Selfish- Jacob x Swan!reader (Bella's sister) The Somewhat Happy Ending
*Not mine. Credits to the real owner*
Part I | Sad Ending
A/N: Hello again! Just wanted to explain why it's the 'end' The purpose of these parts are to explore possible outcomes of the previous part. I just wanted to write it and post something as I'm quite stuck what to do with it just yet; consider it as a sort of filler chapters. Although I am planning to make more parts with a different narrative than these two. And yes, as per request Jacob will suffer profusely. Hope that makes sense and hope you love this!
Warnings: Angst, suicide talks, depression.
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They’re coming— and it haunts Jacob. Each day feels like ripping a page out on the calendar, and there's nothing that could prepare them from it. Not the 20 bloodsuckers inside the mansion, and especially not Alice and Jasper, because no one knows where the hell they are.
Everything is in shambles, fast-paced and confusing. It's not like all fences are mended, but all help is needed.
He escaped to the nearby creek. Skipping rocks for ages, lost in thoughts but somehow doesn't skip a beat. He thought he'd take the selfishness to the fullest and grant himself a reprieve he doesn't deserve. There's too many people at Cullens’, and Edward can hear all of his worries, which is uneasy. And you haven't left his mind today. If he's being quite frank, you haven't left his thoughts for the last months, and everyday you haunt him. And how can it not? All of his stupid decision led to this.
He already heard the rustling,and the footsteps nearby. He was on guard for a moment, only for it to dissolve upon scent of the younger wolf.
He was surprised to say the least. They weren't on good terms for obvious reasons. Sure, a few words here and there when discussing with the pack or the Cullens, but they rarely speak, let alone be alone together.
Jacob kept throwing rocks, slightly distracted as he assessed the situation, if saying anything would be the right thing. It doesn't take a genius how uncomfortable they are with each other's presence.
"She's coming home today,” Seth announced, picking up rocks.
He didn't turn to face him, but nodded. "Yeah. Bella told me,"
The silence took over them, both had just watched the rocks skip and rippled the water, hoping that somehow the awkwardness can be solved by it.
Seth huffed to himself. Jacob wouldn't be the one to give in first.
"You're not gonna see her?" He asked, trying not to sound interested.
Jacob tensed, sighing as he reluctantly replied. "I… don't know,"
The younger wolf nodded curtly, the noises of nature were more evident in their wordless interaction. It wasn't hard to figure out Seth's fixation on you, it's like staring at a mirror actually, except this time, Seth really deserves you. He pondered the reason he was really here; did he just really want to tell him? Or was he asking to let you go?
There was a sudden ache in his chest; it felt simultaneously ripping apart and closing in. He hated it, but what he hated more is maybe this was the best for you. Because he isn't.
"It took me a lot to realize, even though I said I did," Seth began, as Jacob was pulled out of the ocean of his thoughts. "Whatever happens, even though I give her my everything, I can't give what she really wants,"
He glanced over to him, immediately taking notice of how red and glossy his eyes are becoming; the way he looked up at him with a sense of softness and defeat. The guilt crept up on him, as he began to realize what Seth had come here for.
He turned away, shook his head. "She deserves more than what a guy like me can give,"
Seth chuckled wryly. First he heard him do that to something he said. The light, easy-going Seth was always frowning at him.
“I know. But she's not for me, Jacob,” he somberly stated. Jacob was sure that he heard some sniffles.
“Well, after all this crap, I don't think I'm a better candidate,” Jacob insisted, throwing the remaining rocks in his hands.
“You kinda don't have a choice," Seth countered. “And once you’re ready to be the man worthy of her, you know where to find her.”
Seth threw his final rock, ultimately surpassing the Alpha's previous throws. He then leaves, and Jacob has more thoughts than he had before.
And he knew he was right.
You felt like a fresh-sighted tourist, awestruck at the landscape of the town you knew so well all your life. Being confined into a hospital bed, and left to stare at white wall is surely to blame for it. And maybe because you thought you won't be able to see it again.
Charlie kept glancing at you every single minute. He's on edge, but never really expressed it vocally. Though his constant pestering with the nurses, heavy sighs, lack of sleep, and hovering all the time are speaking volume. Can't blame him.
You and Bella are a hell of decision-makers. And look where your choices got you. She's a vampire, and you were in an 8 weeks coma, endured a fractured skull, broken vertebrates, busted knees and hips— paralyzed from waist down.
What are you two doing trying to give him a heart attack?
