Feeling
Pairing: TsukkiYama (Soulmate AU)
TW: implied anxiety attacks and nightmares
Word Count: 6k+
Summary: [Whenever your soulmate carries a strong emotional burden, whether it be sadness, stress, or concern, you will feel a sudden physical pain in a random part of your body. If the pain persists, your soulmate may be in a perpetual state of emotional pain. Whenever your soulmate feels a physical pain, you will feel a pang of emotion hit you, usually in the chest area. There is no biological explanation for this phenomenon-]
That sounds like something out of a messed up fairy-tale. His annoyed brain supplies. How are people ever supposed to live with their soulmate when they know their soulmate’s the cause of their suffering?
(A/N: This story starts when Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are still in elementary school.)
“Hey, Aki-niichan?”
“What is it, Kei?” Akiteru looks up from his book, eyebrows furrowing at his younger brother’s hesitation.
“Does your body hurt sometimes? Like, randomly?” Kei finally looks up from his fidgeting fingers, giving his brother a nervous smile.
“Well, when I was your age-”
“You’re not that much older than me niichan-”
“I had a growth spurt too,” Akiteru smiles reassuringly.
Kei cocks his head to the side.
“Having growing pains is perfectly normal, Kei. You’ve already grown two centimeters this month alone. I’m sure you’re gonna keep growing. But you better not grow taller than me!” Akiteru glares playfully, chuckling at his brother’s annoyed pout. He pokes at the younger’s puffed up cheeks, returning Kei’s pout. A finger also pokes at Akiteru’s cheek as they compete to see who can hold more air in their mouths without letting it out.
‘Pbbbbbt.’ Their cheeks deflate at the same time, and loud peals of laughter echo around the bedroom.
Kei is the first to recover. “Niichan?”
“Mhm?”
“When’s your next volleyball game?”
Kei doesn’t notice how Akiteru stiffens, his smile contorting into an anxious frown. “It’s not for a while! We have to train hard before we can play in matches, after all!” Akiteru regains some of his composure, managing a wobbly grin.
“When is it though?”
“Kei, I think it’s time for you to go to bed,” Akiteru avoids the question, ruffling the other’s hair. Kei lets him, closing his eyes at the familiar feeling of warmth spreading through him.
“Okay,” the younger agrees obediently. “Goodnight, niichan.” He reluctantly stands up, making his way to his own bedroom.
“Goodnight, Kei.”
He misses the other’s relieved sigh, oblivious to his brother’s anxiety.
~~~~~~~~~~
He clutches his chest, feeling a whirlwind of emotions flow through him before he’s filled with nothing again. It’s been happening more frequently now and to be honest, he’s terrified. He doesn’t know where these emotions are coming from, and most of the time, he doesn’t even know what the emotions are, and that’s more scary than anything.
“Hey, get up.”
A voice drifts toward Kei from the other side of the gate, but he doesn’t register the implications, grabbing his chest as another wave of feeling explodes inside of him.
“You’re gonna carry all our bags today.”
The voice is clearer now as various pains shoot through his shoulder and back. Kei turns toward the source of the voice, scowling at the other boy.
“What are you looking at?” the boy sneers.
Kei’s eyes drift down to the crying boy surrounded by backpacks. His eyes snap back up to the other boy, confirmed bully, and they narrow into a dangerous glare.
“Pathetic.”
A throbbing ache starts up in his right wrist. He turns around, swiftly making his way back home.
“Whatever. It’s not like I care!”
He hears loud footsteps behind him, but he doesn’t turn around. He stretches out his wrist, smiling as the pain gradually lessens into a faint sting.
~~~~~~~~~~
“I- Thank you for the other day!”
Kei turns to see a freckled brunette boy standing in the doorway of the gym. He doesn’t recognize him at first, but he does recognize the dull ache sprouting from his shoulder.
“Have we met?”
The ache starts to throb, but he’s already gotten used to it enough not to flinch.
“The… park… The other day…”
“Oh. So why are you here?” He says it as casually as he can while his shoulder feels like it’s being bashed by a frying pan. He doesn’t think growing pains should hurt this much, but he refuses to go to the doctor for anything as trivial as this.
“I- uh- wanted to join a sport… The baseball and soccer players looked really intimidating, but the people here seem safe…” the brunette trails off, avoiding the other’s gaze.
Kei gives him a concerned look, temporarily forgetting about the pain hammering through various parts of his body.
“Oh! Those shoes are so cool! I only have my school-issued gym shoes!”
Kei jolts at the sudden burst of excitement, but he takes it into stride answering, “These are hand-me-downs.” He glances down at his shoes. “I’m only wearing my brother’s old shoes until I get new ones next week.” He feels the prickling in his leg disappear as he stretches it out.
“Your brother plays volleyball, too?”
