced his forearm beside your head and angled his hips slightly until he felt that spongy muscle once more. Your moans were getting louder, more high-pitched, with every perfect thrust. Even like this, even with his body threatening to come apart too soon, Dex could still learn you.
You were close, he could tell. Dex slipped a hand between your bodies, the pad of his thumb finding the swollen pearl he already knew was key to your pleasure. At the same time, he dipped his head and captured one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking it between his lips and rolling his tongue over the tight bud. He rubbed tight circles over your clit, trying to match the rhythm of his hips, the rhythm of how you liked his tongue only minutes earlier.
“That’s– oh, God. It's so good. You’re gonna make me come again,” you gasped. “You’re gonna make me come–”
“Yeah? You’re gonna come on my cock?” He raised his eyes, releasing your breast from his mouth with a soft pop. His voice was strangled, panicked and relieved at the same time. For the first time in his life, it was Dex’s turn to command. “Come for me.”
Your body began to convulse, back arching off the mattress, muscles of your perfect cunt clamping down around him so tightly his vision went white at the edges. It was like all language had left you, and the only thing you still knew was his name.
“Fuck,” he groaned, thrusts becoming uneven as the erratic spasms of your pussy pulled him deeper, dragging him closer to the edge. His body was winding up, the coil in his gut bracing for what he now knew was inevitable. Dex wasn’t going to last. It was too perfect. You were too perfect. “I’m close, I’m–”
Your hand shot from his shoulder to the back of his neck, dragging his face down closer to yours. Even with tears brimming at your lower lids, your eyes were clear. Focused.
“Come in me, Dex,” you whispered, world narrowing to only the slap of flesh against flesh and your hushed voice. “Do it.”
Your final wish, your final command. It was over. Every practiced act of self-restraint, of control, of trying to restrain himself, had vanished.
His hips stuttered as he tried to bury himself deeper into your organs, deep enough to leave an imprint. His mind had gone blank, feral. Dex grabbed at your chin, squishing your face between his fingers because he needed you. Needed to see you. Needed you to know.
“I love you.”
With his final utterance, the only truth he could ever fully tell you, Dex came.
His hips pushed forward, shuddering as he spilled his seed into you. He couldn’t stop the words.
“I love you,” Dex gasped again, grip tightening on your face. He couldn’t stop coming, couldn’t stop saying it, couldn’t stop the truth from pouring out of him and into you. “I love you, I love you, I– fuck–”
He collapsed onto you.
In…and out.
Dex smelled your shampoo, your sweat.
In…and out.
He felt the cool cotton of your twisted sheets, your sweat-slick breasts against his chest. His cock still twitching inside you, the warmth of his release beginning to leak out around him in a pearly track.
In…and out.
In…and…
With sudden clarity, he remembered all that he said.
Fuck.
Dex’s eyes shot open. He scrambled backwards on the bed, his softening cock slipping out of you as panic tore through him.
“I’m– I don’t know why I said that, I–” His heart rate was beginning to climb frantically, splotches of red blooming on his chest. He dragged a shaking hand down his face. “Fuck, I’m…I’m so sorry, I just–”
You followed after him, pushing yourself up on the bed from where you lay, limbs heavy and still shivering.
“Hey, hey. Dex,” You took his face in your hands, thumbs smoothing across his cheekbones. Soothing him. “Dex, it’s okay. Look at me.”
Eyes bleary with tears, he met your gaze. He fucked it up. He hadn’t done what he practiced. He was too eager. Too quick. Too honest. Too himself. It would be over now. You would send him out of your room, laugh at him, do what everyone else had done to him his whole life and abandon him.
There was no point in continuing if you did that. No purpose for Dex. No point in living if you weren’t his North Star.
He would end it all.
“Dex,” you said his name again. Dex managed to blink the hot tears from his eyes, and he saw you clearly. You were…smiling.
“It’s okay,” you whispered, voice soft and sweet. “I feel the same.”
He stilled.
Did you– no. No, surely he hadn’t heard you correctly. Surely the blood was still rushing throughout his body so loudly that he misunderstood.
“I…I don’t…” He stumbled over his words, throat tight. “What?”
Your smile grew wider. The same smile you gave him when he first opened his apartment door and found you standing there. The same smile that made him feel like his eyes had finally opened for the first time in his life.
“I love you, too, Dex.”
His breath, which he hadn’t realized he had been holding, left him in a shaky exhale. You loved him. You wanted him. You needed him. You felt what he had been feeling this entire time.
Your thumbs moved on his cheeks again, this time wiping away tears Dex hadn’t realized had fallen.
“I know it’s early,” You paused, and then laughed softly, like you couldn’t believe what you were saying. “It’s probably insane. And maybe it’s partially the life-changing orgasm still talking, but…”
You bit your lip bashfully, but looked deep into his eyes. “I mean it. Seriously. I care about you, and I just… I like what we have.”
Dex opened his mouth, but no sound came out. You seemed to understand anyway.
You pressed one tired, affectionate kiss to his cheek, then two to his lips, before patting his chest. “So…stop freaking out and get back into the bed so we can sleep, okay? And hopefully I can still walk in the morning.”
Dex tried to laugh. The two of you moved clumsily back beneath the sheets, bodies sticky with sex. You turned onto your side, snuggling into him and guiding his arm around your waist. You placed one last kiss to his chest, just above his heart, and closed your eyes with a sigh.
The room fell into silence.
You loved him.
Dex had been in this room so many times before, had seen the moonlight move slowly over your sleeping face with every hour that he watched over you. He had often wondered what it would feel like to finally cross the distance between you, to climb under the covers. To hold you.
Now, he was finally here.
Dex’s hand crawled from your waist to splay over your ribcage, feeling your breath begin to even out.
In…and out.
The rhythm that had once belonged to him had transferred to you.
He didn’t know what he had done to deserve this. Dex had lied, he had murdered, he had felt nothing but emptiness in spaces he should feel empathy. He had spent years convincing himself there was nothing in him but flesh and bones. No soul. Nothing worthy of mercy.
And yet, here you were. Holding onto him, sleeping like you trusted him…because you did. More than that, even. You loved him.
