♥️ Dear anyone reading this,
I thought it would be fun to get personal on here since I don’t usually do this, in all of my time in this fandom.
To start this thing off, I thought I’d clarify that I go by two names on the internet: Madeleine Fulminare and Samantha Aeryn Barlowe. I chose these names when I was young and seventeen, but I suppose they haven’t yet lost their charm… all these years later. Feel free to refer to me as any of those names, though I do prefer Madeleine.
Anyway, I have been involved in the Kylo Ren/Adam Driver fandoms since around January 2020. Commander Kylo Ren is a character who has transformed my life and has honestly shaped a lot of the young woman I am today, especially when my understanding of his character has been made personal through my reading of various works of fanfiction.
I actually started writing my own Kylo Ren x Reader fanfiction titled Just for Him in August of 2020… but I honestly had no idea what I was doing, and the story completely lost its shape and became far too complex, messy, and disorganized for me to continue writing it. I put an end to that in November of 2022.
To complicate my participation in this fandom, my personal life has gone through so many changes in the time since I initially created all of these accounts.
I experienced a life-altering heartbreak; went through three years of college and graduated; had a profound encounter with who I believe to be God; became a practicing Christian (though I accept and learn from people of all faiths); experienced my first mental health diagnosis; started a Master’s program; and began my first full-time job. As you can see, lots… and lots… and lots of changes have happened for me on a personal level. I count all of it as joy, though. Even the difficult moments.
About a month ago, I decided to return to a fanfiction called Little Bird by an author named Kassanovella. I think I’ve briefly mentioned Little Bird before, but it deserves explicit mentioning here. This is a work of fiction that has left an unalterable mark on my soul. I will never forget the day I finished it for the first time: October 11th, 2020. Kassanovella has a magnificent way of utilizing language to communicate what is otherwise incommunicable. I think everyone should read Little Bird. I have yet to read something that moves my soul in such a profound way.
All of this being said, I am happy to share that I am going to be active in this fandom again, and it feels absolutely amazing to be here. There are so many talented people who all come together to share in their love for this character, and it’s beautiful to see. You all have truly brought light into my life.
I know my life will continue to change, I will continue growing as a person, and God will always be the center of my being… but Kylo Ren is my fictional soulmate. Inspired by what Little Bird has caused me to feel, I know in my heart that I don’t think anything will stop my soul from loving him. ♥️
“…I forgot what it's like to be believed in / But you fill my head with a hundred dreams / When it's dark, I can see it / And all the lights dancin' on your skin / And all I've done to hold you here again / I’d do it again…” – All the Lights, By the Coast
With love,
♥️ Madeleine
