i noticed basically all your fanfics use mitski lyrics as titles and as someone who doesn't listen to mitski i'm curious about song meanings/why you chose those specific lyrics/ect if you're open to sharing!
for i will hold them for you:
i went in either wanting a title that would represent the oviposition aspect or the grace taking care of rocky aspect of the fic and this fulfills both!
lyric is from 'i will', which is a song made up of things mitski wishes a lover would say to her. it's incredibly tender; the speaker tells their partner all the ways they will take care of them, both physical and emotional, and that they don't view their partner's needs as a burden.
the verse the lyric is from — "and all the quiet nights you bear, seal them up with care / no one needs to know they're there, for i will hold them for you" — is specifically about the speaker helping their lover heal from something, taking on part of the burden of that healing process.
in the fic grace participates in the difficult process of helping rocky get himself un-egg-bound, which is both a physically demanding (for rocky) and emotionally demanding (for both of them) undertaking. he's there for rocky to lean on. and, of course, he uh. wants to hold them eggs.
more lyrics of this song that are incredibly gracerocky coded:
the final chorus: "stay with me, hold my hand / there's no need to be brave / and while you sleep, i'll be scared / so by the time you wake, i'll be brave." grace waiting for rocky to wake up after the fishing incident. grace leaving earth as a coward and finding someone to be brave for in space. ough
the bridge: "cause all i ever wanted is here, all i ever wanted / all i want is always you, it's always you" immediately makes me think of when grace is trying to fix the taumoeba leak in the book and says "i wish rocky were here. i always wish rocky were here."
the first line: "i will take good care of you" to me is more from rocky's point of view, reassuring grace that he'll make sure he has a happy life on erid.
though i may never be free:
lyric is from 'drunk walk home', a song from the perspective of someone feeling disappointed about their life. i wanted a lyric that felt sort of bitter and angry, and my immediate thought was this song, since it ends with mitski just angrily screaming her throat raw.
from simon's perspective, he will never be free, not from his past sins, not from what was done to him in the sub. but specifically within this fic, he's in a prison of his own making — he doesn't Actually owe grace anything, but he imposes that expectation on himself because he can't view himself as deserving of charity.
you can come closer (i'll let you hurt me):
lyric is from 'eric', a song from the perspective of someone in a friends-with-benefits relationship who has fallen in love with their fwb and is not loved by them in return.
this is what simon thinks is going on from his perspective. he takes little bits of emotional fulfillment from his relationship with grace, even before realizing he's fallen for him.
the specific lyric in context: "you can come closer, i'll let you hurt me / how you choose." simon is kind of surprised that grace isn't more forceful and demanding with him, and he'd allow grace to do a lot worse to him because he doesn't see himself as having a say in what they do together. i feel like this lyric also has the double meaning of coming closer being the thing that hurts the speaker; being so close with grace makes simon love him harder and wish he could really be with him more, but he can't pull away.
i also considered the later lyric "my heart, my heart wants to hold you / but i know, i know, i know the rules" as a title for this one. simon wants to love grace, but the 'rule' is that their relationship is entirely transactional and for grace's benefit.
the final chorus is also very applicable to this fic: "i'll sell, i'll sell my whole to you / what's my, what's my, what's my price? / how bout, how bout just a part of you / cause i want, i want, i want..." simon relishes in any little piece of grace he can (not knowing, of course, that he could have all of him).
there's a hole that you fill:
lyric is from 'a pearl', in which the speaker was previously in a toxic relationship that affected their ability to feel safe in their current, better relationship
for the series, rather than a past toxic relationship, it's simon's past life in the iron lung universe that has impacted how he views relationships.
the chorus really makes me think of simon: "it's just that i fell in love with a war / and nobody told me it ended / and it left a pearl in my head / and i roll it around every night." the 'pearl' here, as said by mitski, represents self-destructive thoughts and behaviors; there's something inside of her that is unhealthy and that formed to keep her safe from something that is no longer endangering her, but some part of her finds her beautiful and can't let it go. simon has a Lot of pearls. his inner monologue in the series constantly criticizes himself and his desires and constantly reminds him of terrible things he's done in the past.
the second chorus adds the lyric "there's a hole that you fill, you fill, you fill" to the beginning. the speaker's new lover — in simon's case, grace — is helping him heal. grace fulfills his craving for praise and affection and care. simon, however, feels selfish for enjoying the benefits of his relationship with grace; grace is trying to fill that hole, but simon is still stuck in his past, still rolling his pearl around.
this got really long. sorry for being insane