Dex would do whatever he could to keep you. Nothing would take you from him. Even if the world separated you, he would remain in your life. You would never be rid of him. Ever.
He closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to your shoulder. His hand drifted from your chest to rest over your belly.
life… changed…. My life is changed forever…….. reading this in the darkest setting in my phone at the Cracker Barrel…. But I should have turned it up… they deserve to read it too….
summary: dex finally gives you all of him. every. single. inch.
pairing: benjamin poindexter x f!reader
content/warnings: 18+ (mdni), SMUT!! with feelings, unprotected p in v sex, cunnilingus, loss of virginity, finishing inside, multiple orgasms, mentions of daredevil, suicidal ideation (brief but multiple mentions), technically reproductive coercion, manipulation, stalking, delusional dex as usual, some fluff <3
word count: 8.6k (...guys...i'm tired lol)
A/N: well...it's finally here. hope y'all enjoy because i certainly enjoyed writing it. also, housekeeping note-- you may notice that the next chapter won't be published until 7/10. mr. roxxmo and i are taking a nice long vacation! hoping i can get something to you before then, but we'll be back to regularly scheduled programming once home and i'll try and get around to asks while i'm out. thank you as always for the love on this whole series, i've had such a good time writing it and seeing that you guys love this absolute pathetic freak of a man as much as i do makes me all warm inside :)
divider by: @uzmacchiato
← previous chapter
MASTERLIST
next chapter → (COMING 7/10)
Dex was doing well.
“Well”, by his standards, at least.
Being your boyfriend gave him purpose. “Boyfriend” was a loose term, admittedly– you hadn’t called him that specifically, and you had only been seeing each other for a month. To Dex, the word felt too small for what you were, anyways. “Soulmate” was probably closer. Still, “boyfriend” seemed like the most socially acceptable term and Dex was trying very hard to be socially acceptable for you.
There was structure in it. Just like the FBI, or the Army before that. A role to fill, a routine to follow.
His life finally, finally had purpose. And because of that, everything felt better. Dex was sleeping more. He was eating better. At the field office, he was sharper, less prone to that constricting feeling in his ribcage when too many things were happening at once. He could talk to other agents and remember what his face was supposed to be doing. The old Mercer cassette tapes and headphones that used to anchor him were collecting dust in the drawer of his coffee table. He didn’t need them anymore, because he had something better.
You.
After your first date, Dex committed himself to becoming the perfect partner. Like all things he excelled at, he approached it with an alarming amount of discipline and research. Advice columns, psychology blogs, old nineties rom-coms, classic romantic novels– he consumed every piece of information he could get his hands on to learn how he could make you stay.
The morning after your first date, he had caught you (as usual) in the elevator. You had shyly given him your number, like you didn’t give him the most transcendental moment of his life the night before by kissing him outside apartment 416. Like Dex hadn’t been on his way to the jewelry store on 12th Street to buy you a diamond ring and claim you forever.
“Maybe we can go out again?” you had asked quietly, batting your eyelashes as you finished typing your number into his embarrassingly empty contacts and handed his phone back. Maybe? Dex would’ve thrown himself off the roof if you didn’t go out with him again.
“Yeah,” he stuttered. “Of course. I mean– definitely."
He already had your number memorized, of course. Alongside a plethora of other information, including your social security number. But you giving it to him willingly? Dex still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around it. Then again, he couldn’t comprehend most things about you. How kind you were, how perfect you were, how beautiful you were, how real you were. What remained most incomprehensible, however, was the fact that you seemed to want him, too.
Dex did whatever he could to keep you wanting him. He read online that women liked good morning texts, so he texted you good morning. He learned that they liked compliments, but didn't want to be overwhelmed by them or for them to be insincere, so he chose carefully. He complimented your hair if you wore it differently, or told you he liked your earrings, or the color of a dress or skirt you wore. Specific compliments were better, he had learned, because they show attentiveness. Dex was nothing but attentive.
He knew that women liked it when men took initiative, too, so he planned your next dates and told you what time he would pick you up from across the hall. You liked that. You especially seemed to like when he paid for the dates, even though you would pretend to argue with him about it.
“Dex, seriously,” you had attempted to complain on your third date. Dex had seen you post on your Instagram about wanting to see a new sci-fi movie that had just come out, so he suggested it as nonchalantly as he could possibly manage two days later.
You both stood at the box office, and Dex was pulling out his wallet while you frowned at him. “You paid for dinner the first time, then coffee on our last date. I seriously can’t let you pay for this. My friends are going to start saying you’re my sugar daddy.”
Dex didn’t know what a “sugar daddy” was. He looked it up afterwards; shouldn’t a man want to pay for everything a woman needed if he loved her? Wasn’t that the point? To make sure she never had to ask anyone else for anything? To make sure she never needed anyone else?
He only shrugged and swiped his card. “It’s no problem. I like taking you out.”
Your only response was to roll your eyes and thread your fingers through his as you walked towards the theater.
There were things about being a good partner that were harder for him, though. The first was trying to appear less eager than he actually was. On the same relationship forum where Dex had read about the good morning texts, he also learned that he shouldn’t respond too quickly. That was easier said than done. Sometimes, after hearing his phone ping with a message from you, he would have to literally set a timer to keep himself from answering. Fifteen minutes, usually. Enough time to seem attentive. Enough time to seem like he was doing something other than waiting pathetically by his phone, pacing until the timer went off.
The worst was the ring. Dex had bought it the morning after your first date. A perfectly symmetrical two-carat diamond perched delicately atop a thin gold band. Beautiful. Permanent. The black velvet ring box sat in the coffee table drawer next to the old Mercer tapes, both of them untouched. He would’ve proposed that very morning. He wanted to, desperately. And if God had any mercy on his mottled soul and you said yes, he would’ve marched you straight to city hall and made it official right then and there.
Apparently, though, it was not considered “socially acceptable” to propose after the first date. That was “too soon”. Dex disagreed. Because what was “too soon”, really? Your relationship? To Dex, whatever the two of you had did not start when you asked him to dinner in the lobby that fateful morning. It began when he opened the door to you holding that frog-colored plate of chocolate chip cookies. Or maybe, it began before that. Maybe it began when you moved into apartment 416 and rearranged his mundane, miserable, structured world. Maybe it was before then, too. Maybe you both had always been connected, somehow, someway.
