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@sadwillowsblog
Im going to try recovery so i wont be here (unless i relapse), so i just wanted to thank anyone who helped me not want to kill myself because of this shitty thing (@f-4-i-l-u-r-3 @vitamindeficiency @tortured-boness and im sorry if i forgot anyone im bad at remembering names). You are all amazing, stay safe and remember we all deserve to recover💙
every tumblr mobile update just feels like they broke into my house and moved everything slightly to the left
YES
I’m really smart and beautiful and sometimes I don’t believe that but that doesn’t stop it from being true
i wish all lesbians an ancient weapon that can cut thru anything
Me: I want to look super masc !!!! Omg I lov my broader shoulders I love my torso becoming a fucking square
Also me when my waist isn't a third of my hips & I'm NOT serving hourglass realness:
theres no “lol not me” either this goes for everyone 😤
I'm probably someone's "not this guy again" on Tumblr
some things i learned while hospitalised
- that dizzy feeling you have when you stand up? that has to do with orthostatics, or your change in heart rate from sitting to standing. a normal change is 10-20 bpm, most people with ed's is in the 80s to 100s, the more malnourished (NOT underweight. those are different things) you are, the worse it is. this is bc your heart is weak and can't keep up with pumping blood through your body, it's not something quirky or fun, you could pass out and seriously injure yourself or have a heart attack.
- as i mentioned above, UNDERWEIGHT AND MALNOURISHED ARE NOT THE SAME THING. you can be 'overweight' and be malnourished, you can be a 'healthy' weight and be malnourished, it's not about weight it's about how you are fuelling your body. not getting enough protein and minerals can make you malnourished. not getting enough carbs and fat and sugar can make you malnourished. it's not about weight.
- laxatives are insanely harmful. i know we all say it. but it's true. your body won't be able to digest food properly, you won't be able to shit without them, the bloating and intestinal damage caused can be permanent. in hospital, they gave us stool softeners once a week if we really needed them because they are less harmful than traditional lax, but still not safe.
- the 'sick enough' mentality is BULLSHIT. i was admitted at an 18 BMI, there were people in there with overweight BMIs, there was only ONE girl who looked like the stereotypical hollywood '13 BMI' ED shit. if you are reading this post from your edblr, you are clearly sick enough to get help. ed's are not, and never have been, about weight. those who suffer worry about weight, sometimes, but the diagnosis and effects on our lives revolve around our relationship with FOOD. and the damage that causes our bodies and minds.
- there's a million different ed's. my official diagnosis is Anorexia (Binge/Purge subtype). i never made myself sick. i purged with severe exercise. what's the difference between that and bulimia? according to my doctor (who i slightly disagree with) it's about restriction, as supposedly bulimics don't restrict, only binge/purge. i didn't know there were different types of anorexia, let alone OSFED, AFRID or PICA. and even those can be broken into subtypes. the point im trying to make is: not everyone binges, not everyone restricts, not everyone is worried about body image, not everyone exercises, not everyone purges. EVERY EATING DISORDER IS DIFFERENT.
- you never fully recover. ever. just like any other mental illness, you can treat symptoms, you can get therapy, you can build a healthy relationship with food and self, but every once in a while, those thoughts will always come back. it gets easier to push them away, to treat them like fleeting thoughts, but they're still there. im not saying this to scare anyone away from recovery, if you're thinking about it, PLEASE RECOVER. most things go back to normal-ish, things do get better, but there seems to be an idea that recovery is black and white. it will be hard, you will have days you want to relapse, you will never fully get rid of the thoughts, but you sure as hell can quiet them. recovery is always worth it, and every single person deserves it.
- men with ed's are more likely than you think. the actual statistic is estimated at about 50/50. what's the difference? men tend not to seek help. trans men are at severely higher risk for eating disorders than cis men or women. those gym bros who work out 24/7 and only eat protein? that's an ed. maybe less obviously, most teenage-early adult men don't eat all day, and then have large amounts of food at dinner. my roommates, for example, don't eat all day, then will have take away from 3 different places, a family box or cereal and two boxes of mac and cheese in what is, effectively, a binge. but they don't count calories, they don't really worry about body image. because ed's aren't about that. it's about your relationship with food.
- you can and will stunt your development if you're a teenager. your body won't produce the needed hormones from puberty (including growth, muscle/bone development, and sex characteristics) when malnourished, meaning you can fuck up your strength, bone density, height, and pretty much all other aspects of puberty with an ed. that never comes back. recovering when you're older than puberty age won't make you suddenly start to develop. you will, essentially, be stuck in a semi-developed body for life. one girl in hospital was on an estrogen supplement because of this, it helped her to get a little stronger/develop a little bit, but no where near what it should have been.
basically: eds are scary shit and im so sorry to anyone who has had to go through it. please don't ever take your disorder lightly, it could kill you. you are always worthy of recovery. you are loved, you are important, you are needed in this world.
“this character is not lgbtq in canon” to YOU. i know them personally
mutuals if u murdered someone its ok it happens sometimes i forgive u<3
I- thank you for understanding 😭😭💀
Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. TUMBLR RULE. When you see it, REBLOG IT.