“He plays at a strong school called Karasuno. He’s considered the ace.” He rolls his shoulders, grinning as the tension in his shoulder disappears.
“He’s the ace of a powerhouse school?! Uwahhh, that’s so cool!!!”
He gets another burst of the other’s energy and he feels his whole body start to relax. “Nah, it’s no big deal. He’s been one ever since middle school,” Kei continues to brag, smiling smugly.
“Wow! How long has he been playing? Was he on this team? Aces are so cool!!!” the shorter boy shouts excitedly.
Kei continues to grin, stretching his arm to relieve the last of the pains.
~~~~~~~~~~
Tadashi squints down at the court, looking fervently for a head of blonde hair. He can feel himself start to panic when he doesn’t see a familiar figure playing on the court, not even on the bench-
He catches his friend’s gaze, his eyes widening as he spots who he was looking for in the opposite stands. He can’t hold back a gasp of shock, but quickly recovers enough to see Kei’s reaction.
The taller boy has gone stiff, his grip on the railing tightening until his knuckles contrast greatly with the wooden bars.
“I told you so! My brother’s a third year and he doesn’t even get to play!” their classmate shoves a newspaper in their faces, complaining loudly.
“Okay, we get it already,” Tadashi tries to placate the other, sneaking glances at his friend. He’s still standing frozen, his eyes never leaving the opposite side. Tadashi joins him in his silence, gripping his own arm tightly.
They stay like that for the entire match with Tadashi only speaking to make their classmate stop complaining. He doesn’t register the sharp pain in his left wrist until he lets go. It lingers for a few minutes, but he’s too worried about Kei to care.
~~~~~~~~
Kei doesn’t come to practice that week. Tadashi still sees him at school, but he’s afraid to mention it, afraid to even mention volleyball and it’s really hard to find a different topic they share an interest in.
“So, Tsukki, what’s your favorite constellation?” Tadashi asks, trying to break their awkward silence.
“Scorpius.” Kei finally turns to him, a faint sparkle in his eyes.
“I’m a scorpio!” Tadashi exclaims, quickly lowering his head when his classmates stare at him. “Um, why do you like scorpius?”
“I thought it looked like a pterodactyl without wings,” Kei admits quietly.
“Ooh!!! Pterodactyls are so cool!!!” Tadashi waves his arms excitedly.
“You like dinosaurs too?” Kei can’t keep the hope out of his voice.
“I do! But I don’t know that much about them…” Tadashi trails off, his fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.
Kei’s only discouraged for a moment, before he pulls out his children’s dinosaur encyclopedia, pointing out his favorite dinosaurs and why he likes them so much.
Tadashi listens with a bright smile, occasionally adding in his own commentary.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kei comes back to practice two weeks later, and Tadashi can’t help but think his efforts have paid off.
“Tsukki!” he exclaims, running over to the taller boy.
“Hey Yamaguchi,” Kei answers casually, as if he hadn’t missed a day of practice.
“We’re practicing receives today!” Tadashi shouts, realizing a few seconds too late that Kei hates receive practice.
For a moment, he’s afraid Kei might leave and never come back, but the taller boy lets a small smirk grace his lips, his eyes glinting behind his glasses.
Tadashi follows him back into the gym, his ecstatic smile blooming through the whole practice.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kei can’t remember the last time he felt this peaceful. But then he remembers long summer nights sitting on the porch with his brother, pointing out random constellations. He quickly pushes down those thoughts, focusing more on the boy lying next to him.
“Hey, doesn’t that look like a seismosaurus?” Tadashi points at a long arrangement of stars, his finger following the curve of his made-up constellation.
“Its tail isn’t long enough. It’s more like a brachiosaurus,” Kei argues, also tracing the constellation.
“Then that one’s a dilophosaurus!” The smaller boy outlines another string of stars before turning to Kei. The taller one also turns and barely manages to hold in a laugh as Tadashi puts both thumbs to his cheeks, flaring his fingers out around his face.
“Did you watch Jurassic Park?” Kei hides a smirk behind his hand, returning his gaze back up to the stars.
“Yeah…?” Tadashi admits quietly.
“They haven’t proven if dilophosauruses had those neck frills or not,” Kei states, idly using his finger to connect more sparkles in the sky.
“But they haven’t proven that they didn’t have frills,” Tadashi argues, grinning at the other boy.
Kei scoffs, “They were predators. I doubt they had neck frills; they would’ve just gotten in the way.”
“But without neck frills, they aren’t as scary!” Tadashi refutes, crossing his arms across his chest.
“Even if they had them, I don’t think they were meant to look scary,” Kei answers calmly, his finger still drifting through the air. “That one looks like a pterodactyl,” he tries to change the subject.
“One with wings, or one without?”
Kei can hear the smirk in the other’s voice. “One with wings.”
“Ooh, which one?”
