— to be king
{ ... }
however, he can see immediately that there’s something wrong here. jongdae is sitting near his bed, his head and shoulders slumped. the sight shocks taemin into stillness, his hand still on the door from where he pushed it open. “uh,” he says, unable to think of anything else. he’s never seen jongdae upset before, not enough for his smile to be wiped from his face. taemin doesn’t even think he’s ever seen jongdae go for too long without a smile on his lips.
it's stupid. it's so stupid that he's crying because of a few words, because of his weak heart and his even weaker strength. but jongdae is not only a prince, he's human too and the words had felt like a catalyst, a push towards some sort of reaction and jongdae can only be so good at keeping things to himself, bottled up in the form of ignorance.
he's almost too busy, lost in the thought of self hatred to the point where he doesn't hear the light taps on his door. and perhaps if he did he would've stopped crying almost immediately, hidden the tears with a smile. but he's a second too late because there's a voice and immediately his heart almost leaps out of his chest and his swollen eyes only widen.
"t-taemin!" he says in surprise before he quickly looks away, rubbing his face with the back of his sleeve. no, no no no -- he doesn't want to be seen like this. he should never be seen like this "prince's don't cry," his father had said and here he was, cheeks wet from tears already spent.
jongdae's never really cried before, he isn't one to cry and he prefers to be left alone in moments like these. despite his bright demeanour, he prefers to sulk without pulling others down with him. which is exactly why he plasters on the smile he's mastered so many times before, the one he'd through to the guests whenever they'd arrive for a ball of some sort.
"i didn't see you there," he says after a moment though his voice is still raspy. "the... the weather it's really bright today isn't it?". screw the weather, he thinks. the weather is the last thing on his mind but jongdae has to make do with his current situation and he musn't look at taemin. because he knows fully well that if he does the ache in his chest will only grow and that he'll simply give way.
he can't look at taemin in the eye without spilling out the truth or crying. he's always found comfort in taemin but this time jongdae doesn't let himself have the advantage of doing so. opening up to taemin would be so easy but he doesn't want to worry anyone, especially his best friend.
when he feels as though he's regained enough composure, he finally turns around though his eyes never meet taemin's. "did you uhm... need something?"