So, Dex told himself he would wait. But as much discipline as he had, Dex knew that when it came to you, he wouldn’t be able to wait forever.
Physical intimacy between the two of you was a whole different matter. The two of you had kissed since that first night. Several times, in fact. Sometimes outside your apartment door after a night out, inside the elevator in the morning, on street corners after dinner when you looked at him with your lips stained from whatever bottle of wine you two had shared. Sometimes the kisses were quick and sweet. Sometimes, they were not.
Sometimes you would lean into Dex until your breasts were pressed against his chest, your fingers curling into the edge of his shirt collar while his hands spanned the small of your back and dipped lower and lower until they met soft flesh, and Dex would have to remind himself of every single discussion thread he had read about patience. About not pressuring a woman, even though every single fiber of his being was made from pulverizing pressure.
He tried his best to wait for you.
But tonight, Dex knew it would be different.
Dinner had gone well, as it usually did these days. You laughed whenever he attempted a joke, complained about lesson plans, asked about the field office even though Dex would have much preferred to talk about you, and, after your second glass of wine, you spent the entirety of the meal staring at his mouth like you thought he wouldn’t notice. Dex noticed everything.
By the time you both stood outside your apartment door, he could feel the shift. You had been quieter on the walk home, holding his hand tighter than usual, your hand squeezing him again and again like you were trying to work up the nerve to say something.
His pulse had steadied into something strong and restless as he watched you fish your keys out of your purse. You unlocked the door, and then paused with your hand on the knob.
You looked at him. “Do you…want to come in?”
Dex had been in your apartment before. Many times, though you didn’t know it, of course. As a matter of fact, he had been inside it only nineteen hours ago, sitting in his favorite chair in the corner of your room as he watched you softly snore.
But beyond your request for him to water the fern in your living room, never had he been invited in.
Dex felt his mouth go dry. “Yeah. I’d love to.”
You stepped to the side and let him in.
When the door closed behind Dex, he realized how different it felt to be inside your apartment as a wanted guest. Everything felt warmer, softer this way. From the lamps by your couch to the scent of the vanilla candle you kept by the stove, it was like Dex had all the pieces to the puzzle of your life spread before him, arranged perfectly, but only on your invitation had he been able to connect them and see the whole picture. And the whole picture was even better than he imagined, because he was in it.
You brushed by him, toeing off your heels as you stepped into the kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink? Water? Wine?”
Dex suddenly didn’t know what to do with his hands as he followed you into the kitchen he had paced so many times before. He shoved them in his pockets. “Uh, wine is fine.”
“Would you get the glasses?” you asked, opening your fridge and peering inside. “They’re in the–”
Before you could finish speaking, Dex was already opening the cabinet above your sink. The one with the wine glasses. You blinked at him, bottle of Pinot Grigio in hand.
“Oh. You found them.”
Dex froze with his hand around the stem of a glass. Fuck. “I…I keep mine there, too.”
You raised an eyebrow.
Fucking fuck. He tried for an easy side smile and hoped it landed. “FBI intuition, I guess.”
For one horrible second, you only stared at him. Then you giggled. It worked.
“I guess I should be careful dating an agent,” you teased as you took the glass from him and poured wine into it. “I’m never going to be able to hide anything from you.”
Dex laughed. You were right.
Wine poured, you nodded towards the soft velvet couch in the living room. “Shall we?”
“We shall.”
Dex walked behind you and tried not to stare at the bare line of your calves under your dress as you settled onto the couch and tucked a leg under yourself. Stiffly, he sat beside you at what he believed was an appropriate amount of space between your bodies. You looked at the space with what seemed like annoyance, then at him, and shifted closer until your knee brushed his thigh. Dex took a long sip of wine and hoped his face was arranged normally.
You fidgeted with the stem of your glass, eyes moving from his face to the dark television screen across the room. Dex realized you were nervous.
“Do you, um–” you gestured towards the screen. “Should we put something on?”
“Sure,” Dex said, though he had no idea how he was supposed to watch anything when you were sitting close enough for him to feel the heat radiating off your body. Close enough to smell that intoxicating citrus shampoo. The same kind he had bought for his own shower.
You grabbed the remote from the coffee table and clicked the TV on.
“...and in Hell’s Kitchen tonight, locals are reporting new sightings of a masked vigilante some are claiming may be Daredevil–”
You frowned as the grainy news broadcast footage showed a blurry, dark shape on a rooftop. “I thought that guy was dead.”
Dex’s eye twitched as he watched the screen. “Even if he is, there’s always going to be some idiot trying to copy him. Half of the shit he does is illegal but because he’s wearing a mask, everyone thinks he’s a hero.”
You raised an eyebrow and flipped the channel. “I didn’t know you had such strong feelings about him.”
“It’s just…” Dex paused. For some reason, the conversation made his skin feel tight. He didn’t know why. “Guys at the field office complain about it a lot. People like him make our jobs a lot harder.”
“Hmm.” You changed the channel again until you landed on some mindless standup comedy special. “Hopefully the FBI doesn’t have strong feelings about comedians, too.”
Dex huffed out something close to a laugh because that felt like the right response, and felt you ease yourself into his side. The laugh track filled the room but he didn’t register a single joke. All he could hear was your breathing. Dex watched as you took a sip from your wine glass, the tip of your tongue darting out to catch a stray droplet on your lip. He couldn’t stop staring.
Surely, the heat of his gaze had bored into the side of your face, and finally you tipped your head up to look at him. The blue light from the screen moved softly over your face, catching on the little crease between your brows.
“I can feel you staring, you know.”
Dex felt like a hand was around his throat. “I am.”
Your voice had gone hushed when you spoke again. “Why?”
There were hundreds of answers Dex could’ve given you. Because I love you. Because I’ve been watching you sleep every night for the last two months. Because I never stop thinking about you. Because there’s a ring waiting for you just across the hall. Because I wish I could crawl into your skin and live with you forever. Because you belong to me.
