Cordelia: Okay, Stirfry, get in there. I’m going to go distract Moira.
Tim: And as Stirfry’s about to go to the room he looks at Cordelia and goes:
Stirfry: Protect De Bonesby.
Cordelia: Oh, god damn it.
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@rudequotesofmagic
Cordelia: Okay, Stirfry, get in there. I’m going to go distract Moira.
Tim: And as Stirfry’s about to go to the room he looks at Cordelia and goes:
Stirfry: Protect De Bonesby.
Cordelia: Oh, god damn it.
Junior: If cats could open doors, society would be structured different.
Draco: The name of the pig is Spilled Milk.
Cordelia: Oh! It told you its name?
Draco: No, we named it. How do you think pigs work?
Cheddar: You know, that’s what happens when you assume is, you fuck up.
Cheddar: Take a bite. Pretty good, right?
Cordelia: I really should’ve asked what the meat was before I ate a bite of that.
Cheddar: Oh, what kind of meat - do you have, like, dietary restrictions?
Cordelia: Well, I just, I don’t know, this seems bad.
Cheddar: Uh, yeah, that was somebody who committed the sin of avarice in life.
Cordelia: Oh.
Cheddar: That’s a fella you’re eatin’.
Cordelia: Okay.
Cheddar: ...okay, don’t have a problem with that. What would have made you spit it out?
Doo doo go in toilet, And so do little pee pee, And you will be the one who put both in it. *clap clap*
My name is Jerry Mentlegen and nothing in this world, Pisses me off near half as bad as when my diaper’s soiled, I wish that I was potty trained, ‘twould be my fondest joy, To be finally a comfortable boy, comfortable boy! To be finally a comfortable boy!
Bellow: Hey Pipsy?
Pipsy: What?
Bellow: I have a question.
Pipsy: Yeah?
Bellow: Is the Delighted Wife, like, the kind of place where, like, the, like, the employees are rude to the customers as like a thing and we’re all sorta in on the game?
Pipsy: No, I’m not supposed to do this. I could get in big trouble, but I don’t give a fuck!
Bellow: Okay, uh...
Pipsy: I ain’t got shit to prove! You think I do -
Branson: He pulls a knife out.
Albee: Can you - this is dangerous, I’m just gonna let you know, it seems really dangerous, but I’m wondering if you think you can sneak past a really scary lady behind that Employees Only door.
Stirfry: ............why?
Strong: THE SKEWETON’S GOT ‘IS CLOTHES ON. EVERYBODY, A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR MR. SKEWETON.
Kid 1: That guy’s a skellington!
[collective gasp]
Man: Show us your bones.
Branson: Oh yeah, you’re losing the crowd. They’re getting weird.
Kid 2: Hey, I want to see where’s the eyes are! How come there no eyes in them sockets, eh?
Kid 1: I want to see -
Daddy: Yeah, me kid wants to see eyes!
Kid 1: Daddy, I want to see his penis!
Daddy: Ee- th - uh... let’s go, actually, I’m gonna take you home.
Kid 2: Daddy, what’s a penis?
Daddy: Now, did you two actually - I’m taking you two -
Kid 2: I know what eyes are, but what’s a penis?
Daddy: You should know what - you’re like seven.
Kid 1: I saw - I saw a penis once -
Daddy: ALL RIGHT, GOODBYE, WE’RE GOING.
Kid 2: How come Bipsy gets to know what a penis is, and I don’t get to know?
Daddy: NO, GOODBYE.
Branson: The door slams and this kid is, uh, dead.
Senator: You only eat plants?
Albee: Yeah.
Senator: Now, we got eggs on the plate, and as far as I can tell an egg is a plant.
Albee: Okay.
Senator: What is an egg but a seed? And where do plants come from? Why, they come from seeds. Problem solved. Eat your eggs.
Bellow: You can hang out with me, little dude.
Pipsy: No, I don’t like you!
Bellow: Why?
Pipsy: I don’t know. You got a way about you.
Moira: I will undo these stitches right now and show you my beating wooden heart.
Albee: That’s okay.
Bellow: Um, yeah, we’re good.
Moira: You’re good?
Bellow: Yeah.
Moira: That’s what I thought. That’s what they all say.
Cordelia: I kinda wanna see it.
Moira: You do?
Cordelia: Well...
Moira: You’re okay, actually, I like you.
Cordelia: Thanks!
Bellow: Hey I have a question.
Moira: What?
Bellow: What was your name before you killed a thousand people?
Moira: Moira Nine-Hundred Ninety Nine, asshole. You want to make it Moira Thousand-and-One?
Bellow: Are you Moira?
Moira: Excuse me?
Bellow: Are you Moira?
Moira: Who are you?
Bellow: I’m Bellow.
Moira: Am I supposed to know that?
Bellow: No.
Moira: Oh.
Albee: My parents could be right behind this door! You can get your coffee, but I’m going in!
Cordelia: No, I’m coming in with you.
Albee: ...okayyou’reagoodfriend.