The familiar faces already popped up in the distance— Bella and Seth stood there waiting for you two, even waved upon the sight of the truck.
Seth got bigger again— taller, leaner, probably stronger. You saw him all the time in the hospital, and yet he still managed to catch you by surprise with his growth spurt. Perks of having your wolf genes significantly enhance your puberty, you reckoned.
Charlie pulled up in the driveway. Your old man undid his seatbelt and turned to you to do yours, but you stopped him.
"Dad, I can do it,” you murmured with a soft smile.
He froze for a bit, before slowly nodding with a tight-lipped smile, failing to mimic yours.
You opened the door to be greeted by Seth with his usual ear-to-ear grin that could light up this whole town. He quickly locked you in a bear hug.
“It's nice to see you home safe, Y/N,”
You closed your eyes, nuzzling your face further to his neck. You enjoyed the warmth his body radiates; it brings a sense of the most awaited ease— a heavenly light comfort that whisk you away, and bring you somewhere that is away from all too much this small town offers.
It reminds you of him.
And just like that you heard a resounding slap that made you flinch and move away from him. It was so loud it vibrated through Seth. If it wasn't for his pain tolerance, he would have screamed for that.
You already know where it came from.
“Okay, champ! Stop suffocating my daughter and get her out of the car," he grumbled.
You shot him an apologetic look. He waved it off with an assuring look, and carried you bridal style all the way to the porch, gently placing you down on your wheelchair.
"Thank you," you mumbled.
"You're welcome,”
Bella approaches you with a playful smirk.
“Hey stranger.” She went in for a tight hug, which you returned. Gladly so.
You admit it's weird seeing her, you couldn't believe how infinitesimally small the external changes are; what seems normal to others, are much different to you. You know that Bella's changed. Unalived now officially. She was still Bella, but no longer tripping over a leaf or something. How she carries herself is foreign to you— she's much more confident now. And the whole ordeal, obviously was enough to cause some uneasy moments. You have the feeling that Bella blames herself, even though she didn't have to— she doesn't need to live with that guilt. It was nobody's fault.
Except for me.
Charlie pushes you inside the house into the living room where Edward stood. It’s decorated, all Christmas-y. You don't know how Charlie managed to get the time to hang them. The usual smell of the house was surprisingly covered by something delicious, but the sight brought you to sigh; a release of the anticipation, and the bubbling comfort with familiarity was overwhelming in a good way. Home sweet home felt so bittersweet and all of what you did sunk in even more.
“I’mma just check on Sue. Be right back,” Charlie said, patting your head gently and headed to the kitchen.
“Welcome home, Y/N,” Edward greeted with a half-smile.
‘Thanks,’ He replied with a nod.
He looked over his shoulder, whispering something, which piqued your interest. Then a little girl slowly stepped out of his shadow.
It's her— Renesmee.
She walked to you, unsure. She would look at Bella for approval, her mother willingly gave. You never really saw her in person, but Bella showed you some photos, but they're no comparison to how much of an angel she looks like. She looks just like her parents. Well, they are her parents. But Bella's eyes and Edward's mannerisms, but laced with sweet innocence. She is absolutely perfect.
She stopped in front of you, her curious eyes studying you. She lifted her small hand, aiming to touch your cheek.
“Don't be afraid, that's just how she communicates,” Bella assured.
You nodded and let her be. Then somehow, you were in a different place. At Cullens’ specifically. You saw Bella holding a picture frame. She showed it, and you realized it's you. Bella was telling her about you, and that you're her aunt.
Brought back, your eyes wide with mesmerization. Merely chuckled as the best response. That was mind-blowing. To see someone else's memory is genius. Whoever creator is up there, you know they created something magnificent.
“Hello to you too.” She giggled bashfully at your remark.
Charlie called everyone to grab a plate. You all sat down in the living room, ate and talked. Edward said the family sends their regards; you inquired about Alice not visiting you lately, and picked up the glances the three of them made. Their expression grim and worried, but Bella assured you she's fine, just a bit busy. It wasn't hard to tell that they're hiding something; always so vague and deflecting. Though for now, you’ll let it slide. They’ll tell you about it soon.
Sue did an amazing job with the food. People in this room are not the ones you would imagine that'll choose to be in the same room, but everyone just fits in, acting like this happened so many times before.
Bella and Edward have their family now. Sue and Charlie found their way to each other; she's the reason why Charlie's taking it easy on Seth and not loading his rifle each time he gets near you. And why he's holding on so much better despite what you and your sister pulled.
