Mistress of the Macabre

we have to let go of who we were to become who we are indie santanico fdtd the series tracking sacredxdawn

[touchofdcath-archive]

@sacredxdawn

“you’re kidding me!”

[sacredxdawn]

“Not at all. it was like it just happened out of  nowhere. I’m not even sure how it even started.”

[thxunforgiven-blog]

;;better to burn

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 looking at his brother he doesn’t think that he’s gonna make it. he doesn’t think he’s gonna even be able to stand up or even less likely to walk. he doesn’t want to see him fall down. he doesn’t want to see him like this. but it’s like he’s got no real choice at all. he’s got nothing but this one option until he can think of something better.

 but he can’t think right at the moment. can’t think straight. because his eyes keep on going over to where Richie is laying. and he looks nothing like who he was before. he looks nothing like he should. and he’s not sure how to save him. he doesn’t know how to pull him out. he should know. it’s his job to know how to protect Richie at all cost. but he can’t. not right now. and he knows that he’s failed him. they’re supposed to have each other’s backs. but here they are.

 he wants to tell her he’s sure. but he can’t do that. he can’t do anything for a brief moment but stay there and stare at Richie. his hands tied, uncertainty filling him up. and he feels on the edge of being sick. but he’s not sick. he’s just twisted up. Richie was good at puzzles. at figuring out where the maze starts and ends. he told him once that the trick was to do it backwards but that was some kids activity sheet back when Seth had been just shy of kindergarten.

 he gets up now though, moving towards Richie quick. he doesn’t want her to be the one to help him. he doesn’t want her to be the one he sees when he struggles to his feet. it’s his job to help him up, to walk him outside and see if this piece of shit plan was gonna bring any kinda answers to light. he slips between her, reaching for him to help him on up. and he makes sure Richie slumps against him. he feels weak. not his brother. just an empty shell. but he’s on his feet now.

 “it’s never this easy.” he mutters it. not to discourage. just to say it. he tightens his hold on Richie and leaves her there. not making sure she’s following. he can’t keep his eye on her too much. he knows that. he knows that this place gets shits and giggles out of playing a whole load of tricks on his head. and he doesn’t want that right now. right now he wants Richie back. the real one. 

[sacredxdawn]

She knows what it is that's happening. She knows that maybe he's overreacting to the idea that she was here with him. Why was he rushing her out of the way? Why was he leaving and not looking back at her? What was it that she had done that was so awful that he was pushing her into a corner like this? But she knew. She knew that in some small way this was all her fault. She knew that in the end she had been the one to let this happen. She had been the one that had made sure they came here prepared. the only thing was she wasn't exactly prepared at all.

The world felt like it was lost to her. Lost to them all. She stayed where she was, watching the empty chair that Richard had been sitting in. Seth had lifted his brother and carried his weight towards the front door. She knew that it was true. She knew that everything was either a game or a loss to them both. The lords weren't going to ever stand for this sort of behavior and she was afraid that the door was going to be slammed shut and locked.

Slowly she rose from where she had been sitting and shakily got to her feet. She felt just a bit unsteady as she made her way towards the door and walked hesitantly out the door. Everything was gray out there, ash falling and blacked out suns. She felt the cold whisper across his skin, a hard wind washing across her.

It was as if there were eyes on her. It was like there were eyes everywhere watching them. Waiting to see what it was that they would do. A dark and cold wind was everywhere, crawling up the back of her neck and clutching at the confines of her insides. She was afraid. At least she felt afraid.

"Seth wait!" She called out, her voice shaky as she made her way towards him where he was with Richard. Reaching for him she curled her hand around Seth's arm and attempted to tug him back towards her. "They're here."

[duskgifs]

[ladicsa-archive]

“He’s lost without me.”

[thxunforgiven-blog]

;from eden

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 he didn’t bother picking that shit up. he didn’t bother reaching for it or even looking. he watched her. watched how fucking easy it was for her to just give up on it. no argument. nothing. but he knew that wasn’t a fair assumption. not at all. but he didn’t give a shit about being fair. he cared about the hole that she had ripped into his chest. he cared about the fact that she was the only thing in this whole damn world that could fill it. he hated that needy feeling he got whenever he looked at her. it hurt something awful. and he had to swallow down the pierce of it. of her.

 he didn’t want to tell her he needed her to stay. that was gonna rip something that he had taken a good deal of time building. he wanted her to just stop this shit and come on now. to come to him and let him take her back home. let him have her the way that it was supposed to be. but it wasn’t like that anymore. he knew that now. it wasn’t like that at all. he knew about her and this guy. he knew her too damned well to not know all about that.

