flwrchild

welcome to my space. I’m glad you’re here.

[runwildflwrchild]

“Devotion” by Coleman Hell

[runwildflwrchild]

i will peel myself a clementine

and give it over freely

without you asking first.

this, I believe, is the purest form of love.

[runwildflwrchild]

i spend my sundays in my bed

considering how the light hits the brick building that stands so closely to my own

i do not see the light, and i do not step outside the confines of my room, save for some food and drink of comforting choice

i do not go to church, but this is my sabbath, my day of rest, my prayer and my petitions.

this is me offering up my productivity, my homework, my to-do list, and my day. this is holy in and of itself.

[runwildflwrchild]

i look at you like you are the most beautiful declaration of adoration

you look at me like a puzzle that has yet to allow itself to be solved

and i wonder what point of my life encouraged me to love others but fear their love in return

8/28/22

[runwildflwrchild]

to the boy who let me introduce him to music:

thank you for letting me list off my favorites

and take you to your first concert

and overshare about my top bands

that was the most romantic thing I’ve ever done

and I so badly wish it had been romance for me

like it had been for you

because we would have been wonderful and happy and nothing could stop us

you feel like rainy days and warm blankets

or the comfort of knowing I don’t have to explain myself

or sharing intimate little bits of knowledge we keep hidden to our innermost selves

you are nothing but safety and surety and sweetness

but I was and still am too enraptured with the idea of adventure

with the chase and the thrill, with pining and uncertainty

surety and sweetness were unexpected and sadly unwelcome in my idealist’s mind

and I wish, I so very much with I could have said yes to you

but my wanderer’s mind is not quite ready, and I don’t know if it will ever be

so, please, give someone else your safety and surety and sweetness

someone that will appreciate it so much more than me

someone who is in desperate need of it

someone who will give you that sweetness right back

something I never had enough of to offer to you

[runwildflwrchild]

my boss tells me to smile more

I say I have a resting bitch face and apologize

I cried when my mom laughed at my bad handwriting

like my dad’s isn’t illegible most of the time

when boys have bed head it’s cute and sweet

when I do I’m told to look more refined

And over time

I cannot find

What’s mine that’s truly mine

[runwildflwrchild]

I’m being psychoanalyzed

by therapists on tiktok

they ask me what my favorite trope is

I say soulmates, and they smile sadly

when will you learn that you are loveable,

that someone out there will choose you first?

I say never, and go back to

my red strings of fate and predestined tattoos

2/28/21

[runwildflwrchild]

happiness is rarely photogenic

most often, it is quite ugly

it is crazed, unstoppable, off the beaten path

it is nothing like the movies

and most often, that is quite beautiful

it is realistic, unkempt, and wild

so be ugly.

sometimes it will be overwhelming sadness that brings it about

and sometimes it will be uncontrollable joy

and both will be beautiful

3/2/21

[runwildflwrchild]

try to breathe in without failing

the breath I’m inhaling

has competition coming through

from the noxious fumes

from the toxic half-truths that surround me

I’m trying in vain to make everyone happy

You can’t save everyone but I want to

what does that mean

2/18/21

[runwildflwrchild]

I’m a little bit lost

Tossing and turning

The moment our paths crossed

It was time to kickstart the yearning

Let my heart be

I swear, it’s making a scene

I’m pouring gasoline

On the spark that I’m seeing

2/18/21

[runwildflwrchild]

emotionally driven but logic based

she handles it all with dignity and grace

but bottles all her shit up inside

it’s an ugly heart behind her pretty face

reinvents herself weekly, it always takes place

within the confines of her own bedroom space

she’s just got way too much to hide

personas cover up like a new coat of paint

2/9/21

[runwildflwrchild]

everyone who leaves you will leave an impact

everyone you leave will, too

often it’s the times you leave that hurt the most

often you are the one that still cannot move on

and every so often you feel absolutely nothing

every so often you are numb

but with every dawn comes another morning

a brand new day with a familiar sun

2/8/21

[runwildflwrchild]

you are a ray of sunlight

and I have never been prouder

to see someone shine

as you do

1/27/21

[runwildflwrchild]

midnight tastes of melancholy,

petrichor and trust

knowing that the moon will never

shame you for your lust

a blanket of fog,

a mirror paved in gold

a simple goodbye

as the midnight grows old

[runwildflwrchild]

If they want to psychoanalyze me

They’d better listen carefully

I’m not some damsel in distress

I just want what I cannot be

You can interrupt my daydreaming

It’s nothing I haven’t already seen

And it’s so easy to return

Imagination fueled by caffeine

[runwildflwrchild]

coffee rings and broken things

marble floors and darkest springs

sharp but smudged eyeliner wings

no commitment, short-term flings

a thunderstorm and all it brings

petrichor and silver rings

relationships that have no strings

soft but deadly, beauty sings

1/26/21

[runwildflwrchild]

They walk as though they are a barricade

A sea wall to hold back something invisible

Their arms sway between each other

Never touching, but always close

Their bond looks stronger than steel

Than the forges they were born of

Nothing can get past them, ahead of them, around them

And I wonder

Why the fuck these four specific frat boys think it’s a good idea to take up the entire sidewalk

1/26/21

~ a bit of satire for your Tuesday enjoyment ~