The guilt struck you in between the chest. The shame washed over you. These are the people you would've left behind. This moment would have not existed if you truly did not survive. Charlie would be in so much mess, Seth would be so heartbroken— and Bella, she would've been eaten by her guilt. You’ve thought of the consequences, but how could you have not thought it through? You felt so cruel for doing that to them.
You and Edward caught each other's eyes, and you already know how loud your thoughts are. He offered you a sympathetic look, even caught his lips murmuring ‘it's okay,’
But you know it's not.
Eventually, Charlie’s worrying mood activated and he took you to your room to rest, ignoring all Seth’s offer to help.
Charlie tucked you in, explaining all of your coming appointments for the physical therapy and well, therapy. You weren't even a day away from the hospital and you were gonna come back soon.
“Well, if you need anything, just holler and I’ll get you it, okay?”
“Yeah,” you murmured.
He planted a firm kiss on your forehead. He didn't want to let go, but he did. You said your 'good night', and he exhaled in response. You thought for a second that he was going to stand up, but he stared at you. You raised your brows, waiting for him to say something. But he just sighed again.
“Are you okay, Dad?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied softly. He turned away from you, and you heard a sniffle from him. You know it's bound to happen. He never talked about it in the hospital.
He faced you back, his eyes glistened with distraught. His hand covered his mouth, he was probably trying to muster a word in without choking up.
He took both of your hands, and held them tightly. Just when you thought things couldn't feel more worse, they did. He gazed into your eyes, and now you couldn't help the water brimming in your eyes as well.
“I know I’m not good at this— your mom may be a better person to talk to, but you can talk to me, okay?”
You hang your head down in shame, unable to face the pain of your actions caused. He cupped your chin and titled your face up to look at him.
“I might not understand, might be hard for me to handle, or you think I’m not ready for it, but sweetheart, what I’m not ready for is not to have to talk to you for the rest of my life.”
You had never seen your Dad look so heartbroken and desperate.You felt like an absolute fool. You unleashed all of the tears of the buried guilt you had for months.
“I’m so sorry, Dad,” you cried.
He shushed you, His thumb wiped your tears, extremely futile due how much tears were streaming down your cheeks.
“No, it's not your fault. But I’m here for you. I’m always here, come to me when you need something, okay?”
You launched yourself onto your Dad, and he embraced you just as tightly. He did nothing but whisper how he got you until you both stopped crying.
Bella and Edward stayed behind to help clean up, they've been subjecting themselves to doing mundane things, as the little voices in their mind nags that this may be the last time they all see this.
“He's here,” Edward mumbled to her as he loaded up the dishwasher.
Bella already knew that. He was subtle, but heightened senses can do so much. She went out back to find him just standing there.
"So, you're just gonna lurk over there?" The werewolf didn't reply, looking a bit flustered being caught. "You can come in, you know. Talk to her.” Belle urged.
He shook his head. "I can't,"
Bella sighed, crossing her arms. She stood beside him, following his line of gaze. The window to your room.
"I don't hate you, Jacob. I don't think she does either,” she spoke after a long pause.
Jacob scoffed, having a hard time believing it. Bella frowned.
“I swear, Jacob. Angry, a little bit. I could never hate you, though. I just wished it went a little better than how it is now,”
“It's not your fault either,” Jacob assured.
Bella was silenced to herself, not quite agreeing to the statement.
"You can lurk in the shadows all the time. That's not going to fix anything," Bella said to him.
Jacob sighed, jaws clenching and lips pursed in apprehension.
"I don't think I can look at her— not after what I did,”
"Well, you can look between her eyebrows—"
"I'm serious, Bella," he chastised.
Bella rolled her eyes. "Go talk to her." Bella left to get back inside.
Once again, he's left to make his choices.
Must have been hours since that breakdown between you and your Dad, and you're left staring at your ceiling, not being able to catch sleep. You assume your Dad is tossing and turning as well— no one could recover from that quickly. It wasn't all cathartic, matter of fact, you think that breakdown is going to be the first of many.
You decided it's been a long day, and you were going to make an effort to sleep. You fluttered your eyes close, only to be snapped back open. You're no vampire, but you knew you heard something. Grunts, a strained voice.
You slowly propped yourself up on your elbow, to find a hand gripping on your window pane. You were sure as hell that Charlie closed it before he left the room. He worries too much to miss it.
You were preparing to call out to Charlie, as the person lifted himself into view. Though nothing came out of your mouth when you saw the tanned-boy missing his sweet smile.
Your eyes widened, mouth agape. It felt like everything had stopped. You hadn't seen him in months.