 this was a low blow ending to something he wanted, had always wanted from the moment he had laid eyes on her until right now. the ending he didn’t want to see. there was to much to let go of to walk away like this. well, he’d pick up the keys. he’d walk out that door. he’d tell her that he was through with her. he was gonna do it. because there was no way in hell that he was gonna be the weak one. there was no way in hell that he was gonna get down on his knees and beg her. especially when she had gone off with some other piece of shit, had spread herself around like there wasn’t no one she belonged to. especially since she had been the one to forget.

 but that didn’t mean he was letting go. he couldn’t. she had her hands into him too deep. he had his grip on her too damned tight. there wasn’t any living if he was gonna let go. he was gonna do something big. he could feel it in the air. he could taste it. he was gonna do something real big and prove her wrong. and then she’d be back. they’d live the way they ought to. and he could give her all those things that that son of a bitch she was seeing was offering her. then her fucking eyes would be opened and there would be nothing in the way of the two of them.

 in order to start though he was gonna have to fall. he was gonna have to crash, burn, and then be reborn. there was a lot of shit that was gonna happen between then and now. and he was gonna build it all up carefully. make sure she heard about it, make sure. they’d be back. they always were. 

 “alright then.” he said with a nod. pushing all the hurt out of him. because he just didn’t have the time for it right now. he reached down and picked up the keys. “you made this choice, Kisa. don’t say I did.”

[sacredxdawn]

That much was true. The fact that she was the one turning her back on the man she loved. She was turning her back on everything that she had ever wanted. She still remembered the moment she had first looked into his eyes. The way that he had been so different from everyone that she had met prior to him. He wasn't all dazzling promises and expectancies there within his eyes.

But she also knew that she couldn't linger here forever. She couldn't open her eyes everyday and note that she was slipping further down into a wasteland that she wasn't ever going to recover from. This was called falling and she refused to fall when she had worked so hard and climbed so far.

For a moment she almost regretted what she had said. She almost regretted looking into his eyes and telling him that she was through. Because when would she ever really be through? When would she be able to throw off the effects that he had managed to leave on her entirely and lose the sense of intoxication that she always felt whenever she was clinging to the idea of their future together? Only she wasn't entirely sure what their future was, She couldn't look down the path that they were lingering on and see anything but gray atmosphere everywhere. Blood on his knuckles and her posing for photos that would, in the end, never really matter because no one would ever see them.

Only now she could be seen. She could look into the eyes of Carlos and see an actual future with him. He could provide her with success. He could look into her eyes and promise her the world and yet he could actually deliver all of it in the end. Kisa was scared to jump in though. She was scared to look into Carlos' insides and feel everything around her falling apart because she hadn't gripped tight enough. This wasn't even really about Carlos. This wasn't even about herself. It was about time. It was about keeping herself paced for what she wanted for herself not for the world that everyone would put her into.

Tears fell from her eyes, fingertips wiped them away and then she turned away from him entirely. Seth was capable of looking inside of her and bend and shape everything that made her up. He was able to form her and take away the dark that always seeped straight beneath her skin. He was able to see inside of her and see past ambition and futures and look at her bare bones and all. She hated him for that. Hated him more than she could ever admit but she did and as she looked at him now she wondered if he knew and understood the amount of hate that she had towards him. It was monumental  and it was the strongest feeling that she had ever felt.

"Then maybe you should go now." she stated, her brows lightly furrowing and her breath coming out shallow as tears fell from her lashes. "I don't really want to see you right now."

[deathlessxdusk-blog-deactivated]

;burn it and leave

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 time. it was all about time. they were running on time. breathing time. living it all through. and he stood there watching his brother do the shit he did best. this was gonna go their way. things were gonna change in Europe. that was supposed to be the promise. that things were gonna change for the better. that they were gonna keep on getting better as time went on.

 time again. always time. you waited on time. killed time. but everything was timed. even the breaths they were breathing. Richie had told him that once and it had stuck with him real good.

 but they didn’t have all the time in the world. they had a count down. and Seth was watching his watch now. waiting. Kisa was off in the other room. and he spared a small thought that it hadn’t gone too far for her. and he’s not sure why it should matter.

 it doesn’t. the score does. laying it down with his brother. that was the shit that really mattered. and he couldn’t lie to himself and say other wise.

 he give Richie time. but the seconds were racing. and he was starting to feel sweat at the back of his neck. “got it, brother?” still watching his watch. he really hated when time went out.

@sacredxdawn

[sacredxdawn]

There was a calm look on the man’s face. Calm and yet entirely agitated. He was irritated because she hadn’t given him what it was she promised him with the look in her eyes as they headed up to his room. But she wasn’t going to sleep with him for a payday. They had enough already, didn’t they? Why would they possibly need more? What was the point in all of this?

