Sage - ORA CoAuthor

[sageravenshire]

Dev: What happened?? How’d you break both of your legs??

Wulf: haha I guess I was too weak in the knees for you

Dev: Wulf—

Wulf: Someone bet me I couldn’t jump off the roof

Dev:

Wulf:

Dev:

Wulf: Unrelated, I made $20 today

[sageravenshire]

Vanya: What’s the proper way to deal with someone who annoys you?

Adair: A knife.

Vanya: No!

Gurvand: Two knives.

Vanya: Wha— No!

Caen: You guys are savages. The proper way is untraceable poison.

Vanya: …You’re all insane.

[sageravenshire]

Wulf: I have a lot of bottled up feelings about you, ya know

Dev: Break the bottle

Wulf: That’s—that’s not how metaphors work—

Dev: Where is it? If you’re too scared, I’ll do it for you

[sageravenshire]

Wulf: Ow! Son of a bi—

Dev: You dislocated your shoulder. Want me to pop it back in?

Wulf, grimacing: Do it.

Dev: Alright, on three… 0, 1–

*pops the shoulder*

Wulf: MOTHERFU— Who the fuck starts at zero??

[sageravenshire]

Wulf: Crushes are the worst.

Dev: Yeah. Whenever I’m near someone I have a crush on, I start acting stupid.

Wulf: You’re always acting stupid.

Dev: Don’t think about that too hard.

[sageravenshire]

Oryus: did it hurt when you fell?

Kalt: from heaven? or in love?

Kalt: *winks*

Oryus: you just face-planted down a flight of stairs

[sageravenshire]

Silas: you’re in danger and in need of help, who do you call?

Kalt: Oryus

Silas: what if Oryus can’t help?

Kalt: if Oryus can’t help, we’re all fucked

[sageravenshire]

Kalt: *hands Oryus a note*

Oryus: what’s this

Kalt: it’s a request for you not to be a bitch today

Oryus: request denied

[sageravenshire]

Kalt: I hate being touched

Kalt: the last time I touched another person was hand-to-hand combat

Oryus: Ashe is literally hugging you right now

Kalt: this doesn’t count

[sageravenshire]

Jesse: Please don’t laugh at me if I misuse outdated cultural references. Are we cowabunga on this?

Oryus, about to cry: Yeah, we’re cowabunga on this

[sageravenshire]

Silas: Please, I’m begging you, go see a doctor

Ashe: I’m sorry, is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it

[sageravenshire]

Jesse: Why do people always ask me if I’m okay when I’m lying on the floor?

Jesse: Yes I’m okay. I’m living my best life

Jesse: Can’t a guy just lie down on the floor and stare blankly at the ceiling, listening to 1970’s Swedish pop sensation ABBA sing Waterloo? I’m having me time

[sageravenshire]

Jesse: I got everyone presents

Oryus: what is it?

Ashe: you got us jewelry?

Jesse: yeah, they’re mood rings so I know when anyone needs a hug

[sageravenshire]

Oryus: you guys are gonna be great parents one day

Ashe: we already are

Oryus: Jesse is not your child

Ashe & Kalt: *visibly offended*

[sageravenshire]

Kalt: Whoops

Silas: Whoops? WhoOPS? This is not a “whoops” situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rear view mirror. We are solidly in “oh fuck” territory, and I expect you to act like it

[sageravenshire]

Ashe: Go ahead, ask Kalt something no one should have an opinion on

Jesse: Hey Kalt, what’s the worst multiple of 4?

Kalt, scowling: 12, obviously

[sageravenshire]

Kalt: whenever Ashe gets mad at me, I tighten all the jar lids in the house so she’ll come to me for help

*sounds of glass shattering in the distance*

Kalt: hasn’t worked yet but I’m sure it will someday