welcome everyone :’) rea/drea/andy is here and i’ll probably be posting/reblogging content from alot of movies/tv shows/actors/characters! i hope this little post will make things slightly easy to navigate <3
also my blog is a safe place for everyone but sometimes there will be nsfw material in some fics/post. so feel free to block ‘nsfw’ and ‘smut’ if you are uncomfortable :’)
Words: 4.8k+
Type: Fluffy-ish
Summary: The day after Rafe came over.
Warnings: Fem!Reader [no mentions of race or bodytype]. Teeny tiny bit of Dark!Rafe. Mentions of hiding a relationship from friends and family, parties, and Y/N's friends' hate for Rafe. Forbidden relationship. Almost getting caught. Overprotective parents. A little bit of a filler chapter, sorry.
Tutor Masterlist
(for context, you should rly read the smuts <3)
A/N.: Look at this cutie, he doesn't even look like he just justified his murders with "killing is nature".
“How did your test go?”
You turn to the side, easily startled by the sudden sound of a voice, and move the door of your locker out of the way to see none other than Kristy, your best friend. You offer her a smile before answering her question.
“Good.” You tell her, “How did it go for you?”
She answers you, and you continue putting your stuff away in your locker. You nod and hum at the things that she asks you about. They're simple answers, but most of her questions are just her way of figuring out if she wrote the same things as you - or, in other words, to see if she wrote the right things.
You look at her as you finally get done emptying your bag, and close your locker. Throwing your bag over your shoulder, you move a bit on your feet, waiting for her to begin to lean away from the metal boxes and walk out with you.
“Do you have any classes after lunch?” She asks you, already done talking about the test.
“Physics, but Mrs. Anne sent an email saying she’s sick.” You tell her, holding back the excitement in your voice.
“You’re so lucky.” She whines while rolling her eyes.
You giggle at her and wrap your arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to you.
You and Kristy are definitely the closest of your friend group. You only met her about a year ago, but, still, the two of you hit off a great friendship right from the start. The other girls are nice, but never as nice as Kristy. They’re all super different from you, yet Kristy is the only one that makes an effort to include you in their plans.
For example, she makes sure that at every party you’re taken to, there’s always no drama or possible problems. Usually, those ones are ones with more tourists and, surprisingly, Pogues. They never take you to Kook parties because they know that they are far from being your crowd. So, Kristy is the one always trying to make sure she knows what parties are less problematic. She always makes you your fruity drinks when you’re there, always stays close to you, and constantly asks if you’re okay. The other girls might do it, but not as much as she does.
“Want to go out to eat?” She asks you as you pass through the school doors. Her brown highlighted hair moves gracefully with the soft wind, and your heart sinks a little at her words.
You look at her, ignoring the way your heart pains by the way she seems to look forward to your usual confirmation of plans.
“I already planned to have lunch with my parents today.” You lie. “I'm sorry.”
“Oh no, it's okay. That’s fine.” She shrugs under your arm, “How about tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’d love that.” You say with a smile.
The two of you walk down the stairs of the school and begin to make your way toward Kristy's car. The other girls are already by it, some of them even leaning on its side. As soon as they notice you two, they stop talking and offer you a wave as you still stand in the distance.
Once close enough, you exchange greetings, and the question floats in the air once more.
“How was your test?” One of them asks.
(...)
You wave back at them as you take slow steps towards your front door, and excitement grows inside of you as you get closer and closer to your porch. Once you turn to face the door and unlock it, you hear the car turn back on. And right as you step inside the house, it finally drives off.
You drop everything by the door and close everything back up, taking your shoes off before happily fast walking through your refreshing home all the way over to your bedroom. You jump up the stairs, still trying to hold in your smile and trying not to slide too much on the wooden floors. It wouldn’t be cute of you to fall right on your ass.
You grab your bedroom key from behind the vase beside the door and quickly unlock it.
The lack of light is one of the first things you notice when you walk inside as one of the windows is still fully closed, and the second thing is Rafe, still very much asleep at almost 1PM.
Closing the door behind you, you don’t lock it again, since there won’t be any 'company' until the end of the afternoon. You take off your jacket and throw it over your desk’s chair. You walk to the bed and throw yourself on it, right beside Rafe, granting yourself a sleepy groan from the man himself.
“How are you still asleep?” You ask him, even though his back is turned to you. Your hands are by your stomach as you stare at the ceiling.