He tried to come towards her again but she insisted and she pulled back. A bit of disregard filled her eyes when she moved away from him and made sure that he understood what she was saying. She was leaving. She wasn't going to be a piece of meat that was dangled there in front of this old man. She turned around and headed out the door and out into the hall of the hotel.

So she was putting a kink into Richard's well set plan but time had gone over and she wasn't going to lie there and open her legs for this man as if she wanted him. She wasn't a play thing anymore, this was exactly what she had gotten away from that place and Carlos for. She wasn't about to sink right back into the depth of things and set herself on display. No matter how much money it meant. No matter how much Richard and Seth wanted it.

Smoothing down her skirt she moved towards the elevator and headed downstairs to the lobby again. Sinking back into one of the chairs she crossed her legs and took up a newspaper, reading the front page and the gray lettering there. She would wait until Richard and Seth came on downstairs and think up of ways to explain why it was she hadn't waited as was ordered.

@deathlessxdusk

[maxxrockatanski]

[sacredxdawn]

;a dying sun

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 the road was a long stretch of empty. the way it was when they had driven up. there was no one around much this late. that’s what she said she liked. Richie said Maine was better. Seth listened to the both of them and said the regular civilization that had population was better. it was a joke. stupid. but something to lighten up.

 but he knew there was no light here. there was only the passing dark. he felt it. tasted it. and he didn’t like it any. it made him uneasy. the two of them together made him uneasy. he wanted to break from the cycle. let them have each other.

 but Richie was his brother. the only person he had ever needed in his life. the only person who got it, whatever the hell it was. he got it. and he understood without much trying. they were brothers, blood. and that was what mattered. Eddie had taught them that. and Seth held it tight in his chest. always.

 Kisa was something else. something different. something that he couldn’t understand and yet he wanted to. but she wasn’t his. never had been maybe. he had to forget.

 “we can either head back to the hotel or make a stop at that shitty diner up ahead. anything, I don’t wanna drive all damn night though. so pick, you two.” the humor in it is almost gone. but he forces it. he knows he keeps doing that. forcing shit. @sacredxdawn

[sacredxdawn]

She knows that she shouldn’t have put them both into this situation. She knows that Mexico shouldn’t have ever happened but it had and the way it had twisted something inside of her because of everything she had lost in the long run. Maybe it had been the fact that she blamed Richard for being there. Blamed him for being the man that she thought he was and thus making it easy to show him the demons she was scared of herself. Or maybe she blamed Seth for being the man that she feared she would always love.

They didn’t know it was as difficult for her as it was for them.

“Diner.” she announced, leaning forward on the ends of both their seats but looking at Seth’s profile as if she was willing him to just fall into this. Make it easy again as it once had been. And why shouldn’t it be? Why couldn’t it be easy after everything that they had all been through? Life had thrown them all together it wasn’t as if they had chosen a distinct path and begrudgingly started to walk it.

“I’m starved.” She let her fingers softly dance along the back of Seth’s neck before she retreated back in the seat, leaning her head back and again looking out the window at the passing world that she knew didn’t belong to her.  She was almost certain that it never would.

@deathlessxdusk

[deathlessxdusk-blog-deactivated]

;beautiful thieves

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 he wanted to get this shit over with as soon as possible. he didn’t want to hide away and think of something that might or might not work. he wanted to find the hole to slip into and fire at them with everything they had. but they didn’t have shit. they didn’t even know what the hell the lords wanted.

 he took in a breath. lifting his eyes to Richie now. not wanting to answer her. he didn’t have an answer for her. “ready.” he said with a small nod. even if he wasn’t even completely sure of it. he wanted to give Richie assurance. he was here for that.

 “we vacate this place the lords are gonna know about it. someone’s gonna go and play messenger boy. but who? find that out, we start sending messages of our own. we’re gonna go as far away from this desert beaner, ancient bullshit as this country can take us. and we’re gonna be absent long enough for them to start worrying.”

 he doesn’t know if it’s gonna work. or if any of it even makes any sense. but he likes the control talking about a plan is making him feel. like this shit is in his hands and not in the hands of the lords. it makes him feel better. more at ease.

 “and then you’ll come back, Richie. they wanted you at the top, alone. and they’ll have that. but also with a hell of a lot of questions. distractions, maybe. I-” he cut off before saying he didn’t know. finishing with a small shrug of his shoulders.

@sacredxdawn

[sacredxdawn]

This was where things were going to get difficult. She knew that she was asking a lot from the both of them but really it was the right thing to do and who else did she have to turn to? Who else could they go to when she knew so much about the lords that they were silently up against? This was something that couldn’t keep going on and if coming back meant the stop of something that needed to be done then so be it.

