the queen

it's not my fault you're not as good as me ( ryu chanmi | 20 | alpha vocal trainee )

[rvchanmi]

Idol Project Three

Devil’s Editing Episode Two Self Para Word Count: 786

Once the official challenge for the second episode had finished wrapping, Chanmi had walked around with a massive, smug smile on her face because of how well “her” team had done. She had believed that since her team had clearly gotten first place overall, she was part of the reason for that. For the short period of time before the episode was aired on TV, Chamni felt completely justified in carrying herself in a way that showed everyone how highly she thought of herself and how much better than everyone else she was. Her team did best, so obviously she was the best. That’s what Chanmi believed, or at least, until the episode was aired.

All the trainees were gathered together again to watch the final cut of the episode just like they had with the first. But this time, instead of Chanmi being lost amongst the other low-ranking trainees as they all waited for anytime they saw themselves onscreen, Chanmi didn’t have to struggle at all to see herself be aired in the second episode. At first she was excited the first time she saw herself in the episode, but soon the feeling she got from seeing her screentime started to sour slightly. Her eyes narrowed as Team One was shown determining positions; the whole week she had felt robbed from feeling like her team had worked against her to make sure every chance to get the main vocal position was snatched from her and given to Hana instead. They were all just in denial that Hana wouldn’t be better than me, she had thought, crossing her arms across her chest as she continued to watch. But instead of seeing the other five girls gang up on her, instead she just saw clip after clip of every time she had tried to be main vocal paired with the other girls’ definitely less-than-ecstatic reactions.

The editors must have used only the clips where they looked unhappy, Chanmi first tried to justify it to herself, and that was only the beginning of the montage. Only a few seconds later, it had already gotten worse for her. If she hadn’t given them so much to work with, it would have almost been possible to say that the editors had spared no footage of Chanmi being childish. Finally a whole room’s attention was focused on her, but not in a way she ever would have expected. As the footage of her continued, Chanmi stole glances away from herself on screen as she was seen complaining or instigating a fight, and sulking with a massive pout on her lips when anyone else was speaking or getting the least bit of attention instead of her. Completely unbeknownst to Chanmi, she had been a terrible teammate, and the editors just presented her exactly how she behaved.

She felt progressively more and more self conscious as the clips continued. Chanmi had always loved feeling everyone’s eyes on her before, but now it made her uncomfortable. This isn’t how they were supposed to see her, everyone was meant to see her as amazing and talented and like her because of it. Suddenly all she wanted was for no one to see her, on screen or in person. Even in a room with the twenty-three other trainees, she just wanted her screen time to be over, she wasn’t even thinking about how there would be millions of viewers at home seeing the exact same thing.

Chanmi finally grew defensive again when Mirae’s outburst because of her was shown, followed by Artemis nearly doing the same thing. The editors apparently also had fun interspersing the clips of Chanmi being confronted with Taeha’s entertaining reactions to the whole situation Chanmi had caused for herself. Mirae snapped at me for no reason, Chanmi immediately thought again as soon as the scene began. And Hana was just mad because she wasn’t the only good vocalist in our team.

[rvchanmi]

rvteddy:

“you clearly haven’t met hyosang - or fish.”

“Hold on–your dog’s name is Fish?”

[rvchanmi]

Idol Project Three

Battle of the Egos Episode Two  Weekly Challenge Word Count: 1103

Chanmi probably had gotten lucky with how the first episode of the show had edited her. Last week was the first performance, and while she certainly done herself any favors with her audition interview or her confessional from the last episode, that was still completely unbeknownst to her. She had time to prepare for the first performance with the other female trainee from Alpha–though if you asked her even before Idol Project officially began, the other trainee just wasn’t pulling her weight in comparison to Chanmi–before any cameras were focused on her. This episode, and all the ones that would come afterwards that Chanmi didn’t doubt she would survive to be on, would be different. Now that the show was in full swing, there would always be some amount of cameras watching what she did. And as much as Chanmi loved being in front of cameras, she was still completely oblivious to how badly she could make herself look sometimes. Or rather, most of the time.

There was no way the cameras could have missed the confused expression on Chanmi’s face when the second episode was explained. In the first season–which she had followed more than the second, since there was no reason to watch the guys to see if they are pretty or talented or not compared to her–the female trainees were divided into teams on the second episode to perform songs for the summer. This was definitely not like that. Chanmi understood that she would be on a team of six other female trainees, but it probably took her one of the longest times for any of the trainees to start to understand that she and the five unfortunate girls teamed up with her would have to learn all eight of the songs that would be performed on the actual day of performances, though each team would only be performing half of those they prepared for. It wasn’t until she overheard the other trainees whispering amongst themselves afterwards that she stopped trying to ask which songs “her” team would be actually performing that Chanmi finally understood that none of them would know until they were randomly selected before the final stages for the episode.

