"You're a mess, Black. I’m just a Tuesday night."
A series of brutal brawls and a humilating Marauder prank force the boys into a cold withdrawal. Their social distance finally shatters when physical addiction proves stronger than their House rivalry.
Warnings: Heavy swearing, flirting/sexual tension, heavy bullying, emotional tension, description of injuries. Ps i do NOT support she who shall not be named at all I'm just obsessed with Harry Potter so why not write some gay shit out of spite!
The sky over the Quidditch pitch was the color of a fresh bruise—purples and deep, cold greys that promised rain.
Y/N wasn't just flying; he was punishing the air. Every bank and dive was executed with a violent twitch of his broom handle. His right hand, still stiff and throbbing from the "wall incident" a week prior, was white-knuckled and trembling. He’d wrapped it in fresh linen, but the cloth was already damp with sweat and a faint, seeping pink.
Sirius was on the ground, leaning against the wooden supports of the stands. He was supposed to be discussing tactics with James, but his eyes were locked on the Slytherin chaser. He saw the way Y/N’s jaw was set, the way he flinched every time he had to pull up hard.
"He’s going to get himself killed," James muttered, watching Y/N dive at a dangerous angle.
"He's showboating," Sirius snapped, though his knuckles were white where he gripped his broom. He could see the grey bandages on Y/N’s right hand, fluttering like a flag of surrender in the wind.. Y/N had the Quaffle tucked under his left arm, his right hand steering. Mulciber, seeing an opening to "accidentally" end Y/N’s season, didn't go for the ball. He went for the man.
He veered his heavy Cleansweep directly into Y/N’s path, forcing him toward Avery, who was coming in from the opposite side. It was a pincer movement. Y/N tried to roll, but as he shifted his weight, his injured hand seized. A sharp, electric bolt of agony shot up his arm, causing his grip to falter for a micro-second.
The sound was sickening. It wasn't the clean snap of dry wood; it was the wet, heavy sound of a mallet hitting raw meat. Y/N’s right hand was pinned flat between the iron-shod tail of Mulciber’s broom and the solid oak of his own.
For a heartbeat, the world went silent.
The pain wasn't a sting; it was an explosion. It felt like someone had poured molten lead into his veins and then slammed a car door on his wrist over and over again. The force of the impact sent Y/N spiraling. He didn't scream—he couldn't. The air had been punched out of his lungs, leaving him clawing at the sky with his good hand as he plummeted toward the turf.
He hit the grass hard, sliding fifteen feet before coming to a halt.
"Y/N!" Sirius was over the barrier before he even realized he was moving.
Y/N was on his knees, his forehead pressed into the dirt. He was vibrating. Not shaking—vibrating with the sheer force of the trauma. His right arm was pulled tight against his chest, his left hand gripping his bicep so hard his knuckles were white.
"Get away," Y/N wheezed into the grass. The pain was so sharp it was nauseating; every heartbeat sent a fresh wave of heat through his shattered hand, making his vision swim with black spots. It felt like his hand was being held in a fire while someone hammered nails into his marrow.
"Don't be a fucking martyr, you can't even breathe!" Sirius reached out, his hand hovering near Y/N’s shoulder.
Y/N lurched upward, his face a mask of sweat and agony. "I said stay back, Black!" He choked out a jagged, wet breath, his eyes wild and blown wide with shock. He looked like a cornered animal—one that would bite even if its leg was in a trap.
Without another word, Y/N scrambled to his feet. He stumbled, his knees nearly giving out as the blood rushed to his head, but he caught himself. He didn't look at the Slytherins laughing in the air. He didn't look at Sirius. He just turned and bolted toward the shadows of the Forbidden Forest, his arm cradled like a dying bird.
Sirius followed the trail of crushed ferns and the occasional drop of dark blood. He found Y/N half-collapsed against a mossy log near the edge of the Forest, deep enough that the castle was just a distant glow.
Y/N was bent double, his left hand frantically trying to unwrap the shredded, bloody linen from his right hand. He was swearing—low, rhythmic, filthy curses that were interrupted by sharp, involuntary gasps of air.
"Leave. Me. Alone," Y/N snarled as Sirius stepped into the clearing. He tried to push himself up, but as he put weight on his left hand, his right arm jarred. He let out a strangled, high-pitched sound of pure misery and slumped back against the log, his head hitting the wood with a dull thud.
"You're going to pass out in the dirt and the centaurs are going to trip over your corpse," Sirius snapped, his own adrenaline making him aggressive. He knelt a few feet away, refusing to get closer yet. "You’re acting like a goddamn child. Your hand is a pulp, Y/N. Look at it!"
"I am looking at it!" Y/N yelled, his voice cracking with a sob he desperately tried to turn into a growl. "I don't need a lecture from a pampered Gryffindor prince who’s never had to fix his own skin!"
"I’ve fixed plenty of my own skin, you arrogant prick!" Sirius shouted back, his gray eyes flashing. "But I’m not stupid enough to let a hand rot off out of spite!"
"Fuck you too! Now get up!" Sirius lunged forward, grabbing Y/N’s left arm.
Y/N swung a clumsy, left-handed punch that Sirius easily caught, but the movement sent a fresh jolt of agony through Y/N’s shattered right side. He let out a broken, whistling breath and his eyes rolled back for a second. He didn't fall into Sirius, but he went limp, his forehead dropping toward his knees.
"Hagrid," Y/N rasped, his voice barely a whisper now, stripped of all the venom. "Take me... to the hut. Only Hagrid."
Sirius felt a prickle of something heavy in his chest. "Fine. But if you try to bite me, I’m hexing you into the lake."
Sirius hauled him up. It was a clumsy, violent process. Y/N kept trying to shove Sirius away with his shoulder, his teeth gritted so hard Sirius could hear them grinding. Every time they hit an uneven patch of roots, Y/N would let out a sharp, hissed "Don't touch me," followed by a groan of pain that he couldn't hide.
They stumbled through the dark, a mess of tangled limbs and mutual loathing. Sirius had his arm hooked firmly around Y/N’s waist, practically carrying half his weight, while Y/N kept his mangled hand tucked into his chest, his face buried in the collar of his jacket to hide the fact that he was crying from the sheer, unadulterated pain.
"Almost there, you idiot," Sirius muttered, his own breath coming short.