All were the truth, but each answer felt too big. Instead, he gave you a small amount of honesty, though it was the most genuine Dex had ever been with you.
“I just…I can’t believe you’re real.”
The crease between your brows smoothed as your expression changed. Your eyes darted away, and then came back to meet his. “Well, last time I checked… I’m real.”
“I know you are.”
You looked at him for another moment, like you were trying to decide whether he was joking. He wasn’t. Slowly, like you were trying not to startle a skittish animal, you leaned forward and set your wine glass on the coffee table. Then you settled back on the couch, but this time your body was twisted to face him. Your hand came to rest against his chest, right over his thumping heart.
“I’m…not always good at this stuff, but– I really like you, Dex,” you whispered.
Something inside him shattered. All at once, the discipline in him– the articles, the forums, all the research into how to be a man you stayed with– left him. Every breath scraped like sandpaper through his ribs. Every organ was twisting in on itself until the only thing that would make the ache stop was touching you.
This time, though, he didn’t want to wait. He couldn’t wait.
So, Dex touched you.
His mouth crashed onto yours, all urgency and need and no hesitation. You moaned against him, lips parting so his tongue could slip inside to meet yours. Dex could taste the white wine clearly, like he was drinking it straight from you, licking it off the enamel of your teeth. Your hand had migrated from over his rapidly swelling heart to the side of his neck, fingers sliding into the coarse blond hair on the nape of his neck. He wanted you to pull it, to yank it out of his scalp. But in order to ask you to do that you would have to stop kissing him, and Dex couldn’t risk that.
Grabbing the soft flesh at your waist, he pulled you until both of your legs framed his hips and you straddled him on the couch. As you settled over his crotch and let your weight sink onto him, Dex suddenly understood with terrifying clarity that tonight would be different from the sweet little kisses you two had shared before. He would finally, finally have you. He would have something no one else had ever taken from him and give it to the only person he had ever wanted to receive it: you.
And in return, you would give yourself to him. No matter what happened after tonight, you would never be able to rid yourself of the proof that he had been here.
Dex would give his virginity to you.
“Dex,” your breathless whine brought him out of his stupor. In his haze, he had moved his mouth from your lips to your collarbone, sucking and biting hard enough he knew with all prideful certainty it would leave marks the next morning. “Can you…please…”
He felt you grind your clothed cunt helplessly against the tent that had formed against his jeans. Dex was already so hard, so aching, he felt like any movement from you would send him over the edge. He stilled your moving hips with his grip.
“What?” His lips ghosted over where your shoulder met your neck. “What do you need?”
Dex would do anything for you. You should’ve known that.
Your face was flushed. You dipped your head down so your lips skimmed the shell of his ear. “My room. Take me there.”
Dex stood immediately. One arm around your back and the other under your ass, he lifted you like you weighed nothing. Your mouth was already on him again, pressing desperate, open-mouthed kisses to his jaw, his cheek, the crinkle of his eye, any patch of skin you could find.
You didn’t tell him where to go, because he didn’t need you to. Still holding your writhing form against him, Dex moved down the short hallway, past the framed photos of your life before him, past the bathroom door, straight to your bedroom– the same path he had taken silently in the dark more times than he could count.
You were too busy acting like a bitch in heat to notice.
Dex nudged the bedroom door open with his shoulder and stepped inside. Your room was the same as it had been nineteen hours before. But never had he allowed himself to fully, truly imagine it in the light of all that was to happen. With a single invitation, the room had mutated. No longer was it a sanctuary; it was an altar.
Reverently, Dex lowered you onto your mattress, holding himself up above you on his hands. You stared up under him, hair spread wildly against the pillow, mouth swollen and red from him. You were more beautiful than anything he had ever thought possible.
Both of your hands came to frame his face and he nuzzled into your touch like a neglected animal.
“Maybe this is embarrassing to admit, but– I’ve thought about this before,” you murmured, tracing your fingers across his brow bone. “I’ve thought about it so much.”
Dex could feel his breathing go ragged. He wanted to die. He buried his face into the crook of your neck.
“W-what…what did you think about?” he asked shakily, voice muffled against you. Dex knew what you were going to say and still didn’t know if he could survive hearing it aloud.
Your fingers carded back into his hair. “... What you would feel like. On me. In me.”
He could only groan in response. You tugged on him, ever so slightly but enough it stung so fucking good, guiding his face back to yours. Dex followed helplessly, mouth finding you again, sloppy and uncoordinated before he forced himself to slow down.
Your hands slipped from his hair to your dress, fingers searching blindly for the zipper at your side. Instinctively, Dex caught your wrist before you could find it.
You pulled back from his mouth, confusion flickering through your wild eyes.
Dex stared at your smaller hand in his, then at your dress clinging to your body like a second skin. His voice was thin when he finally managed to speak.
“...can I?”
Your expression softened for just a second before a flash of something he hadn’t seen before passed. “Can you…what?”
He wanted to light himself on fire. “T-take it off. Of you.”
You waited patiently. He wanted to light himself on fire and then stab himself.
His fingers scrambled for the zipper, fumbling with it because he couldn’t stop shaking. Finally, he caught it, and moved it down the track, each tooth giving way, inch by inch by tortuous inch.
Dex watched the fabric loosen around you, watched as the dress began to fall open beneath his hands. Finally, it was loose enough he could pull the straps down off your shoulder, then down, down, down until it bunched at your hips. You lifted them, and Dex slid the dress the rest of the way off and tossed it somewhere behind him, forgotten before it hit the floor. Only then did he allow himself to sit back on his heels and look at you fully.
Like a figure from a painting, you lay back on the pillow, arms twitching at your sides like you couldn’t decide if you wanted to cover yourself or let him see you. Your bare breasts rose and fell with each breath, full and soft with peaked nipples beginning to stiffen in the cool air. Dex forced his eyes down, over the dip of your sternum, the softness of your stomach, and lower still. There was still one barrier between you– a pair of lace panties the color of the morning sky. He knew them. He had seen them folded neatly in your drawers before, had skimmed his hand over the fabric. He always wondered what it would be like to feel them warm and damp from your arousal, or to smell your scent on them, or to taste you through them. To be honest, he had thought about taking them with him many times. But now, Dex was glad he didn’t. Because no stolen relic would be able to come anywhere close to the honor of doing what he was about to do.