As long as she got her freedom again afterwards.

Seth looked so out of place and again she almost regretted telling him to stay with his brother. Was that his prison? Love? She had heard it could be a prison once you were in deep enough and the love that Seth had for his brother no doubt was that kind of love. The kind that simply never went away. It was something she admired about the both of them. And it was something she hoped that she had herself when her own family had been alive.

Looking up between the two brothers she drew in a small breath, telling herself that they were all strong enough to get through this and she nodded at Seth’s words, even as incomplete as they were.

“Then we should get going before anyone catches on to what’s happening.” She announced, straightening her jacket and heading off towards the door again. They would follow her, they would have a car. She just had her past knowledge. What it was she knew about legend and her drive to make sure that something like this was never going to happen again.

@deathlessxdusk

[deathlessxdusk-blog-deactivated]

;like savages

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 well, meth was a way. a little more on the dangerous edge. but it was still something. and if Richie was flying with it he figured he would back it up. before Richie wouldn’t have laid hands on that shit. but things change. and when new prospects come alive people’s eyes get opened to all sorts of shit. it all depended on the product, the buyer, the seller. it was talking some kinda empire. and Seth felt on the wrong edge about that still.

 but there was a lot of shit already on the table for them to look over. and they shouldn’t be wasting any of their time trying to figure out the stuff that could wait. they had a plan to fulfill and they were going to do it. they had a plan that would mar the pages of ancient history for good.

 and he was looking forward to that. he was looking forward to scribbling his name all over some ancient Mayan piece of shit. he wanted to see what it would look like. he wanted to be remembered, leave an indentation on these sons of bitches that thought that they could control any of them.

 the plan was simple enough. and it was gonna work. let the plans be bare and simple, let the targets be unaware. this was gonna be a big shit show if they screwed up. but he didn’t want to think that was possible. there was always that edges of nerves. but that just jump started the thrill.

 he looked between the two of them. a thought that this wasn’t how shit was supposed to turn out. it was supposed to be different it was supposed to be El Rey and beaches in Mexico, with umbrella drinks and never having to worry about any kind of shit getting you. it was supposed to be peace.

 Kisa said that there wasn’t any peace. and she was right. he didn’t think that she had ever been more right. there was no peace, not with the lords around. he wanted to think getting rid of their sorry asses would make that dream possible. El Rey or something like it in the California sun.

 “alright, we’ve got our product, you’ve got your shit together, and now we just gotta take those sons of bitches to our little version of history class. one more step towards being able to lay out on our suntanned asses and have a little damned peace for once.”

@sacredxdawn

[sacredxdawn]

She could get used to seeing them this way. She could get used to looking at the both of them and knowing that they were working together. Knowing that they could make this happen. The three of them were able to do this. If they could escape the Twister then they could do this. Write history or whatever the two of them were going on about.

There was a part of her that wanted to sit this one out. To sit out by the window in her room and let the sun rain down on her. She could get used to that. The sun not affecting her, humanity echoing in her veins. And yet there was the prospect of death.

And why shouldn’t there be?

“And then we celebrate?” She laughed softly. What was a victory without celebration? She could distinctly remember celebrations that Malvado had at the Twister but how those ended for her - this would be different. The three of them would be entirely different.

Moving away from Richard she headed towards the door because she was more than antsy to get out of here. She could still smell the chemicals and they were going to her head. how anyone managed to be on that stuff she wasn’t sure. How Seth managed to stand in there for so long she was surprised. But she needed some fresh air and she didn’t need them questioning why.

“Are you two going to just talk about it or are we going to get moving?” She asked with a small laugh before slipping outside and breathing in the night air.

@deathlessxdusk

[thxunforgiven-blog]

;from eden

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 she kept using that word. different. and he wasn’t even sure what the hell it meant. what was different? what was there outside of this? to him there wasn’t anything. there was only this, there was only her. her, solid and real pressed into him. her straddling his lap, wiping the blood from his face. wearing a look on hers that said she was damn near done with him. only they were never gonna be done with each other. at least that was what he had always thought.

 when she said different he thought of her with someone else, living the kinda life the two bit apartment and lousy clean up pay couldn’t get them. he saw her far away from him. a different person, a different life. and he wanted to hate her for that. needed to. but she was saying she loved him. and he wanted to believe that. but it felt like a load of bullshit. she was here with someone else. she was here, telling him to convince her to not go off with some other bastard.

 he was almost willing to really try at it. but he ought to have a hell of a lot more pride than that shit. a hell of a lot more pride than that. she was always capable of using those warm, soft hands of hers to strip him down. to beat him into something that he had always sworn he wouldn’t turn into. and it was her off with some other piece of shit. not him. there was nobody else around here but her.