“You made me stay up late.” Says the one that chose the longest movie on the entire streaming platform.
After done speaking, Rafe groans again and rolls on the bed, turning to lay on his stomach and face you - getting your attention. You roll with him as a small giggle escapes you, and Rafe groans yet again as you are now quite literally laying on top of him.
He closes his eyes again, surprisingly still heavy with sleep, and you rest your cheek on the warm skin of his back. Rafe doesn't actually go back to sleep, but you two stay like that for a little.
You stare around your room and look at your closed curtains. You should really open them, as well as the windows, the bedroom probably needs some fresh air.
You finally look back up at Rafe and giggle yet again at the sight of his messy hair and his slightly swollen face. The comeback of your giggles is enough to pull at the corners of Rafe's lips, making him grin at the sound of your amusement. You bring your hand up and brush your fingers through the strands of his hair, bringing them out of his face and back at the top of his head.
You keep your hand in place, playing with his hair for a little as you're lost in your mind for a little too long. When done, you feel the sudden sensation of an empty stomach. In your defense, you usually eat lunch at this time.
You poke Rafe's cheek, and his eyes reopen. You smile and roll off of him. You turn to lay on your back, turning your head to face him, and Rafe looks at you. Your hands are just by your sides while your head lays on the pillow, and you look straight at him.
“How was your test?” He asks, voice deeper and lower from sleep.
“Good.” You tell him. “I think.”
Rafe rolls on the bed as well, and you watch him as he now stares at the ceiling with you.
You wonder if he even was awake when you talked to him early in the morning before school. Seeing him this sleepy makes you think that he might have given you automatic answers while sleeping deeply throughout your suffering of not wanting to leave the bed. Ugh. Lucky bastard.
The two of you stay silent for a little bit until Rafe decides to finally get up. But not entirely.
Rafe sits up first, and you observe as he gives up halfway and simply lays on top of you. The back of his head lays on top of your chest, and he simply lays there for a little longer, not offering you any words or explanations. You chuckle, not minding it all that much, and brush your fingers through his hair once more.
If Rafe truly had even an ounce of need to get up before, it evaporated just now. His eyes are fighting to stay open again as your hands work through his head and now, slowly, move down to his face. Your small hands caress his cheeks like any other day, and he lays his hand over your jean-clad leg.
Your hands pause and stay over his cheeks. You tilt your head to look at him, and he sighs dramatically. You grin and squeeze his cheeks between your fingers.
“You can do it.” You playfully encourage him.
It takes much self-convincing, but it works to make Rafe sit again, ready to get up this time. And as soon as he’s ready to do it, he looks over at you and does not move for another 5 seconds.
“Go.” You encourage him again, poking his side.
He groans and finally gets up. You look at him, in his only-boxers’ glory, and he quickly finds the door to the bathroom in his sleepy state. You sit up when the door closes and sigh happily, feeling all giddy with his company.
You get back up but with no urgency in your movements. You look around your room, trying to entertain yourself with something while waiting. You start by grabbing the dirty laundry from yesterday off the floor and tossing it in the laundry bin, as well as rearranging your books back on your shelves.
Your mind works as you move around. It focuses a bit on your test, trying to remember your answers, and if you actually wrote the right thing and didn’t just get everything mixed up. You think back on Kristy and on her test. You had studied with her just last week, and she was getting most of the questions right when you quizzed each other. You believe she'll have a good grade too.
It’s a sudden noise inside the bathroom that makes you look over at the door and think of something else. How do you plan on one day telling them the truth? It has to happen. You know it. And you know that it has to come out of your mouth first than anyone else’s.
You have to be fair with your friends.
But... Would they be fair to you if you told them?
You know that your situation with Rafe can be a little difficult to describe. You two have sex, a lot, but due to all of the secrecy, can you even call it 100% dating? Meaning, would you describe it to your friends as dating? These types of questions sometimes echo in your mind, time and time again, and you never know the answer to them.
And what about your parents? You’re extremely close to them and they have times when they keep on saying how much they would love for you to have a boyfriend again (if he's the right one). They hate to see you stay at home doing nothing, and they’re against whatever you do on your own that doesn’t include Kristy or any of the other girls. They don’t like you on your own, which is fair since all of your life, you’ve always had friends. But your idea of a great company and the 'right one' is very different from what they intend in all of your conversations.
