Speechless;

Hi there! I'm Roxy, I'm sixteen and I'm a Sophomore at St. Mary's Academy. I'm kind of in love with this amazing boy, and stuff, and I have a twin named Gemma. I love making friends, so don't be afraid to talk to me, okay?

[roxystanzel-xo]

Ugh, so much homework.

[nash-benson]

Excuse you. I may not be doing my homework but I do have great persuasive skills and in this day and age, they open up many more doors than a high school diploma ever will. We’ll do just fine, babe. You and me. 

[roxystanzel-xo]

You're very persuasive. In fact I'm putting my coat on right now to go to your room. Just my coat, if you get what I mean. 

I know we will. As long as I'm with you, I know everything will be fine. It always is.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Ugh, so much homework.

[nash-benson]

Knew you couldn’t resist me. Then maybe I could help you with your homework…? Just kidding. Everybody knows I never do homework.

[roxystanzel-xo]

You're going to flunk out, and I'm going to have to be alone for another year. I'll end up homeless and mugged because you failed school.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Ugh, so much homework.

[nash-benson]

That’s ridiculous. It’s Saturday night, are you insane?

[roxystanzel-xo]

True... See you're so tempting, Nashed Potatoes. Maybe I could.. Creep over for a quick calorie burn.

[roxystanzel-xo]

blake-rivers replied to your post:Ugh, so much homework.

Take a break and come to my room ;D

Aren't you in my sister's room Blakeyboo?

[roxystanzel-xo]

Ugh, so much homework.

[nash-benson]

How many times do I have to tell you that you’re beautiful until you start believing it? And hey, if you’re not dancing, I can definitely think of a couple things that could help us burn a few calories.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Don't tempt me. I have so much homework to do.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Ugh, so much homework.

I'm going to get so fat from skipping so many days at the studio.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Up until the age of twenty four, I had never felt beautiful. High School, and it's pressures, had really messed that up for me. After I went to some Anonymous meetings, and went to a rehabilitation center for a month, I could finally keep my food down. But I realized that I was skin and bone. I don't know how you managed to love me. I wouldn't have loved me. But you did, and you asked me to marry you. You looked terrified, as if I'd say no. As if I didn't love you, but I did, and I still do, and I cried because I was selfish and said yes, even though you were perfect, and I was a recovering mess, but I was selfish anyway, and I wish I could say I regret it, but I don't, and I don't think I ever will.

I have only ever felt beautiful, truly beautiful, once. It was May 28, 2020. It was the day that I went from Roxanne Cecilia Stanzel to Roxanne Cecilia Benson. I remember my heart racing as I walked towards the aisle. I was so nervous, and fidgety, and I felt like a bag of bones in my dress, and I'd never felt uglier than I did right in that moment. And then you came into view. You looked at me, and I swear I only saw you. The way you looked at me, like I was some gift, or a shrine... I've never felt more beautiful than that. It was that day that I truly looked at myself in the mirror, and for the first time in a long time thought, "I am beautiful." I never told you that, because I was afraid you'd get upset with me for downing myself in secret, but I have never felt ugly since then. Sometimes you'll look at me, when I'm washing dishes in our kitchen, or humming in the car, and I swear you get that look again, and it's like we're young all over again, and you're looking at me like I'm still young, and still beautiful, and it's those days that make me realize that I am beautiful, and maybe, at least to you, I always will be.

Roxy.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Dear Nash,

I'll never understand how our kids turned out blonde. Do you remember when they were newborns? Frankie had the darkest hair of all. I swear, I'll never understand. I was feeling sentimental, and I was going through the old photo albums up in the attic the other day. You, sir, are quite the liar, because you told me that you'd cleaned up the attic in February, but the place was a pen, and I will be having a serious discussion with you when you get home from work. 

Anyway, I was sneezing up all the attic dust when I came across this photo, and I instantly remembered. It was the day that you first held Francis Edward Benson. He was a little peanut. Seven pounds, one ounce. I know you love our girls. I know you love them individually, yet equally, but I'll never forget how you looked when you held our first son. Your first son. Someone to play baseball with on our front lawn, and someone to yell at the television screen with when the Giants lost a game. I saw every play fight, man-to-man talk, sports outing, and father-son moment flash in your eyes, and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

It's hard to believe he's in High School now. They're all growing up so fast on us, Nashed Potatoes. Rhia is going to be gone before we know it. We're getting old, you realize. I saw some grays in my hair the other day. I swear, I did. Looking back, I realize now that I never thought I would be so happy. I know they're not perfect, but we weren't either. We're still not, babe. But I look back and remember all the time I wasted loving you, and all the time I plan to spend loving you, and I think of the way you love our kids and it makes me love you more. I can't wait to spend forever with you.

Love always,

Roxy.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Reunited, and it feels so.... So....

Roxy sat on the bench outside the gate, waiting for Frankie to arrive. They were going to pay a visit to Miggy; reunite the Three Musketeers. Roxy's hand slipped down to her stomach, rubbing absently in soft circles. Rhia was feisty today, probably due to her mother's emotional state at the moment. It'd been too long since she'd seen her best friends, and Rhia could tell that she was on edge. 

Frankie's car pulled up, and parked behind her own on the curb. He got out, dressed formally, just as she was. She smiled softly at him, and placed her hand on the back of the bench to boost her up, being in her eighth month of pregnancy made movement a serious problem for her. When she finally got to her feet, she walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him in a loose hug. He was different than the last time she'd seen him; taller, wider shoulders, and gone were the boyish curls that he'd kept well into his twenties, due to Piper's request.

