Rat Poison

he/him MLM queerboi

[andhumanslovedstories]

mom was describing a tattoo a girl once took her to a back bedroom to show her, which was a fishing pole low on her pelvis with a line and hook that descended into her bush where a small clownfish hid amongst the hair. and that’s just. that’s a goal. and the ultimate freedom from obligation, like “gah I would shave but it would ruin my very good joke, what are you gonna do, I gotta make sure there’s foliage for my little clownfish to hide in”

then mom finished telling me this and looked off for a moment. “my god,” she said. “she was flirting with me. fuck. goddamn it.” 

[i-am-a-fish]

let’s pour one out for all the janitors who clean and never get enough appreciation

[elainapoststhings]

Don’t they gotta clean up what we pour out

[i-am-a-fish]

fuck stop it everyone the post is cancelled everyone please stop fuck what have I done

[andersonsallpurpose]

let’s clean one up for the janitors

[pantaloonwarrior]

[latinkilledtheromans]

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

[221cbakerstreet]

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

[miaislying]

Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean?

[personsonable-deactivated201908]

decay exists as an extant form of life

[miaislying]

That’s a terrifying answer, have a nice day

[notunlikepride]

@shitpostsampler this feels up your alley

[stimmytyler-deactivated20200301]

josh! and his giggling at all of tyler’s stupid jokes and his grin and his eyes that express so much and his simple, unyeilding devotion to drumming, and music, and those he loves. his determination to better himself through workouts and jim and constantly facing his fears. his warm and gentle nature. how he’s always prepared with hugs for his friends and knowledge on exactly how to make them feel better. he listens. his two nose peircings and the colors of a landscape down his arm. he’s about to be the husband of a woman he loves so much, who died his hair and made him laugh. he is so much, quietly

[everythingfox]

JENGA MASTER!

(Source)

[all-aboard-the-bane-train]

Sometimes absolute obliviousness is a useful skill. 

[gooddaydema]

tyler isn’t “silly” or “wacky” he’s just unhinged

[stimmytyler-deactivated20200301]

what’s your point

[gooddaydema]

my point is that he must be stopped

[stimmytyler-deactivated20200301]

you’re going up against this. what’s your plan?

[apotheophany]

I made a clean template of this meme if anyone is interested

[casual-space-plant]

I didn’t even register this as a template, I thought it was just a existential meme

[meatcrimes]

major red flags of a bad therapist, found on therapyabuse.org

[veeranger]

im actually double majoring in respecting women and minecraft

[plantfunerals]

[i-am-a-fish]

it’s dark

[candleroots]

lemme help you with that @i-am-a-fish !

[i-am-a-fish]

[tea-withnofixinsplease]

AAAAAAHHHHH

[i-am-a-fish]

[theseusorus]

WHaT HaPpENeD?!?!?!

[i-am-a-fish]

could someone please turn the light back off again im not properly dressed and im very embarrassed

[vrix1ie]

Okay fish!!! We are very sorry we did not ask beforecoming in and turning on the light

[i-am-a-fish]

thank you so much dont worry it’s ok i’ll be ready in a second

[who-is-reign]

You okay now buddy?

[i-am-a-fish]

yes thank you im ready now

[gothogami]

[i-am-a-fish]

[lemonlipglos-deactivated2022111]

you look lovely!!!!!

[i-am-a-fish]

[dadecountyfilth]

[garbage-empress]

😳 what if we accidentally kissed 😳

in the garage 🙈

[catlips001]

My dad said ok but not to touch his power tools or else I’m grounded

[garbage-empress]

😳😳what if we accidentally knocked over his 20 year old cordless drill while kissing in the garage 🙈

[catlips001]

*cries while kissing* I'MSOGONNAGETGROUNDEDFORTHIS

[garbage-empress]

😳🙈what if this was all a dream and you woke up in your bed ungrounded and everything was fine? 😳

[catlips001]

THEKISSWASN'TREAL

[sucknarutoes]

in 2019 can we stop acting like someone talking or making art about their pain is some sort of fake deep cringe factor can we let traumatized people hurt and heal in peace

[undeadratking]

OP is correct. Heart-wrenching masterpieces that we see in museums are no different than your “vent art.” Emotional turmoil is an intensely human subject and everyone deserves to make art about it, and everyone deserves to see art about human emotions and be able to relate to it. It’s not bad or shameful to make emotional art.

[frauleinpflaume-deactivated2020]

For artists who have problems with perspective (furniture etc.) in indoor scenes like me - there’s an online programm called roomsketcher where you can design a house/roon and snap pictures of it using different perspectives.

It’s got an almost endless range of furniture, doors, windows, stairs etc and is easy to use. In addition to that, you don’t have to install anything and if you create an account (which is free) you can save and return to your houses.

Examples (all done by me):

Here’s an example for how you can use it

[ladytygrycomics]

Great find, thanks!

[keiko86chanart]

OMG HEAVEN!!

Bless you!!!!