Your finger traces the spine of one of your books as you think. You know that if you think much harder, anxiety will eventually get to you. So many questions haunt you yet almost none of them have a complete answer. You drum your nail on the hardcover of the book and sigh out loud, already sensing that unsettling feeling at the bottom of your stomach. The cold burning feeling of nothing but anxiety.
That is when Rafe opens the door of the bathroom, and you quickly turn around to face him. He’s obviously still in his boxers, and he’s eyeing the bathroom before actually focusing his eyes on you. Your unsettling mind is still going, but, in an inexplicable way, as soon as you're under his stare, everything lifts off of you, almost as if there was never anything to worry about.
“Want to take a shower?”
(...)
“Just believe in me.” You giggle at the man beside you.
Rafe looks down at the concoction that you have going on for lunch, and he cannot hide his expression. Most of his comments until now have been nothing but jokes, but you need to concentrate. You force yourself to keep mixing through your giggles, and Rafe just stares down at the mixture.
It's one of the recipes from your mother's cookbook. One you like to do whenever you have time. You have to admit, in its early stages, it does look... questionable, but it will taste and look delicious whenever it reaches the end result. Rafe just doesn't know that yet.
You look over at the clock on the wall of the kitchen simply to check the time and see how long you have until your parents come home. You and Rafe may or may not have wasted a little lunchtime in the shower. Not that anything sexual happened in it, all you did was pretty much kiss - for a long time -, and shower. When you were dressed and out of the steaming bathroom, it had passed an hour.
The sound of your phone vibrating feels the silence of the kitchen, and you stop mixing the batter in the bowl to fetch your phone. Rafe takes over on the mixing, still eyeing it down to try to understand how something like this will become a dough, and you see that it is a text from Kristy.
She’s asking you about a party she and the girls just heard about at the restaurant, and, obviously, she's asking if you want to come with them. It’s supposed to be this weekend, Saturday night. You stare at the screen for a bit, should you?
Pushing back the idea of this party for a second, you come back to your lunch and take over the mixing once more.
You and Rafe talk about the most random of things while you mix and continue to add more ingredients. Even when the lunch begins to take a little longer, Rafe stays beside you, checking his phone quickly before coming up with anything else to add or to say.
You close the oven door and sigh, throwing the gloves onto the counter. You dramatically let your head lay over Rafe’s shoulder and close your eyes. You could take a nap after all of this.
“Are you going to the party on Saturday?” You ask him with your eyes still closed.
“Which one?”
“There’s more than one?” You ask, lifting your head just to look at him confused, “How does a island so small have more than one party going on a Saturday?”
Rafe smiles down at you.
“There’s a bigger one and then smaller ones all around.”
You hum in realization and move to lean your head on his chest, this time. Guess that makes sense.
“Well… Are you going to any of them?” You ask him.
“Don’t know.” He tells you, “Are you?”
“I have no idea.”
Rafe exhales out a laugh through his nose and looks down at you as you lay your cheek on the left side of his chest. Your eyes are closed, and your arms are by your sides. He might as well conclude now that if he leaves you standing still for a little longer, you’ll fall asleep leaning onto him.
“Tell me whenever you know what party you’re going to.” Rafe tells you.
You lift your head and look up at him.
“Why? We always go to different parties.” You tell him sincerely.
“We do.” He agrees, and, while looking down on you, he slips in the question, “And why is that?” He asks, noticing how certain you are that you two are never in the same space.
“My friends are the ones who plan which parties I go to.” You say all of a sudden, “They’ve never met you,” You clarify, “So you don’t know who they are. But they don’t…” You hesitate, scrunching a bit your face as you keep going, “exactly, like you.”
Some sort of grin grows on Rafe’s face, and you feel a little confused by it.
“So that’s why they don’t let you be at parties with me?” He asks, humor deep in his tone.
You hesitate before answering but you know that your silence is a big enough answer.
Rafe has always known that you couldn’t be seen with him. He sincerely thought it was about his family, at first. He knows that if his own family knew about the two of you, they would be against it like no other. They like you too much and know him too well. No girl like you could ever be near him. He could ruin you, corrupt you, and everything else in between. His family wouldn't want either to be responsible or an audience to all of it. They've distanced themselves from his problems and labeled them as his responsibilities a long time ago. And it all can change with only you being brought up into these same responsibilities. If he 'ruins' you, they would be onto him all over again. He knows it.
