SAMCRUZSAM

31 🏳️‍🌈 🇵🇭 | a plastic bag drifting through the wind wanting to start again

[anxietyproblem]

[anxietyproblem]

[anxietyproblem]

[samcruzsam]

LISTENED vs HEARD

So there's this scene in the latest ep of Grey's Anatomy where Catherine was listening to Richard, di nya alam kung tungkol saan kung saan papunta yung sinasabi ni Richard, but she just listened to his thoughts - without interevening - without cutting in - she just listened to him. It was not a pivotal scene, it was just used to move the sotry along and give us an idea on where the characters are pero... *pfffttt - MINDBLOWN* I didn't know people do THAT.

Then I realized, I don't think I've had that in a very long time, or I don't know if I've ever had that. Yung daldal lang ako ng daladal, to the point na thinking out loud na lang, pero someone is there - not waiting when to interject, not waiting for a flaw in my grammar, not pointing out any inconsistencies to my argument AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL - not just listening to me but really HEARING what I have to say even if it doesn't makes sense.

Ang sarap siguro sa pakiramdam nung may tao sa buhay mo na ganon, yung di lang nakikinig sa sinasabi mo pero iniintindi rin? Yung mga random thoughts and ideas mo di lang lilipad sa hangin, pero lumalapag sa tenga at utak ng ibang tao other than yourself. I know it may be a selfish desire to be heard, to demand someone's attention or wanting someone to understand you maybe for just a brief second; but hey I'm just dreaming here.

[studentlifeproblems]

[samcruzsam]

Di Ka Sayang - Ben&Ben

11/6/2020

#BenAndBenDiKaSayang

Kahit di mo sinasabi Ramdam ko ang pagkukunwari Akala’y masaya o parang may lungkot sa tawa

Bigat ng mga katanungan Dumadagan sa ‘yong isipan

Di kailangan na buhating mag-isa

Di ka sayang, di kailangang manghinayang Di ka sayang, di kailangang patunayan Sarili ay mahalaga Kahit pa anong tingin nila Tanggap kita

Itapon na sa kalawakan 'Sanlibong bakit na di matuldukan

Di kailangan na buhating mag isa

Di ka sayang, di kailangang manghinayang Di ka sayang, di kailangang patunayan Sarili ay mahalaga Kahit pa anong tingin nila Tanggap kita

Kahit talikuran ka nila, tanggap kita Bitawan na ang iyong pangangamba Di pa huli para humilom ang mga sugat ng iyong nakaraan Di kita iiwan

Di ka sayang, di kailangang manghinayang Di ka kulang, di kailangang patunayan Sarili ay mahalaga Kahit pa anong tingin nila Tanggap kita

Tanggap kita

Sarili ay mahalaga Kahit pa anong tingin nila Tanggap kita

Tanggap kita Tanggap kita Tanggap kita

(A song about self-acceptance and embracing who you are.)

[samcruzsam]

"It's where all its beauty lies, you know. In the mortality of the thing."

- Jamie

(The Haunting of Bly Manor, episode 6)

[samcruzsam]

[samcruzsam]

Betrayal in one sentence

An insensitive person once dragged someone down with them and left them there.

[samcruzsam]

You don't keep score in friendships. Presence doesn't mean you're there. Absence doesn't mean you're not there either.

[books-n-quotes]

“It is an act of bravery to feel your feelings.”

— Gayle Forman, I Was Here (via books-n-quotes)

[samcruzsam]

'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake before I even turn the key, before I make the mistake, before I lead with the worst of me.

Words Fail by Evan Hansen from Dear Evan Hansen

[samcruzsam]

No one deserves to be forgotten

[samcruzsam]

Dear you,

Dear you, we haven't had a conversation in months. And then you reacted on a post about a celebrity and you and I had a little back and forth about the topic and what's been going on in our lives for a few hours. 4am and you didn't respond. The conversation bled through the next day. Then it suddenly ended with you and I having travel plans when you come home next year.

It had me day dreaming about the supposed adventure that we are planning to have. Will it just be the two of us? Are you going to bring your s/o with you? Will it be as magical as I imagine it to be? Will it be the same refreshing dynamic that we had when we first reunited?

I keep on losing myself in these episodes of imaging how we will be like together in a place where don't know anyone. I keep on making absurd scenarios that some spark will exist between us that we will be lost in each other's presence. I keep on thinking that you we finally see me the way I wanted you to see me. But will it ever be?

- Me.

[samcruzsam]

When I try my hardest to deliver and fall short. I don't make excuses, I take blame.

Me

[books-n-quotes]

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable.”

— C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (via books-n-quotes)

[samcruzsam]

Dear you.

Dear you,

We met when we were kids. You moved away and I stayed in our hometown. I had a thing for you back then, so when you left I made this image of you to fill my wonders. I gave you a personality based on how you were as a kid and based on your scarce posts. You were someone in my head. But then I met the adult you, a flash forward 11 years later. And boy you were 100 times better than the version I have in my head. I was infatuated with the made up version, but the real life you is just so much better and it made me all sorts confused. Now nine months post adult version of us reuniting and I still catch my self day dreaming of the what ifs. Thinking about what could have happened - had I mustered an insane amount of courage to be honest with you; what could have happened had I told you how I felt; what could have happened had you seen me, the real me. But we will never know now, and it will be just the same me thinking about another version of you... but this time it will be you and I.

- Me.