âHeâll do fine,â You assure. His coat was crumpled, Suguru knows he left it on the closet floor on purpose to stall time. Youâve taken the role in helping him look presentable. An intimate moment with you he needs to ground himself.
The clock ticks tauntingly above his head. His fist fidget at his sides to ease the squeeze of his chest, smothering the urge to pull it down out of disdain.
Itâs your sons first day at preschool. Time was never really on Suguruâs side. The feeling of it all pinches his skin with a reminder that his boy wonât stay small forever.
Youâve reassured him throughout the week multiple times that the worry will come and go throughout the process. However, Suguru doubts. He always does. Heâs had many occasions when it becomes overwhelming, and heâs dealt with them. But this, he canât deal with. Heâs delayed his sons first day at preschool long enough.
Youâve seen the distance in his eyes before, a dark memory consumes you. It hurts your chest thinking about it. But youâre past that now, you both are. And youâre both happy at where it all has come to.
A soothing kiss against his forehead pulled him through his dullness. It was relieving to see him surface from his waves of discomfort.
âI hate you for this,â he mutters. You straighten the rest of his collar, a knowing hum following his sarcastic retort.
âI really do,â a dismissive eyebrow lift.
âWith my whole heart,â a small smile of acknowledgment.
ââYou love me,â Before he could continue to elongate his time at home, your lips softly pecked his. He wanted to go for more, but something seemed to capture your attention.
âMy cute boy,â Suguru froze when he saw his son dressed up in his uniform, a simple school bag in his hand. Suguru had to inhale a deep breath so the sorrow in his system could be washed out. It didnât, but his boy looked so adorable. He wanted to hide him so he could stay one more day.
The pout on your sons lip was removed once he saw your smile, something Suguru admired about you ever since you became a mom. Your boy always seems to calm down once your lips give him a loving grin, Suguru finds that something he has in common with his son.
Your sons school tie seemed to be fumbled into place, it must have fallen out whilst he was alone in the living room. You acknowledged that an upcoming task for you to teach him the proper way to tie it next time. You wouldnât lie and say that didnât make you feel despondent, a faltering sigh leaving your lips. You saw your husband raise his eyebrow at you.
Before you could do your sons tie, your husband stepped in, his hand softly removing yours whilst he bent down to fix it instead. You figured itâd be a nice moment for the two to have some privacy. Prior to when you left, you had taken another look over your shoulder. Suguru was quiet, and so was your son. The atmosphere felt detached, but you could tell both were contempt in each others presence.
Suguru eased the fabric into a suitable tie, keeping his head down to focus. Not only on the tie, but the sensitivity of his heart. His breathing stammered slightly, his son was yet to notice it.
Suguru hummed in response.
âIs itâIs school scary?â
Suguru smiled, at his sons concerns and at the neatly set tie. His sons eyes were wavering in scared emotions, Suguru could tell because of the added pout.
A sooting hand was placed on your sons head, soft rubbing in motion. âNah,â your son didnât seem so pleased with that brief answer.
âItâs nothing to be afraid of, baby. Me and mama will be with you for a bit, meet your teacher and classmates, who knows maybe a future girlfriend is waiting for you in there,â
Your sons worried expression became bashful, a sense of shyness at the thought of a girlfriend. Heâs seen Ponyo, he knows the kids are around his age, so if Sousuke can bag a girlfriend at that age, he canâ which ultimately made his shyness tenfold because of the possibility his dad is right.
âStop it,â you sons head hung low, a smile to his face was present though.
âAnd then me and mama will have to go,â You sons head shot up at that, the once worried expression finding its place again. âBut weâll pick you up at 3:30, on the dot,â
Again, his sons expressing seemed unsure. Suguru felt the same. His son wasnât ready, but you are a very adamant woman that he does not want to piss off.
âI promise, baby. Youâll always come back to me and mama ok?â
You son hesitated and then nodded. Suguru pulled him in for a hug, a few kisses here and there to brush off what was left on the anxiety his son was feeling.
You watched from behind them, a soft smile on your face. A crazy thought of letting Suguru get you pregnant again scared off the sentiment. Great.
The car ride was silent. Everyone must be feeling upset. Your anxiousness was evident, nails tapping on the console out of nowhere. Suguru saw and brought your hand to the center console, âIâm telling you, we can turn this car arounââ
As much as you quietly debated the thought, your son needs to finally learn whatâs outside of his family and home.
âSuguru,â he became quiet after that.
âMama,â You turned around, letting your full attention wander to your son.
âAre you going to stay?â Your smile became tight, so did your lungs. Another defeated sigh escaped your lips.
âOnly for a while, my love. But me and dadda will be there for you after school, ok?â
He hesitated again, his nod looking unsure as before. You had to reassure him one more time just to ease him a little more.
Your hand let go of Suguruâs, who seemed to be listening intently. You grabbed your sons thigh, softly rubbing it to keep him steady. âYouâll always come back to us, ok? No need to worry, we wonât go anywhere, my love,â
Suguru saw his son smile in the rear view mirror. He looked over at you and smiled as well, âeavesdropper,â
Your son sat amongst the class of kids. You and Suguru with the rest of the parents at the back.
The teacher was talking, but your son seemed to take it in one ear and let it out through the other. His head turned to the crowd of parents, a worried look plastered on his face.
The face alone caused a few unnatural beats towards Suguruâs heart. More hurried beats come forward once he saw his son quietly cry when he heard his teacher telling everyone to say their goodbyes.
âGo to him, Suguru,â he listened.
His sons eyes were covered with his fists. Suguru pursed his lips, he really didnât want his son to cry, but he knew it was inevitable.
His sons eyes were closed, his chest heaving up and down as his sobs were hiccuped. Suguru placed his hands on his sons shoulders, comforting him with that touch. âYouâre ok, baby, youâre ok,â
âIâI do-donât want you and-and mama to go,â Suguru could feel his emotional turmoil already in action, but his sons concerns are what he takes into account first.
âIt wonât be for long, baby, weâll be back before you know it,â his son was still unsure, his eyes wandering on his fathers calm face.
âLook around, my love, everything looks fun right?â His son hummed shakily, whispering âmamaâ when he saw you wave at him.
âLook there, a Ponyo poster,â Suguru lifted his finger to show him, his sons breathing seemed to calm down, finally finding something familiar in here.
âSee, baby, itâs not so bad in here,â Suguru saw how his son still trembled a bit when he saw other parents start leaving behind you. He lifted his arms, a plea to hug his dad one more time before he goes.
âI love you,â Suguru whispered, satisfied with how his son has quietly calmed down. âWeâll be here before you know it,â
You looked on, beaming at the scene with a full heart and less worries. You love Suguru, and you love how great of a dad he was. Too bad your sentiment was brushed off again when the thought of Suguru getting you pregnant again crossed your mind.
Before a kiss to his forehead, Suguru urged his son to go tune in on the iceberg his teacher was conducting. Less reluctant than before, his son went off and joined the circle. Suguru couldnât help the smirk on his face when he saw how his son was partnered up with a girl, he hopes time is slower so that no greetings to a future daughter-in-law comes as quick as this day.
On the walk to the car, Suguruâs hand in yours, he had to look back just to see his son once more before the agonizing day without him comes along. His son was up and joining the class in a game, a bright smile on his face, one that reminds Suguru of you.
A light chuckle was heard to his left, your hand coming up to his chest to give him a soft pat, âyou did good,â
He smiled, pressing a kiss to your lips, âyeah, never again, I hated that. I already miss my boy,â
You giggled and walked around the other side of the car, âdamn, I was really hoping to have another, but I guess not,â