Write to erase.

Give your comment as I am at the crosswords where I cannot justify the world where I was put into but expected to live like the world I was born into.  

[saaac86-blog]

A dragon and a worm.

Just today I heard him say that back in Taiwan he was like a dragon but now that he is in Australia, he is nothing but a worm.   I hear him say this at least once a year.

Are my experiences shaped by the fact that my father blames me for changing his fate thus and that a large part of what I’ve been expected now as an adult is to repay for his sufferings?

[saaac86-blog]

Born with a hole.

My first four years of life was spent mostly in the hospital.  I developed as an infant with a hole in my stomach lining.  While it healed, as I grew, my early child developments were slow.  I was an incredibly skinny toddler and my sister called me cannon-ball head because the size of my head would stand out in proportion to my skinny body.  

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Their past and pains

Both my parents grew up poor and were born in large families. He was the 2nd eldest son, but the first to carry the name (complicated back story for another time),  she was the 2nd youngest of a poor city family and was almost 20 years younger than her eldest brother.  Both worked hard together after marriage and established their own business to become entrepreneurs.  To this day he would occassionally rant that he could have retire in his mid 30′s.  

After the birth of their second child and due to that child’s health complications, they decided to move the family to Australia, also expanding the business there.  New country, new language, re-establishment of a new business, new friends, new culture, everything they were comfortable with, made new.  It was a sacrifice move and one not many parents would have done for the sake of their children.

[saaac86-blog]

The voice that incites fear and the screams of fear.

When you as a child fear your father so much that before the discipline happens, you break down crying so hard it amuses him.  He laughs in amusement, points at you and asks why the water-work mess. 

What exactly has the child learnt or what possible lessons are there for the child’s benefit?  

[saaac86-blog]

Chicken breast, thigh, rib, keel or drumstick?

KFC was the weekly family tradition.  My father would always give me the breast, rib or keel because it was the highest in nutrition and protein.  My favourite parts of a chicken has always been thigh and drumstick.  So is his.

I later discovered that during his childhood, it was also the same.  Do these practised habits get passed down like martial art moves?

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To see your nightmare after waking up from it.

In the quiet of the night, my father woke up to find me crying in the guest bathroom tub.  He wanted to know why I was there.  I lied and told him in my dreams, I was being chased by a dog.  How does a child tell his own father that HE was the stuff of the child’s nightmares?

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A child’s discipline

A parent is largely (not solely) responsible for its child’s success in life.  Is it the method of application of life lessons that is most important for the child’s learning?  To this day i do believe that children at a certain age range need to be disciplined or “get their ass beat”, but should the child be allowed to see the violence and frustration in the eyes; the bitter disappointment?   

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I am the selfish son.

Growing up in a western society, I have lived most of my life constantly listening to my father branding me as an incredibly selfish person.