Anyone who had the misfortune of being around Chanmi would know that she doesn’t work well with others. But as soon as it was announced that she would be in Team 1 with Mirae, Hana, Yena, and Taeha. All of those trainees had placed either at or near the top of the rankings, and though Chanmi had the lowest rank out of all the girls on the team, she still felt like she deserved to be amongst the highest ranking. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean she treated any of them with anything close to the amount of respect they deserved no matter what their ranking was.

It was probably unsurprising but still disappointing to watch how Chanmi behaved as the team was preparing for the stages. As soon as her and the team–it was really a stretch to include her in Team One even just when talking about the group–sat down to start distributing parts, Chanmi tried to snatch every main vocal part, even if she didn’t like the song. It didn’t matter if the songs were better suited for anyone, or that out of the team, Artemis clearly deserved the main vocal position before Chanmi did. Artemis was clearly the strongest vocalist out of the six trainees–in addition to being a person who could actually think about something other than herself like Chanmi apparently couldn’t do–and Chanmi just wasn’t suited for them. No matter how talented Chanmi thought she was, her actual ability would always pale in comparison.

But even if Chanmi had managed to convince the much more deserving trainees on her team to let her be main vocal like she wanted, she would have outright refused to learn many of the boy group choreographies if she had the chance. She didn’t care if TNT were her new seniors now that she was at Alpha. The company literally wouldn't exist without TNT, but that didn’t mean that Chanmi wanted to cover “Her.” Her teammates like Mirae were excited about doing boy group stages, but Chanmi was visibly reluctant to get into the song or any others. It was clear that she was unhappy with her low sub vocal position, despite it being what her voice could best handle, but she was clearly unhappy about many other things on her team.

Despite being the one of the oldest on the team, Chanmi sulked like a child as soon as she lost every chance to be a main vocal or center and didn’t stop sulking until it came time for the actual stages themselves. The whole week, she clashed with Artemis and Mirae over it. In Chanmi’s eyes, Mirae made herself the leader of the group as soon as she could. It was incredibly hypocritical of Chanmi after she tried in vain to make herself the main vocal for every song, but she still was annoyed with the fifteen year old girl for taking the lead and trying to make Chanmi pull her weight with any of the songs. She and Artemis got along almost equally poorly. Artemis, along with the other four talented trainees on Team One, did well with all eight of the stages and her voice was always the strongest despite being only sixteen, and Chanmi resented that. Chanmi felt like a victim the whole week, like the other members of the team had ganged up on her to make sure that Mirae was the leader, Artemis got the better vocal positions, and Chanmi apparently got the short end of the stick.

The performances all went well in spite of her. But every time Team One was praised for a stage or how the rest of the girls handled themselves, there was Chanmi with a smug smile on her face, so proud to have apparently done so well. She was fortunate that she had been assigned to a team with such talented trainees, or else she would have ranked even lower than she ended up ranking, and probably could have been at risk of elimination. As always, she was completely oblivious to how badly she could have done if she had not been on an otherwise strong team. She was equally oblivious to how badly she made herself come off on camera, and to the other trainees on the show. It was a good thing she didn’t come to make friends, because she was already well on her way to burning all of her bridges.

[omyseulgi]

[oz-rv-blog]

“Caribbean bay?” Li Zhixin asked with a smirk on his lips. “Don’t ya think fans will overrun us? Whatever let’s take ma honda, ma babe needs more love!” he said with a burning glance in his eyes. “I’ll give you a ride as long you hold tight on me.”

[rvchanmi]

“... That’s your ‘Honda?’” Chanmi said disdainfully, choosing to focus on the slight amount of grease on his motorcycle instead of any of his offer. “You’re not getting me anywhere near that thing.” 

[rvjeno]

“Can you not see that I don’t want anything but silence and possibly a cuddle today? M’m wearing sunglasses ‘cause I’m hungover, and they’ll protect me from your bad vibes.”

[rvchanmi]

“Why do I have bad vibes? You’re the one who was dumb enough to get drunk yesterday, and now you’re hungover.”

[rvteddy]

“i didn’t think buying my boyfriend a dog meant it’d sleep in between us as if it’s our actual child.”

[rvchanmi]

“Do you really think your spot next to him is gonna be taken by some dog?”

[rvbillie]

“it’s amazing how much a company can kiss up to you and still not give you any promotions.”

[rvchanmi]

“Companies can be so stupid. My last one managed to promote me–my group for two months and then everyone must have just given up.”