 she needed convincing. that ought to be enough to get him to walk away now. he knew that. he should. but the thoughts that kept running through his head was her with some other guy. her with some other guys hands all over her, her getting it real good from some soft, rich bastard that made good on his real good promises. he gripped her tight for a moment before moving away from her. slipping from her because he didn’t want to keep holding her there. he might break then. and then what would happen?

 she wouldn’t get her stupid fucking different then.

 he shook his head at what she said. looking away from her. not wanting to notice the break to her face, the way she looked a little cracked in. he looked around at the apartment. a real fancy ass place, too. big and pricey. she seemed real at home here. more at home than she ever was where he was. he didn’t want to give her up to it though. he wanted to hold on. but his hands were empty now. gripping at nothing.

 he looked down at his hands, empty. not holding her anymore. shaky hands and cold. he swallowed harshly and cleared the almost blur from his eyes. he wouldn’t break. he wouldn’t give her up. he was caught in a hole that he didn’t want to be in. he thought of all the ways of changing her mind. he thought of giving her this. he could make that shit possible. he just had to work at it. it’d be worth it. she’d be worth it.

 she was running off with someone else. she had her different.

 but letting go felt like ripping out something from inside of him. all bloody and raw, he’d go on loving her with his broken back and scabbed over hands. clawing his way over to her. he only found a place he could settle inside of her. he only saw what he wanted when he looked at her. she saw beyond him, she saw beyond, too far beyond. so why the fuck couldn’t he?

 “you’ve already got your different. so, cut the shit, Kisa. if you’re not coming back then give me the fucking key to the apartment. end of the line. done deal, right?”

[sacredxdawn]

She almost couldn’t quite believe what it was that he was saying. She wanted to tell him that wasn’t what she had meant. She wanted to tell him that she loved him more than anything and if he walked away now she would be nothing but pieces left over in a broken set of herself. She could look into his eyes and extract something that she knew was there. That he loved her and if this wasn’t the one hundredth time they had gone through this then he might have given her different.

Instead he was angry and he was staring at her like she had betrayed him. He was looking at her like he was broken in by the idea of her with Carlos. But she also knew that he couldn’t be compelled to think that nothing was going on past the usual tropes of a relationship with a man like Carlos. Carlos, in fact, deserved better. And yet where did that leave Seth?

Tears welled in her eyes and she looked away from him momentarily, if only to lower her emotions, if only to hide herself entirely. She felt broken in and she felt cast aside. maybe it was her own stupid insecurities. Maybe it was her wanting to get him to believe her so she turned on whatever skills she possibly could as an actress. Either way she felt something and she wasn’t sure which one it was. 

Finally after a moment she looked back at him and she slowly moved towards him again even if he had just moved her aside. She made to reach for him but instead she stopped herself and looked up into his eyes. He was something else just then and she wondered just what kind of man he would make himself into if he told others like this. If he refused to clean things up and merely did his own thing. Got himself something different.

“You really want me gone?” she questioned, her brows furrowing and her eyes blurring again with her tears before they fell again, slowly  slipping from her lashes and caressing over the skin of her cheeks. He saw them, they were evidence weren’t they? In some small way? He couldn’t say that she didn’t care. He could say that she was acting but there were defenses against that as well.

Kisa was prepared to leave him if he really wanted that. She was prepared to live this new life without him in it. If he pushed her further she just might allow herself to grasp for it with all that she had inside of herself. And why not? She had worked hard enough to get here hadn’t she? And in some small part of her mind she deserved it. or maybe that was the major part of her mind that claimed that she deserved this more than anyone else.

Turning from him she moved to the table where her purse was and she took out the ring of keys and tossed them at him, the jangling slamming against his chest just then. “Then I’m gone.”

[sacredxdawn]

;a dying sun

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 it was even more cold out there. so damned cold outside of the water. but what he was thinking was that it was colder away from her. he hated being away from her. but he had been away. he had been for so damned long. and he had managed though, hadn’t he? he had managed. and he had thought that he had moved on. but here he was.

 he thought he shouldn’t have come. he kept thinking it over and over again. he kept thinking that he had to leave and get on back home. that was what Eddie had told him. his thought was that Eddie hadn’t said that to Richie about the road trip. it sounded like a kid’s kinda argument though. Eddie would’ve said as much so he kept it to himself. kept a lot of shit to himself.

 he reached for his shirt and poured it on over his head. didn’t look back at Kisa. wondered if Richie had seen anything. her words kept on playing like wild in his head. on eternal repeat. stay with her. and damn it he wanted to. he wanted to, wanted to be near her again, feel her, taste her. relive all that stuff from before. the way it was supposed to be.

 but how the hell did he know how things were supposed to be? he didn’t. he didn’t know shit. things weren’t what he expected. but he should’ve known better than to expect something. he couldn’t stay with her. he knew that, too. 

 he gave her a glance though. lingering a little. he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to say no to her though. he looked back at Richie and let out a small chuckle at what he said. “alright, let’s get him something to eat. I’m not cleaning up after his shit.” he said, sounding almost humorless, before grabbing up the rest of his stuff and heading off towards the car. 