"Shut up," Y/N breathed, his voice trembling.
“Just shut the fuck up Black.”
They reached the flickering light of Hagrid’s windows, two broken boys covered in dirt and blood, still refusing to give an inch of ground.
Hagrid didn’t give Y/N a choice. Despite the boy's weak protests and venomous cursing, the half-giant hoisted him up and marched him straight to the Hospital Wing, with Sirius trailing behind in a stunned, uncharacteristic silence.
Madam Pomfrey worked with a focused, brisk efficiency. The magic was shimmering and cold—a series of Episkey and Brackium Emendo charms that forced the shattered bones to knit back together with a series of sickening, wet clicks. Y/N sat on the edge of the cot, his face a ghostly white, his good hand clutching the edge of the mattress so hard the metal frame groaned.
By the time the swelling had receded into a dull, throbbing ache, the heavy doors swung open. Albus Dumbledore stepped in, his purple robes sweeping the floor, his half-moon spectacles glinting in the dim candlelight.
"A most unfortunate series of events, Mr. L/N," Dumbledore said softly, his eyes scanning the boy’s exhausted frame. "Professor McGonagall informs me of a collision on the pitch. And yet, Madam Pomfrey tells me your hand suffered from a separate, prior trauma. A... stone wall, perhaps?"
Sirius leaned against the far wall, his arms crossed, watching Y/N’s jaw lock. Tell him, Sirius thought. Tell him Mulciber is a psychopath.
Y/N didn't even look up. He stared at his newly healed hand, the skin still pink and raw. "It was my fault, Headmaster. I lost my temper in the dungeons. Hit the wall. And the Quidditch incident... I was clumsy. Slipped on my own broom."
Dumbledore stepped closer, his presence heavy and perceptive. "Clumsy? A student with your flight records? And the wall... surely there was a provocation."
"I’m just a violent person, sir," Y/N bit out, his voice a jagged rasp. He finally looked up, his dark eyes flat and defiant. "Ask anyone. I’m a menace. I did it to myself."
Dumbledore watched him for a long, silent moment—the kind of silence that feels like an interrogation. "Very well. If that is the story you wish to maintain. I suggest you spend the night here."
"I'm fine," Y/N snapped, swinging his legs off the bed the second Dumbledore turned to speak with Pomfrey. "I'm going back to the dorms."
Sirius waited. He waited until Dumbledore’s footsteps faded and Hagrid had been sent back to his hut. He waited until Y/N was shoving his feet into his scuffed black boots, his movements jerky and pained.
Just as Y/N reached the heavy oak doors of the infirmary, Sirius stepped out from the shadows, blocking his path.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sirius’s voice was low, vibrating with a white-hot anger.
"Move, Black," Y/N growled, trying to push past him.
Sirius didn't move. He shoved Y/N back—not hard enough to hurt, but enough to send him stumbling against the doorframe. "He was right there! Dumbledore was giving you the opening on a silver platter! You could have ended it. You could have had Mulciber expelled, or at least suspended, and you just... lied for them?"
"I didn't lie for them!" Y/N yelled, stepping back into Sirius’s space, his chest heaving. "I don't give a shit about Mulciber!"
"Then why?" Sirius stepped closer, his height intimidating, his gray eyes flashing with a manic sort of frustration. "Why take the fall? Why let them think you’re just some unhinged freak who hits walls for fun? I saw what they did to you, Y/N! I saw you hanging from those damn rafters!"
The mention of the dungeons snapped the last thread of Y/N’s control. He lunged forward, grabbing the front of Sirius’s expensive Gryffindor robes, bunching the fabric in his shaking, healed hand. He slammed Sirius back against the door with a force that made the wood groan.
"Yeah, and you just watched!" Y/N screamed into his face, his voice cracking with a week’s worth of suppressed rage.
"You stood there and you watched them do it, encouraged them and then you just fucking left me there! You’re no better than they are, Black! Don't you dare act like you give a shit now just because it makes you feel like a good person!"
Sirius went cold. The air left his lungs as if Y/N had punched him. He looked into Y/N’s eyes and saw the raw, jagged truth of it—the betrayal of a boy who had been left to hang while a "hero" stood in the shadows and did nothing.
"I..." Sirius started, but the words died. He had no defense.
"In my world, you don't run to the teachers!" Y/N hissed, his face inches from Sirius’s. The smell of medicinal herbs and raw anger rolled off him. "In my world, if you can't handle your own blood, you're dead. I don't need a savior, and I especially don't need a spoiled, 'noble' Black trying to play hero for me because he’s bored of his own perfect life!"
"Perfect?" Sirius laughed, a harsh, braying sound, trying to regain his footing through the guilt. He grabbed Y/N’s wrists, his grip bruising. "You think I’m doing this because I’m bored? I’m doing this because I’m sick of watching you destroy yourself!"
"Better dead than a snitch!" Y/N roared. He shoved Sirius away with a violent burst of strength, his eyes shimmering with a dangerous, unstable heat.
Y/N pointed a trembling finger at Sirius’s chest. "Stay away from me, Black. I mean it. If you mention that hallway again, or my hand, or anything you think you 'saw'... I will make sure you don't walk back to your fucking tower."
"You're a coward, L/N!" Sirius shouted as Y/N turned his back and started down the corridor. "You’re a goddamn coward for not fighting back for real!"
"Fuck you, Black!" Y/N’s middle finger went up over his shoulder as he disappeared around the corner, his heavy boots echoing like gunfire against the stone.
Sirius stood alone in the dark hallway, his heart hammering against his ribs, his blood singing with a rage he couldn't name.
"Fine!" he screamed at the empty air. "Rot then, you ungrateful prick! See if I care!"
He kicked a stone decorative urn, sending it clattering across the floor, but the hollow sound it made felt exactly like the pit in his stomach.
The courtyard behind the Clocktower was a jagged landscape of gray stone and long, skeletal shadows. It was past curfew, the kind of hour where the castle felt less like a school and more like a tomb. The air was biting, a sharp Highland chill that settled into the marrow, but Y/N didn't seem to feel it.
He was leaning against a crumbling stone archway, the fabric of his black muscle tank clinging to his frame. The sleeveless shirt exposed the map of his history—pale, thin lines across his shoulders and the dark, fading yellow of a bruise near his bicep from the Quidditch collision. His right hand, the one the world had seen shattered only days ago, was wrapped in a messy, stained bit of black tape he’d salvaged from the locker rooms.
