Hiya! Online, unless you know me irl, I go by Mid or Noct as both are shortened forms of my discord username. I use she/her pronouns and am 25, until I'm not :p If it isn't painfully obvious, I'm also an AudHD gal as well. This blog is my main blog, and there's a lot here. Original fanart, fanfics, shitposts, they're all here. It's a messy hodge-podge, but it's all me. I also don't take requests for writing or art, but I'm always happy to discuss what I've written or drawn :3
Technically my intent was always to have this be SFW only and contain NSFW to my NSFW blog, but I hardly use said NSFW blog sooo. Good luck? I'm sorry? Yeah both.
Oh god, that list is super long, and I phase in and out all the time. Lemme just give you the highlights tour, alright?
Starlight Express (tagged as stex)
Lupin the 3rd (tagged the same way)
Stranger Things
Batman
FNAF
And of course a whole lot more! Not all of the stuff I've written for, and even a smaller amount I've ported over here.
FNAF:
Chapter 0: Useless 4.1k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC
Chapter 0.25: Mercy 3.6k words Michael Afton x fem! OC
Chapter 0.5: Gettin' In 7.5k words Michael Afton x fem! OC NSFWish
Chapter 1: Strange Behavior 2.1k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC
Chapter 2: Black Moonlight 4.6k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC
Chapter 3: Hello, Hello 4k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC
Chapter 4: Seek & Destroy 2.5k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC NSFW
Chapter 5: World In My Eyes 5.7k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC NSFW
Chapter 6: Dressed In Black 3.6k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC NSFW
Chapter 7: Part of Me Is You 1.6k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC
Chapter 8: Surrender 4.7k words, Michael Afton x fem! OC NSFW
Total Word Count: 43.7k words listen idk how it happened it kinda spiraled out of my control
Bonus side content for my FNAF fics
Everything else can be read on AO3, and if you ask really nicely I may consider porting more of my work :3 Fair warning, there's NSFW on there, and I have eventual plans to post some here. It will be very marked as such, don't worry :) I also always post my fics to AO3 first, bc tumblr I take longer to format nicely. As of Mon, March 16th, I have no intention of posting anymore of my fics here.
Please read this update regarding my fanfics so you get a full understanding of why.
Credits:
I pulled the art for this from several tumblrs, @28bohemianmoons, @kodaswrld , @saradika-graphics , @strangergraphics , and @olenvasynyt to be specific! Thank you all for your hard work for us tumblrinas!
I got sick looking at my unprofessional looking pinned post so I'm snazzing it up!
The AI boom has changed literally nothing about my day to day life except I now have to work harder to get access to reliable information, all the important admin work is being done wrong, and I keep getting DMs letting me know the perfectly ordinary and plausible photo I liked was actually a fake image generated by a fascist to generate views and churn out ad money for the purpose of funding their tree-powered puppy-flushing toilet
I just rawdogged going to the pharmacy. No psychoactive substances, gym shorts, ratty shirt, hair still wet from the shower. I just thought “Might as well go.” and went. And bought myself ice cream while there! Spontaneously! No incidents in the parking lot this time! Sounds nuts to be proud of myself for doing it but I am not psychologically normal and this is huge.
The worst part is that everyone else being 12 is making me more 12 out of necessity. Like what do you mean my most very strongly held and controversial beliefs now include "cover your mouth when you cough that's yucky" and "it's good to be nice and bad to be mean. You shouldn't be mean to people." That's the shit they used to get mad at me on the playground for.
One of the best ones I saw was a thing noting that every single one of the few survivors of suicide jumps off of the Golden Gate Bridge realized, on the way down, that the problems they were killing themselves over actually were fixable or could be worked through...except for the now - extremely unfixable - problem of gravity.
Went to the Holocaust Museum in DC once. There was a video interview of an Auschwitz survivor who said he and some other prisoners stayed up all night with a man who wanted to kill himself. The man didn’t kill himself and survived to liberation.
In the video the survivor said “Never seek a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And they’re all temporary problems.”
Hearing that from a guy who survived the Holocaust rewired my brain a little bit.
I think something a lot of people don't understand is that depression is not suicidality, and suicidality is not depression.
People can, and are, depressed without being suicidal, and sometimes suicidality peaks as people are emerging from depression.
Suicidality is a wave, and the trick is to allow that wave to crest and subside WITHOUT acting on it.
Whatever it takes to ride it out. For some people that's distraction, like watching television. For others it's calling a friend -- not to talk about the suicidality, but just to talk. For others it could be as simple as going to sit in a coffee shop or library, because the presence of other people is a huge diminisher of suicide risk.