Then, Rafe thought it was about your parents. Your parents get to know anything that happens due to your nosy neighbors, and they can’t see you with him. Rafe isn't dumb, he knows he has a reputation on the island. And he also knows that it's not a good one. If the people that have known and raised him don't like him to the point of not trusting him with you, imagine people that only hear the rumors. The people that raised the perfect girl would hate him more than his own family would. He could ruin what they built and who they raised, and that is almost a threat in the entire sense of the word. No parent would proudly say that their daughter is dating Rafe Cameron. Yet here he is, in their home, doing exactly that.
But now it’s your friends too? How protected could you really be? He has known you for what will feel like 2 years now. He has heard of you for, he assumes, longer due to stories from smaller Kook parties and all of that. If Rafe had to decide who would be the least problematic in this discussion, it would be your friends. Come on, their way to defend you is to never bring you to parties that he's in. But why? Is it because of the drug rumors? Do they think Rafe would drug you or something? Or worse?
Truly, this just keeps on getting better and better. A familiar sensation is felt deep in his body. Rafe can never really describe it. He tended to get it when he would see you back at the time you weren't a thing yet. Some sort of lust, but not the normal kind. This one is deep-rooted, and with something that even Rafe himself knows it's not exactly good. It feeds into his obsession to be near you and to be able to watch you or touch you. But it feeds into this... weird side of him the fact that no one wants him to be close to you. It's similar to the rebelliousness one would feel as a teen. But deeper than that, as well as darker.
You continue to look up at him as Rafe stares back in silence, and you rest your hands on the counter just by the sides of his body. You wait for him to say anything, but Rafe simply kisses you. It’s out of nowhere and you actually were surprised for a few seconds, unable to move. But, as soon as you do, Rafe’s hands are holding you and deepening the kiss in no time.
He holds you flush against him, and you bring one of your hands to his cheek. As always, your soft touch against his skin is enough to drive Rafe insane. It makes him hold onto you tighter, squeezing your flesh and trying to get to be closer to him.
You let out a small little whimper, and Rafe pulls away to look at you.
“Good thing you like me, then.” He whispers onto your lips.
He lays a peck on your lips, and you smile up at him. Rafe then kisses your cheek, your jaw and as soon as he gets to your neck, you try to push him away. He nips at your skin and leaves wet kisses all throughout your skin, unaffected by your weak attempt at pushing him off of you.
When Rafe pulls away, you stare up at him and join your lips with his one more time. It’s softer, and Rafe doesn’t do anything to ruin the softness as it is a part of being with you.
When separating, you make sure to give him a few pecks and finally get away from him. You go check on the food in the oven, and Rafe watches as you do it. He could look at you for hours and he’d never grow bored of the view. You look back at him whenever done, and he watches with a speeding heart the way your smile seems to always come back.
You're his whether they all like it or not.
(...)
It has been hours since you two ate your lunch, and all you’ve done is watch TV and sleep. You two eventually got back to the bedroom since you never knew when your parents would be home, and didn't want to get caught in the living room couch. This time, you chose the movie, yet eventually fell asleep into a nap too - long enough to only wake up when the ending credits began to roll.
You were surprised to see that Rafe actually watched the whole thing while you slept, and, after that, you two simply talked. You talked for hours.
You told him about your friends, and he told you about his own. You talked about their names, how you met, and for how long you’ve been friends. It was easy for you to assign names to faces when it came to Rafe’s because you’ve seen them before at his house, you just never spoke to them.
"Who is closest to you?" You remember asking him.
You were practically laying on top of him. An elbow on the bed as your fist holds your head upwards just beside Rafe's, and half of your body glued to his. Rafe looked at you as you spoke. And your finger traced his face as he thought in silence.
"Topper, I think." He answered you.
You squinted while thinking, trying to remember who Topper was of all of his friends you have seen before. There were at least 4 people at his house when you were tutoring one day. Topper must have been the blonde one... Maybe?
"Yours is Kristy, then?" Rafe asks, and you nod.
You have no idea how the two of you had enough topics of conversation after a night and a almost whole day together.
Rafe also hasn’t stopped noticing how you’ve changed sitting positions millions of times while he simply laid or sat there. He watched as you even got up and walked around the room while telling a story. As well as when you cutely got closer to him when back on the bed.
Now, you are sitting over Rafe’s lap listening to him talk. He's simply sitting, hands behind him on your bed to hold himself upwards, and your legs are by each side of his lap. You nod at something he says while playing with the collar of his shirt when, suddenly, you hear the front door of your house close. Rafe shuts up and you tense up on his lap.
