âGURUJI AND Iâ. By Waheeda Rehman.
  I could not have accepted a more difficult and delicate role than writing an article on Mr. Guru Dutt. Difficult because he was a much misunderstood man; and delicate becauseâââ-well, because Waheeda Rehman is writing about Guru Dutt.
  An extremely sensitive, quiet and complex person like him could not but be misunderstood. He was so quiet that his modesty or rather shyness, could be misinterpreted as arrogance. He hardly spoke a sentence or two when I met him for the first time in 1955. That meeting appeared to be just a coincidence; but destiny must have known that my days were changed.
  âDays are changedâ translated in Telugu, the language of my first movie, would be âRojula Maraieâ, my first film. It had completed itâs 100th day run in Hyderabad. Mr. Guru Dutt happened to be in Hyderabad at that time and had seen a big crowd outside the theatre. He was probably told that one of the artistes of the movie, who had only given a dance in the film, spoke to the audience in the theatre in Urdu. Later at a party given by the exhibitor he was also present there and I was introduced to him. I had not seen his movies or even heard his name till then; I did not know who he was. In fact I did not give any importance to that meeting and forgot all about it. But he did not.
  About two or three months later, one afternoon a fat man who called himself Manubhai Patel wanted to meet me at my residence. He said that Mr. Guru Dutt would like to see me and I should go to Bombay for two or three days.
  I met him in Bombay at his office in Famous Cine Building in June 1955. He was quietly sitting and watching me while most of the talking was done by director Raj Khosla, production-controller Guruswamy and writer Abrar Alvi. That was my second meeting with him.
  The result of that meeting was a contract for three years. For the first year I was to be paid Rs. 1,200/- per month. While the contract was being typed he asked me, âAre you not happyâ?
  âI will be happy when I am satisfied with my costumesâ I said.
  âDonât worry, all the costumes will be to your satisfaction and you wonât be forced to put on the dress which you donât like. Is it all rightâ? he asked.
  âIt will be alright, if it is mentioned in the contractâ I said.
  âDonât you believe meâ? he asked.
  âWell it is not that. But donât you think it would be better if you put this in the agreement?â I suggested.
  A clause stating that the costumes will be to the liking of the artiste was included in the agreement; and I told my mother âYes they are nice peopleâ.
  Later Raj Khosla, Abrar Alvi and Guruswamy congratulated me for being signed by such a âbig director-producer and a very nice manâ but warned me not to be disturbed when he sometimes loses his temper.
  âDo you mean he loses his temper also?â I asked them.
  âWithout any reasonâ?
  âWell sometimes; but he does not mean anything. He is a very good manâ.
  âIf he does that with me, I wonât work and would go back to Hyderabadâ I also warned them.
  Some persons are of an aggressive type; they are always talking about whatever they intend to do or seem to think. It is very easy to understand them, to describe them. But Guruji was extremely introvert. There would be a turmoil going on inside him but he wonât express it. In fact the more he worked or thought the less he spoke. As a result, so little was known about him and what went on inside his mind that he could be understood only by studying his reactions to particular situationsâ-if at all those reactions could be observed.
  That is why in this article when I want to describe him, his reactions to particular situations, I happen to be writing more about me and the problems I created for him.
  Yes I did create quite a few problems for him and perhaps any other producer would have never tolerated it. But he was a different man; another like him I havenât met again.
  Once I refused to put on a particular dress in âC.I.D.â, my first film with Guru Dutt Films. The shot was ready, the artistes were waiting and one by one, Guruswamy, Raj Khosla and others were trying to convince me that there was nothing bad in the dress; but I said only one thing, âI donât like this dressâ.
  One of them said, âListen, this is your first movie, if you start objecting to these minor things no other producer will sign youâ.
  âThen let them not sign me; but I will not put on this dress. Get me anotherâ I said.
  Two or three days later, when Guruji returned to Bombay, he was informed that he had signed a very difficult girl.
  âI am told that you created some trouble about that dressâ, he asked me.
  âYes. It was not decentâ, I said. That was all we talked about it. He did not like to argue unnecessarily about anything. However I did see him losing his temper sometimes.
  Both âC.I.D.â and âPyaasaâ were being shot simultaneously at Kardar Studios; and he had advised me to come and sit on the sets and watch the shooting when I had nothing else to do. One day I saw him losing his temper on a senior artiste and I was really shocked. That day I told him, âYou donât shout at me like this, otherwise I will quit, I canât face it.
  âI have told you I wonât lose my temper with you. Now donât worryâ he said.
  âYes you better donât âI insisted and explained, âI donât know acting. You teach me, tell me what to do and I will try to do my best; but donât get angry with meâ.
  He did not get angry with me, even in the most trying circumstances.
  The shot of âPyaasaâ, when I come running down the staircase and speak a dialogue was taken twenty times, and every time I failed. By the time I came running down the staircase I was too exhausted to speak the dialogue. He noticed it, came and told me that I should take rest for some time; but I was not prepared to admit that I was tired and the shot could not be okayed till lunch break. But he did not seem to be angry at all.Â
  After the lunch I had to give 14 more takes, till the 34th take was okayed. Perhaps a record for me; and also a record of the patience of Guruji.