He looked like a ghost haunting his own life.
Then he felt it. The weight in the pocket of his leather jacket, which was draped over a nearby bench. He reached in, his fingers closing around a cold, glass jar he hadn't put there.
He pulled it out. It was a heavy apothecary jar filled with a shimmering, pearl-colored salve—Murtlap essence distilled with powdered opal. It was expensive. It was the kind of thing only a Pureblood with an open vault and a guilty conscience could procure.
Y/N’s jaw tightened until the bone looked ready to snap. He didn't have to look for the culprit. The scent of expensive tobacco and a hint of ozone always preceded him.
"I don't remember asking for a nurse, Black," Y/N rasped, his voice a low, dangerous vibration in the quiet courtyard.
Sirius stepped out from the shadow of the Great Oak. He looked just as frayed as Y/N—his tie was hanging loose, his hair was windswept, and his gray eyes were bright with a manic, restless energy. He’d been trailing Y/N for an hour, waiting for the right moment to be "decent."
"It’s for the scarring," Sirius said, his voice deceptively casual. He shoved his hands into his pockets, trying to look bored, but his shoulders were tight. "Pomfrey’s stock is rubbish. That stuff will actually knit the nerves back. You’re twitching when you hold a quill, Y/N. I’ve seen it."
"You've seen it?" Y/N let out a sharp, jagged laugh. He pushed off the archway, his boots heavy on the frost-covered stone. "You spend a lot of time watching me, don't you? Watching me hang, watching me drink, watching me fail. Is this your new hobby? The 'Save a Slytherin' project?"
"It's a jar of cream, you dramatic prick. Just take it."
"I don't want your pity!" Y/N roared. He didn't just drop the jar. He wound back and hurled it.
The glass whistled through the air, aimed straight for Sirius’s face. Sirius jerked his head to the side just in time; the jar shattered against the stone pillar behind him, spraying pearl-colored goop and shimmering glass shards like a miniature explosion.
"You think this fixes it?" Y/N was moving now, closing the distance between them with a predator’s stride. "You think buying me off makes us even? You think because you 'helped’ me, I’m going to forget you flicked my ear while I was hanging by my fucking ankle?"
Sirius’s face went white, then a hot, angry red. The guilt he’d been carrying like a stone suddenly turned into a weapon. "I don’t know why, but I’m trying to help you! You’re falling apart, and you’re too goddamn proud to realize everyone can see the cracks!"
"Don't you talk to me about cracks," Y/N hissed, stopping inches from Sirius’s chest. The height difference was negligible, but the intensity coming off Y/N was a physical heat. "You’re a fraud. You play rebel in the tower, but you’ve got a gold-plated safety net. I have nothing. And I’d rather rot with nothing than take a single hand-out from a coward like you."
"Call me a coward one more time," Sirius breathed, his voice dropping to a whisper.
"Coward," Y/N spat. "Rich, bored, pathetic—"
Sirius didn't wait for the third insult. He lunged.
It wasn't a duel. It was a car crash.
Sirius slammed his shoulder into Y/N’s chest, the force of the impact sending both of them crashing into the dirt and frost of the courtyard. They rolled, a chaotic mess of flailing limbs and muffled grunts.
Y/N snarled, throwing a short, brutal punch that caught Sirius in the cheekbone. Sirius’s head snapped back, the metallic taste of blood immediate and sharp in his mouth. He didn't back off; he snarled back, grabbing Y/N by the front of his black muscle tank and slamming him into the base of the stone bench.
"You want to do this?" Sirius barked, his knee pinning Y/N’s hip down. "Fine! Let’s do this!"
Y/N bucked his hips, using that raw core strength Sirius had seen in the hallway. He flipped the position, pinning Sirius’s wrists to the frozen ground. Y/N’s face was a mask of pure, unadulterated rage, his dark hair falling into his eyes.
"You don't get to feel good about yourself!" Y/N yelled, punctuating the sentence with a headbutt that sent stars exploding across Sirius’s vision.
Sirius groaned, the pain white-hot, but he used the moment to throw a blind hook that connected with Y/N’s ribs—right where the scars were. Y/N let out a choked wheeze, his grip loosening for a split second. It was all Sirius needed.
They scrambled to their feet, breathing in ragged, cloud-like bursts in the cold air. For a moment, they just circled each other like wolves. Sirius’s lip was split, a dark trickle of red staining his chin. Y/N’s right eye was already beginning to puff shut, and the tape on his hand was starting to unravel, soaked in fresh blood.
Y/N lunged again, a series of rapid-fire strikes. He fought dirty—elbows, knees, the heels of his palms. He wasn't trying to win a point; he was trying to exorcise a demon. He caught Sirius in the solar plexus, then grazed his jaw with a heavy right cross.
Sirius took the hits, absorbing the pain as if it were a penance. But the Black blood in his veins was too hot for pure martyrdom. He caught Y/N’s arm, spun him around, and drove him back-first into a stone pillar.
The sound of Y/N’s spine hitting the granite echoed in the empty space. He gasped, his knees buckling, but he caught Sirius by the throat as he went down, dragging the Gryffindor with him.
They hit the ground again, but the energy was changing. The explosive rage was being replaced by a heavy, soul-crushing exhaustion. They were both leaking blood onto the stones—dark splotches that looked black in the moonlight. Sirius’s shirt was torn, and Y/N’s black tank was shredded at the shoulder.
Y/N threw one last, weak punch that landed harmlessly against Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius responded by grabbing Y/N’s wrists and just... holding them. Not pinning them, but anchoring them.
They lay there in the dirt, chests heaving, the only sound the frantic, syncopated rhythm of their breathing.
The silence lasted for minutes. The frost began to settle on their skin, but neither moved. They were too beaten, too hollowed out to continue.
Y/N was the first to move. He groaned, a low sound of misery, and rolled onto his side. He pushed himself up with a wince, his muscles screaming in protest. He crawled back toward the bench where his jacket lay, leaving a trail of scuffed dirt behind him.
Sirius stayed on his back for a moment, staring up at the moon. His face was a map of disaster. His cheek was swollen, his lip was a mess, and his knuckles were raw. He felt... lighter. As if the violence had bled out the worst of the poison.
