* 𝔼ℕ / ℙ𝕆𝕀ℕ𝕋𝔼

[sabrinadlgado]

“You cannot have it both ways. A dancer who relies upon the doubtful comforts of human love can never be a great dancer. Never.”

& ; * — SKELETON.   ⑊    & ; * — BIOGRAPHY. 

[rains-of-words]

“You’ll ask what’s wrong with me But you see I know everything’s wrong with me And I can’t tell you that without tearing myself apart”

— An excerpt of “Catastrophe” from Repressed Feelings (via anastasiasyah)

[barcarole]

Behind the scenes at the 2019 Paris Opera Ballet Gala, ph. Lara Giliberto.

[mariatallchief]

Healah Dancing featuring the Scottish Ballet’s Eve Mutso (x)

[jessicahenwicks-deactivated2018]

flesh and bone 1.01 - bulling through 

[hope-mikaelson]

Endless gifs of Julia Goldani Telles - The Affair; s05e07

[oddfilmstills]

contracted (2013)

[sabrinadlgado]

ferihas​:

closed to : @sabrinadlgado​​ location : a department store time : monday, february 11th, afternoon

As she reaches for a brooch, another does the same. She pulls her hand away, eyes meeting those of the Theatre Royal’s newest prima ballerina. “Oh!” Her lips tug into a surprised smile. “You can have it. I was just looking.”

Colored instead by awkward hesitance, Feriha’s voice carries only an echo of its usual exuberance. She bears no ill will towards the dancer, but with the person linking them together out of the picture, Feriha doesn’t know how to navigate what’s left. When Henry and Sabrina fell apart, it felt a little like Feriha had lost a friend, too. Didn’t she, in a way? Once, she would’ve invited Sabrina out shopping like this, and they would’ve gushed over sparkling necklaces and embroidered heels, deciding which looked best with what dress. Now, they meet only by coincidence, if at all.

Truly, she wishes it weren’t so. She likes Sabrina, thought she was good for Henry. She admires her, too. What’s it like to have always known what you were meant to be? she’d asked once. I wish I knew. 

“Been a while, hasn’t it?” Her gaze darts to the second floor staircase as she scrambles for something else to say. “Have you looked at the shoes upstairs? They brought in new ones. Really pretty this time.”

✦

She hopes staying busy will keep the voice away. Getting herself together and going out was a decent distraction. It enjoyed tormenting her when she was alone. In the company of others, it watched, examining and strengthening ammunition to use against her in the solitude of nightfall. There are no rehearsals today. Nate has been distant and Sabrina has no one else to keep her company. Her body, much against her will, needs rest. The dancer knows her limits. She needs to let her aching feet heal for a few more days and drinking herself to sleep will only slow down her recovery.

So, she’s here. A department store all on her own. She remembers when her mother would drag her along, find the prettiest dresses and spoil her with only the best. It all seems like a lifetime ago now. “Oh, no. It’ll look so much lovelier on you,” she insists, handing the brooch over. Not even the prettiest of garments could hide the unpleasantness within.

“Too long.” Sabrina responds. She couldn’t remember the last time they had seen each other, but she knows Henry had accompanied them. Feriha was always fun to be around and she enjoyed her company. Sab knows she should’ve tried harder to stay in contact once her relationship had ended, but bringing herself to do it was easier said than done. Isolation was easier than letting others get too close again. “No, I haven’t had a chance yet. If I’m being honest, it’s been a while since I’ve purchased anything new,” she pauses, somewhat embarrassed. “As you can tell.”

[hope-mikaelson]

Endless gifs of Julia Goldani Telles - The Affair; s05e01

[phoebebufay]

[andantegrazioso-deactivated2018]

Misa Kuranaga | ‘BALLERINA’ - SK-II

[sabrinadlgado]

verdanium​:

the market hall at covent garden, west end; february 02nd during the late morning.

a deep breath dispels the worst of bonnie’s nocturnal haze, and the morning greets her with golden sunlight and white streets. with every day that passes, there are whispers in the air, ephemeral and quiet. who is the killer? who will be the next one?

stepping out of her humble abode seems like one of the greatest challenges she’s had to face as of late, the feeling of being watched never one to be truly shaken. although she’s here for a more joyous reason; every flower in bloom in her small indoor garden is a beautiful flourish of color, the wilderness of the roots providing comfort in the form of dark, protective branches. it started out as a joke first, the idea that she could bestow her friends with gifts in the form of flower bouquets but it’s become somewhat of a passion as of late.

she knows, has heard of places that have established a whole business around the cultivation of specific plants and flowers. she recalls the tulip mania that haunted the continent two centuries ago and finds herself briefly enchanted by the notion that one fashionable flower could have caused so much mayhem. it’s enough to allow her lips to pull into a faint quirk, her gaze casually travelling across the market stands.

what she does not expect is to be bumped into by another person, her small leather handbag unceremoniously flying out of her grip and into the mud with a dull thud. she scoffs, the annoyance visible on her face when she refocuses her attention on the culprit. “at least have the courtesy not to run. the market will be filled with people soon and unless you want to invite anger and suspicion, it’s better to look where one goes.”

✦

There are a few failed attempts until she eventually drags herself from bed this morning. It was the one thing Sabrina wanted to accomplish today. Staying in repeatedly would only make her slip further and she couldn’t handle that. There was a method to her sorrow after all — just enough to keep her from fully living, just enough to get her through the day, but never too much, never too far past the point of no return. So today, she gets dressed and wears her best smile to the market hall. The voice will not win, she repeats to herself, the hopes of it becoming true diminishing day by day.