You two stay quiet until you can clearly hear the voices of both of your parents, talking to one another downstairs, and can tell where exactly they seem to be.
Rafe knows that it’s time for him to leave, yet you never get up from his lap so he can do it. He stares at you as you listen to your parents talk, and the two of you notice how your mother’s voice is seemingly getting louder as she walks up the stairs.
“Did you lock the door?” Rafe whispers at you.
Your eyes widen, and you practically jump out of his lap. Your floor is carpeted so most of the noise from your feet hitting the ground is muffled to anyone outside. You do a little run over to your door, and your fingers hold onto the key. Very, very slowly you begin to turn the key just so whenever it clicks into place, it won’t make it obvious to your mother that you just locked your door.
As soon as you get it to click softly into the lock, you cannot hear your mother’s voice anymore, only your father’s downstairs. You can only guess that she could be in her bedroom changing out of her work clothes or something of the sort, but, at the same time, you never really relax just from where you stand.
Rafe has gotten off the bed, looking around the room for his things, and whenever he begins to grab all of them, he walks slowly through your room, not wanting to accidentally make any noise. You look over your shoulder when you notice that he’s moving around, and your heart pains you a little. You know he has to leave, he has already spent the whole night and day with you, but you don’t want him to at all.
You continue to try and listen to understand where your mother could possibly be in the house, and what follows makes you jump on your feet and Rafe freeze. Three quick knocks on your door and then, not even 3 seconds later, the doorknob turns as an attempt to open the door. Your parents do this all of the time, they do knock first but they never give you time to answer.
“Sweetheart? Are you in there?” It’s your mother’s voice.
Rafe looks at you as he gets his phone out of the charger, and your sweet voice fills the room again.
“Yeah!” You tell her, “Just… Reading.”
You stare at Rafe as he reaches for the last thing he needs before leaving.
“Why is your door locked?” Your mother asks, trying to open the door one more time.
“I-” You struggle for a little bit to find the words, “Must- Must have locked it by accident when I came in here.”
“Well, come unlock it. I’d prefer to talk to you face-to-face.”
You follow Rafe over to the bedroom’s window, and you’re the one that unlocks it and pushes it open. You take a step back, leaving him enough space to move and get out through the small window, and Rafe stares down at you.
The two of you kiss, both reaching for it at the perfectly same time, and even though the kiss is simple, only a long peck on the lips, you still reach for him. Your hands still try to have him close to you just like the two of you were, minutes ago, and Rafe lays his hand on the back of your head, holding it.
“Honey. Open this door.” Your mother says, growing a little impatient.
You separate from the kiss and reach for Rafe’s face with your hands just so you can give him a few extra smaller kisses before he pulls away. You’re not even sure when you’re going to see him next and this isn't very comforting for your heart. You like him close to you. You don’t ever want him to be too far from you, especially for, possibly, days.
“Drive safe.” You whisper at Rafe, right against his lips.
“I will.”
You give his cheek a kiss before stepping back again and leaving him to sneak out through your window. You watch him disappear after only a few seconds and close your window, right after.
Right as your mother is turning the doorknob vigorously and beginning to open her mouth to scream at you, you open the door.
She takes a look at you and what's near you, noticing the change of clothes from this morning, yet the bed is messy. It truly looks as if you have just been lying in bed and doing nothing for the whole afternoon, and, to the surprise of your mother’s overprotective mind, you are completely alone. Your phone or computer isn’t even on the bed, meaning that you couldn’t have been talking to some guy without her realizing it.
“Sorry, the key was a little stuck.” You lie to her.
Your mother continues to stare at you and your room, and you truly feel that your heart will eventually be able to break out from your ribcage. It’s strongly pumping blood with an extreme dose of adrenaline, and your hands are beginning to grow clammy too.
You could’ve always had something incriminating in your bed. Maybe Rafe could have forgotten something. Anything in this could go wrong, yet, before your mother can even say anything after such long minutes of silence and just looking around, the silence is broken by a bike’s roar. The sound comes from the other side of the street and then becomes louder as it crosses the front of your house.
You were scared for a good few seconds that your mother would speculate some sort of theory about the bike crossing the street, but you soon understood how dumb that would be. The bike could be anyone’s from Figure Eight, your street can be very deserted but a lot of people use it to cut traffic sometimes.