He sat up slowly, watching Y/N.
Y/N had reached his jacket. With trembling, bloody fingers, he fished out a crumpled pack of cigarettes. He stuck one between his lips—it was bent and stained with red—and flicked his lighter. The flame was a small, orange heartbeat in the dark.
He took a long, shaky drag, the smoke curling around his bruised face. He looked at Sirius—really looked at him—without the wall of hatred for the first time.
Sirius stood up, his legs shaking. He walked over, his boots crunching on the glass shards of the shattered salve. He didn't say anything. He didn't apologize.
He stopped a foot away from Y/N.
Y/N looked at him, the cigarette dangling from his split lip. He didn't growl. He didn't move. He just took another drag, held the smoke in his lungs for a second, and then leaned forward.
It wasn't a kiss. It was an exchange.
Y/N cupped the back of Sirius’s neck with his taped hand, pulling him in close until their foreheads almost touched. Y/N didn't exhale. He held the smoke, his eyes locked on Sirius’s gray ones.
Sirius understood. He leaned in, his lips parting just enough.
Y/N exhaled slowly, a thick, ghost-white cloud of smoke passing directly from his lungs into Sirius’s.
Sirius inhaled it, the acrid, cherry-flavored tobacco stinging his throat and filling his chest. It was warm—the only warm thing in the courtyard. For that one breath, they were sharing the same air, the same poison, the same exhaustion.
Sirius leaned back, coughing once, the smoke trailing from his mouth like a departing spirit. He looked at Y/N, whose hand was still lingering on his neck, his thumb brushing against the skin behind Sirius’s ear.
"We're a mess," Sirius whispered, his voice wrecked.
Y/N took the cigarette out of his mouth and flicked the ash into the snow. A small, tired smirk touched his lips—the first real one Sirius had ever seen.
"You're a mess, Black," Y/N rasped, his eyes dropping to Sirius’s split lip. "I’m just a Tuesday night."
Y/N pulled his hand away, the cold immediately rushing back into the space between them. He stood up, swaying, and grabbed his jacket.
"Don't buy me anything else," Y/N said over his shoulder as he started the long walk back toward the dungeons. "I don't like being in debt."
Sirius watched him go, the taste of Y/N’s smoke still lingering on his tongue. He looked at the shattered glass on the floor, the expensive pearl salve melting into the frost, and realized he didn't care about the money.
He just wanted to know if he’d be seeing him again on Wednesday.
The Gryffindor common room was a riot of red, gold, and the smell of toasted marshmallows. James had managed to "liberate" a crate of Butterbeer from the kitchens, and the seventh-years were celebrating a Quidditch victory they hadn't even played yet.
Sirius was right in the middle of it. He was standing on a low table, a bottle of Butterbeer in one hand, regaling a group of fifth-years with a heavily exaggerated story about Filch’s cat.
"And I’m telling you," Sirius barked, his grin wide and blindingly bright, "Mrs. Norris didn't just hiss. She did a full backflip. I think she’s actually a Malcontent in a fur coat."
The room erupted in laughter. Sirius laughed with them—loud, booming, and perfectly timed. To anyone watching, he was the same old Padfoot. The Golden Boy. The rebel prince.
But James was watching from the sofa, his brow furrowed. He leaned toward Remus. "He’s been on that table for twenty minutes. He’s told four jokes, and none of them were actually funny. Why is he vibrating?"
Remus didn't look up from his book, but his fingers tightened on the spine. "He’s performing, James. When Sirius is this loud, it’s usually because he’s trying to drown something out."
Sirius hopped off the table, his heart hammering a frantic, erratic rhythm against his ribs. Every time his skin brushed against a classmate's arm or a hand clapped his shoulder, he felt a jolt of revulsion. It wasn't the hand. It wasn't the slim, corded muscle of a boy who smelled like cherry smoke and fought like a cornered wolf.
He felt like a fraud. He felt like his skin was a size too small. He was addicted to the impact—the memory of Y/N’s headbutt, the weight of Y/N’s hands on him, the way they had shared that single, ghost-white breath of smoke. The "kind, jokeful" act was a mask that was starting to crack.
"I’m going for a walk," Sirius announced, throwing an arm around Peter’s shoulders and giving him a rough, playful shake. "Need to see if the Giant Squid is up for a game of tag. Pete, you’re in charge of the snacks!"
"Sirius, it’s nearly curfew—" James started, but Sirius was already out the portrait hole, his smile vanishing the second the stone closed behind him.
The Slytherin side of the castle was quiet, but it wasn't peaceful. It was the silence of a glass bottle about to shatter.
Y/N was sitting in a secluded alcove near the Potions classroom, far away from the green glow of the common room. He wasn't alone. Severus Snape was sitting opposite him, meticulously shredding dried lacewing flies into a silver bowl.
They weren't friends. They were more like two survivors of the same shipwreck who had agreed not to drown each other.
"You're twitching," Snape said, his voice a low, clinical drone. He didn't look up. "Your hand is hovering over your pocket. You've been reaching for one of those nasty muggle cigarettes every thirty seconds for the last hour."
"It's a habit, Sev. Don't be a freak," Y/N rasped, his voice sounding wrecked. He adjusted his black T-shirt, the fabric irritating the dark bruises on his ribs—bruises he could still feel the phantom heat of Sirius’s palms on from the courtyard.
"It’s a tremor," Snape corrected, finally looking up. His dark eyes were cold, assessing. "And your lip is swollen. Again. Mulciber is telling anyone who will listen that you’ve become a punching bag for the Gryffindors. He thinks you’re losing your edge. He thinks you’re... compromised."
Y/N let out a sharp, jagged laugh. He leaned forward, his lean, muscular shoulders tensing. "Mulciber thinks a lot of things. Most of them involve his own reflection. I’m fine."
"You’re not," Snape said, his voice dropping an octave. "You smell like that expensive cologne the Potter boy’s friend wears. The one who thinks he’s a rebel because he wears a leather jacket. If the House catches the scent of a Blood Traitor on you, Y/N, they won't just hang you by your ankle. They’ll bury you."
Y/N’s jaw tightened until the bone clicked. "I don't smell like anyone but myself. Now, are we going to finish the draught or are you going to keep playing detective?"