A sound more animal than human left him, and instinct forced him to lean down, hands opening your thighs. Before you could even register what was happening, he placed a kiss on your clothed cunt.
“Ooh, shit–” you gasped, hips bucking against him.
Dex did it again, sloppier this time, needier. Like he was thanking you. Each kiss wetting the fabric, each kiss a gesture. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
You were close to trembling as you put your hands on each side of his face, practically having to pull him back.
“Dex, please…” your eyes met his, nearly black with want. “No more teasing. Take them off, now.”
A command. He was familiar with them. Words barked across a firing range, across a battlefield, across a rooftop with his scope trained on a life he was about to end with one clean pull of the trigger. But never had Dex wanted to obey an order as badly as this one.
His hands moved from holding your thighs open to slipping under the band of lace. Once he slid that final piece of fabric off you, there was no more script. Technically, he knew what happened next. Dex was a man and had seen what men like to see; he wasn’t a prude and he certainly wasn’t stupid. He had been in the Army, for fuck’s sake. He had been there when men opened their phones in the barracks and played videos of women pretending to find pleasure beneath men with comedically long penises. He had watched them pass around half-naked pictures of girls back home and brag about what they could do with their mouths.
Dex knew where to put his hands, his fingers, his tongue, his cock. But knowing how to do something isn’t the same as wanting to do it. Dex had never had the desire. What was the point of doing any of that to someone he didn’t care about? What was the point of pushing himself inside a body that meant nothing to him? A body that wasn’t yours? A body that didn’t belong to his North Star? Maybe that’s why he waited all this time– because in his whole thirty-three years on this planet, you were the only person who had ever made desire feel like it was worth obeying.
Dex hooked his fingers beneath the lace and pulled. He tried to be slow, but the starving, caged animal in him was screaming at him to just rip them off, bury his face in your cunt, and finally learn if you tasted the way you smelled: sweet and oh-so human. But his hands shook too badly for that, so he watched in agony as the lace made its slow descent down the curve of your hips. Dex eased the panties down your thighs, over your knees, past your calves, until they slipped free around your ankles and landed in his hand.
You whispered his name.
He looked up, and you were bare. Completely. Your flushed thighs had fallen back open, exposing your wet, swollen pussy to him, the soft curls between your legs damp and glistening with arousal.
Dex wanted to cry. Instead, he dipped his head back to you and brushed his nose against the soft crease where your thigh met your pelvis. He inhaled deeply, letting the heady musk of you infiltrate his senses, and groaned aloud.
Maybe he should’ve felt humiliated, scenting you like a dog. But this was the holiest experience he had ever had. His lips pressed a gentle kiss to your inner thigh. Then again, higher. Then another. Until finally, his lips hovered over the swollen nub at the top of your cunt.
The tip of his tongue darted out, placing a careful lick directly to your clit.
“Fuck!” you cried out, hand flying over to cover your eyes like you couldn’t bear it.
Dex did it again, and then again. And then again, and again, and again, until your hand had moved from over your eyes to clutch at his hair. Dex lifted his gaze to see your eyes rolling into the back of your head, the whites of them showing like you had become possessed.
He didn’t know if he was doing it right. Dex knew how to study, though, and how to become accurate. He had built his life around noticing and correcting until he found that exact target. He could execute. Dex could, would do the same for you.
He moved from those small, careful licks to longer ones, slowly dragging his tongue from your dripping entrance to the sensitive bundle of nerves above it. Softer, then faster. Slower, then with more pressure. Adjusting, correcting, narrowing in. He learned what you liked. Your moans became louder when he circled your clit with the edge of his tongue, so he did that. Your thighs trembled when he sealed his mouth over you and hummed, so he did that. Your body spoke, and Dex listened.
“Oh my– Jesus fucking Christ, Dex,” you gasped. Your moans had become garbled and near incoherent at this point.
He lifted his gaze again and met your eyes as he continued drawing tight, slow circles over your swollen clit. Your face was twisted in what could only be described as pleasure and agony, mouth open, brows pinched, tits heaving with every labored breath. Dex couldn’t look away.
“Mmm… I’m gonna–” your thighs tightened around his face, trembling against his ears. “Fuck, how are you doing that?”
He only hummed in response, and your back arched off the mattress.
“Dex,” you cried, hand fisting at his hair, pulling so hard it sent a shock through him. “Please, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna– oooh, fuck–”
Dex felt your cunt pulse underneath his tongue, your whole body spasming as you came with a broken sob. He held you still through it, mouth never stopping as much as you seized. He tried to watch you as much as he could to memorize this very moment, the trembling in your muscles, your eyes fluttering, the shape your mouth made as his name left it over and over.
Dex, Dex, Dex.
He could have stayed, face buried into your pussy, for days. Weeks. Months, even. Hell, Dex would have happily died of suffocation if it meant never having to take his mouth off of your still-convulsing cunt.
You, though, did not seem ready to kill him yet. Oversensitive and still twitching with aftershocks, you pried his pussy-drunk face away from you with trembling hands until he reluctantly released your cunt from the suction of his mouth. He kissed a trail back up your body, stopping to press his mouth in a grateful kiss to each peak of your breasts before finally reaching your mouth again. The second your lips met, you let out a quiet gasp at the taste of yourself on his tongue.
“Dex,” you mewled against his lips. Your breath was still shallow, though the fact that he kept sucking softly at your lower lip probably did very little to help you recover. “I think that was…shit. That was definitely the best orgasm I’ve had. Like, in my entire life. Where the fuck did you learn that?”
Dex paused only briefly, his hand stopping on its way from your waist to paw at the soft flesh of your tit. “I, uh– practice. And I pay attention. I guess.”
Apparently, you found that answer sufficient, because you gave only a girlish giggle and pulled him back down into another kiss. Your hand moved from his jaw to the cords of his neck, then lower still, over his chest, his stomach, until your fingers paused at his belt.