"Jacob?” You were stunned to say the least; relieved that it's not some burglar, but baffled.
"Hey,” he said, sticking his head in. He raised an eyebrow, asking for permission. You contemplated for a bit, but let him in anyway.
He entered head first, before gingerly planting his feet down on the hardwood floors, you guessed that he didn't want Charlie to hear.
You visibly struggled to sit up, not feeling any moment from your legs. Jacob stepped forward to your aid, but you lifted your hand as no, making him stop in tracks. He retreated back when you finally managed to do so.
He stood there in the dark, he slipped his hands in his pockets, awkwardly leaning on his foot. And a few meters away you're stuck on your bed. A knife could cut clean through the tension radiating between the two of you. The gravity of what he said and what you did was painfully weighing on your mind.
“How are you?” He spoke, immediately wincing upon realizing how stupid the question is.
“Alive,” you lifelessly replied, though the hammering of your heart would suggest otherwise.
“I… don't know what to say,” he admitted.
Quite frankly, so did you. Everything changed from when you both last saw each other, and for the worst. It's all too much emotion just to be in the same room with him. It wasn't nervousness or anxiety; just ache. It aches.
“What are you doing here?” You somehow wanted to sound firm, but you were reduced to a quivering whisper.
His shoulder tensed, hunching over. It's been a while since you saw him so down. Not like down during Bella's wedding, but almost powerless soft.
“I just wanted to see you,”
You couldn't say a word. Because your mind somehow can't believe that he now wants to see you, not in a positive way though. You can see the guilt written all over his face, and that's all the base for it.
Then in between the silence and the start of the lingering gaze of your eyes when it met; the longing, guilt and shame had dawned. You teared up. You didn't know what took over you, but you just wanted to ask.
"Why not me?" He swallowed thickly, taken aback by that. "I know it's because of her, but please give a proper explanation. I deserve that.”
"You deserve so much more,"
"Then why?" You croaked out in plead.
He whipped his head to the side, biting his lips. Even his fist clenched; it's taking too much of him to tell you the truth. But he already said things far worse.
Jacob glanced back at your pleading face, reconsidering. He relented with an exhale.
“I… because I'm a coward. I got scared, and I-I didn't know what to do with the fact that for some reason a wolfy thing dictates my future, and I can't do anything about it,”
You furrowed your brows. “Am I that bad to be with?”
"No!" He exclaimed with his hands gesturing. "It isn't about you— it's feeling the need to prove everything wrong so much that I didn't realize how much pain I was causing.
Or maybe I do, I was just too full of myself to care,”
You had cried too much today, and you didn't want him to see you fall apart again like the last time. So You hardened your features.
"What changed?” You asked, indignantly. “I almost died? If you feel guilty about it, Jacob, it's not your fault. I made that choice,”
“Because of me,” he added poignantly.
“No, Jake, that wasn't your choice!"
"Don't you get it?!” He growled.
You slightly flinched. It has been 5 minutes, and your frustrations have gotten the best of you. You were back to that night with the screaming match.
“It was me!” He screamed, the glistening of his eyes was more evident. “I didn't need to see you die two times to knock some sense in my head. I was so scared, so scared each time your heart stopped, baby.”
It was like magic, the way your heart dropped. The spark of hope in your chest was igniting again.
"You were there?"
He nodded, not able to contain his tears. "Everyday. I just didn't know what to say or do,"
You were held captive in your tears. You couldn't help but sob, because his confession hurts, and you don't know what this is all leading to. Are these all necessary steps to heal?
You heard his footsteps approaching towards you. You couldn't even look at him. Because despite of all that's done, once you saw his face that stupid magnetic tug to go him rendered you powerless. Despite all of it, he still feels something.
You might just give in to him. That had you worried.
"I am so sorry. So, so sorry. You shouldn't have gone through all of this for me to realize how much you meant to me,"
It's taking a lot, but you managed to keep your eyes trained on the floor. He took it as a sign to go on.
The thud as his knees fell to the ground made your head snapped up in surprise. He knelt in front of your bed, looking like he had given up everything— he looks weary, troubled and broken.
"Jacob, stand up. Please," you begged, grasping his arms to pull him up, even though it won't work.
"I am so sorry that you did what you did because of me. I'm sorry for being a coward, for pushing you away, for everything I said. I'm sorry for hurting you the way I did, Y/N,"
It was extremely foreign to see him release a sob, and he isn't even trying to hide it. You couldn't believe it. You were starting to think that maybe you were still in a coma, and this is all part of the made-up scenarios. He was breaking in front of you, for the first time. To you— for you.