Snape stared at him for a long beat, then went back to his flies. "Do what you want. But remember: some fires don't just burn you. They turn everything around you to ash."
Sirius was pacing. He was supposed to be "Marauding," but he felt like he was hunting. He was addicted to the friction of Y/N, the way their bodies seemed to naturally collide in the dark. He turned a corner and nearly slammed into a tall, thin figure.
"Following me now, Moony?" Sirius joked, his voice reaching for that casual, arrogant pitch. "I didn't know you cared."
Remus didn't smile. He stepped into Sirius’s path, forcing him to stop. "I don't need to follow you. You're leaving a trail of nervous energy a mile wide. Sirius, stop it."
"The act. The jokes. The lying. You’re going to get yourself killed, or worse, you’re going to get him killed. Do you have any idea what they do to 'traitors' in that House?"
Sirius’s bravado cracked. He leaned against the wall, his head thumping against the stone. "I know. I know better than you do, Remus. My mother wrote the book on it. But I can't stay away. I try to be 'Sirius'—the fun one, the brave one—but then I see him in the Hall, or I smell that fucking tobacco, and I lose it. I just want to hit him. Or hold him down. I don't even know anymore."
"Then finish it," Remus said, his voice firm. "Either walk away and never look at him again, or tell James. Stop living in the cracks."
"I can't tell James," Sirius whispered, his voice breaking. "He’s the sun. If I tell him I’m obsessed with a Slytherin who hates my guts, he’ll look at me like I’m a monster. And I can't lose him, Moony. I can't lose the only family I chose."
Before Remus could answer, a shadow moved at the end of the hall.
Y/N stepped out from behind a suit of armor. He looked at Remus, then at Sirius. The denial was thick in the air—a heavy, suffocating wall of we aren't doing this.
"Lupin," Y/N acknowledged, his voice flat.
"L/N," Remus replied, his eyes moving between the two of them. He saw the way Sirius’s hands were shaking. He saw the way Y/N was standing—shoulders hunched, head down, but his eyes locked on Sirius with a focused, hungry intensity. They were like two magnets with reversed poles, fighting the urge to snap together.
"I’ll leave you to your... 'business,'" Remus said, shooting Sirius a warning look before disappearing around the corner.
The silence that followed was a physical blow.
"What do you want, Black?" Y/N asked, his voice a low hiss. "I thought we agreed. No more courtyards. No more sharing air."
"I didn't agree to anything," Sirius said, stepping forward. The "jokeful Marauder" was gone, replaced by the jagged, desperate boy from the courtyard. "I’ve been trying to be normal for three days. It’s not working. I can still feel your hand on my neck."
Y/N let out a short, bitter laugh. He walked up to Sirius, stopping inches from his chest. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it. The smoke curled between them, a familiar, addictive wall.
"It's not working because you're a fraud," Y/N whispered, leaning in until his lips were a hair's breadth from Sirius’s ear, but he didn't touch him. "You’re playing house in your tower, while I’m fending off Snape’s questions and Mulciber’s threats. You have everything to lose, and I have nothing. Stop coming for me, Sirius. Before I take everything you have left."
Sirius grabbed Y/N’s wrist, his grip hard, his thumb pressing into the lean, corded muscle. He wasn't kissing him, but he was holding him like he never wanted to let go. "You won't. Because you’re just as addicted to the fight as I am."
Y/N stared at him, the smoke trailing from his mouth. He looked like he wanted to punch Sirius, and he looked like he wanted to drag him into the shadows.
"Go back to your friends, Black," Y/N said, wrenching his arm away, though he lingered for a second too long. "Before the sun goes down and you forget who you’re supposed to be."
He turned and walked away, leaving Sirius alone in the dark corridor, the scent of cherry smoke the only thing left of the boy he was supposed to hate.
————————————————————————-
The Gryffindor seventh-year dormitory was a mess of half-packed trunks, discarded robes, and the sharp, metallic tang of ink. James Potter was standing over his bed, which had been transformed into a tactical war room. A massive parchment map of the Great Hall was pinned to the duvet with four daggers, and James was pointing at the Slytherin table with a predatory grin.
"The ink is the key," James whispered, his glasses sliding down his nose. "Not just any ink. Dr. Filibuster’s Permanent Neon. It doesn't just stain the skin; it reacts to magic. The more they try to Scourify it, the brighter it glows. Mulciber will be walking around looking like a Lumos charm for a week."
Sirius was leaning against the bedpost, a bottle of Butterbeer dangling from his fingertips. He was laughing—loud, easy, and perfectly timed. "And the trigger?"
"The soup tureen," Peter squeaked, rubbing his hands together. "One drop of the catalyst and—boom. Ink everywhere."
"Brilliant," Sirius barked, clapping James on the back. His hand was steady, his grin was wide, but inside, his chest felt like it was full of jagged glass. He was performing. He was a Marauder, the loyal brother, the one who lived for the chaos. But every time he looked at the map, his eyes drifted to the very end of the Slytherin table.
He wasn't worried about Y/N being "hurt"—he knew Y/N was tougher than anyone in this room. He was just... itchy. He was addicted to the friction, to the way Y/N looked when he was angry, and he hated that James’s prank was going to turn that sharp, dangerous boy into a punchline.
"You okay, Padfoot?" James asked, his eyes narrowing behind his spectacles. "You've been staring at that spot for a while."
"Just picturing the look on Slughorn's face," Sirius lied smoothly, taking a long swig of his drink. "It’s going to be legendary, Prongs."
The Dungeons were silent, save for the rhythmic hiss of a nearby steam pipe. Y/N was sitting on a stone ledge, his legs dangling, watching Regulus Black attempt a complex Transfiguration on a silver coin.
Y/N looked slim and dangerously composed in his muscle tank, his corded arm muscles tensing as he flicked a lighter open and shut. Click. Click. Click. He wasn't feeling "withdrawal." He was a boy who had been raised in the dark; he was used to the cold. Sirius Black was just a temporary heat he’d encountered, nothing more.
"You're distracted," Regulus said, his voice a cool, elegant drawl. He didn't look up from his coin. "Your pulse is visible in your neck. Are you expecting someone?"
"I'm expecting the lunch bell, Reg. Don't be a poet," Y/N rasped.