He hesitates for a second before gently grabbing his friend’s hand, guiding his finger toward the head of the pterodactyl. He helps him trace the outline of the flying dinosaur, ignoring the trembling of the other’s hand.
“Woah, that’s so cool!” Tadashi exclaims, subtly trying to pull his hand back. Kei holds on tighter, rubbing his warm fingers against the shorter’s cold ones.
“And that one’s a triceratops.” He continues to guide the other’s hand, half expecting Tadashi to yank his hand away.
He’s relieved to feel his friend slowly start to relax as their hands gradually heat up to match the blinding smiles on their faces.
~~~~~~~~~~
Tadashi takes a deep breath, trying to will his uneasiness away. But it never works.
He’s heading over to Kei’s house for the first time. His friend had finally agreed to show him his dinosaur collection, but now Tadashi’s having second thoughts.
Tsukki’s always avoided having me over. Maybe he’s afraid of introducing me to his family? He can feel the weight in his chest steadily increasing as his thoughts take a turn for the worst. He avoids another crack in the sidewalk as he barely manages to keep up with his friend’s hurried pace.
But then why is he still your friend? He wouldn’t continue to hang out with you if he thought his family would disapprove. He manages to cling onto what little self-confidence he has left.
He’s obviously using you since he doesn’t have anyone else. If you rely on him too much, he’ll leave you.
Tadashi shudders at the thought, his footsteps gaining more silence between each. He doesn’t realize he’s come to a full stop until he feels something on his right shoulder.
“Were you lying when you said you weren’t sick, earlier?”
Tadashi startles at the question, his eyes widening when he hears the concern in his friend’s voice. Kei rarely reveals any emotion, and when he does, it means he feels very strongly about something.
He chides himself for being so obvious before giving the taller boy his best reassuring smile. “I’m fine, Tsukki! I’m just worried about our math test tomorrow!” He lies easily, but his anxiety spreads to his hands and he hastily hides them behind his back.
Kei rolls his shoulders, frowning when the growing pains extend to his wrists. “If you say so.” He lets it go for now, continuing to subtly stretch his shoulder and arms.
~~~~~~~~~~
He knew this was going to happen. He’d expected his parents to love Tadashi, and he’d known they would invite him to dinner. He’d also predicted Tadashi would reject the offer at first, but feel inclined to accept after his parents’ fervent attempts to make him stay.
Kei hadn’t expected his brother to suddenly come home, saying he’d forgotten his history textbook but hadn’t been able to come back until now since he’d had freshman orientation.
He’d suspected it was his parent’s doing at first, but he quickly realizes it really was a coincidence. He starts to not care about the cause and more on the effect when he notices during his prolonged silence, Tadashi and his brother had started a conversation on their favorite action shows.
“Kei used to love Ultraman before he moved on to dinosaurs,” Akiteru comments, winking over at his younger brother.
Kei averts his gaze, resting his eyes on Tadashi’s sparkling ones.
“Really? Who’s your favorite villain?”
Kei holds back a smirk as he gains Tadashi’s full attention. “Zetton,” he mutters.
“The epic space dinosaur!” Tadashi exclaims.
“I do admit, the final battle was pretty epic,” Akiteru acknowledges. Kei frowns as Tadashi turns back to his brother.
“Yeah! The effects were so cool and I didn’t expect Zetton to almost defeat Ultraman!”
“He had me scared for a little while.”
“It’s not like they’d kill off the main character that easily,” Kei scoffs, leaning back on his hands. He flinches as a sharp pain shoots through his arm.
“Do you still have growing pains? I mean, you’re still growing after all,” Akiteru answers his own question, giving his younger brother a worried look.
Kei prepares to make a witty retort, but his friend’s reaction makes him pause.
“Tadashi-kun, are you okay?”
Kei holds back a frustrated glare. They’ve barely just met and he’s already calling him Tadashi-kun?
“I- Is that what it is?”
The brunette’s question makes him turn back to his friend. Tadashi continues to stare at the floor, his fingers folding and unfolding to an arrhythmic beat.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re going to grow taller than Kei,” Akiteru teases, a shit-eating grin stealing his normally pleasant face.
“I hope so.” Tadashi regains some of his initial cheer, smiling up at his brother.
“Only if I let you,” Kei challenges, smirking when he earns a pout from his friend.
“I may be shorter than you now, but I drink milk every single day!”
“Kei, I told you you should drink more milk.”
Kei ignores his brother, his eyes trained on Tadashi. “You need to drink at least two cups a day to grow taller.”
“I drink three cups a day!”
“You might even grow taller than me!” Akiteru exclaims.
Kei scowls as the brunette grins at his brother.
They continue to fight for his friend’s attention, Tadashi staying blissfully oblivious to the fact that Akiteru was the reason Kei had avoided bringing his friend over for the longest time.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kei has long since realized that the perpetual aching in his limbs is not growing pains. He’d looked it up at his school library, and had only come across one recurring result.