That's what suicide safety planning is about. It's like having any other type of emergency plan, like a plan for fire or evacuation. It's making a plan when you are in the frame of mind to do so, so that you can just DO the plan without having to think about it when the occasion arises.
When you're in the midst of suicidal ideation, or even intent, you're not in a problem-solving mood. So knowing past!you, with the help of a therapist hopefully, came up with the plan and all you have to do is follow up until the wave crests and subsides, is what allows you to see another day.
ETA: Here's a link to a safety plan. https://www.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/988-safety-plan.pdf
There’s a really compassionate and well-written paper/book/thing called Suicide: The Forever Decision that’s written specifically for people who are currently suicidal. The letter to the reader at the beginning is wonderful and deeply understands how to talk to someone who’s suicidal without preaching or talking down to them.
It’s very honest. It’s very clear. It’s very kind. It presents you with a lot of information and a lot of understanding and lets you take it all in like the autonomous human you are, and make decisions from an informed place. It goes over the reality of suicide attempts, pain involved, likelihoods of survival, after effects of attempts, and how to get help if you want it after reading all of that and learning about the reality of suicide attempts.
You can read it for free here: https://qprinstitute.com/pdfs/Forever_Decision.pdf
No one can ever stop you if you’re really determined. Only you can stop yourself. If you’re suicidal and there’s ANY tiny part of you that wants a chance to not go down that route, but can’t convince the rest of you yet, give this short book a try. Or share it with anyone you know who might need it.
Rewatching Truman Show for the first time in a long time, and the detail that’s stuck with me this time is the set design.
The characters drive modern cars and hock modern products, but it’s all presented with a veneer of 1950s wholesome applecheeked Americana. Truman’s life is presented as an escape for the audience from the drudgery of the modern day, and the aesthetic they’ve chosen for this is the post-war economic boom. This is the simple time, the movie says. This is the good time. Doesn’t the modern day suck? Let’s go back and see our friends from the days when life was good.
And it’s a lie. Truman’s life is a lie, and the image of white picket fenced suburbia they’ve presented is a lie. It’s an elaborate construction to recreate a false memory that’s comfortable for advertisers. The movie is a satire, but it’s also a very blatant statement against the nostalgia for a golden age which never existed. It’s a lie. It doesn’t exist.
I don’t know. I’m spitballing. I’m biased because I despise mid-20th century Americana and I naturally treat it with hostility, but it’s very gratifying to see a movie kind of agree with me.
Earlier in the summer, I went to Florida with my friend. We decided to visit a town nearish to where we were staying called Seaside, as we had heard it was a cute place. What I did not know at the time was that Seaside is the place where they filmed The Truman Show. It was a "master-planned community," constructed in the 80s to be the perfect beach town.
Seaside, FL
Seahaven
And yes, it really does look Like That. Not just in their tourist-agency photos, in real life it looks like that. Arguably the irl Seaside is even prettier than movie Seahaven, because the the office buildings where Truman works don't exist; the town is 100% cutesy homes and little shops.
Every single house is pastel with white trim and a white picket fence with the family's name on it in a handwritten font. The streets are paved with red bricks and lined with palmettos, and families bicycle past. The streets are clean, the lawns manicured, the sidewalks pristine.
Soon after we arrive my friend says as we walk, "God I wish I could live in a place like this. Imagine having the money to live in a place like this." I reply, "I don't actually know for me...it's gorgeous don't get me wrong, but there's no grime, you know? Where's the grime? I'd feel uncomfortable. It feels like there's not a dive bar for a hundred miles."
We reach the town center, which is a wide square lined with shops on one side, food trucks on the other. We have a lovely time looking through the shops, though I start feeling kinda weird, and I'm not sure why. Probably the extreme cleanliness of the area is making me feel off-kilter. And the surreal feeling of walking through areas I recognize from The Truman Show only adds to the weirdness.
We go into a clothing store, and it's crowded with people who appear to have stepped out of a Land's End catalog. It sells boring tshirts, shorts, and sundresses in whites and blues, all needlessly expensive. Employees walk through, refolding already-pristine shirts. So perfect. "Anyone buying from here is so rich they can probably smell the poor on us," my friend jokes, "that's why they have so many employees refolding things, it's to fix anything we brush against." "Or even breathe on!" I add.
We continue on to the grocery store where, in the movie, Truman finds Marlon stocking the vending machine and first tells him he suspects his world is wrong. I buy some pasta salad there to eat for lunch (all the cafes are quite expensive), and we find a place to sit and eat. As my friend finishes up her food, I write a postcard to my sister, telling her about my trip overall and my day in Seaside, describing the town as 'vomit-inducingly picturesque.' (It has been weeks since my visit and she still has not received that postcard)
Lunch done, we decide to walk down to the beach and have a swim. And I realize something about the surreal feeling. "Weird question," I say to my friend, "have you seen any non-white people here? Am I imagining that?"
