What is the measure of a successful life? Is it power? Should I go into politics? Is it money? Should I focus on becoming an entrepreneur? Is it the number of fans/followers? Should I join a talent contest? Is it the balance on my accounts? Is it the number of people in my payroll? Is it the number of books I can publish? Is it the grandeur of the parties that I go to? Is it the profile of the people I get to talk to? Is it the number of awards, degrees, certificates and medals?
This is the story of how having a brutally honest quiet time transformed "the bitter ramblings of a 23-year-old suffering quarter life crisis" to "the joyful journey in seeking Christ at 23."
Whenever I pray, I try to be as honest as I can get myself to be--revealing and confessing EVERYTHING to God. And when I say everything, I mean e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g: the good, the bad, the ugly. Anyways, God knows it all, so might as well admit them.
I tell God everything--my biases, my lies, my denials, my weird fantasies, my tendencies, my weaknesses, my flaws, my insecurities, my hurts, my pains, those things that we keep denying, those feelings we keep hiding--I confess those all to Him when I pray. There are times when I'm not ready to admit a certain fault in my life, and even the admission that: I'm not ready, I cast upon his feet, and He understands.
Tonight's prayer is the culmination of weeks of denial, anxiety, and frustration, signs of a weakening faith. I, admittedly, am a determined and success-driven person but I keep asking myself--what will be the greatest passion of my life? What is that one thing that will ultimately lead me to the greatest success of my life?
And so, I asked Him: "What?"
He answered: "Me."
I asked Him: "How?"
He answered: "Let go of yourself."
I asked Him: "Why?"
He answered: "Because I love you."
He told me:
Let go of your continuous hold on the world. You do not want it. Stop trying to keep up with the standards of your society. You do not need to. Accept this gift of life I gave you, and live the life that will lead you to me.
You keep looking for love, here I am. You keep looking for purpose, there is Christ. You keep looking for reason, there is the Truth.
You keep looking for power, surrender yourself to me and I will make you string. You keep looking for something to study, read the word, live it, and share it. You keep looking for parties and signature clothes, don't worry as I will clothe you with garments of salvation and dedicate a celebration for you in heaven. You keep looking for success, there is Victory in Christ.
My child, cling on to me and every word I said. For everything expensive in this world is worthless in heaven.
My child, hold on to my promises of love and keep chasing after truth. That is all you need.
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of man shall come in the glory of his Father with his angels; and then he shall reward every man according to his works. Verily I say unto you, There be some standing here, which shall not taste of death, till they see the Son of man coming in his kingdom. (Matthew 16:25-28 KJV)
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. (Romans 12:2 KJV)
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16 KJV)
But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:30-34 ESV)