Soulmate pains. He’d found the concept as ridiculous as the phrase sounds, but he’d continued his research.
‘There are over 6 billion people in this world, but only one of them is your soulmate.There are several rare cases of people having more than one soulmate, but that is highly uncommon. No one knows how soulmates are chosen-’
He skips the intro of the article, quickly scrolling back up when he accidentally passes the section about how the system works.
‘Whenever your soulmate carries a strong emotional burden, whether it be sadness, stress, or concern, you will feel a sudden physical pain in a random part of your body. If the pain persists, your soulmate may be in a perpetual state of emotional pain. Whenever your soulmate feels a physical pain, you will feel a pang of emotion hit you, usually in the chest area. There is no biological explanation for this phenomenon-’
He stops reading, pondering over what he’d just learned. So if I hurt myself, my soulmate will feel sad, and if I feel sad, my soulmate will feel physical pain.
That sounds like something out of a messed up fairy-tale. His annoyed brain supplies. How are people ever supposed to live with their soulmate when they know their soulmate’s the cause of their suffering?
He closes the tab, searching for something more relevant to his situation. He clicks on the first result that comes up.
‘Yeah, I think the entire concept is warped since soulmate identification systems are supposed to make it easier to find them, not harder.’ He belatedly realizes he’s reading a forum where people can comment about how they found their soulmates.
‘I think you’ve read a few too many fanfics.’ Golden eyes narrow at the computer screen as he tries to make sense of the comment. After a few seconds, he decides to skip it, hoping the next one might give him more context.
‘But it does make it easier to find your soulmate! My wife is super clumsy, so for my whole childhood, I thought I had anxiety or something. Turns out she kept tripping or bumping into things so she always had a broken bone or a ton of bruises.’ Kei wonders if his own soulmate is clumsy, maybe that’s why my body always hurts? Wait, but I have physical pains, so my soulmate’s always in distress? A frown takes over his face as he tries to figure out why his soulmate would always be sad. He decides to think about it later, focusing back on the computer screen.
‘Oh, and don’t forget that the closer you are to your soulmate, the stronger the pains are. Also, the only way to get rid of the pain is to be in physical contact. I should know since my husband and I are near inseparable since he has depression.’
Kei feels like he’s more confused than he was when he first started researching. Depression? Anxiety? He’d heard those words used during class when explaining emotions, but he’s never heard them being used as… medical terms? He opens another tab to-
“The library will be closing in five minutes. Please make your way to the front to check out your books,” the librarian’s voice booms over the loudspeakers.
Kei looks up at the clock, eyes widening when he realizes it’s already seven o’clock. If he doesn’t head home now, his parents will start getting worried.
He stands up and stretches out his legs, grimacing when the pain can’t be shaken away. He’s still skeptical about whether soulmate bonds actually exist, but now he can’t deny he’s interested.
~~~~~~~~~~~
It always starts off as one bubble.
One tiny mistake, one misunderstanding that both sides refuse to acknowledge and explain.
And Tadashi expects the bubble to pop eventually, to pop and set him free from the anxiety, the guilt, the shame.
But it doesn’t.
Another bubble is blown. Larger and larger. He’s not sure who’s blowing it, but he can’t help but blame himself.
This bubble pops easily, but not without leaving some of its air with the other.
And the cycle continues.
Tiny bubbles drift in, some popping before they even reach him. But the ones that do linger feed on each other, converging until they leave him with one. One huge bubble, threatening to pop at any harsh word, any careless mistake, any ignored text.
You can do it, Tadashi repeats. Today is the day.
But the day never comes. And miraculously, the bubble never pops.
It hides in the shadows, but it’s suffocating, leeching on the microscopic bubbles he continues to create.
Tadashi’s been avoiding Kei, convincing himself he’s doing it to give his friend some space. He’s been called clingy before, and he doesn’t want his best friend to think he’s annoying, or worse, leave him for it.
And there’s another reason. He’s felt it building up for over a month, threatening to explode inside of him.
I can’t let him know. He’ll call me pathetic again. He feels another bubble of anxiety expand in his chest.
No, I really need to stop calling them bubbles. They’re more like thousand ton weights compressing against my chest and lungs, making my hands tremble, my legs numb, my brain suffocate… But why do I feel like flying -running away- instead of sinking into the ground?
Tadashi pulls his knees against his chest, hiding his head under his arms. He’d managed to sneak out to the infirmary, and he’s eternally thankful that the nurse knows about his condition. She’d just left to restock on more paper towels, so he’s left alone to ponder over everything that’s gone wrong.
Kei has been acting distant ever since Tadashi met Akiteru. It’s exam season, so he’s barely getting any sleep. His growing pains have now spread to his entire body. There are too many burdens squeezing the life out of his undead corpse, and even playing volleyball with his best friend isn’t enough to revive him.