@sacredxdawn

[sacredxdawn]

She feels a little empty as she watched Seth walk off away from the two of them. She hates how distant he gets whenever Richard is around even if it is entirely reasonable. She still loathes it possibly beyond reason and, yet, still she wants things to be different. To be easier. He knows that, doesn’t he?

Instead of dwelling on things like that she moves over to where Richard is now and she takes hold of his arm and tugs him with her, softly laughing as she rests her head against his arm. Leading him towards the car she eventually lets go of him and moves into the backseat.

It felt like old times for a moment. Her back here, watching the two of them. Every now and then she would catch Seth’s eyes in the rear view and she would want to keep his eyes on her like that forever and yet she wasn’t sure how much exactly had changed.

Leaning back she clung to the sweater she was wearing and looked out the window, watching the night that swept past the glass.

@deathlessxdusk

[deathlessxdusk-blog-deactivated]

;burn it and leave

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 Richie knew all the stories. he used to read the paper sometimes. be informed. that’s what he would say to him. and he was up to some extent. he liked his news on the radio, turned down low enough unless he caught something important. Richie was all about tales and facts. so, of course Richie would know all about the hole in the wall that this freak make. he would know all the details, how he got himself killed.

 he took a step back when told and watched all the plaster and debris fall. he coughed a bit, taking a moment to glance at his watch. they were on time. he thought of Kisa in the room with that guy. give the hands of the watch a little bit of a longer stare, memorizing almost. time tables and schedules.

 he started forward when Richie did. and there was the door. stark white, waiting. what they had here was a tumbler lock. like they were thinking no one was gonna find it. that was the problem with a lot of these bastards, they thought that they were smarter than everyone else.

 well, no one was even half as smart as Richie was. he had ran across a lot of intelligent sons of bitches in his time, too. nothing like his brother. best damned head he’d ever seen.

 he walked over to the door, knelt down. took out his pocket knife. he opened it to the skinniest blade and slipped it in the hole. wiggled it some to get the pins clicking and then the door was opened. 

 “it’s gotta be harder than this.”

@sacredxdawn

[sacredxdawn]

He was getting handsy, his hands were all over her and even though she knew about the plan, even though she knew that there was a time window she didn’t want to this bastard to have sex with her before it came through. Men like him usually took a second or two and then it was over with anyways. By the time the boys got back she would be nothing but a whore for this plan. Not that she wasn’t going to get a cut from this but she would rather not sleep with this man for said money.

But he was advancing quickly and she couldn’t deal with it anymore. She reached down and took hold of his wrist to stop him. Her eyes glared at him and she really couldn’t be bothered with telling him anything else but to wait but he simply wasn’t having it. He told her that she had been playing him and maybe she had. maybe she had been but that didn’t mean this didn’t have to happen.

He advanced towards her and she was pressed up against the wall. She tried to shove at him but her knee connected with his, no doubt, shriveled member and watched him tumble backwards. he fell back and she smirked, stepping towards him just as he made to move to grab for the phone there. But she grabbed it first and tore out the cord.

“No doing that yet.” She wasn’t quite sure if she messed up the plans or not.

@deathlessxdusk

[deathlessxdusk-blog-deactivated]

;beautiful thieves

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 he didn’t like this plan. he didn’t like the feeling that pressed on him when thinking it over. hiding never did any good. hiding only brought out worse things from the woodwork. he didn’t think he could handle something worse. he didn’t like going up against the lords either. but the shadows, they had to stay in the shadows.

 he let out a heavy breath and looked at her. taken a back by her asking for his assurance. he wasn’t sure what it was that he could really say to her. he didn’t know what it was that he could push out. that they could do it? they could actually do this shit? defeat seven powerful lords?

 he took in a breath and looked away from her. they had to get it done. that was the problem. they didn’t have any other choice. do it. or everything they did would be for nothing. Eddie would’ve been for nothing. he could still remember what he had told him to do. take care of each other. and keeping culebras in the shadows took care of Richie. he’d have Sonja’s blood on his hands for nothing. he felt a cold empty when he thought up her names. he usually chose not to. Kate would’ve been for nothing. 

 he looked back at Santanico. he gave a small nod of his head. “yeah, we can do this. I don’t like hiding though.”