“Hmm,” you looped one finger through the leather. “I think we’re a little unbalanced here.”
You were right. You were bare, as naked as the day you entered this world and were bound to him. Dex, hovering above you, was still fully clothed from head to toe.
You tugged once at the belt. “Off.”
Another command he was more than happy to oblige. He sat back on his heels, first wiping the mess of your arousal off his chin before grabbing the bottom of his shirt and pulling it over his head before tossing it to join your dress on the floor. You sucked in a quiet intake of breath at that, though Dex wasn’t sure exactly why.
His hands moved to his buckle, and Dex could feel your eyes on him as he worked the leather free. They were everywhere, the dusting of dirty blond hair on his pectorals, the trail of darker hair that extended from his stomach to disappear beneath the waistband of his jeans. It felt like you were cataloging every single piece of him.
Dex shoved his jeans down his hips, kicking them off once they pooled around his ankles.
It should have made him nervous. Dex had spent his whole life finding ways to hide, behind roles, structures, masks, anything to avoid truly being seen. But this didn’t feel like exposure. It felt like…recognition. Like his body was already yours. A part of you. You two were equal, but opposite. The same soul in different skins.
His North Star.
The thought alone made his cock throb.
As if you sensed it, your eyes dropped to the bulge beneath his black briefs, and your lips parted into a small “o”. He was so hard it hurt, the fabric stretched tight. Dex had been hard because of you before. Alone in his apartment, the blue light of his laptop illuminating the screen that showed a smiling picture of you stolen from one of your social media accounts. In the shower, sniffing the exact citrus shampoo he had bought after finding the bottle in your bathroom. Sitting in this very bedroom, watching you toss and turn under the covers.
But never had he touched himself to you.
Dex wasn’t a saint, obviously. He would lay there, every fiber of his being aching for some sort, any sort of relief to the coil building low in his gut. He could never do it, though. Every time his hand would hover lower, even graze his pulsing member, a wave of disgust would come over him so strongly it forced his hand back. It would have been…false. Blasphemous. Like kicking dirt over an act of salvation.
He saved himself for this exact moment. Once he took off his briefs there was absolutely no going back. There would be before, and then there would be after. Nothing in between.
You pushed yourself up, folding your knees underneath you, rising until you were level with him again. You put your hand on his chest, delicate fingers trailing across his chest, brushing his nipples, and then lower. His abdomen braced as you skimmed your fingertips past the hard ridges, until finally, you placed your palm over his cock.
He gasped your name, head dropping to your shoulder. He hadn’t touched himself in months. No one, no one had touched him like that. Ever.
Your hand moved again, fingers closing around him through the fabric, and his hips jerked forward before he could stop them. Dex was so far gone from the taste of you and the sight of you and the knowledge that you wanted him like he wanted you that the light pressure shot through him like a bullet.
Your face turned into his, lips slotting into each other again before Dex could collapse against you. It was slower than before, your tongue exploring his mouth like you had all the time in the world. Like he wasn’t seconds away from spurting ropes of cum into his briefs when you hadn’t even actually touched him yet.
Dex kissed you back desperately, one hand fisting your hair to hold you close, the other grabbing at your waist. He could feel your hardened nipples brushing against his chest, your hand stroking him softly. He was going to cum. Just from that.
“Wait.”
With what seemed like great effort, you pulled back from Dex’s mouth. A thin, translucent string of your mingled saliva followed you until it snapped, landing against your chin. Dex resisted the urge to lick it up. Your palm still cupped the twitching length of him through the fabric of his briefs.
“Do you…” Your eyes flicked briefly away from his. “Do you have…protection?”
Dex stared at you in silence. You huffed, though your cheeks were already beginning to burn. Were you…embarrassed? Even after all he just did to you? For you?
“What?” Dex asked. He knew what you meant.
“A condom. Do you…have one?”
Technically speaking, no. Not on him, at least. There was, however, a small box of unopened condoms under his bathroom sink. He bought it exactly four weeks ago, on the afternoon before your first date. Not the thought something was going to happen that night, obviously. But Dex was always, always prepared. He had thought maybe, eventually, something like this could happen. But now…it was happening. And the idea of something stopping this, something coming in between the two of you, it was unbearable. Disgusting, even.
After everything that had already kept him from you, after all the doors and walls and locks and rules that had made him stand on the other side, waiting and waiting and fucking waiting, did he really want another barrier?
Absolutely not.
Dex leaned in and placed a quick kiss to the corner of your mouth. “Uh, n-no. No, I don’t.”
You chewed on your lip, eyes darting down to where you still held him. You were considering something.
“I…I don’t think we have to use one, if you don’t want to,” you began slowly. “I’m on birth control.”
He knew that. Dex had found the little foil packet of pink pills in your bedside drawer weeks ago. He stared at it, and it stared back at him like it had a personal vendetta. That would be dealt with another time.
“And…I’m not seeing anyone else.”
Of course you weren’t. If you had been, Dex would’ve taken care of that, too. You wouldn’t need to worry yourself with the details.
You looked back up at him, eyes wide and cautious. “Unless…you’re seeing someone else?”
Dex felt genuinely offended. He would have rather disemboweled himself and let vultures pick at his organs than even think of someone other than you. He genuinely didn’t think he was physically capable of wanting anyone else.
“What? I– no, no, of course not,” he sputtered, his grip on your waist tightening before he could stop it. Did you think so low of him? “Do you think I am?”
You shook your head quickly. “Dex, no. I didn’t think you were. I just meant…obviously, it would be okay if you were, I just–”
“I’m not seeing anyone else. I won’t be seeing anyone else.” Just like you won’t be seeing anyone else, he wanted to add.
Something in his tone made you go quiet. After a few seconds, you blushed and nodded your head. “Okay. I believe you.”
You placed one tender kiss on his lips, as if that was the final confirmation you needed, and then slipped your hand into the band of his briefs.
This was it. The final wall between the two of you.
Your fingers paused, brushing the coarse hair on his pubic bone. “...can I?”
Dex didn’t trust his voice, so he nodded.
