Sad_Panda_Dib @sad-panda-dib-blog - Tumblr Blog

It’s 3 in the morning

Oh God, The Struggle! DX

Sometimes, the desire to write is so strong that I’ll sit in front of an empty page for days, my head in a fog, crushing my own motivation in the process. Like ugh...I wanted so badly to write over my past two days off from work, but just...nothing would come to me during that time. I don’t mean ideas either. I have plenty of those. But sometimes I need the right mental and emotional state to write. When I need them the most though, they always seem to disappear and come back at the most inconvenient of times (usually when I don’t have time to be writing). And so thus, I wasted yet another weekend of mine not getting anything done. Feeling like shit now because the only bits of writing I DID manage to come up with were shitty little excerpts I just wasn’t happy with in the long run. And now that my weekend is over, the fog has cleared again. I want to write but I no longer have time due to work, which will suck the life out of me for the next 5 days until my days off come around again (at which point I’ll likely fall back into that horrible fog again and repeat the process.) Sorry for the early morning rant, you guys. I think I’m having an anxiety attack over how useless a writer I am again. ; v ; It makes me wonder sometimes whether I’m even cut out to continue writing ZADR fanfiction, which has been my life for like the past 13 years. It just seems to get harder and harder with time though (not because I don’t love the characters/universe/pairing/etc). But because I can’t be satisfied enough with my own work to post it (It was so much easier back in the day to not care whether it was good or bad and just POST it regardless.) I miss the good old days, as horrible as they were back then.

#Sad Panda Dib Thoughts #zadr #Venting before work because I feel like I'm failing as a fanfic writer #Why do I do this shit to myself #Please ignore my stupid ignorant bitching