"I don't wanna get hurt again," you whimpered.
"I can't promise that baby, but I can promise I will never do that again to you,"
He took your hands carefully. You didn't want to intertwine it with his fingers, but you so craved his touch. You missed the feeling of his skin.
"I don't know if we'll recover from this, Jacob," you pressed.
"Baby, we can. We will,” he assured with a squeeze of your hands. "I will never be able to forgive myself for that. But yours will be enough.”
“You know it will take time,”
You looked him in the eyes, trying to convey to him how deep he had gotten. But he was a determined man.
He nodded vigorously. “I know. I’m not asking now, Y/N. I’m begging for a chance to earn it,”
“I’m a burden now,”
He shook his head, he gripped your hands tightly, lifting his lips to kiss it. You closed your eyes when you felt it, and surprisingly you hadn't run out of tears.
“You're not. You never were,” he whispered to you. “We’ll work on it, okay? I’ll be here, I won't leave you again,”
“Promise me you won't leave me,” you pleaded. Not just to him, but for this to be true this time.
“I won't.”
He rested his forehead against yours, eyes locking and urging you to do something. The small gap between, makes your cheeks warm and flushed. You release a chuckle, being aware of what's to happen next.
“Can I?”
“Yeah,”
He cupped your cheeks, his hands felt scorching somehow. First, he pressed a kiss on your forehead, down your wet, sticky cheeks. Lastly, he ran the pad of his thumb against your lips, inching closer. Your lips parting, your breathing became uneven, as you anticipated his next move, then he planted his lips against it, moving sensually easing. Your head was spinning in the blissfully surreal moment.
You slowly pulled away to catch your breath. You both grinning ear-to-ear, tear-stained cheeks; dazed and fascinated. You opened your mouth to say something, but he swiftly wrapped his arms around your torso, pressing you close to him, and locking your lips in a feverish kiss. His tongue glides your mouth expertly, like he had memorized it. He gradually got on his feet, carefully pushing you down to the bed. He didn't dare stop his assault like you starved him or something; frankly, you were feeling the need to keep up.
Your hands began to travel down your bodies. It wasn't until a moan left your lips, you realized this is becoming a full make out session. You struggled to tear him away from you.
"Jake," you breathed.
He nodded and let you go. He let his head fall in the crook of your neck, as if apologizing. He got a bit carried away, and he knows it. You laughed off the awkwardness of the position, given that you won't be able to survive his body weight on top of you.
He lifted his brows in hope. He was beginning to gain back himself.
“Think you got more space in there for me?”
“Yeah,”
He helped you scoot over to make room for him. He wrapped his arm around you, hand rested on your waist. You snuggled closer to him, feeling like you're never gonna be close enough to him. You lay your head on his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat, lulling you to comfort.
He felt warm. Safe. And for the first time, right. To seal the deal, he kissed your hair as good night.
There's a whole lot more things to come before everything falls into place. Healing and growing yet to set its foot into your lives, but you're waiting and you'll be ready. Things will not be as perfect, but you're gonna try.
You're both gonna try to choose each other every time.
Bonus scene (just because):
Charlie woke up surprisingly early despite his sleep, or lack thereof. The first thing he did before even brushing his teeth was to check up on you. Maybe you needed to go first or something went wrong.
He was careful with his footsteps, afraid he’ll wake you up. Gingerly, he opened the door, and as expected you were still asleep. But his eyes widened when he saw who was sleeping too.
“Jacob?!” He exclaimed.
His voice was loud enough to make the birds fly away, and definitely woke you both up. You jolted up, mouth hanging open, and spared no time being groggy. You turned to Jacob, who was stunned as you are. He promised to get up before Charlie did, but that was the best sleep he had in months.
“Dad, I can explain.” You carefully lifted your hands to try and de-escalate the situation and be firm that no funny business is happening, though Jacob being shirtless isn't really helping. The idiot took it off when you complained you were cold, 'skin to skin contact helps', my ass. Besides, Charlie was seeing red already.
“How did you get into my house?!”
***
Hope this didn't disappoint! Thank you guys for reading and waiting, and I know some of you specifically wanted to make Jacob suffer, so I do advice checking out the other version of this or wait for the multi-part thing. As always, requests are welcome, might just take me a while to get it done. Thanks xx
Tags: @sluttmeoutttt @notahappystan @sillyfreakfanparty @kennedyjeanine @jessyballet @bibella8swan
