It is no surprise, but I disappeared again! Shocker, sure. But the reason this time isnât because I didnât want to be here. I really did, I love writing and the community here, but I canât write if I see my arms. Iâm not sure what the source of the problem is, whether itâs gender dysphoria or some sensory issue or something else, but if theyâre in my line of vision Iâm compelled to pick and rip at my own skin. Similar with my fingers, I feel the need to chew at my nails and the skin around them. Â
     The habit got to where I was bleeding, daily, and my arms were red from irritation to the point of causing my boyfriend alarm. Heâd have to physically restrain me if he saw an episode of picking start. Heâs a massive dude, so itâd only take a few minutes of bear hugging my arms to my sides to get me to chill, but heâs not always around. So just today I got in some compression sleeves, silicone finger covers, and ankle braces as a bonus. ( I like having the balls of my feet and my toes touch the ground, but not like... the arches and my heels to. If that makes sense. ) Why not just a regular long sleeve? Didnât work. Iâd just take the shirt off or pull the sleeves up. This thing I got is tight and strapped to my chest, I canât easily pull it off, which is good!
     Anywho, so far so good. I like this little bundle of things I got. I wonât return to writing juuuuuust yet because I want to give myself a few days to settle into the swing of getting appropriately dressed. And making sure the lack of access to my arms doesnât drive me batshit.
Thank you everyone for your patience. I know this sucks.