He clutches at his chest as an especially strong onslaught of feeling erupts within him. He can’t identify the emotions coursing through him. Through his hazy mind, he somehow manages to scoot back, leaning heavily against the headrest of the bed.
‘Thunk.’
He faintly registers the door opening, and forces a small smile, hoping the nurse came back.
“Yamaguchi.”
Tadashi freezes as he realizes who’s standing in the doorway. Kei has one hand still on the doorknob, the other slightly tilted so that no blood drips on the floor.
Another explosion racks Tadashi’s entire body, squeezing the last of the air out of him. He knows he won’t suffocate, but he feels like he will, he can’t breathe, he needs air, I can’t- I’m gonna die- I need- Please- Help- I-
He feels himself soaring, not realizing he’s taken off into the depths of his mind until a gentle touch grounds him back to reality.
“Yamaguchi,” a soft voice drifts in before anchoring onto the remaining microscopic bubbles.
‘Pop!’ One by one, they start to break and Tadashi’s whole body feels heavier but it’s a good heavy. It’s the type of weight he’s needed; a reason to stay grounded rather than allowing the bubbles to help him fly away.
He doesn’t feel like escaping anymore.
“Tsukki,” he whispers, grabbing onto the other’s shirt as if he’s afraid he’ll run away. But the grip on his shoulder only tightens.
And that’s when the relief hits. It seeps in through the stitches of Kei’s blanket of reassurance and Tadashi feels his shoulders sag as the last of the bubbles explode.
He inhales a shuddering breath, reveling at how easily his lungs fill with air. His breathing gradually calms as Kei’s hand drifts down to his back, rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades.
“Thanks,” Tadashi breathes out, his eyes closing in contentment.
Kei thinks he’s finally starting to understand what hours on the computer couldn’t help him comprehend.
~~~~~~~~~~
Kei realizes a week later that Tadashi doesn’t know what soulmates are. Since soulmates are a controversial topic and rarely anyone finds their soulmate before they’re an adult, the topic isn’t taught until high school.
It gives him one more reason to hate the school system.
He sighs loudly as he changes into his gym clothes. He doesn’t want to play volleyball without Tadashi, he’s still salty about being placed in different classes, but he also knows his gym teacher doesn’t really like him.
He ignores the dull ache spreading from his ankle as he ties his volleyball shoes, quickly making his way into the gym.
~~~~~~~~~~~
He feels himself soaring, slipping, falling-
And then nothing. He opens his eyes and is greeted by a dark, blurry silhouette of his best friend sleeping next to him. His eyes narrow as he tries to remember where he is-
Tadashi’s staying over today, he recalls, his eyelids threatening to flutter shut. He tries to get up in order to move back into his own bed, but a strong grip on his left wrist stops him.
Kei is only slightly deterred as he attempts to gently lift the other’s fingers off of his arm. But Tadashi keeps tightening his fingers, not enough to hurt, but enough to make Kei frustrated.
He wants to sleep. He needs to sleep. They have volleyball practice tomorrow morning, or today since it’s probably already past midnight, and Kei hasn’t been sleeping well for the past few days. He thought it would help if Tadashi stayed over, but his plan had only backfired-
No. It didn’t backfire. He turns over onto his side, closing his eyes.
His mind drifts back to the nightmare that had woken him up. Tadashi had left him for a bigger group of friends, friends that deserved to be with him, and Kei had taken the cowardly route. He’d thought it would be better to disappear completely if his best friend was leaving him. He’d thought no one would care if he finally acted on impulse, doing what so many people must have always wanted him to do.
He rolls so he’s laying with his back to the futon, Tadashi’s fingers still encircling his wrist. He realizes, despite just waking from a nightmare, he’s strangely at peace.
It isn’t a huge revelation. He’d always had his suspicions, and now they were confirmed.
He’s already half asleep when he revels in how all his uneasiness has gone away, all his aches have disappeared, and he’s finally able to close his eyes, slipping into a dreamless sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
It’s hard not to reveal your love for someone, especially after finding out he’s your soulmate. Kei knows there are platonic soulmates, but he wants something more.
After his short bout of doubt which lasts only a day, he’s hit by an overwhelming urge to tell Tadashi, explain to his best friend what a soulmate is, how they’re soulmates, and how Kei wants to further their relationship as much as the other will let him.
He may not actively seek physical contact and act indifferent towards everything, but when it comes to Tadashi, he’d do anything for him. He only hopes the other reciprocates his feelings.
~~~~~~~~~~
He hasn’t felt such an intense pain in his shoulder since his third year in middle school when he-
His feet don’t need to be told where to go as he sprints toward the school infirmary. He’d memorized the route with Tadashi when they first toured the Karasuno campus, so he continues sprinting as the pain in his shoulder steadily increases, signifying he’s heading toward the right direction.