A shadow fell across the floor. Severus Snape stepped out from the darkness of the corridor, his robes billowing like ink in water. He looked at Regulus, then fixed his gaze on Y/N.
"Potter and his curs are moving," Snape said, his voice a low, clinical drone. "They’ve been in the owlery twice today. There’s talk of an 'ink-cloud' hex. They’re targeting the House table at dinner."
Y/N didn't flinch. He didn't look worried. He just leaned his head back against the stone wall, his dark eyes meeting Snape’s. "So? We’ve dealt with ink before, Severus. Or are you afraid it’ll ruin your complexion?"
Snape’s lip curled. "I’m telling you because you’ve been... 'vulnerable' lately. If you get hit, and you react like a victim, the House will see it as a weakness. Mulciber is looking for a reason to replace you at the end of the table."
"Let him try," Y/N said, standing up. He was a powerful wizard, and everyone in the Dungeons knew it. He didn't need a wand to be a threat; his muscular frame and the sheer, jagged energy he projected were enough to make a Hufflepuff turn tail and run in the halls. "I don't need a warning from you, Sev. I know exactly what Sirius Black is capable of."
Dinner was a roar of conversation. Sirius sat with the Marauders, his heart thumping against his ribs. He was laughing at a joke Peter had made, but his eyes were locked on the soup tureen at the Slytherin table.
It wasn't a loud explosion, but the impact was massive. A geyser of neon-pink, permanent ink erupted from the center of the Slytherin table, coating everything in a three-foot radius. The Hall erupted in deafening laughter. Mulciber was drenched, his face a glowing mask of fury. Avery was slipping on the ink-slicked floor.
But the cloud had overshot.
Y/N had been standing up to leave just as the trigger hit. The blast caught him square in the chest, the force of the magical impact slamming him backward. Because of his injured ribs from the courtyard fight, he couldn't brace himself. He hit the stone floor hard, a sharp, audible crack echoing in the sudden silence of the Slytherin end.
Sirius stood up on the bench, his "fun" mask frozen on his face. He watched as Y/N struggled to breathe, the neon ink staining his black tank and the pale skin of his arms. Y/N didn't cry out. He didn't look for help. He just slowly, painfully pushed himself up, his slim muscles shaking with the effort.
He looked across the Hall. His eyes found Sirius’s. There was no hatred in them—just a cold, hollow recognition.
Y/N turned and walked out of the Hall, leaving a trail of glowing pink footprints behind him.
——————-——————————————————
Sirius caught him ten minutes later. He had ditched the Marauders, claiming he had "forgotten his bag," and tracked the neon trail to a dark corridor near the kitchens.
Y/N was leaning against the wall, trying to scrub the ink from his face with a handful of dry napkins. It wasn't working. His ribs were clearly killing him; every breath was a jagged, shallow hitch.
"Y/N," Sirius breathed, reaching out to grab Y/N’s arm—addicted to the contact, to the corded muscle under his fingers.
Y/N swatted his hand away as if he were a fly. He looked at Sirius, his face a glowing, neon mess, but his eyes were like ice.
"What are you on about, Black?" Y/N hissed, his voice a broken rasp.
"I didn't think it would hit you," Sirius started, his "jokeful" voice completely gone. "James didn't mean for it to overshoot—"
"Save it," Y/N cut him off, a dry, bitter laugh breaking through. "You're a Marauder, Sirius. You're the prince of the tower. This is what you do, isn't it? You watch, you joke, and you walk away while the freaks bleed."
"It's not like that," Sirius stepped closer, his broad frame casting a shadow over Y/N. "I wanted to warn you—"
"Should I have expected anything less?" Y/N whispered, stepping into Sirius’s space, the neon ink smearing onto Sirius’s pristine Gryffindor robes. "You're a Black. You're a Marauder. Go back to your friends, Sirius. Before you get any ink on your precious reputation."
Y/N turned and walked into the darkness, leaving Sirius alone in the corridor, the smell of neon chemicals and cherry smoke the only thing left of the boy he couldn't stop thinking about.
———————-—————————————————-
The Slytherin showers were a brutalist expanse of cold stone and hissing pipes. Y/N stood under the spray, the water as hot as he could stand it, watching the neon-pink ink swirl down the drain like radioactive blood. He didn't use a standard cleaning charm. He’d spent an hour in the library days ago researching the specific counter-alchemical properties of Dr. Filibuster’s products. He had the antidote—a thick, caustic-smelling paste he’d brewed in secret—and he was slowly, methodically scrubbing it into his skin.
As the ink faded, the rest of him emerged.
He looked at himself in the steamed-over mirror of the communal washroom. Without the black muscle tank, he was a map of a life spent on the defensive. His slim, muscular torso was a patchwork of history.
There were the old, jagged white lines along his ribs—remnants of a childhood in a house that didn't value silence. There were the faded Quidditch scars, and the fresh, dark plum-colored contusions from the courtyard fight with Sirius.
His right side was a mess. The impact with the Great Hall floor had re-aggravated his ribs; they were a deep, angry yellow-green now, every breath a sharp reminder of James Potter’s "brilliant" plan. He looked wrecked, but his eyes were stone-cold. He dressed slowly, pulling on a fresh white shirt and attempted his tie before throwing it to the side, his movements stiff and practiced. He was a powerful wizard, and he was tired of being treated like a prop.
————————————————————————-
Defense Against the Dark Arts was a shared class—Gryffindors and Slytherins packed into a room that always smelled of ozone and old parchment.
Y/N walked in late, his face clean of the neon stain, his expression a mask of bored indifference. He took his usual seat at the back. Mulciber and Avery were already there, their faces still glowing a faint, humiliating pink despite their best efforts to scrub it off. They looked ridiculous, and they knew it.
"L/N," Mulciber hissed as soon as the professor turned to the chalkboard. "You’re clean. Give us the antidote."
"No," Y/N said, not even looking up from his parchment.
"Don't be a prick," Avery snarled, leaning over the desk. "We know you brewed something. Give it here, or we’ll make sure the next week of your life is spent in the Hospital Wing."
"I don't help people who hang me from rafters, Avery," Y/N rasped, his voice low and dangerous. "Figure it out yourselves. Or keep glowing. It suits your personality."
