Dear, My Frightful Self
Dear, My Frightful Self
You’re about to leave 2015’s outstanding problems like the smudges and specs of dirt on the windshield of your car - you’ll only pick away at the ones that stop you from seeing what’s ahead. The things that you learned from 2015 have already branded you like a tan line - it’s up to you on whether or not you want those lines to fade. All metaphors aside, the central theme of 2015 and your 23rd year of life has been fear.
You’re smoking a lot more. You’re hitting the gym less. You’re speaking less. You’re watching more. You’re staying inside. I don’t mean to be judgmental. It’s cool if a few smoke breaks seem to give you some head room. It’s cool if you feel like bulking up is just a way to preserve an image of your past self. It’s cool that you’d rather save your breath. It’s cool.
You’ve been telling me that you’ve been wanting to start creating more. You’ve been telling me that you want to start bringing people together. You’ve been telling me that you want to do it for the love and not for the fame. You’ve been telling me that once you’re past your injury, you’ll get back to being on the move again. You’ve been telling me that you’re down to focus on your crafts as opposed to worrying about making the cash. I haven’t been seeing your ass in a seat planning out your creations. I haven’t been seeing any moves to get the squad together. I haven’t seen any progress on a style that isn’t molded by what only other people think is dope. I haven’t heard any plans of places to see or things to do that wouldn’t be impacted by your injury. I haven’t seen any moves that aren’t fueled by the possibility of income.
It’s because you’re afraid. You’re scared of not being accepted. You’re scared of being perceived as mediocre and stagnant. You’re afraid of being perceived as stuck and desperate. You’re afraid of being perceived as worse off than how you used to be. You’re afraid of your past self and what your past self would think. I’ll tell you now that that wouldn’t be the case.
By the end of 2016, you’ll have your craft established with a style that breathes from your heart. You’ll have opened up a lane as a audio and visual producer. You’ll have balanced school and work at the same time. You’ll have brought your friends and family closer together. You’ll have been active and mobile. You’ll have created a persona that represents your interests, aspirations, and beliefs. You’ll no longer be afraid of representing yourself 100%. You’ll have it all at the age of 24.