@sacredxdawn

[sacredxdawn]

Maybe she didn’t like hiding either. she had been free. Had tried to ignore all of this but she hadn’t been able to. She hadn’t been able to look away and she was driven right back here. Sacrifices, all of them were sacrifices. And she had the distinct feeling of guilt weighing down on her soul because if she hadn’t chosen to be set free then none of this would have happened. Everything would have been the same and none of these people would have been hurt.

Yet call her selfish but she wouldn’t have changed her situation. She wouldn’t  have turned away from the idea of being set free. She had blood on her hands, so much of it for all of the hundreds of years that she was alive. And it would have been for nothing if she chose to think the way whatever conscience she had left kept thinking like.

Softly she sighed and folded her arms across her chest, glancing towards the door. Richard wasn’t back yet and it was just her and Seth. She wondered if he still hated her, if whenever her name came up he cursed it and acted like she was the instigator of everything bad that happened - yet maybe she was.

“It’s the only thing that we can do. They can’t see us - we can’t be in plain sight.” So many can’ts. “What would you prefer we do?”

@deathlessxdusk

[thxunforgiven-blog]

;;better to burn

[thxunforgiven-blog]

 he watches her wipe at his brothers head. moisture running across his forehead now. and he thinks to himself that it’s not going to do any good. nothing is ever going to do any good for him no matter how hard they try. nothing works. he’s trapped forever in this state. he feels hopeless watching. so damned hopeless. but he won’t give up. he’s never put much stock in hope. it’s such a piece of shit thing to believe in. but he’s gonna make himself hope for Richie. because Richie deserves it. he has to be saved.

 and that’s the whole part of all of this. of saving Richie from whatever dark things are trying to get him. the things that are viciously prying at his head. whatever the hell it is he wants to mess that piece of shit up real good, make sure it can’t ever recover. whatever touches Richie ought to be ruined for good.

 could it have been prevented? he wondered that a lot. over and over again. a dark cloud hanging over his head. a heavy ass weight over him. he wants to set it down. but there’s no one that he can. guilt is in it, too. something making it a hell of a lot heavier. could he have prevented it? he doesn’t know.

 something tells him that he could’ve. that he could’ve found some kinda way of solving this one out. of making sure Richie got back to normal. only he knows that this place had put binds and chains on them, forced them out. there was no telling the damage done to Richie the whole time they were gone. there was no telling all the shit this place had dragged him through. the wear and tear of it was evident on his brothers face. and he wanted so badly to think that towel she’s got is going to wipe it all off. is gonna make his face light and lively, something he doesn’t think he’s ever seen. at least not for a good long time.

 she’s asking him if he has any plans. but the truth is he doesn’t. not one single plan. and he feels like a piece of shit because of it. he should have a plan and a damned good one. but his head is running blanks right about now. he wishes he could reach on over and tap into Richie’s head. he’d figure out a way of getting them the hell out of there. but he couldn’t do that. so, he was left with limited resources.

 he felt like a damn failure, standing there. he hated seeing Richie like this. he needed to be saved, he needed help. but he hadn’t given him any of these things. so, here Richie was. a broken piece of his brother, with so many other pieces left over.

 he let out a heavy breath and moved on over to the coffee table. such a real normal setting in this house. but there was nothing but darkness here, nothing but death. he moved to sit on the table and reached to touch Richie’s arm. a brief check with his free hand to the side of his face before dropping his hand altogether. he turned to look at Kisa. he had to remember that Kisa wasn’t her name anymore. never again.

 he doesn’t want to say he doesn’t have a plan. but the one that he’s gonna say is a pretty shitty plan that he knows won’t work. they’re going to have to think on this more. he’s going to have to figure this shit out. but right now he can’t. right now he can only think of the fever burn left on his hand from the side of Richie’s face. he can only think of seeing him dead. bleeding on the ground until his last breath left him, he can only think of coming back and having nothing but a hole in his chest afterwards. how she had put warm hands on him and cried, herself, too. then she got to telling him that they should make the most of this empty. make the most. but they had only made shit worse, hadn’t they?

 “we just got here. how’s come back the way we came, huh? there’s no way it’s closed that fast.”

[sacredxdawn]

Richard isn’t responding as much as she would have liked. He isn’t looking at her like he wants to know what’s happening. Instead he’s looking off, into a space that is just a broken fragment of reality. He’s nothing like he once was. A pillar of intelligence, the one who had helped to set her free. No. He’s something completely different and she has to wonder just how much of it is his fault. She knows that most of it isn’t. Most of it lies in her for drilling the end of all this to him. Drilling the thought of the lords and what they had done to everyone into his head. And now here he was, broken in and lost to the world around them.