You pulled the briefs down slowly, and Dex had to steady himself with against you. His cock sprang free, veined and girthy, and slapped against his stomach, head red and drooling with precum just below his navel.
Your eyes bulged. “I don’t…I don’t think that’s going to fit.”
His whole body pulsed at your words. He knew he was…big. Solders had made jokes of it in locker rooms. He felt it. But he had never cared before. Now, he did. And he was going to make himself fit, one way or another.
Dex kicked the briefs the rest of the way down, and your hand wrapped back around him before he had a chance to prepare himself. Your fist moved up, thumb tracing the vein underneath the head, before it moved back down the silky shaft, all the way to the base, and then back up–
Quickly, he put his hand over yours. “I–you should probably stop.”
You raised an eyebrow.
“I don’t…I don’t think I’ll last,” he admitted sheepishly. “If you keep doing that.”
Your expression softened, which only made the humiliation worse.
“Oh,” you whispered, pressing your lips to his jaw. “That’s okay. We can go slow.”
Dex nodded weakly, and guided you back down onto the mattress with blood rushing in his ears. Your thighs opened once more, this time wrapping around his hips, heels pressing into the dimples of his back.
Slowly, shakily, he lowered himself down. The heat from your cunt was radiating. Only a few centimeters of air lay between your sexes. Only a few centimeters of air before he would be forever changed. A part of him would be inside you, and even after he left, even after you washed him from your skin, Dex would know the truth.
It had to be perfect.
Dex wrapped a trembling hand around himself and guided the sensitive head of his cock slowly to your entrance. The first touch made his whole body seize. You were so hot, so wet. He wasn’t going to last. He had to control himself.
Dex's eyes squeezed shut, face twisting. He needed to breathe. In…and out.
“...Dex?” you asked, breath hitching. You looked genuinely concerned. “Are you–”
“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine, I just–” What was he supposed to say? I’m about to lose my virginity? My life is going to be forever changed? For the first time in my life, I’m scared?
Dex roughly exhaled through his nose, then regrouped himself. It would be perfect. He brought his leaking head back to your pussy lips, dragging himself through your slick. The tip bumped your clit, and you moaned.
“I know, baby, I know,” he mumbled, though he didn’t know anything anymore.
Finally, Dex lined himself up with your entrance, jaw clenched so hard he thought it might shatter. The head of his cock pressed against you, and stars swam in his vision.
Dex could have researched, read, and studied all he wanted, but absolutely nothing could have prepared him for this.
He pushed forward, and the world ceased around him.
“Oh my God,” you whined as the head of his cock slipped inside you.
He barely had an inch of his cock in you, and already it was too much. Your cunt was tighter than he could have ever imagined, so much so that he started to think maybe you hadn’t been lying when you said he wasn’t going to fit.
Dex’s forehead, beaded with sweat, dropped to yours. He couldn’t think. Nothing existed anymore.
“You’re so…tight,” he panted. “I… I don’t think I can–”
“Please, Dex,” Your voice was shaking, your hips bucking like you could draw him deeper by sheer force. “Want you to fuck me. Want it so bad, Dex. Keep…keep going. Please.”
He obeyed. Dex pushed forward a little further, easing another inch of his cock into you. Your mouth fell open, brows pinching together as your nails dug into the muscles of his back.
It took every ounce of self-control he had to not give in to every primal instinct ingrained within him slam himself forward. He didn’t want to hurt you. Every inch, every shift, you would whimper, head tossing against the pillow while you adjusted. And Dex wanted to last. Patience, he reminded himself, teeth gritted. He would be patient with you.
Finally, after minutes of feeding you one inch after another while you whined and whimpered and begged for more, while Dex nearly bit his tongue off to keep from losing control, it was done.
One small thrust forward, and Dex bottomed out with a groan. He was buried deep inside you, the pulsing head of his cock brushing your cervix.
It didn’t feel real.
“I’m…I’m inside you.”
“OhmyfuckingGod,” you slurred, raising your head off the pillow to peer down at the obscene sight of him fully sheathed inside you, slick smeared across both your thighs, your bodies joined completely. With one trembling hand, you pressed below your navel. “I can feel you.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
In disbelief, Dex raised his hand and placed it over yours. There it was-- the long shape of him evident even under your skin. Him. Where he would live forever.
“P-please, Dex,” you dug your nails again into his back, dragging him back to reality. “Fuck me.”
He obeyed.
Dex drew his hips back an inch, terrified of leaving you completely, then pushed back in. Your head fell back onto the pillow, eyes closing in total ecstasy.
He eased himself out, a little further this time, then slowly back in. Again, then again. Again. Again. Again.
On one of his thrusts, Dex felt something spongy drag against the sensitive ridge near the head of his cock, and your eyes rolled back.
“Oooh, shit, Dex,” you whimpered, hands moving to claw at his shoulders. “Dex, right there, again, again, please…”
Dex braced his forearm beside your head and angled his hips slightly until he felt that spongy muscle once more. Your moans were getting louder, more high-pitched, with every perfect thrust. Even like this, even with his body threatening to come apart too soon, Dex could still learn you.
You were close, he could tell. Dex slipped a hand between your bodies, the pad of his thumb finding the swollen pearl he already knew was key to your pleasure. At the same time, he dipped his head and captured one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking it between his lips and rolling his tongue over the tight bud. He rubbed tight circles over your clit, trying to match the rhythm of his hips, the rhythm of how you liked his tongue only minutes earlier.
“That’s– oh, God. It's so good. You’re gonna make me come again,” you gasped. “You’re gonna make me come–”
“Yeah? You’re gonna come on my cock?” He raised his eyes, releasing your breast from his mouth with a soft pop. His voice was strangled, panicked and relieved at the same time. For the first time in his life, it was Dex’s turn to command. “Come for me.”
Your body began to convulse, back arching off the mattress, muscles of your perfect cunt clamping down around him so tightly his vision went white at the edges. It was like all language had left you, and the only thing you still knew was his name.
“Fuck,” he groaned, thrusts becoming uneven as the erratic spasms of your pussy pulled him deeper, dragging him closer to the edge. His body was winding up, the coil in his gut bracing for what he now knew was inevitable. Dex wasn’t going to last. It was too perfect. You were too perfect. “I’m close, I’m–”
Your hand shot from his shoulder to the back of his neck, dragging his face down closer to yours. Even with tears brimming at your lower lids, your eyes were clear. Focused.
