good as hell

s a g e go t h e l ✿ walt u junior. cheerleader. dance team. big sister. sti. psi girls. @ pack. "the ditz."

[sagegothel]

how do you feel about Wayland and Vivi?

I mean, I’m obvi super sad. He totes bailed on me 5ever ago but I’m still crying about it after all this time, I’m obsessed with l*ve and I thought that I was going to be in it with him until I died. I’m also obvi super shocked. It’s not like I had any idea Fifi was obsessed with him, that’s a mega shocker. And I totes never thought he’d end up with someone skinnier than me and smarter than me, like ew, why would anyone want that? This is obvi all super difficult and the worst and I care so so much, it’s like, super on my radar. 

Send Me Questions And I Will Answer With Definite Lies

[sagegothel]

TEXT | GOTHELS

Baz: Guys

Baz: I'm a god.

Baz: Well, a demigod, but my mom. She's a GODDESS. I'm GREEK. And my birth name is Vassilios. Think I could pull off "Vaz"?

Sage: Omg, what????

Sage: How did you find out? Who is she? Is your mom married to her brother? That's like, a Greek thing right?

Sage: Also please don't, Vaz looks like... idk, vag with a Z.

[sagegothel]

elodiesmee​:

Yeah! It was not very fun, but I made some friends in the Cosa Nostra mafia so that’ll probably be helpful sometime later on. Not orange, but definitely a jumpsuit. They have showers! They’re just not very private or luxurious. Probably the same way I’ve stayed alive for the rest of my life: dumb luck! 

Omg, ew! Do they smell like cigars and New Jersey? Or is there like... a mafia that knows how to wear perfume? Wait, so you had to let people see you naked? Ugh, were jail people super bitchy about whether you were skinny enough or not? I bet the ones who have been there a long time are like way thin from like, lack of nourishment. 

[sagegothel]

wesofmaldonia​:

…..Sage, should I even bother explaining metaphors and sarcasm to you? 

Please don’t, that sounds like mega boring. Kind of like car talk, actually. If you want people to be super excited about it, you should probs just drive them around in it and show them it’s cool firsthand. 

[sagegothel]

wesofmaldonia​:

Well….Walt…it is fantastic to be back, and I’m so glad you all get to see me again, truly. But the real star of this town can no longer be me. As soon as I walked up to find my baby – my love, my life – in my parking spot at the dorms? I knew I was instantly outshined. This kid has never left my parents’ garage and..Wow, I’m getting choked up just thinking of letting my little boy spread his wings and fly across the haters. Speeding down the street at 1 am like it’s 2 Fast 2 Furious, the best film of the franchise. Walt, might I introduce you to…The Wesla, my everything. God, they grow up so fast. 

Wait, how does a car grow? Is it like, those sponge things when you put them in water and they get bigger? Does your car like, fit an extra passenger every time it rains?

[sagegothel]

elodiesmee​:

Hellllllooooooo, Walt! After an extended vacation in an Italian prison I am back and mostly straight edge! Except for the drinking, obviously, but I will no longer be following handsome men on their very long backpacking trips! Also they do not have pastries in Italian prison. 

Omg, you went to jail? Ew!!! Did they make you wear orange? Did you have to wash your hair in a toilet? How did you not die? 

[onlytwitterpics]

[izziebash]

Left at 1151 Wizard Way – two identical boxes, each containing a card, as well as neatly-folded pajamas, a skincare set, a mug, and a box of tea, along with two cookie bouquets. When opened, the card reads: 

I know, I know, we have no idea exactly when I’m getting married or literally any other details, but there is one thing I know won’t change – that you two are my biggest support system like, ever. So I wanted to make it super clear before any of the wedding planning starts that you guys will be standing there right next to me when I marry the loml. Enjoy all the gifts! I wouldn’t be here without you guys. <3 

xoxo, 

Izzie (The Bride) 

( @tiaisms, @sagegothel ) 

[sagegothel]

elodiesmee​:

“Oh!” Elodie exclaimed excitedly when she realized it was actually Sage she was using as a temporary stuff carrier. “You’re who I was looking for!” She started sorting through the stuff in her hands figuring out what she was going to hand back to her date. “Of course we’re going to use it! Didn’t you gather that fact from my face lighting up with a totally smart light and then me yelling ‘Be right back!’ as a I sprinted off into the night?” She held out the extra sword to her, knowing she made the right choice. “Of course you’d look hot! Every girl looks hotter holding a sword, it’s like a law. Boys? It depends.” She pulled Sage to a quieter and less populated spot and drew her own sword out of the sheath. “Pirate lesson number one, always have more weapons on you than the other guy.” She showed Sage her sword, then pulled her dress back to reveal the dagger strapped to her leg. “How many weapons have you got?” 