That’s when you hear your father speak downstairs.
“Honey! Do you think one of the neighbors got a bike?”
Hope you enjoyed this!
The Dark!Rafe in this fic will be here for the next part (inspired by a request; it's a little long too). Believe me.
omg tbh i loved this filler chapter, kinda gives us inside of rafe and reader realtionship and how much rafe does actually care for the reader... im excited to read when reader’s friend find out
do you guys ever just stop to think about how nice it is to just… be alone? like, completely alone. no texts, no calls, you’re just simply existing and doing what makes you happy in solitude. maybe you’re reading a really great book, or listening to music, or watching something/etc. you’re just…. alone with your own thoughts and no one is there to bother you. i love moments like that. everything is so quiet and peaceful.
i feel the same about tom holland! i am just to obsessed with the summer i turned pretty and steve harrington right now haha🤍
idk it's just that im kinda tired of the whole drama with him n zendaya. the constant drama etc, that's why i left for a while.
i miss steve so much :'( -- BUT EDDIE. i want eddie to come back asap.
omg summer i turned pretty 🥺 the fics that people have written are fucking beautiful. it makes me want to get back into writing but holy cow, can we just appreciate the accounts that are feeding us with conrad? 😍
so i binged the summer i turned pretty series and i have to admit that i don’t see why people are team jere? like, it was obvious he only liked belly bc conrad did. it was shown so frequently and even from jere’s pov that he always felt jealous of conrad.
i don’t blame him, i know how jere feels but the whole jere and belly getting married was just manic.
i think when people say conrad is just as bad but can we not forget that conrad never cheated. he never looked at another girl. he did what was best for belly and i get that. he was always there for belly, sometimes conrad was a massive dick but you can tell that he really did loved her.
Nights at the Wreck were some of your favorites. Nights where Mike Carrera would reluctantly offer everyone some food after his daughter pleaded, reminding him it’s going to go in the trash at the end of the night anyway.
These same nights, most of the regular customers were long gone, leaving the place empty. Which also gave you all the freedom to rearrange some tables off to the side to make your own dance floor.
You and JJ swayed back and forth in the center, your other friends orbiting you as they danced too. But you weren’t really paying attention.
The vibration of your phone in the back pocket of your jeans distracted you for a moment as you paused your movements, and subsequently JJ did too.
The number on the screen wasn’t saved in your contacts list, and normally you wouldn’t have given it a second glance before pressing decline. But the call you’d been waiting on was much more important than a spam call. And the risk of not taking it and letting it go to voicemail was one you weren’t willing to take.
“I have to take this, babe. I’ll be right back.”
JJ, dramatic as ever, shrugged his shoulders and sighed loudly. “Alright, hurry back.” He dragged out through a soft kiss to your temple.
Quickly, you made your way down the wooden planks of the Wreck’s entrance and leaned against one of the railings before wishing on a star and pressing answer. “Hello?”
This call could either change your life or let you down immensely. Months ago, you submitted an essay for the opportunity to study abroad in Rome for the upcoming school year. It was an honor to even be chosen as an applicant, but getting accepted would be magnificent.
The line went silent as you were solely focused on the woman speaking; who you now confirmed was calling to inform you about your acceptance to the program.
Her words echoed in your head as you strained to figure out if you were making this up or if you were really going to Rome in August.
“Are you there, Ms. Y/l/n?”
“Yes, I’m here ma’am.” You cleared your throat, snapping out of your daze. “I’m beyond excited, thank you so much for this opportunity.”
“Absolutely, you’ve earned it. I’m happy to hear you’re ready to come study with us for the year. Emails will be sent with more information.”
After thanking the woman once more, you exchanged goodbyes and hung up.
The breath of air leaving your lungs in relief was one you didn’t know you were holding in. But now, the anticipation of waiting for your answer slipped away. Only to be soon replaced with the anticipation of actually leaving Kildare County for Rome, Italy.
Your thoughts now had the permission to roam wild. What were you gonna pack? Would your entire style change in Italy? Would you make friends? Is 6 weeks long enough to learn Italian? Will you be able to memorize it all?
Kiara’s laughter from inside snapped you out of it, remembering not only your 4 friends but your boyfriend was waiting for you as well.
JJ’s eyes lit up again once they landed on you coming back inside, as he now sat down on a chair off the side while waiting for you. “What took you so long? I missed you.”
