For nearly a year now I have been plagued by awareness of and lust for Akai Shuuichi from classic manga/anime series Detective Conan, of all things. It never stops. It keeps getting worse. My friends with me in the fandom are angels of patience, indulgence and gentle teasing, but for everyone out of that loop I need to explain.
He's got striking green eyes and identifiably long lashes.
He is so tall, wears leather jackets, and often has one or both hands in his pockets.
He has lived in the UK, in Japan, and in LA.
He used to have princess long hair he was super proud about. He chopped it all off after "a bad breakup" (more on this later).
Most of the time he looks like death badly warmed over in a prehistoric microwave oven. Bags under his eyes, sharp boney facial structure that makes his face look like a skull, an entire scene dedicated to him dropping a can of shitty coffee in dramatic slow-mo, apparently out of exhaustion. I want to bundle him in a huge duvet and spoonfeed him chicken soup.
He is so fucking funny in a deadpan way.
He looks so serious but does the wildest shit like it's a normal (and easy) thing to do.
He is a sniper. An absurdly good one.
Also excellent physical fighter. He's so cool, he doesn't do karate or judo like the protag's close allies or even boxing like Sherlock Holmes -- he does Jeet Kune Do like Bruce Lee.
He is good at everything.
He's FBI, one of their best.
He doesn't say shit but understands everything.
At any given point you have no idea where the fuck Akai is and what he's doing, but he'll always be where he's needed.
Hottest trait: reliable. Unfailingly reliable.
He infiltrated the big bad meanie shadow organisation at the heart of the series' overarching plot and became a very high-ranking member of it.
Now that he's been found out and burned, the common reaction to Akai Shuuichi from members of that organisation is "shit, he's our biggest threat, kill kill kill".
A guy from the organisation once realised he was being chased by the Akai Shuuichi and immediately shot himself in the head rather than deal with him.
Another shot himself after having been dealt with by Akai Shuuichi.
To be fair, it's apparently the guideline of the org to not leave loose ends and not get caught alive, but still. This doesn't happen with other characters.
His seduction method was to let his target hit him with her car and then hit on her when she visited him in the hospital.
He ended up catching genuine feelings for her. Then she got killed, so now he has angst about that.
He refers to wanting to avenge her death and kill the guy that killed her as "I'll make my girlfriend cry tears of scarlet blood in regret for ever dumping me".
He says to himself "Hi, my precious, precious lover ❤" while sniping at the man who killed her through that guy's own sniper scope from over 700 yards away.
Hits him, too. 600+ episodes later the guy still has the scar on his cheek and touches it occasionally.
He also dated a FBI colleague, whom he first met when they bumped into each other and he pointed out she should apologise too because "the blame was 50/50".
She was super offended. And then she dated him.
Another, male, colleague once referred to Akai Shuuichi as "my wife".
The official resident Pretty Boy fanservice man is obsessed with him because he believes Akai caused the death of his own childhood friend(/boyfriend).
It was actually the pretty boy's own fault. For incomprehensible reasons, instead of ever telling him that, Akai "the blame is 50/50" Shuuichi takes on that responsibility and even tells him he still feels sorry about it, and lets this incredibly dangerous man repeatedly try to out and/or kill him and put so, so many people in danger in an attempt to get his revenge. It is all incredibly homoerotic.
He still humiliates this guy every time they meet, and sometimes when they don't.
He's so sweet about so many upsetting things like this or his own honeypot girlfriend incident, but also so ruthless about others. He'll do anything to get a foot into the shadow organisation. He'll use himself as bait. He'll use a colleague who idolises him as decoy (with his knowledge and consent). He'll use a 6yo as scout. He'll use a comatose woman, her little brother, your crush's dad, your dad, his ex, himself again.
"No, Conan-kun, don't get your loved ones entangled into this, what we do is dangerous and sometimes we get people killed. Anyway let's use this entire hospital full of injured civillians for a high-risk trick." - Akai Shuuichi
He's so sweet and also such a dick.
He also has daddy issues because his father was MI6 and seems to have died on the job in mysterious circumstances.
Because of his choice to start a dangerous job after what happened to his father and various other plot reasons, he is estranged from his remaining family they don't even share a last name anymore.
He and his little sister barely know each other, but she's emulating him and looking for him and trying to know him and it's so sweet. He can't let that happen for both of their safety, but also he's being a dick about it.
So he's currently on his 4th name (that I know of).
He's now pretending to be a 5 years younger phD student with pink hair, glasses, and turtlenecks.
The turtlenecks are for hiding the fact that he's constantly wearing a voice-changing device. The device is a metal choker.
He's now living his best domestic quiet life at the hero's parents' manor-like house, reading their books and drinking their booze.
The hero's dad, who is a very popular author, wrote a book inspired by him. The book inspired by him got adapted into a movie and won an award.
The hero's mom, who is an incredibly talented and famous actress and a total hottie, has a crush on him. She taught him to cook.
Sometimes he drops by the neighbours' to share a meal he cooked with the old man and little girl living there and the kids often visiting. The kids told him his curry was not that great so he's working on it.
For another meal that failed to satisfy, he read cookbooks then asked an old lady to teach him the special recipe that had emotional value to her.
Man who is good at everything is not good at cooking. So he's learning that. From the women in his life. For the kids in his life.
He's so fond of the hero. They get each other and they don't usually run into anyone who does. They like each other so much. Autistic to autistic communication.
The hero is in the body of a 6-year-old. Akai is so impressed with him and thinks he's so cool and talks to him like an equal.
One time they went fishing and for a cover the hero called him "daddy".
Akai Shuuichi knows he's a weapon of destruction and can do pretty much anything. He's not a brag about it, just practical. He is basically the hero's on-call guard/attack dog now.
When the hero needs help, he calls Akai-san, and Akai says yeah, I followed the situation, I was waiting for your call, I know what you're going to ask me to do. Point me at the target and I'll take care of it.
And then he just does that.
In the latest movie, the hero needs to take care of an armoured submarine that is currently underwater and doesn't get picked up by radards. Akai goes "ok, I can handle that".
He shows up in a helicopter with an American rocket launcher and is like "ok, just show me where it is". The hero just has to light up the submarine for a couple seconds. Then Akai one-shots it. From the helicopter. While it's still underwater.
(To the hero's parents' home.)
This is Akai Shuuichi with little resources and lots of constraints, such as being an FBI agent in Japan not supposed to be there or do anything, certainly not use weapons, and by the way legally dead and cannot let the organisation know he's still alive because that would endanger several other people.
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