[sagegothel]

TEXT 🐸 SIA

Tia: https://66.media.tumblr.com/40232eec4f93dd6e73182711770a18eb/tumblr_inline_ppx08tq2Av1rb8tjx_400.gif

Tia: Who wants to guess which Walt "It" couple this will be in ten years? 🤔 Spoiler alarm: The boy in this couple would NOT be Wayland.

Sage: Wait, what? Why would it be Wayland when Wes is like, already part frog? I'm still so mad I've never seen him do his frog tongue thing but also like mega ew, I do not want to think of the ways he and your sister use that.

[sagegothel]

text 💬 gothels 💅

Kori: THAT'S EVEN FUNNIER. Your weird ass best friends AND BOTH your apparently hated siblings have love, and you're just out here doing nooothing

[sagegothel]

text 💬 gothels 💅

Kori:.... Ha ha. Even BAZ is in a relationship and you're not

Sage: I meant my FRIENDS, freak! I don't like, hang out with you and Baz 24/7, what you do doesn't like matter that much.

[sagegothel]

( 💅 ) a bitchy text

text meme | send one for…

( 💅 ) a bitchy text for @gothel2thekor !!

[sagegothel]

text 💬 gothels 💅

Sage: Ughhhh everyone is annoying and in relationships again, and everyone ELSE is too ugly for me to want to date so I'm not a training wheel! This is mega sucko.

[sagegothel]

princessbonnie‌:

“Nope, not a crime to go be with your loved ones when someone raises from the dead…and not invite me.” Bonnie rolled her eyes, giving up her ‘everything is fine’ facade pretty quick. “Tonight was our anniversary, too.”

[sagegothel]

elodiesmee‌:

“Hold this.” Elodie shoved her armful of various pirate equipment including two swords into the arms of the person nearest to her. She grabbed her very steampunk pirate looking garter holster and slipped it on under her dress, using the person’s shoulder for support. “I had to run all the way home in heels to get this stuff! Well, actually I took the heels off about halfway there and ran barefoot and now I can’t feel my toes, but it was worth it.” Once she had it up on her thigh, she grabbed the sheathed dagger she’d sloughed off onto them and slid it in place. “Do you know how long I had to fight FG to let us bring our pirate stuff into Walt? She was like ‘weapons are dangerous blah blah blah’ and I was like ‘Hello? I do not care’. It took ages, but she finally agreed and it’s finally proving useful.” She grabbed all her paraphernalia and shuffled it around so it all balanced in her arms. “Thanks!”  

Sage putting ‘bi’ on her survey had been a super impulsive decision, and she still wasn’t sure if it was a good one or not. Elodie Smee was like, totes gorgeous and all, but she also was like, lowkey a disaster maybe? Sage couldn’t figure it out yet, and she wasn’t quite sure what to do with the other girl. When she’d disappeared, she’d wondered if maybe she’d gone to like, swim naked with fish or like whatever pirates did instead of staying by their super pretty dates’ sides, but now, Sage had found her again, and it kind of felt like a total accident. “Um... hi again?” Sage said, her eyebrows raised in confusion as she took in the sight of all the pirate gear she was now holding. “Are we like... going to use this? Because I’d probs look really hot with a sword, right?” she asked, even as Elodie snatched the things back and seemed poised to leave. “For rel! Don’t go anywhere, I like actually want to try the sword thing, it would be fun!”

[sagegothel]

stelladelacruz‌:

So this is ‘Walt’. I was scheduled to move in on Monday, but then I heard there was a ball?? Bitch???? So naturally, I hopped that Walt Express as fast as I could. Sorry, roomies, but ya girl is here two days early because I just can’t miss a party. Even got to last-minute sign up for the matchmaker cause someone dropped out. We stan a grand entrance, bitch yaaaassss! 

Um... hi? FG like sooooo did not give us enough warning that you were coming, I’ve been using your room to like lie on the floor and stare at the ceiling, it’s super relaxing. Now how am I supposed to relax anymore? Are you sure you like... want to be here? Or maybe you just want to like ask for a diff house? Or do you have a secret baby and need to move into family housing or something? I’m sure you can like figure something out?