“Can we talk?” You asked him, a look of uncertainty in your eyes as you held your hand out.
“Uh-oh. What happened? It’s not bad is it?” JJ asked skeptically, taking your hand.
“I’ll explain in a second… just come outside with me.”
Your friends hardly noticed the two of you exiting, moving to stand in the same place you were standing a mere 5 minutes ago.
“So, I got the phone call.” You began, knowing JJ knew which phone call you were referring too.
“Oh. What’d they say?” He questioned warily.
In his head, he wants this for you. He came from the same side of the island you did, and he knew an opportunity like this one was few and far between. And just like he told you when you applied; if you have the chance, he wants you to take it.
In his heart however, he wants you with him. Always. He still remembers the many nights of you promising him that you’ll be together no matter what, and that there is nothing that could separate the two of you. He believed you. And he will continue to believe you until proven otherwise.
But knowing how badly you wanted this— how it’s been your dream since 7th grade— there’s no way he can stop you. Because he still remembers those days where you’d sit together at lunch and he’d be the only one to listen to you ramble about what you imagine it’s like studying overseas. There’s no way on Earth JJ could be honest and tear your heart in two, over your dream boy or your dream opportunity. He wouldn’t even think to give you an ultimatum like that.
“They said yes, JJ. They accepted me into the program.”
Oh. JJ thought, reminding himself he had to be happy for you. He is happy for you. Though, it’s bittersweet.
“Congratulations, baby! That’s amazing!” JJ marveled breathlessly, wrapping his arms around you shortly after. “I knew it. I fucking knew you’d get in. I mean, what kind of idiots wouldn’t pick you?”
You giggled into his shoulder, tears welling up in your eyes as it was starting to settle in. “Thanks. I can’t believe I did it.”
“So proud of you, princess.” He breathed out. “Wow. My girl is going to Rome.”
-
“Call me everyday, okay?” JJ wavered through tears, hands cradling your face, thumbs wiping away tears of your own so delicately.
“Of course, J.” You nodded, lip wobbling. Your face soon dove into his chest as you sobbed quietly, one of his hands smoothing your hair comfortingly.
“I gotta stay in the loop, pretty girl.” He attempted to quip, though his sad tone didn’t allow for much humor to shine through.
“Not a day will go by that I won’t be thinking of you.” Your voice came out as a whimper against his chest, sniffling to try and pull yourself together. This wasn’t the end. The statistics of long-distance relationships scared you, but you and JJ both turned a blind eye to them as well as whatever anyone else had to say.
“I know, sweetheart. I know. Not a day will go by that I won’t be thinking of you either, okay? I promise.”
“Why does it have to hurt like this though? Why do I have to give up someone I love just to do something I love?”
“Compromise, honey. You can’t have it all.” JJ teased.
He was always there to insert his witty remarks and remind you of what life is all about. And even more importantly, what love is about.
The wind blew around you as you gazed with a look of melancholy out onto the nearby water, where your ferry was waiting to take you off the island.
“Do you really think I should go though? Would it be so bad to just cancel? I mean-”
“Hey.” JJ warned. “Stop it. This has been your dream since we were fucking thirteen. And I’ll be damned if I ever let you give that up for me, Y/n. I’ll be okay. And so will you. We’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure?” You mumbled. “Because you have to be sure. Or I don’t think I can turn around and walk away.”
“I’m sure.” He nodded, though his eyes held some uncertainty. But if it were up to him to convince you things will be okay, he’ll do anything.
The long hand on the watch on your wrist kept moving closer and closer to when it was time to leave, despite you and JJ coming here way early to say your goodbyes.
You stared up at him guiltily, but he offered you a small smile to tell you that your guilt was unnecessary.
“It’s that time.” You sighed sadly. It was that time you’d been dreading ever since you got that call, truly. “I don’t wanna leave you, J. I’m gonna miss you so much. Too much.”
“I know, angel. But if you have to leave me somehow, I’m okay if it’s like this. This isn’t goodbye.”
“You’re right.” You agreed, placing your hand over his that rested on your cheek. “This isn’t goodbye.”
“You’re damn right it’s not, baby.”
-
November.
Enough time had passed to say you were well set into a routine. Soon finding out that taking this opportunity was, in fact, the right decision.
You and JJ still talked of course, just not as often as either of you would like. The different time zones played a big role in it, to where when JJ was nearly going to bed, you’d be just starting your day. And vice-versa.
