Something Funny

Hotdog 🌭

[redstonedust]

nostalgia bait is much less effective when you have memory problems. "hey its that thing from your childhood, don't you love thing from your childhood?" i wouldnt know </3 i forgor.

[what-even-is-thiss]

The reason your snacks are unsatisfying is that you need both carb and protein.

Carb starts your engine, protein keeps it going.

No carb, engine don’t start. No protein, engine dies out fast.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Easy carb add on:

Cookie

Fruit (canned or fresh)

Chips

Piece of bread

Popcorn

Crackers

Easy protein add on:

Nuts

Spoonful of nut butter

Cheese

Roasted chickpea snacks

Glass of milk (dairy or non dairy)

Small canned sausages or similar

[what-even-is-thiss]

Sugar in there.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I am pleased by people messaging me telling me that after adding a carb or protein to their snacks or meals they feel more satisfied all day. Yes, my plan is working. People are getting through their days with less hangry.

[guerrillatech]

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[redstonedust]

i think its fun when people use the trope of vampires thinking that werewolves smell like shit but its especially funny to me when they say a werewolf smells like 'wet dog' . like specifically WET dog? not dry dog? something about werewolves makes them smell damper than any normal dog even if theyre dry as a bone? fascinating implications. wet werewolf vs creepy vampire. much to consider.

[saltedume]

[release-the-sheep]

just witnessed something devastating

guy on the subway with one ear pierced, little gold hoop. other guy on the subway very quickly and subtly googling "which one is the gay ear". it is not the gay ear. visible disappointment on his face as he puts his phone away.

[parkchanwoohoo]

I'm high as fuck at medieval times and trying so hard to look normal. My friend pointed at a QR code and went "What is the meaning of this Rune..." and I almost threw up trying not to laugh

[parkchanwoohoo]

Friends were doing a Bit where they boo the King and Queen bc they're antimonarchists and I got legit nervous like "Guys they're like RIGHT there, we're gonna get beheaded 😭😭😭" and when the servers showed up to sell glowy swords and stuff I sank into my seat like. "Omfgggg guys I told youuu"

[parkchanwoohoo]

They kept doing very immersive jeering like "DISHONORABLE" and "LET HIM TASTE YOUR STEEL!" and I started being like... guys this is so fucked up... This is people's lives...

[ch0co-c0rn3t-lov3]

DO NOT DOWNLOAD TUMBLR it will install a virus on your device called tumblr

[enba-and-luka]

[combataromantic-deactivated2026]

Fuuuuck dude I got drunk last night and tried to take down the villain on my own and now he’s texting me some ‘I’m the only one allowed to defeat you’ shit bro what do I do

[combataromantic-deactivated2026]

Man he just yelled ‘I want him alive’ to his goons, it’s so over.

[cottoncandylesbo]

oh fuck... the adderall has hit my system... the change, it's happening... grRRRGH...!! get away from me, before it's too late...!!

(flails on the ground, then stands up and does the dishes)

[paperandpencilsandskips]

[proteusolm]

Crazy to think that seagulls existed before french fries.

[bluebandedagate-reblogs]

Medieval seagull struggling to fly away with an entire purloined potatoe

[sinni-ok-sessi]

I do think the ability to emoji-react is a net win for human communication. not only does it give you an outlet for 'I see and acknowledge this but don't have a verbal response' but it also adds a pleasing alethiometer element to things

my coworker announces that he's off to the dentist. someone reacts with a tooth emoji. is this a statement of dentist solidarity? a wish for my coworker to return with more (or fewer?) teeth than he set out with? simple word association? who can say

[jessebloom]

first day of pride month

[gayday-inactive]

do u have a vibrator in ur pants or is ur penis just so scared