He opens the door to the infirmary, ignoring the nurse as he takes a seat next to Tadashi. “Tsukki.” Tadashi’s pained whisper makes his head start throbbing. The nurse’s complaints pass through both ears as Kei gently grasps Tadashi’s hands, rubbing warmth back into them.
“I’m right here,” he whispers, letting a rare smile bloom on his face. His soulmate returns it as their breaths and heartbeats gradually slow to synchrony.
~~~~~~~~~~
“You know, I’ve known for a while that we were soulmates,” Tadashi admits on their way home.
“Since when?” Kei asks. He’d figured the other knew, but hadn’t mentioned anything in courtesy of Kei. His best friend seems oblivious, but he’s rather perceptive when it comes to anything concerning Kei.
“Since the first time you slipped into my futon,” Tadashi confesses, grinning up at the taller boy.
“And you didn’t tell me because…?” He hadn’t meant to sound so threatening, but Tadashi answers with a soft chuckle.
“It was only a week after I told you I didn’t know what soulmates were,” the pinch server whispers, blushing slightly.
Kei nods in understanding. He can’t admonish his friend when he himself chose not to tell him right away. And technically speaking, he hadn’t told his friend; Tadashi had managed to find out for himself.
“So… What do we do now?”
Kei gives him a meaningful stare.
“I don’t know if I’m reading into this too much, but you look like you really want to… hold hands?” Tadashi guesses.
“You’re not reading into this too much,” Kei answers, subtly holding his left hand out to the other boy.
Tadashi doesn’t hesitate before grabbing his hand, and both boys relax as a sense of calm spreads through their whole bodies.
~~~~~~~~~~
Tadashi grimaces as he realizes they’re going to be playing dodge-ball today. He feels a brush of skin against his own and doesn’t need to look to see his soulmate standing next to him.
I won’t let anything hurt you. Another brush of hands, and then they’re forced to part as they walk to their respective teams.
They’ve been split into teams of six. Tadashi doesn’t know how, but he’d ended up on a team with four basketball players and one soccer player. He doesn’t know if he’s extremely lucky or terribly unlucky as an intense pressure curls inside his chest. He tries but fails to push it down, glancing up at Kei. The taller boy has found a peaceful spot on the side of the gym and is ignoring his five other teammates’ attempts to strategize.
“Teams one and three are up first!”
Tadashi follows his team onto the dodgeball court, his eyes meeting Kei’s on the other side.
Crap. I’m playing against Tsukki? Tadashi hides behind one of the taller basketball players, doing his best to avoid being noticed.
‘Fweeeeet!!!’
Tadashi misses the starting tip-off, and opts to hide on the side as one of the girls on his team catches the ball. Her face sprouts a dangerous smirk as she throws the ball. It seemingly swishes towards an empty space before curving right and hitting one of their opponents on the leg.
“Out!” their teacher shouts, motioning for the boy to get off center court. The boy glares at his teammate before jogging to the other side of the court.
Tadashi continues to hide on the side, slightly relaxing when the ball never comes close to him.
He fails to notice the murderous glare of his best friend, making people think twice before they try to hit Tadashi.
~~~~~~~~~~
They’re the only one’s left in the boy’s locker room.
“Sorry Tsukki, did it hurt when I got hit?” Tadashi whispers, leaning back against Kei’s chest.
Kei doesn’t answer, but continues to lightly caress the large bruise starting to form on his soulmate’s left knee.
~~~~~~~~~~
He hasn’t felt this horrible in a while.
The familiar bursts of feeling get stronger as he sprints toward Kei’s house. His own anxiety mixes with it, creating a tornado of unbalanced emotions, threatening to make him pass out.
“Tadashi-kun!”
He looks up to see Akiteru standing in the doorway. He’s ushered into the house, and swiftly led to Kei’s bedroom.
Even in the dim room, Tadashi can see how much Kei is suffering, can feel the spikes of pain shooting through his body.
“Tadashi,” Kei gasps out, deliriously reaching out toward him. Tadashi grabs his hand, letting out a long breath. He smiles as his soulmate’s forehead finally relaxes, his whole face smoothing over with a neutral expression. It only takes a few more seconds before Kei’s breathing has evened out, signifying a dreamless sleep.
“He wouldn’t stop asking for you,” Akiteru whispers over the comfortable silence. “Thanks for getting here so quickly.”
Tadashi turns to see him blocking the light from the doorway. He doesn’t know how to answer, so he silently nods, lowering his gaze back to Kei’s face.
“How have you been?” Akiteru asks, closing the door behind him before taking a seat in Kei’s chair.
“I’ve been better. Tsukki seems really stressed though, and he’s been avoiding me again,” Tadashi answers, knowing what Akiteru really wanted to ask.