"Hi." she said as she pulled back, and reached up to adjust his tie, something she'd grown used to doing with her husband each morning before he went to work. She looked up at his face as she let go of his tie, and saw that he was rolling his eyes at her. She couldn't help but smile, glad to see that not all of his old traits had left him. "It's been too long. I've missed you." she said, and was glad to see him smile back at her.

"I've missed you too, Roxaroo." he replied, and her heart twisted a bit at the old nickname he'd given her when they were kids. His face grew serious as he held out his hand, and asked, "You ready to go see him?"

She took a deep breath, holding it for a second, before releasing it, and taking his hand as a confirmation. Together, they walked through the gates in silence, taking in the fresh cut grass, and the neat arrangement of the pathway that they walked on. 

They stopped, and turned to face him, both of them silent for a moment. Roxy could feel tears begin to build up in her eyes, and she squeezed Frankie's hand for reassurance, and he squeezed back. She looked up at him, and blinked back the tears, and she could almost swear she saw tears in his own eyes. 

Turning back, she gave Miggy a watery smile, and said, "I miss you. We miss you. I don't know why you left the way you did, but I just-" she broke off, and wiped at her eyes before continuing. "I miss you." 

It was silent for a moment, before Frankie spoke up. "Frankie's doing great. Not me, the other one. Not Roxy's other one, your daughter. The other kids are fine, too. Or well, not fine, because-" he stopped, and Roxy watched him swallow before continuing. "You know. They're making it by, though. I go over all the time, and help out. Mia's taking it really hard, but of course she would." he stopped, and Roxy watched, waiting for him to continue, but when he didn't she stepped forward, and crouched down to place flowers on the grass before grabbing Frankie's hand and pulling herself back up.

"We love you, Miggy. Always." she said, and then, hand in hand, they walked away from the grave of their best friend with tears in their eyes, and grief in their chests.

[welovechachigonzales-blog]

[roxystanzel-xo]

Rockin' the same Vans.

[nash-benson]

Dropping in to say hi.

[nash-benson]

I want sour patch kids. And I just want to see you… Oh hawt damn, babay. What do I have to do to earn it?

[roxystanzel-xo]

You have to let me have some Sour Patch Kids, and you have to get me a slushie. I just really want you to come over now, or I'll go to you. I don't care which, I just need to see you.

[nash-benson]

Dropping in to say hi.

[nash-benson]

Not just make out… Like, do other stuff but making out is wanted. You feel me? Well, not literally. Well… unless you wanna.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Oh? And what stuff did you have in mind? Maybe I'll literally feel you... If you earn it. 

[nash-benson]

Dropping in to say hi.

[nash-benson]

Anything in particular you’d wanna do? I’m down for anything… slushies, making out, playing in the snow, making out, cleaning your room, making out… You know, anything.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Well, I might be reading you all wrong here, but it seems like you want to make out with me.

[nash-benson]

Dropping in to say hi.

[nash-benson]

…do you wanna get all lovey and gross with me…? My treat.

[roxystanzel-xo]

I'd get lovey and gross with you any day.

[roxystanzel-xo]

One Year, Baby; Look how far we've come.

It's been a year since graduation, and god, what a year it's been. It's weird, not seeing everyone all the time anymore. I cried so hard when I had to say goodbye to Blake. Just looking back on it makes me cry. We still Skype sometimes, but it isn't the same. He can't take me to iHop, or watch Pretty Little Liars with me. It's hard not having my best friend here with me at college.

It's even harder not having Gemma here. They say the bond between siblings runs deep, but it's even deeper between twins. We walked together, dressed the same, and even made up our own twin talk. Roxy misham Gemma tum; Roxy misses Gemma a lot. She asked what college she should go to, and I was almost selfish enough to tell her mine, just to keep her with me, but I didn't, because I knew I had to let her go eventually. It was harder than keeping food down after my bout with bulimia, letting her go, and for a while it seemed like I'd lost a piece of me; like a leg or something. During breaks we fly home to Texas and I force Frankie and Miggy to come down, and we all milk cows and eat family meals together like old times. It's the only thing that keeps me sane when I'm away from my twin for so long.

Cleo and Ashley waited for my plane with me when it was time for me to go. They made signs that said "Goodbye Roxy." and they cried when I went into the terminal. I cried too. You never realize how much you miss your friends until you don't see them anymore. Brie still texts me sometimes, when she has time of her own, and Lillian tells me how things are going with her schoolwork, and Tony. She misses him a lot, almost as much as I miss Nash.

Nash. We've been going strong since Sophomore year. Yeah, we've had our ups and downs, but it's all been worth it. He's my Prince Charming, golden hair and all. I go home with him sometimes, and sometimes he comes to my house. My family loves him almost as much as I do. I can't wait to see him, and move in together after High School. I mean, hopefully. I don't think I could handle losing him. It's funny how some people become so vital in your life, isn't it? I guess it's only natural, after he helped me through everything. I love him, and I'm in love with him, and I can't wait for College to be out, so I can be with him again, without any amount of miles between us.

Julliard is great, though. I've learned so much, and the teachers are great. I still can't believe I got in. It's such an honor. I'm going to open a dance school, and I'm going to teach other kids to dance, because dance can save you; dance is an escape, it's a pass time, and it's a joy, and I think everyone, even the ones who don't have much money, should have the option of such happiness.

Until later,

Roxy.

[scarlettsmi]

Morning!

[roxystanzel-xo]

GOOOOOD MORNING.

[nash-benson]

Dropping in to say hi.

[nash-benson]

Hey babayyy. I’ve been sleeping. And stuff.

[roxystanzel-xo]

Well don't poof on me. I was forced to hang out with Gemma and Blake, and they're all lovey and gross.