Across the room, the Marauders were watching. James and Peter were snickering at Mulciber’s pink ears, but Sirius wasn't laughing. He was watching Y/N’s hands. He saw the way Y/N was favoring his right side, the way his lean shoulders were braced as if expecting a blow.
"Maybe we went a bit far with the permanent stuff," Peter whispered, his voice uncharacteristically small. James didn't answer; he was looking at the bruises on Y/N’s neck that were visible above his collar—bruises Sirius knew he had put there.
—————-———————————————————-
The professor called for a practical demonstration of the Impedimenta jinx.
Mulciber didn't wait for his turn. As the class moved to clear the desks, he spun around, his wand aimed directly at Y/N’s chest.
" Mucus ad Nauseam! " Mulciber roared.
It wasn't a joke hex. It was a vicious, painful curse that targeted the respiratory system. Y/N went down instantly, his knees hitting the stone floor with a sickening thud.
Because his ribs were already compromised, the curse was twice as agonizing. He doubled over, gasping for air, his face turning a terrifying shade of gray as he clutched his side.
"Give us the antidote, you half-blood freak!" Avery joined in, casting a stinging hex that caught Y/N across the cheek, drawing blood.
The entire class froze. The laughter died in a heartbeat.
Sirius felt his world narrow down to the sight of Y/N on the floor, struggling to breathe while his own Housemates treated him like a training dummy. It wasn't "House business" anymore. It was an execution.
"Enough!" Professor Moody barked, stepping in and disarming Mulciber with a flick of his wand. "Mulciber, Avery—detention for a month! Get out!"
The Slytherins slunk away, muttering threats, but the damage was done. Y/N stayed on the floor for a long moment, his muscular frame shaking with the effort of not screaming. He pushed himself up slowly, refusing the professor’s hand, refusing everyone’s eyes.
He looked at the Gryffindor table. He looked at James, who was actually looking down at his desk, and then his eyes found Sirius.
Sirius was paralyzed. He wanted to move, to shout, to burn the whole room down, but he was trapped in his own "Marauder" skin. He realized then that his jokes hadn't just hit Y/N—they had painted a target on his back.
By humiliating the Slytherins, the Marauders had forced the snakes to find a scapegoat. And Y/N was the easiest mark they had.
Y/N wiped the blood from his cheek with the back of his hand, his eyes cold and hollow. He didn't say a word as he gathered his things and walked out of the room, his gait limp and pained.
"Padfoot..." Remus started, reaching out to touch Sirius’s arm.
Sirius wrenched himself away. He didn't look at his friends. He didn't look at anyone. He just stared at the empty seat at the back of the room, the scent of cherry smoke and neon ink still hanging in the air like a ghost.
———————-—————————————————
The D.A.D.A. classroom cleared out like a room filled with smoke, students whispering and casting side-glances at the empty chair where Y/N had been doubled over. James, Remus, and Peter stayed back, the celebratory air of the morning completely evaporated.
"Padfoot, wait—" James started, reaching for Sirius’s shoulder.
Sirius didn't wait. He didn't even look at them. His vision was a narrow, red-tinted tunnel. He saw Mulciber and Avery swaggering down the stone corridor, laughing under their breath as they wiped the last traces of neon pink from their collars.
"Mulciber!" Sirius’s voice cracked like a whip.
The two Slytherins stopped and turned, their expressions shifting from amusement to a guarded, jagged arrogance. They were still stained, still humiliated, and they were looking for a place to put that rage.
"What do you want, Black?" Mulciber spat, his hand hovering over his wand. "Come to finish the job? Or are you just here to gloat about your little ink trick?"
"You're pathetic," Sirius hissed, stepping into Mulciber’s space. His broad shoulders were bunched, his teeth bared in a snarl that was pure, ancestral Black fury.
"Attacking him while he’s down? Using a sickness curse on someone who can barely breathe? You’re a coward. You’re a stain on this school."
Mulciber didn't flinch. In fact, a slow, ugly smirk spread across his face. He stepped closer, his chest nearly touching Sirius’s.
"Funny, coming from you," Mulciber whispered, his voice dripping with venom.
"You’re the one who set the trap, Sirius. You’re the one who encouraged the 'Master Prank.' We just took the opening you gave us."
"It was a joke," Sirius growled, his voice wavering. "It wasn't meant to—"
"A joke?" Avery chimed in, leaning against a stone pillar. "Is that what you call it when you slam him into stone walls? We’ve seen the bruises, Black. We’ve seen the way he walks after a 'run-in' with you. You fight him, you hunt him, and you hurt him more than we ever could. You’ve been breaking him for months. We just decided to enjoy the pieces."
Mulciber leaned in, his eyes narrowed. "Don't play the hero now. You’re just like us, Sirius. You just have a better tailor and a louder laugh. You hate him just as much as we do—maybe more, because you can't stop thinking about him. So don't you dare judge us for finishing what you started."
They pushed past him, their shoulders clipping Sirius’s as they disappeared into the darkness of the dungeons.
Sirius stood frozen in the middle of the hallway. The words felt like physical blows. You're just like us. You fight him more than we ever could. He looked at his hands—the knuckles that were still healing from the courtyard, the palms that had felt the heat of Y/N’s skin. He realized with a sickening jolt that they were right. Every 'interaction' he’d had with Y/N was rooted in violence or a desperate, selfish addiction. He wasn't the savior. He was the catalyst.
——————-——————————————————
Sirius didn't go to the Great Hall for lunch. He didn't go back to the common room. He moved through the castle like a ghost, his mind a chaotic loop of Y/N’s face on the classroom floor.
He found Y/N where he always found him: the quietest, coldest corner of the grounds. Y/N was leaning against the stone base of the Clocktower, his head tipped back against the granite. His white shirt was untucked, the top three buttons undone as he struggled for deep breaths. The blood from the stinging hex had dried in a dark streak down his cheek.
He looked slim, battered, and utterly exhausted, his corded muscles trembling with the effort of staying upright.
"Go away," Y/N rasped without opening his eyes. He didn't need to see him; he knew the scent of Sirius’s leather jacket and the heavy, restless weight of his presence.
"They said I'm no better than them," Sirius said, his voice hollow. He didn't move closer. He stayed five feet away, anchored by his own guilt. "Mulciber. He said I'm the one who started it. That I'm the one who’s been breaking you."
