Felt love
To be or not to be……that is my detention.
Why do i always feel out of place…..from another dimension.
Why wont my mind allow my heart and soul redemption.
Thoughts, memories and flashbacks, none of which i could ever dare mention.
Too many things seen to bare as my worthiness and reality is continually wrenching.
To much hate and anger filling and flooding inside….these torrid parental gaps of trust and loving ….created only devistation.
From my mind my realities and failed expections…….i need a permanent vacation.
Never felt loved, needed or wanted…….since my conception. Never was good enough or worthy of a future……my mother didnt give birth, she simply had a human defecation. Even to my family i have no ties, to only kidnappers and childhood theifs i have relation. Over and over ive waked to prior knowledge flashing fast flashbacks of prior attacks and to slowly and unsteady revalations. Deeper and farther i fall each time with memories and understanding of their true effects and ultimate soul contamination. Of life, love, anger, lust, sad, hate, bad, memories, falling, drowing in my self medicating self help determination of eventual hope and feeling depressed destitution. Will it be a productive destrctive war or painful positive revolution. Can i, will i hold hard on my need to control my necessary medication with unknown unseen elation. Tap into a flow of positive energy sensations and feel the magic of promised, scorned not entirely forgiven love, life and lifelong infatuation. You are a one of a kind and glorious soul once again complete, even with dark parts and pasts a beautiful creature and creation. I hope through all pain and misunderstandings, i don’t let myself fall again to that devoid dark life and giving into shame again and its misunderstood, demeaning temptations. I wrote this in 30minutes and added on many lines of positive determination. Tell me if you will, are my words sounding full of shit truly annoying or is this meaning this feeling in yours and my injured frontal lobe enjoiying my demeaing and helpful anonymous demonstrations?!?; (:)? (•○●°¤▪☆)
