Iām trying to be strong as how I can smile every time I want to cry. Iām a mess that disguises as a happy human being. Iām lost that sometimes I want to be found. Whenever the bad times are always approaching, I always find myself asking āwhy?ā
I donāt know what to do in my life because I donāt know whatās happening to me every day. I canāt understand myself sometimes. I canāt stop my emotions that sometimes I hurt the people I love.
I canāt save myself from drowning because I canāt swim. I canāt save myself because Iām a fragile, weak and sensitive. They say that Iām strong, that Iām an independent person, but for me itās not true. I need someone in my life to be there for me to save me from this depression.
Iām so tired now. Iām tired of chasing the people who always leave. Iām tired of hurting. Iām tired of thinking too much. Iām still alive but I feel so numb. I feel like I canāt hold it anymore. I need to stop this feeling, so I hurt myself.
I hurt myself in a way that no one notice how scars I got. I hurt myself not in the way of having a scar on my wrist. I hurt myself in a way of smiling, laughing, and pretending.