Y/N opened his eyes. They were bloodshot and dark with pain, but they were as sharp as ever. He let out a short, jagged laugh that turned into a wince.
"He's right," Y/N whispered, clutching his side. "You're all the same, Sirius. You just dress it up in 'House Pride' and 'Marauder Spirit.' But at the end of the day, I’m still the one on the floor. Whether it’s your ink or their curses, the result is the same."
"It doesn't matter what you meant!" Y/N roared, his voice cracking. He pushed off the wall, swaying dangerously. "It matters what happened! You’re addicted to the friction, Sirius. You’re addicted to the way I fight back. But I’m tired. I’m tired of being the thing you use to feel 'rebellious.'"
Y/N reached into his pocket with a shaky hand and pulled out a bent cigarette. He tried to light it, but his fingers were trembling too hard to spark the lighter. He let out a frustrated, broken sound and hurled the lighter into the grass.
Sirius moved then. He didn't think about "right" or "wrong." He stepped forward, picked up the lighter, and struck it. He held the flame out, his hand steadying Y/N’s as the cigarette caught.
For a heartbeat, they were back in the courtyard—sharing a flame in the dark. But the air was different now. The "denial" was gone, replaced by a raw, bleeding honesty.
"I don't want to be like them," Sirius whispered, his thumb brushing against Y/N’s cold fingers.
"Then stop," Y/N said, exhaling a cloud of smoke that tasted of ash and regret. "Stop looking for me. Stop fighting me. Stop pretending we’re the same."
The cigarette was a pinpoint of orange fire between them, the only thing keeping the encroaching shadows of the Clocktower at bay. Sirius felt the heat radiating off Y/N—not the healthy heat of a boy after a game, but the feverish, jagged warmth of a body pushed to its absolute limit.
Sirius didn’t step back. He didn’t apologize.
The guilt from Mulciber’s words—the realization that he was just a mirror image of the monsters in the dungeons—curdled into a desperate, selfish need. If he was already a monster, he might as well act like one. He was addicted to the friction, the way Y/N’s slim, corded muscles felt under his hands, and the way they seemed to naturally collide like two storm fronts.
Without a word, Sirius closed the distance.
He didn't ask. He didn't lean in. He lunged.
He grabbed the front of Y/N’s damp, blood-stained white shirt, his knuckles brushing against the lean, bruised skin of Y/N’s chest, and slammed his mouth against the other boy’s.
It was a forceful, ugly collision. There was no romance in it, no "softness" to heal the day’s wounds. It was pure, unadulterated want—a needy, desperate attempt to reclaim the air they had shared in the courtyard. Sirius tasted the bitter cherry tobacco, the metallic tang of the blood from Y/N’s cheek, and the raw, salt-tinged sweat of exhaustion.
He pushed Y/N back against the rough granite of the tower, his broad shoulders pinning the slighter boy into the stone. His hands traveled up, one fisting in Y/N’s dark hair, the other cupping his jaw with a bruising grip. He kissed him like he was trying to steal the very breath Mulciber had nearly taken earlier—deep, frantic, and entirely devoid of anything but a crushing, physical hunger.
For a heartbeat, the world tilted.
Y/N’s hands, which had been hanging limp at his sides, flew up. His fingers dug into the leather of Sirius’s jacket, his nails dragging against the fabric. He kissed back—a sharp, jagged response that felt like a snarl. He leaned into the pressure, his muscular frame arching against Sirius’s, his tongue meeting Sirius’s with a feral, matching desperation.
For that one second, the pain in his ribs and the humiliation in the classroom disappeared, replaced by the electric, terrifying heat of the only person who actually saw him.
Then, the reality of the impact hit.
Y/N’s eyes snapped open, dark and blown wide with a sudden, sharp clarity. He felt the weight of Sirius—the "Prince of Gryffindor," the boy who had set the ink trap—and the revulsion hit him like a physical blow.
Y/N tore his mouth away, a strangled, wet sound escaping his throat. He didn't just pull back; he exploded.
He slammed his palms into Sirius’s chest, the force of it catching Sirius off guard and sending him stumbling back two steps. Before Sirius could even blink, Y/N’s right hand—the one wrapped in the memory of the courtyard tape—swung in a brutal, short arc.
The sound of Y/N’s knuckles connecting with Sirius’s cheekbone echoed off the stone walls. It wasn't a "slap." It was a fighter’s punch, fueled by every ounce of his lean, functional strength.
Sirius’s head snapped to the side, his vision exploding into white stars. He staggered, the copper taste of blood immediate in his mouth as his own teeth cut into his inner cheek. He put a hand to his face, his fingers coming away red, staring at Y/N in a daze.
Y/N stood there, his chest heaving, his face a mask of cold, vibrating fury. A single tear of frustration or pain—he didn't know which—tracked through the dried blood on his cheek.
"No," Y/N hissed, the word coming out as a broken, jagged rasp. "No. We can’t. I can't do this, Sirius."
"Stop!" Y/N roared, clutching his side as the movement flared his ribs. He pointed a shaking finger at Sirius, his eyes wild and hollow. "Look at us. Look at where we are. You’re the hero, and I’m the victim. You’re the fucking joke, and I’m the goddamn punchline. We’re at an impasse, Black. There is no 'us' that doesn't end with me in the dirt and you walking away with a laugh."
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, looking at Sirius as if he were a stranger—or worse, a ghost he was finally exorcising.
"Don't touch me again," Y/N whispered, the coldness returning to his voice, sharper than any hex. "Go back to your friends. Go back to being the boy everyone loves. I’m done being the thing you use to feel human."
Y/N turned on his heel, his gait stiff and pained, and walked toward the shadows of the castle. He didn't look back.
Sirius stood alone by the Clocktower, the side of his face throbbing with a dull, rhythmic agony, the taste of cherry smoke and blood still burning on his tongue. He realized then that the "impasse" wasn't just a wall between their Houses. It was the fact that even when they touched, they were only hurting each other.
fam ik this shit took actually sooooo long i kept procrastinating but also getting really frustrated when writing this AND the Severus one i kept going back and fourth between the two in literal anger cause i was stuck so I’m real sorry if you guys don’t end up liking this one as much or it’s not what you expected :((( as always feedback is appreciated so i know what to do next