As someone recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, one thing thatâs been helping me grapple with the intense shame I have over all my âwasted potentialâ is accepting that potential doesnât exist and never did.
This sounds so harsh, but please bare with me.
I procrastinated a lot growing up. I still procrastinate today, but less so. And yet, I got good grades. I could write an A+ paper that âknocked [my professor]âs socks offâ in the hour before class and print it with sweat running down my face.
I was so used to hearing from teachers and family that if I just didnât procrastinate and worked all the time, I could do anything! I had all this potential I wasnât living up to!
And thatâs true, as far as it goes, but thatâs like saying if Usain Bolt just kept going he could be the fastest marathon runner in the world. Why does he stop at the end of the race??
If ANYONE could make their top speed/most productive setting the one they used all the time, anyone could do anything. But you canât. Your top speed is not a speed youâre able to sustain.
Now, Iâve found that I do need to work on not procrastinating. Not because the product is better, even, but because itâs better for my mental health and physical health to not have a full, sweating, panicked breakdown over every task even if the task itself turns out excellently. Itâs a shitty way to live! You feel bad ALL the time! And I donât deserve to live like that anymore.
So all of this to say, Iâm not wasting a ton of potential. I donât have an ocean of productivity and accomplishments inside of me that I could easily, effortlessly access if I just sat down 8 hours a day and worked. Thereâs no fucking way. Thatâs not real. Itâs an illusion. Itâs fine not to live up to an illusion.
And if you have ADHD, I mean this from the bottom of my heart: you do not have limitless potential confounded by your laziness. You have the good potential of a good person, and you can access it with practice and work, but do not accept the story that you are choosing not to be all that you are or can be. You are just a human person.