JJ had begun to fear the worst for a while. That you both would end up as another statistic, that you two wouldn’t last through this.
Or, you’d easily meet someone new and fall for them instead. The possibility of you developing feelings for someone else broke his heart, and the intrusive thought had it’s way of creeping into the Maybank's mind just before he closed his eyes at night.
At night, JJ did the most thinking. He was left alone in his bedroom, tapping his fingers on his stomach through the thin and worn comforter. The moon shined in through the blinds, and he’d remember how peaceful you looked sleeping beside him.
And now, it had been days, turned weeks, to months— since he had kissed you, held you, woken up next to you. The feeling was torture.
When John B’s birthday rolled around, things got progressively worse. The group felt empty without you, though they knew you’d be there if you could. JJ missed you more than life, and it was noticeable.
By the increase in his drinking and smoking, the way he kept quiet whenever your name was brought up in casual conversation. He always had plenty to say when it came to you, so if that itself wasn’t a dead giveaway, what was? It was JJ Maybank after all. He was never good at processing his feelings.
The blond stared at your number on his missed call list for what felt like a long time. On the screen he saw nothing but your contact name highlighted in red, reminding him again how getting ahold of each other was getting harder and harder these days.
When the screen changed he’d finally noticed that his thumb slipped and the rings of anticipation began as he started praying you’d take his call. And just before he swore his call was going to voicemail, you picked up.
“Hello?”
“Y/n? Hi.”
He sounded nearly surprised, not expecting to hear your voice anywhere outside of his head.
“Shouldn’t you be asleep by now? It’s late there.”
“I wanted to text you to come n’ see me before I remembered you aren’t coming.” JJ muttered wearily, disregarding your small talk. All you two ever did anymore was make small talk.
“JJ…” You sighed. “Are you drunk?”
“We celebrated John B’s birthday tonight. What do you think?”
“The attitude isn’t necessary, J. What’s got you upset?”
“Nothing.” JJ responded dryly. “Besides that my girlfriend is thousands of miles away from me and has been for months. That might have something to do with it.”
“I can always count on your sarcasm. Highlight of my day.” You chuckled. “How was John B’s birthday? Did he get my card?”
“Yeah. I’m pretty sure he got it.”
“Oh, good! Did you guys have fun?”
“They had fun.”
“So.. you didn’t?”
“Remember the part when I said my girlfriend’s thousands of miles away?” He remarked. “Nothing’s much fun these days, pretty girl. I miss you all the time. Wish I could see your face. God, the things I would do to see your face right now.”
“Maybe we could FaceTime tomorrow? I’d love to see everyone else too if you’ll be at the Chateau.”
“No.” JJ declined. “Not like that. I want to see you in front of me. I want you here with me. Where you belong.”
“I miss you too, JJ.” You murmured longingly.
“Enough to come home?”
You paused, mouth running dry as the emotion increased in his voice with every word.
“Even just for a week? A weekend? Anything, Y/n.” JJ pleaded. “Just please come home, this doesn’t feel right. At all.”
“You know I’d love to, honey. But I can’t.” You sniffled. “It’s just not a good time, y’know? I don’t think I can book a ticket if I’m not coming back for a while, I mean it’s a lot of money that my parents don’t have to loan me right now.”
Silence.
You were afraid he’d hung up, presuming he would not be happy with your answer in the slightest.
“JJ?”
“It’s late.” He spoke firmly. “Goodnight, Y/n.”
“We never go to bed mad at each other, remember? Don’t do that.”
“I’m not mad.”
“You don’t sound like it.”
“I love you, Y/n. Call me tomorrow, okay?” JJ replied, tears rolling down his cheeks with his words, breathing heavily to avoid fully sobbing on the phone with you, feeling bad enough as it is.
“Okay. I love you, too. Sleep well for me.”
JJ let out a watery chuckle, but something about his tone sounded dry. That same sarcasm he always uses to hide his pain. The picture frame he hangs up over the gigantic hole in the wall.
He nods on the other end, though you can’t see him. Truthfully, he’s doing the best he can to self soothe at the moment. He’s trying to picture you right there, in front of him, telling him how everything’s gonna be alright. It can’t rain forever.
“Just for you, I’ll try.”
a/n: the way i wrote this one year ago and i’m just now posting it 💀 i’ll post some fluff soon tho! thanks for reading <33