  He was a very complicated and contradictory person. He would lose his temper, particularly on the set, if anything went wrong; and at the same time he did not lose his temper on me, even if things went wrong. He was extremely impatient and yet he had shown extra-ordinary patience in many matters. He was a man who enjoyed every moment of the work of creation and yet at the same time he admired death, loved it, idolised it and wanted to destroy himself. That was Guruji.
  Like all great directors he had a keen sence of observation; he knew his artistes very well and also knew how to take the best work from them.
  My acting in âC.I.D.â was not good and my work done on the first set of âPyaasaâ was also disappointing. Everybody said that I was a wrong choice and had no future. Moreover I was a difficult person, also extremely stubborn, who would not put on this or that dress. But the only one person who seemed to have faith in my abilities was Guruji. But for him I would not have been what I am today. After hearing the remarks of everybody he said only one thing, âLet us try her once againâ.
  The next schedule of âPyaasaâ was fixed outdoors at Calcutta where he shot for about 20 days. That song of âJane Kya Toone Kahi, Jane Kya Maine Suniâ was picturised there.
  He was very happy when he saw the rushes of that shooting.
  Everyone had liked my work and said so. They had changed their opinions.
  Like Guruji most of the persons around him were very frank. No one ever had to praise him for taking a good shot or picturising a sequence, as appears to be a fashion in quite a few units. When they did not like something they said so without any fear or hesitation and he always listened to them, whether he followed their suggestions or not. Most of the time he did whatever he wanted, whatever he liked. If he did not like a scene or a song picturisation he would scrap and re-shoot it.Â
  Sometimes he did not like himself and just wanted to be dead, to scrap himself off. He used to say âWhat is there in life except success or failure; one of the two must happen and I have seen both : there is no charm in living any moreâ. A song of âPyaasaâ (âYeh duniya agar milbhi jaye o kya hai?â) was so typical of his thinking.
  Usually people who are fed up with life are fed up with work also; but not Guru Dutt. He was an extremely devoted film-maker till his last days. Either he was trying to create something or talking of those who wanted to create something or else he was brooding and thinking of death. He seemed to enjoy the very thought of it.Â
  Very little could really be known about him, about what went on in his mind, only a fraction of it could be seen outside.
  He had faith in God, he believed Him; but I donât remember that he ever visited a temple or any other place to worship or pray for something. Only once in his life he had asked me to pray for the success of a movie. It was neither âPyaasaâ nor âKaagaz Ke Phoolâ nor any other of his own movies. It was B.R.Filmsâ âKanoonâ.
  âBut why do you want me to pray for the success of âKanoonâ? You have nothing to do with itâ. I asked him.
  âAt least someone is trying to make a movie without songs, which I could not. If he is successful, someone else could be inspired to go a step ahead. You must pray for the success of this film without songsâ, said Guruji, who was considered one of the best directors for picturising songs.
  He was not a man who would be jealous of anybodyâs success or prosperity. On the contrary he enjoyed their success, he loved his fellow beings, wanted to do his best for them.
  He was a great lover, he loved his work, he loved his fellow-beings, he loved his creations and loved death too.
  Why did he love death, why did he eulogise it, considered it to be the most pleasant thing of the world? God had given him everything except contentment. He was never satisfied and I think he knew that he would never be satisfied and that life will remain for him nothing more than a chain of successes and failures. Perhaps that is why he tried to find in death whatever he could not find in life, an end, a perfection, a contentment where he will not feel the pain of discontentment.
  I do not know whether his death was an accident or something else. But I had a feeling that nothing could have saved him, he did not want to be saved.
  Many times I explained to him that no one could ever get everything in lifeââfor that even death is not a solution; but he was a perfectionist, who could not be easily satisfied. Perhaps he refused to accept that life can never be perfect. He wanted to get everything.
  Sometimes you want to do something for someone; but with all your best intentions and sincerity you just cannot do it. There are things that are destined, there are some patterns of life that cannot be broken, you simply cannot change them. We must accept them or else destroy ourselves.
  He refused to accept those patterns drawn by Destiny and destroyed himself. His death may have been just an accident; but I know that he had always wished for it, longed for itâŠâŠâŠâŠand he got it.
  In his death the film industry has lost a great director, humanity has lost a man of compassion and I have lost a great friend who had made the first and the greatest contribution to my success as a film artiste. I will always be grateful to him for this. I could not save him; but I sincerely wished that I couldâŠâŠâŠâŠor at least that someone else could.
  But who can say that even if he was saved, his life would not have been more painful than death for him? Whatever God does is for our good only. He knows what is best for us. As Rabindranath Tagore has said:
  âWe cannot choose the best,
  The best chooses usâ.
  His death has been a great loss to us; but whatever happened was perhaps best for him! That is the only consolation left.
  (The above article was published in a special issue of âJOURNAL OF FILM     INDUSTRYâ dated November 17th, 1967.)
Source:Â âGuru Dutt, A Monographâ by Firoze Rangoonwalla, National Film Archive of India, 1973