The older man sighs, leaning back against the chair. “I’m guessing it’s volleyball related?”
“We have our summer training camp in a week,” Tadashi whispers nervously. His free hand flexes and unflexes as if he desperately wants to hold a volleyball.
“Is that the one in Tokyo?”
“Yeah.” So many emotions are revealed from just one word. Excitement. Fear. Doubt. Envy. Insecurity.
“I heard you’ve been practicing your jump float serves.” Akiteru doesn’t try to conceal the praise in his voice.
“I… I’m not that good. But I’ve been practicing a lot more since our loss at the Inter-high,” Tadashi admits quietly.
“I wish Kei had your determination,” Akiteru whispers, scooting forward to rest his elbows on his brother’s desk.
Tadashi doesn’t know how to answer, so he wordlessly shakes his head.
“Has Kei ever… nevermind,” Akiteru trails off, standing up.
He’s almost out the door when Tadashi mutters, “He doesn’t hate you, Aki-niisan. He just needs a little more time to organize his thoughts. I don’t think he fully understands how to forgive someone, yet.” A reassuring smile blooms on his lips as he looks up at his soulmate’s brother. Akiteru returns it as best he can, before leaving to get some food and medicine for Kei.
Tadashi’s free hand drifts to Kei’s face, tracing dinosaur constellations against his cheeks.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Motivation? What more do you need than pride?!”
Tadashi belatedly realizes that he has Kei’s shirt curled in his hands and they’re close enough to kiss. He pulls back at the realization, nervously waiting for his friend’s answer.
“You’re so cool.”
Wait, what?!
“When did you become so cool, Tadashi?”
Kei’s words make him take another step back, his eyes flickering between his soulmate’s face, lips, and shirt. The white fabric is still crumpled around the collar, and Tadashi regrets not pulling him in for a kiss.
“What?” he gasps out, not fully understanding what’s happening.
“You’re so cool,” Kei repeats.
Tadashi manages to respond with a confused smile.
“I have to go check something.”
Tadashi’s still frozen as Kei makes his way back to the third gym.
It’s not until an hour later when they both realize their headaches have miraculously disappeared.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Woah! Tsukishima’s new glasses are so cool!!!”
Hinata’s shout makes Tadashi look up from his volleyball.
“Hinata, you’ve been saying that every day for the past week or so,” he comments, grinning up at Kei.
“Having you say that makes me second-guess my confidence, so I wish you’d stop,” Kei states with his usual deadpan voice, side-eyeing Hinata before looking back down at his glasses.
“Hey!”
Tadashi chuckles at the spiker’s shout, bumping his shoulder against the taller boy’s affectionately. Kei returns the bump, his face swiftly switching into game mode.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Thank you.”
Tadashi looks up from his textbook to see Akiteru in the doorway, holding a tray filled with snacks.
“I’m sorry, I’m not sure…?”
“I’m so glad you’re Kei’s soulmate.” Akiteru smiles, gently placing the tray on the table.
“How..?” Tadashi hasn’t told anyone about his soulmate yet. And he trusts Kei hasn’t told anyone either.
“I wouldn’t be able to call myself his brother if I didn’t notice something as simple as that,” Akiteru states, placing both hands on his hips.
Tadashi chuckles before whispering, “I really didn’t do anything though.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit.” Akiteru ruffles his hair. “Even just your presence makes Kei a more agreeable person.”
“Niisan, stop telling him lies.”
They both turn to see Kei standing in the doorway. He has his usual deadpan expression, but the corners of his lips are twitching up in amusement.
“I’m only telling him the truth,” Akiteru chuckles, grinning at his brother.
“Scorpius looks like a wingless pterodactyl,” Kei mutters, glancing over at his brother.
“No, it looks like a seahorse.” Akiteru gives him his closed-eye smile, before turning to Tadashi. “Doesn’t it look like a seahorse, Tadashi-kun?”
Kei also turns to him with an expectant look.
“I’m sorry Aki-niisan, but I’m gonna have to go with Tsukki on this one,” Tadashi smiles in apology.
“Wha-!” Akiteru clutches his chest in mock betrayal.
“See niisan, Scorpius is a pterodactyl without wings.”
“That’s practically a seahorse!”
“Seahorses aren’t dinosaurs.”
“But what does that have to do with Scorpius? I mean, it starts with an ‘s,’ so it might as well be a seahorse!”
Wait… Isn’t Scorpius supposed to be a scorpion? Tadashi giggles at the thought, watching fondly as the two brothers continue to quarrel.
~~~~~~~~~~
Tadashi grins when he hears a familiar voice cheering from the stands. He’d subtly mentioned the date and time of their final match to Akiteru and was pleasantly surprised that his efforts had succeeded.
He chuckles at Kei’s annoyed glare, motivating him to cheer louder for his team.
