I'm Uglier In Person

My names Alyssa, I'm 19, and I'm most likely in bed.

[modplug-deactivated20140131]

[lake-erie]

one time i went to see my grandma in the hospital when she was just waking up from surgery and the first thing she said (really feebly) was “neil… what does… your shirt say” and i had to say “skate and destroy” in front of the nurse and my whole family

[funny-tik-toks]

[thenatsdorf]

“Boss’s really riding me today.” (via)

[catchymemes]

I Am Karen (2020)

[momofmusa]

Good Lord!!

[yemme]

WTF.

[bri-v-m]

!!!!!!!!!!!

[theryanproject]

[molothoo]

For anyone wondering what it’s like living in the U.S. rn

[candiikismet]

Oh my god lol

[tikkety-tok]

I don't speak cat but I think that means yes

[whitepeopletwitter]

[asundergrowth]

Nice ass, sorry about the mental illness

Thank you king

[feraligatr]

holy trinity

[weonsinnombre]

[str8upbisexual-deactivated20251]

[anxietypuppy]

live laugh lobotomy

[xcurrerbellx-deactivated2020082]

You used to be shy, now you're a whore

Character development

[valtsv]

[roachpatrol]

one of the nice things about heterosexuals i never see talked about on here is that they haven’t already heard all your gay jokes yet. i just really appreciate having a new audience sometimes for my completely automatic responses to phrases like ‘i’ll be straight with you’. so, shoutout to all the innocent hets out there who have a genuine giggle over lame quips that a fellow queer would groan and hit me for. ilu guys. 

[andisupreme]

I recently no scoped my coworker when she asked me “What’s in the closet, anyway?” and I automatically said “me”. She lost her mind. Full cackling in the middle of the store. I never thought I’d see the day that joke would work but here I was, blessed with an unexperienced heterosexual. It was transcendent. 

[team-lionheart7]

I once had a girl working on a display where I work, and she commented, “I thought this would be straighter when I got done with it.” And I said, “my mother thought the same thing about me”, and everyone around us lost it. It was a blessed moment.

[puppybearuniverse]

I knew a kid who saw my “Let’s get something straight: I’m not” bracelet and ended up laughing about it all day and telling anyone who would listen

[pinktwink]

I told a coworker that changing the music I picked would be homophobic and she lost her shit like it was the funniest thing ever

[thelilnan]

i used to offhandedly say stuff to my customers on campus like “unfortunately i’m very gay” and it always took them by surprise. they loved it.

[bloodydelirium-deactivated20190]

I was visiting a (straight) friend recently and when he was making me breakfast he made me extra toast. I, of course, upon seeing this went ‘fuck yeah gay rights’ and he lost it. Should have seen his fave when I pulled the opposite joke, the ‘this is homophobia’ at any inconvenience. Was amazing.

[chloe-bourgeois-is-big-gay]

I was in class one time and we were talking about allergies and someone turned around to me and asked “how allergic are you to nuts?”

My friend says, “obviously not enough if she’s bi.” the class lost it.

[grifalinas]

Once I was tidying up the stockroom at work and my coworker was all “you straight back here?” My response of “not even a little, but the stockroom is clean” made her lose it

[iprayforangels-deactivated20220]

I complained to my mom that it sucks that the first gender is free but after that you have to pay for them and she lost her goddamn mind 

[anotherknifeinmyhands]

me and my friend where sharing an umbrella, if she wasn’t straight i would have said we were Having A Moment, and i looked her in the eyes and said “no homo.” she lost it. 

[trashic]

working for an engineering firm so all my coworkers are straight men and one day I found out we have a storage closet by reception I’m like cool what’s it for, my friend’s like “ladders and stuff, go in take a look”, “no thanks I came out years ago” and he and our other coworker who was just clinging to his ladder loved it

[teaboot]

just once in my life i wanna get up in the morning without going through the full seven stages of grief first

[troubled-little-loner]

What are the extra two?

[teaboot]

Denial 2 and Astral Projection

[babyanimalgifs]

Nothing quite like watching a dog having a good time 

via @stevie_the_wonderdog

[coyotesmokebreak]

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