She could slap his face, get into his head but every time she’s tried that nothing happens. She can’t get past the borders. She can’t get past the barriers that cloud him and secure this mental state from ever being fixed. She had rested on his lap a few times, pressing her forehead to his and tried to get into his mind. She had taken his hand, pressed his wound there against her palm but nothing came. 

He was completely lost to her and she couldn’t grasp him. She couldn’t reach for him for the way that she had once done all those months ago when she had still been in that temple. The world needed to erupt first however if she wanted this to be fixed. She had a feeling that even if she tried her very hardest and did the most severe thing that she could possibly think of. The lords were not going to allow her this - not everything that she did against them. They did against them.

But finally Seth was talking and she looked over at him, setting down the towel and meeting his eyes. Going back the way they came. It seemed like a long shot. It seemed far too simple to be of use to them in this time. She could tell him that he should start thinking of better things to add than simply that and yet she couldn’t bring herself to utter it seeing as he seemed to be the only one clearly thinking right now. She couldn’t even bring herself to conjure up a coherent idea long enough to make it stick.

“You really think that might work?” She questioned but of course he wasn’t entirely sure. How could he be? Neither of them were sure what to do and he really did seem to be at a loss but there was always a confidence in the things that he said. Just breathe. 

Turning away from him she knelt down beside Richard and looked up at him. “Richard we need you to stand up. We’re going to go outside for a little bit.”

[tragedyofherblood-deactivated20]

     The night seems darker when she opens her eyes.

     She takes a deep breath, and she can feel it cold running through her body, filling her lungs and slowly, calming the fast rate of her heart.  

     She clenches her fists and the cut in her right-hand bleeds again. It’s only then when the knowledge of her situation hits her. She moves her fingers over her bloody shirt, and she remembers the pain of the two bullets crashing through her body. She can also remember how darkness had consumed her whole. 

     The transition between the living and the dead hadn’t felt all that poetic like she had heard about back home. It wasn’t a white, bright tunnel, with her momma and daddy waiting for her on the other side. It hadn’t given her the peace that she needed. On the contrary, it had just felt like being drowned in cold water, completely alone, while something else remained by her side, talking to her until it made her open the eyes.

     And the images of what had happened just hours before come to her mind in a quick succession, from the man that she had to kill to help Scott, to her last words to Richard ’I hope you burn in hell’. The same anger that she felt before fill her once again. But there’s something else, something stronger that she can’t put a name to it. A different kind of anger that she hasn’t felt before, but that somehow, is accumulated within her. 

     But a voice distracted from her thoughts. It takes her just a moment to realize who it was, but Kate doesn’t answer immediately. Her eyes move from her to the wound on her hand and then back up again. And only when she says her name, Kate fixes her eyes on her. 

     "Santanico Pandemonium,“ she says with a low voice. ”¿Qué hace la Diosa aquí? Shouldn’t you be accompanying the new boss?“

[sacredxdawn]

She wants to ignore the look in the girl’s eyes. She wants to question why it is that she’s still alive even though Richard had said that Carlos had killed her. Had Carlos’ death awoken her? was there something wrong with her or had Richard just been too hasty in the idea that this girl was dead? 

And then there was the area they were standing in. There was a certain aura that surrounded them. A certain sort of darkness that echoed within the confines of the atmosphere. It was coming from the blood well. Santa Sangre. The rumors, the ways Malvado used to speak of it.

The very thought of Malvado twisted in her. Freedom was supposed to feel better than this. Freedom was supposed to feel consuming, not like this. And yet she only felt more hollow. Like having finally killed him left a hole inside of her. What was she supposed to fill it with?

Kate speaks now in response and she thinks about Richard back there, leaving the way that she had. Would she come to regret it? There were things that he could expect from her and she could attempt to give and, yet, she wasn’t sure if that was the right call until she was ready to come back and take down the rest of the Lords. Richard had to grow on his own and he had Seth - the only one he needed.

“I don’t think I’m going back there any time soon.”

She didn’t know this girl and yet something still seemed amiss. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to be reacting but realizing you weren’t dead - wasn’t there supposed to be something other than this?

“Are you hurt?” she questioned, even in the dark noting the mark of a wound on her hand, the hints of blood around it.

[llynirr-deactivated20170615]

I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life

[criminalexwife-blog]

“Too long. My dad used to joke that jail wasn’t anything really - three hots and a cot, he would always say. But it’s more  than that. It’s exhausting. It drains you. Makes you someone else.”

[sacredxdawn]

“I know that. And that someone else  does things that you wouldn’t even  imagine who you once were doing.”