entertain me entertain me

take me away to someplace ive never been before im the guy named cass | 26| he/it raccoonbatcat thing | i like lisa and funger and ynfgs and dorohedoro and industrial/electronic music a lot ^_^ proship dni

[segamascott]

[jetix]

2026-06-21

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[totallynotgayforyou]

I had never heard of circumcision until I was like 14 and found gay porn for the first time and neither of of them had foreskins so I asumed at the time it just comes off if you pull back too far

[totallynotgayforyou]

Oh so suddenly this isn't a safe space anymore

[dogpuppy]

[nobrashfestivity]

Muḥammad ibn Maḥmūd Ṭūsī, ʿAjāyib al-makhlūqāt va-gharāyib al-mawjūdāt, Bats, Baghdad, 790 AH, 1388 CE

[dogpuppy]

[evilwizard]

sometimes i wonder what was up with creepy clown summer 2016 or mysterious obelisk autumn 2020. like did anyone follow up on that. really felt like those were leading somewhere

[fellerminute]

mailman

[ostolero]

Hell yes. Spring Break 2013. Pop a Molly and get jolly in south beach. New York is a dream to me now.

[binturong-of-the-day]

The binturong of party time

[espimyte]

aqua

[zeahailhat]

[tumbwr]

[tumbwr]

music is literally so songs as fuck and dont you forget it

[jame7t]

you are always telling lies

elephants are hunted for their jumping slime, which is used to produce trampolines and the runways of airplanes

[kaijuyuri]

Good Morning ⛽️

[passengerpigeons]

I'm such a good Care Pig for my Hair. I feed Him lots of fish and protein and iron so He will grow long and strong without Breakage. I gently detangle Him in the shower and Slather Him up in Olive oil every day. Nothing but the best for Him. When I don't wear my silk cap for Him I tell Him Sorry Hair I'm a Bad Care Pig Sorry Hair Sorry Hair Sorry Hair and He sheds His breakage into my shower drain to Punish me. I love to feed Him Salmon and brown Rice and Spinach because I'm a good Care Pig, a real Hair Goon.