A handful of waves can’t be ignored as she strides through the market, some smiling faces and others not so content with her presence. The dancer tries her best not to focus on the latter; she knows as her name grows, more of those will come her way. She didn’t care. It was never her intention to earn fame or adoration. She simply wants to dance and be the best.

And she is.

She watches quietly as the scene, only a few feet away, unfolds, moving only to remove the leather handbag from the mud — attempting to clean it with the hem of her dress. Once Bonnie’s unwelcomed companion fled, she makes her way over and offers a slight smile. “I tried my best to get it all off,” she says softly, handing over the handbag. “Are you alright?”

[hope-mikaelson]

Endless gifs of Julia Goldani Telles - The Affair; s05e09

[thequotejournals]

I take great care of myself by carefully shutting myself away.

Vincent van Gogh, Letter from Vincent van Gogh to Theo van Gogh (via thequotejournals)

[sabrinadlgado]

closed to: @ofwhatsleft​​ location: backstage, theatre royal

Has anyone ever truly died of a broken heart?

Sabrina isn’t really sure, but the tension in her chest makes it troublesome to breathe every day. Sorrow is eating her whole, devouring any trace of life from her petite frame. She was so sad that she couldn’t even remember why. There was no one to hold, no shoulder to lean on or cry into. She was truly alone. Or at least that’s how she felt most days. Despised by her mother, the one person who was supposed to offer unconditional love, and forgotten by her father. Did this make her an obvious target for madness? Maybe that was what crept up on her at night. It couldn’t be ghosts; it had to be loneliness.

Would madness drive her to death?

She wasn’t all that sure about that one either. Perhaps that was why she poisoned her body as often as she could. Of course, she was discreet — especially now that her career had fully taken off and her name finally held some significance in the world of ballet. They could never know what she did after the applause was over and the curtains were closed. How disappointed would people be if they knew that after fascinating crowds on stage, she clung to her sheets at night for dear life; the walls spiraling around her as the alcohol rushing through her blood soothed her aching heart.

“Nate,” she breathes out effortlessly as soon as she takes notice of his presence. Air returns to her lungs and her gaze falls fondly on his features. If someone were to look closely, they could most likely perceive the glint in her eyes. He made the anguish within her briefly disappear. She found comfort in his presence — his words. If it wasn’t for Nathaniel, the dancer knew her story would’ve ended long ago. Unaware that he was her savior, he provided consolation she had only received once upon a time by others who didn’t stick around for too long. Sabrina knew she could count on him. He knew her sorrows all too well to do the same as the rest and so she permitted herself to care. He was her family now, the only one she needed. 

“Be honest. How was I tonight? Something felt off. What did you think?”

[andantegrazioso-deactivated2018]

Pointes de satin | lizavoll

[sabrinadlgado]

henry-whittock​:. 

Henry looked up at the voice that answered him and his heart got stuck in his throat for a moment. Sabrina was still as beautiful as the day she has stolen his heart, twirling away as he watched mesmerized. Things had changed between them, become more distant and tenuous before they had finally fallen apart. It was more than due by they time they ended their relationship, but Henry missed her still. And he was certain there would not ever come a day when he did not find her beautiful. 

Truthfully, there was a part of him that still loved her. Perhaps that part would fade with time, but it had yet to and he grew less certain with each passing day that it ever would. He still missed his brother who had been gone for so long. He still wished his sister was at home with him. He still loved Sabrina, even if he knew their relationship would never work any more. She was another part of his life just out of reach, just past his fingertips. It was just how things would be he supposed.

“Sabrina,” her name was a breath, a hushed caress into the air. “Its good to say you.” The rest of his words carried a tenseness to them. His spine straightened. His shoulders squared with his frame. He had to watch himself carefully with her, especially now, keep everything locked away behind the formal guise he always wore. 

He lets out a sigh as he looks down at the paper in his hands. “I’m not certain what I hoped for. Better news than this I suppose. It seems this darkness has dragged on for far too long,” he said. “I know that it may not yet have come to an end, but one can hope that it has, can one not?“ He pressed a tight smile to his lips as he looked at her. “You have been keeping safe making it home after your performances I hope.”

✦

The distance between them was unbearable. It felt like miles when he was only a few steps away. A sting of joy grew in her stomach at the sound of her name spewing from his lips. “It’s good to see you too,” she lied. The last thing Sabrina wanted was to see Henry. She did not need the constant reminder of everything she wanted once upon a time; a reminder of the person she no longer was. 

He was mindful of her now. She could see the way his body stiffed by her mere presence, something that in the past never occurred. Why would she want to be near him when he couldn’t be himself? A small sigh escaped the girl’s lips as he continued speaking. She needed to focus on the conversation rather than the mess occurring in her head. “No one can blame you for hoping,” the dancer responded meekly. Those days of faith were nothing but a distant memory to her now. “Maybe soon,” she pondered, knowing that was probably far from the truth, but warning him otherwise almost felt cruel. 

Sabrina couldn’t help but wondered if in the back of his mind he questioned when she had become this person? Shut off and pessimistic, a far cry from the girl he once knew — full of life and ready to take on the world. “Oh yes, of course. I walk home with the other girls. We try to keep together as much as possible these days. You know, to ensure everyone arrives home safely.” More lies. Has she become so good at these? In reality, Sab couldn’t recall when she had last spoken to the corps de ballet. It took so little to earn their dislike. Once she had made prima, they kept her at arm’s length, but their envious looks did not bother her. Instead, it made her work even harder to maintain her title. Nowadays, she doesn’t even trouble herself with giving them the satisfaction of her usual sneer. She has nothing to say. Nothing anyone would want to listen to or believe, anyway. “Have you been well, Henry?”