~~~~~~~~~~
He feels more than sees Kei’s injury. A tumult of emotions explode inside his head, forcing him to squeeze his eyes shut.
“He’s bleeding!”
“He needs to get that hand looked at!”
“I’ll take him to the infirmary!”
I’m okay. I’m okay. Tsukki’s in more pain than I am. Tadashi chants to himself, hiding his trembling hands behind his back.
“You’d better buy us some time!”
He knows it’s not meant for him, but he can’t help but hear a different implication. Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon.
“By the time you get back, we’ll already be bound for nationals!”
When he opens his eyes, his soulmate is already gone.
~~~~~~~~~~
“I bought you some time… Or that’s what I’d like to say, but Yamaguchi actually bought more time than me.” Hinata comments as he sits next to him.
“Thanks for being honest,” he mutters emotionlessly, looking back at the court. But then he’s reminded of what had been bothering him the whole time he was in the infirmary.
He’d been so worried about getting back on the court as fast as he could that he’d overlooked Tadashi’s pain.
He ignores Hinata’s side-glance as he stands up, sneaking his way over to Tadashi. He pulls him to the back of the group, wrapping him in a strong embrace. His uninjured hand curls around the back of his soulmate’s neck, gently pulling him into his chest.
“T-Tsukki? Are you okay?” Tadashi’s words are muffled, but the concern still makes it through.
“I am, but you’re not,” Kei states, feeling the other’s erratic heartbeat against his chest. “Try to match my breathing,” he whispers, deliberately making his breaths more pronounced.
Tadashi’s trembling arms circle around Kei’s back, pulling him even closer.
“How did you serve like this?” Kei asks, genuinely curious.
“I knew you were in more pain than me,” Tadashi whispers. “And I couldn’t let us lose, since you promised you’d come back.”
He can feel the other boy smiling against his chest. “Thank you.”
The whistle blows, drowning out Tadashi’s answer. Kei reluctantly pulls away, returning his friend’s determined grin before running back onto the court.
~~~~~~~~~~~
“Tsukki, the awards ceremony is going to start.” He freezes in the doorway as he sees Kei hunched over the sink. “Is something wrong?”
“I promised I would block his spikes… and I only blocked one. Even though there were five sets. Talk about lame-”
“There’s no way you were lame!!! Are you stupid?!!!” Tadashi shouts, flailing his arms about. He ignores the pain in his knee, taking a step closer.
“Stu-?!”
“This isn’t the time to be down! We’re going to Nationals! Nationals!!!” Tadashi’s gestures give emphasis to his words as he strides toward his friend. “But before that, we have the awards ceremony!” He calms down a bit, grabbing Kei’s good hand. Their fingers naturally intertwine as Tadashi leads his soulmate back to the gym.
~~~~~~~~~~
They’d won against Shiratorizawa. The Shiratorizawa.
He still hasn’t fully accepted the reality of their situation.
“Hey, that looks like a saltasaurus,” Tadashi whispers, outlining a string of stars.
“Yeah. And that one looks like a lambeosaurus,” Kei answers, turning toward his friend. He tries not to snicker when he sees Tadashi put a thumb to his forehead with his fingers flared out. “The crest is on top of its head,” he whispers, moving Tadashi’s hand so that his thumb rests on his hairline.
“Hey Tsukki?”
“Hm?”
“We’re going to nationals.” Tadashi beams at him, gently cradling his soulmate’s injured right hand.
“Yeah.” Kei’s voice can’t hide his disbelief.
“Hey Tsukki?”
“Yeah?”
“I- Willyoubemyboyfriend?”
“What?”
“Will you please go out with me? I mean, the team already kinda figured out we’re soulmates since we kinda hugged in public and I’m pretty sure-”
“I thought we were already dating?” Kei mutters neutrally.
“Wait, what?! I can’t believe- Are you serious?!” Tadashi sits up, unconsciously cradling Kei’s hand against his chest.
“Yeah.”
“I can’t believe you- Ugh- I was so nervous and-”
Kei can’t hold back anymore. He starts off with a soft chuckle, but it steadily grows into loud, breathless laughter.
“You’re just messing with me aren’t you?” Tadashi pouts. Kei pokes his cheek, his laughter regaining volume when his friend- his boyfriend makes a ridiculous sound with his lips.
Tadashi joins him in his poke war, pinpointing all of his soulmate’s ticklish spots.
“Hey, you never answered my question!” Tadashi shouts over Kei’s laughter.
“Do you really need to ask?” Kei sneaks a hand around Tadashi’s waist, pulling him closer.
Their foreheads collide, eyes closing as the overwhelming feeling of love clears away all other emotions, enveloping them in a soft blanket of warmth.
(A/N: Thank you so much for the request, @makadoodle14!!! And thank you all so much for reading!!! ^o^)