She pauses. "The lady cleaning the bathrooms?" she asks.
"No I mean vacationers. Guests, customers. Other than you, I haven't seen a single one who wasn't white."
"...No. I haven't either."
And now that we see it, we can't unsee it. It's a wealthy area, so I had been expecting it to be pretty white, but the fact that there is not a single nonwhite person who isn't working a service job feels so gross. It's as though the place is somehow still segregated, like we have stepped back in time, but not to the fun, fake, rock-n-roll-and-soda-parlor-nostalgia version of the fifties, but to the real racism-and-repression fifties.
It is so fucking weird and sinister. I feel I have stumbled into another realm. All these people giving us sideeye, riding around on their golf carts in their pristine $45 seaside-branded tshirts, taking pictures of the perfect houses all lined up in perfect rows. A whole town of Meryls wearing lulu lemon.
We walk on. It's hot, and a swim is exactly what we need. Surely they can't ruin the ocean. I myself am extremely excited to swim, because now that we've spent a few hours among the pompous populace, I want to piss in their perfect ocean more than anything in the world.
We walk along behind the beachfront bar patios that line the beach toward the access point, and the ocean looks so blue and inviting. Although the hedge growing between us and the dunes is strangely tall. "Huh," I think. "It's weird that they'd grow it like this, it blocks the view for everyone sitting on the patios."
We arrive at the boardwalk, and there is a man standing there. He says "Hold on! Do you two have a beach access pass?" I look at him in disbelief. It's a public beach, but the sign behind the man says you have to rent a beach chair to use the beach, and it's $35 per person. We glance at each other, turn wordlessly, and head back to town.
I seriously consider trying to sneak onto the beach somehow, because at this point I am very invested in the idea of pissing in their ocean, but I realize that with the tall hedge it would be nigh-impossible.
We went home after that.
So many reviews for Seaside on travel websites mention how they love to visit Seaside because they feel transported, they feel it reflects a "simpler time" or a "peaceful life." It's been weeks and I can't stop thinking about my experience. It really drove home how...complicit people can be in their own ignorance. A lot of people want to live in that perfect bubble, and especially if they have the money, they can maintain that barrier. It reminds me that part of the reason I often have trouble persuading these types of people is because they simply do not want to be persuaded. They're so proud to be the place where The Truman Show was filmed, but I rather doubt they really think about what it means that they live on a movie set, in a surreal dream.
Honestly visiting Seaside was a 10/10 unique experience. I would highly recommend it as a place to go for a couple hours if you're gonna be nearby and want to feel like you've been kidnapped into The Truman Show and/or your brain has been put in an easy bake oven. It's like a zoo for superrich WASPS. We had a really good time loudly making fun of how insane it all was, invading their little paradise with our riffraff energy. Treat it like an excursion into the jungle; you're gonna have to park a half mile away minimum, and bring all your food and water with you so you don't have to buy anything. You don't want to give them any money. They have enough.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, next time I go to the panhandle, I will be going to the nearest free public beach access to Seaside, and I will walk to the Seaside area of the beach, and I will piss in their ocean.
i (type 1 diabetic) was explaining autoimmune diseases to someone and she was like ohh right so yours is the good kind of diabetes where you didn't do it to yourself. to which i objected that's not how type 2 works either. and she said well that's the fat old people disease. and i was like you can't say that, a) not how it works and b) extremely rude. and her defense was her grandparents have type 2 and "did it to themselves" and since they're fat old people she reserves the right to hate on them. i understand hating shitty grandparents but YOU are the shitty one here to hate on them for their medical conditions and weight rather than literally anything else. hello?!
anyway type 2 diabetics i'm sorry about the world. everyone* be kind to type 2s or else
*note to type 1 diabetics especially we need to be better at solidarity and not cling to being the "good ones" at type 2s' expense. what the fuck is a good kind of diabetes anyway
also worth saying diabetes is a complex reaction to a not-yet-fully-understood set of factors and environmental pressures and genetics and it's reductive and fatphobic to say fat=diabetes BUT EVEN SO no matter if someone did incontrovertibly "give themself diabetes" that's not a free pass for dehumanization. shut upppp
it’s simple: when I like an adaptation, everyone complaining about changes to the text is a whiny baby who needs to get over themselves and accept that sometimes you have to change the story to enrich the experience/work within the medium. when I don’t like an adaptation, it’s because nobody else understands the core themes of the original work and would be better off just creating a story independent of what they’re trying to adapt.
image: cropped caption of a tiktok. "POV: you're a content creator and your kids can now sense when a sweet moment is about to become content...and immediately shut you down 😂". end ID.
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