Depression Hotline:1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline:1-800-784-8433
LifeLine:1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project:1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support:1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline:1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault:1-800-656-4673
Grief Support:1-650-321-5272
Runaway:1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale:After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
Child Abuse:1-800-422-4453
UK Helplines:
Samaritans (for any problem):08457909090 e-mail [email protected]
Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem):08001111
Mind infoline (mental health information):0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]
Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice):0300 466 6463 [email protected]
b-eat eating disorder support:0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]
b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders):08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care:08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]
Frank (information and advice on drugs):0800776600
Drinkline:0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales:0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]
Rape Crisis Scotland:08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
India Self Harm Hotline:00 08001006614
India Suicide Helpline:022-27546669
Kids Help Phone (Canada):1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7
suicide hotlines;
Argentina:54-0223-493-0430
Australia:13-11-14
Austria:01-713-3374
Barbados:429-9999
Belgium:106
Botswana:391-1270
Brazil:21-233-9191
China:852-2382-0000
(Hong Kong:2389-2222)
Costa Rica:606-253-5439
Croatia:01-4833-888
Cyprus:357-77-77-72-67
Czech Republic:222-580-697, 476-701-908
Denmark:70-201-201
Egypt:762-1602
Estonia:6-558-088
Finland:040-5032199
France:01-45-39-4000
Germany:0800-181-0721
Greece:1018
Guatemala:502-234-1239
Holland:0900-0767
Honduras:504-237-3623
Hungary:06-80-820-111
Iceland:44-0-8457-90-90-90
India:022 2754 6669
Israel:09-8892333
Italy:06-705-4444
Japan:3-5286-9090
Latvia:6722-2922, 2772-2292
Malaysia:03-756-8144
(Singapore:1-800-221-4444)
Mexico:525-510-2550
Netherlands:0900-0767
New Zealand:4-473-9739
New Guinea:675-326-0011
Nicaragua:505-268-6171
Norway:47-815-33-300
Philippines:02-896-9191
Poland:52-70-000
Portugal:239-72-10-10
Russia:8-20-222-82-10
Spain:91-459-00-50
South Africa:0861-322-322
South Korea:2-715-8600
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Trinidad and Tobago:868-645-2800
Ukraine:0487-327715
oh no what’s this force on my reblog buttoonnn
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT !!!
ALWAYS!!
You know what sucks? Having a breakdown over something you KNOW is stupid. Like it’s still making you feel sick, and beyond upset but you can’t tell anyone because you KNOW its ridiculous and no one will GET it so you just lay there suffering and wanting to cry with no out put or way to fix or work through the feelings.
Reblog to drop jk rowling into an active volcano
*•°•* unconventional self care motivation *•°•*
Reasons to stay alive:
- you could meet god and that bastard does not deserve to be graced by your presence 😤
-spite god
-outlive your enemies
-if life wants you dead that badly it will do it itself, don't help it
- your existence annoys someone that you hate and that's powerful
- disappoint your parents (if you have them and want to that is)
Reasons to brush your teeth:
- clean mouth knives hehe
- if they fall out you won't be able to bite homophobes anymore
- future archeologists/paleontologists will compliment how well preserved you are
- be the only person in the nursing home w/o dentures and feel superior for it
- so you can eat (See reasons to eat)
Take your vitamins:
-so that you have strength to run from the police
- so that you don't lose your eyesight (if you have it) and you can watch the downfall of your enemies
- don't get scurvy *cue sea shanties*
Stay hydrated:
- to ensure that you always have to piss 😳 this may seem like a bad thing but... you never know when it could come in handy (the graves of your enemies looking a little dry perhaps?)
- your body is basically a giant water slide. And everyone knows water slides w/o water suck
- this is more of a tip than a reason but tea is equally as hydrating as water and has antioxidants and small amounts of vitamins so technically you can live off of it (like i do lol) if you don't like how water tastes 😌
- if you're dehydrated you won't have as much blood :((
Reasons to eat:
- not everyone can, think about moths. Moths can't eat so enjoy food for the moths that can't
- also gives you strength to run from police
- strength to beat up abusive parents (doesn't have to be your parents)
- chewing regularly makes your jawline sharper and your jaw stronger, also good for biting
Reasons to get enough sleep:
- being unconscious. its not being awake which is pretty great imo
- dream about whatever tf you want with no consequences
- your stuffed animals don't get to come to life until you sleep
Reasons to shower:
- the police dogs will have a harder time following your scent
- wash off dead skin- now the only skin you have is alive
- idk about ya'll but I come up with some of my best comedic material while dissociating in the showers
-cmon bubbles and splashing are still fun no matter how old you are don't lie to yourself
Reasons to go outside:
- don't let the sun forget your face >:( make your threats known to him
- alternatively look at the moon 🥺 need I say more
- you could see someone walking their dog and get to pet it or maybe a stray cat will be friendly and you can pet it 👉👈
- ....vandalize
- find pretty rocks, take then home with you or put them in your pockets for throwing at police cars later
- climb trees, maybe you will scrape your knee maybe you will find something cool like a birds nest or a cocoon
Anyways this was all I could think of right now! Take care of yourselves and feel free to add on to this with your own motivations
Made the mistake of waking up today
Vent. Tw: ed
I think im noy going to exercise today and let my body rest for today.. i didnt eat much, even less than i planned to, and i hope that will help with the guilt that i know will come with not burning every last calorie i ate. I hope ill be able to stay strong.
I hqve also concidered talking to my mom about my ed, but im scared she wont be understanning and will say all the wrong things.. ive been looking at a lot of recovery content lately and i feel like i can move towards recovery but i feel like i need someone to help me with it. The problem is my mom not having a filtwr to her mouth like 90% of the time. She WILL say all the wrong thing and maybe even get me to a worse place. I think my dad has some problems with eating too (skipping meals and stuff) so i dont want to ask him for help. And my sister is younger than me and i think she had an ed when she was younger so i dont want to trigger her.. but i really need someone to help me and encorage me to eat. On the other hand i dont want to start recovey. I know its my ed speaking and not a rational voice, but i lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and i look a lot better than when i didnt have this thing going on. But its stopping me from living a full healthy life.. its so scary to think that ill gain weight.. im not even at a healthy weight yet and still concidered overweight, and im scared going through recovery will make me even fatter.