“Come in me, Dex,” you whispered, world narrowing to only the slap of flesh against flesh and your hushed voice. “Do it.”
Your final wish, your final command. It was over. Every practiced act of self-restraint, of control, of trying to restrain himself, had vanished.
His hips stuttered as he tried to bury himself deeper into your organs, deep enough to leave an imprint. His mind had gone blank, feral. Dex grabbed at your chin, squishing your face between his fingers because he needed you. Needed to see you. Needed you to know.
“I love you.”
With his final utterance, the only truth he could ever fully tell you, Dex came.
His hips pushed forward, shuddering as he spilled his seed into you. He couldn’t stop the words.
“I love you,” Dex gasped again, grip tightening on your face. He couldn’t stop coming, couldn’t stop saying it, couldn’t stop the truth from pouring out of him and into you. “I love you, I love you, I– fuck–”
He collapsed onto you.
In…and out.
Dex smelled your shampoo, your sweat.
In…and out.
He felt the cool cotton of your twisted sheets, your sweat-slick breasts against his chest. His cock still twitching inside you, the warmth of his release beginning to leak out around him in a pearly track.
In…and out.
In…and…
With sudden clarity, he remembered all that he said.
Fuck.
Dex’s eyes shot open. He scrambled backwards on the bed, his softening cock slipping out of you as panic tore through him.
“I’m– I don’t know why I said that, I–” His heart rate was beginning to climb frantically, splotches of red blooming on his chest. He dragged a shaking hand down his face. “Fuck, I’m…I’m so sorry, I just–”
You followed after him, pushing yourself up on the bed from where you lay, limbs heavy and still shivering.
“Hey, hey. Dex,” You took his face in your hands, thumbs smoothing across his cheekbones. Soothing him. “Dex, it’s okay. Look at me.”
Eyes bleary with tears, he met your gaze. He fucked it up. He hadn’t done what he practiced. He was too eager. Too quick. Too honest. Too himself. It would be over now. You would send him out of your room, laugh at him, do what everyone else had done to him his whole life and abandon him.
There was no point in continuing if you did that. No purpose for Dex. No point in living if you weren’t his North Star.
He would end it all.
“Dex,” you said his name again. Dex managed to blink the hot tears from his eyes, and he saw you clearly. You were…smiling.
“It’s okay,” you whispered, voice soft and sweet. “I feel the same.”
He stilled.
Did you– no. No, surely he hadn’t heard you correctly. Surely the blood was still rushing throughout his body so loudly that he misunderstood.
“I…I don’t…” He stumbled over his words, throat tight. “What?”
Your smile grew wider. The same smile you gave him when he first opened his apartment door and found you standing there. The same smile that made him feel like his eyes had finally opened for the first time in his life.
“I love you, too, Dex.”
His breath, which he hadn’t realized he had been holding, left him in a shaky exhale. You loved him. You wanted him. You needed him. You felt what he had been feeling this entire time.
Your thumbs moved on his cheeks again, this time wiping away tears Dex hadn’t realized had fallen.
“I know it’s early,” You paused, and then laughed softly, like you couldn’t believe what you were saying. “It’s probably insane. And maybe it’s partially the life-changing orgasm still talking, but…”
You bit your lip bashfully, but looked deep into his eyes. “I mean it. Seriously. I care about you, and I just… I like what we have.”
Dex opened his mouth, but no sound came out. You seemed to understand anyway.
You pressed one tired, affectionate kiss to his cheek, then two to his lips, before patting his chest. “So…stop freaking out and get back into the bed so we can sleep, okay? And hopefully I can still walk in the morning.”
Dex tried to laugh. The two of you moved clumsily back beneath the sheets, bodies sticky with sex. You turned onto your side, snuggling into him and guiding his arm around your waist. You placed one last kiss to his chest, just above his heart, and closed your eyes with a sigh.
The room fell into silence.
You loved him.
Dex had been in this room so many times before, had seen the moonlight move slowly over your sleeping face with every hour that he watched over you. He had often wondered what it would feel like to finally cross the distance between you, to climb under the covers. To hold you.
Now, he was finally here.
Dex’s hand crawled from your waist to splay over your ribcage, feeling your breath begin to even out.
In…and out.
The rhythm that had once belonged to him had transferred to you.
He didn’t know what he had done to deserve this. Dex had lied, he had murdered, he had felt nothing but emptiness in spaces he should feel empathy. He had spent years convincing himself there was nothing in him but flesh and bones. No soul. Nothing worthy of mercy.
And yet, here you were. Holding onto him, sleeping like you trusted him…because you did. More than that, even. You loved him.
Dex would do whatever he could to keep you. Nothing would take you from him. Even if the world separated you, he would remain in your life. You would never be rid of him. Ever.
He closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to your shoulder. His hand drifted from your chest to rest over your belly.
all of your friends hate dex btw. every time you go out with them you leave by 9 pm talking about “my boyfriend has a very strict bedtime routine and cannot fall asleep unless I’m lying next to him.” he’s in your phone every 15 minutes like it’s physical torture for him to not be the object of your attention for any length of time. he doesn’t even really speak to them, they just see him through his car windows as he drops you off and picks you up from outings. they’re in a group chat without you talking like they’re going to stage an intervention.
and even getting out of the house without him is an olympic feat. he sees you getting ready and starts hovering by the bathroom door with his palms sweating. he “jokes” about how you should just stay in with him because you don’t need anyone else anyway and you’re like “oh silly. these are my girl friends, you just don’t understand :)” and now he’s actually going to hyperventilate. the implication that they know things about you that he doesn’t makes him, uh. not well. he wishes they would all die in a car accident or something.
how it feels writing northstar!dex and he does something so absolutely pathetic i have an actual physical cringe reaction and have to step away from the keyboard to regroup
baratheonpilled
janainaart
origamiaround
discoholicmusic
turnnoffyourmind
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
izzy806
tangentwithtanner
