TG Detroit

www.tgdetroit.com

[sammiedetroit]

[sammiedetroit]

TransFusion 2022

A Transgender Convention - July 6-10 - Detroit MI

Thinking about attending TransFusion this July? Well if you are looking for makeup assistance we have you covered, Sister!

Returning to us from fabulous Las Vegas we have nationally acclaimed makeup artist Amy Lamb!

Additionally, we are also happy to offer you our own Detroitgirl Raquel Cohen!

Both of these fabulous artists will be on hand at the Dearborn Imm throughout the event.😊

And if you are making the pilgrimage to Janet’s Closet during your visit don’t forget that the girls there offer full makeovers in addition to the vast supply of wigs, shoes and other fun stuff.

But contact them soon! Schedules fill up!

To schedule your appointment with Amy Lamb call the salon at 702.575.1027.

To schedule your appointment with Raquel call her directly at 248.705.1008.

And you can reach Janet’s Closet at 734-285-2609 or [email protected]

And to register for TransFusion - www.TGDETROIT.com

[sammiedetroit]

[sammiedetroit]

This is a post about business. I apologize… This was written for LinkedIn. So forgive the misleading references please…

“I posted something here yesterday… Something about transgender people. And of course it attracted the obligatory comments of “this does not belong on LinkedIn”, “ LinkedIn is about jobs”, “ stop preening for attention”

Etc

And so I thought about that… And I thought … I see pictures on here of people with their children that have nothing to do with their businesses.

I see pictures on here about dogs. And no one suggests that it’s in appropriate because it has nothing to do with business.

I see pictures of people recovering from illnesses or children being reunited with long lost parents or disabled people making amazing recoveries or accomplishing amazing things…stories about history, or family, or vacations….

And none of these things have anything in them to provoke people to say that they do not belong on a business site.

And I see posts promoting much-needed racial equality and very seldom see a derogatory comment indicating that this post is not “right for LinkedIn”.

Actually I see many posts regarding what I would consider human interest stories… From across the spectrum of human experience… And none of them ever seem to provoke the response that “ this is not right for LinkedIn”

And I thought about that and I thought to myself …well, that’s because these are all cis normative, heteronormative subjects. Most everyone shares empathy for these topics.

And I think that’s accurate.

But yet, if someone, as I did myself yesterday, posts something promoting equality for transgender people… It is met with an obligatory number of responses indicating that this is “not right for LinkedIn”

Always.

So, I asked myself “ why is this?”

And when I looked at this objectively, the only difference that I could see was that all of those other posts were about hetero-normative, cisgender pursuits.

Being transgender involves neither being hetero-normative nor cis gender.

However… And this is the important part… Those of you “business freaks” hang on… The connection is coming.

Business… no matter on what level… business is about relations between humans.

ie: human relations.

Human relations.

All business involves human relations.

And transgender people are human beings.

Sorry, if that surprises some of you… Well, no, I’m not really sorry. Sorry.

Transgender people are human beings.

And do you know what?

There are a lot of us. (on a different platform I would’ve used a colorful qualifying superlative before the word “lot”)

Transgender people represent a growing and vastly underestimated portion of society. Transgender people represent a portion of society which has been historically mistreated in various abusive and heinous ways.

Transgender people represent a large segment of society which has been present throughout the entire history of humanity… And, yes, I have historical sources to back that up.

(God love the internet.)

So, relating to transgender people is relating to a natural and large portion of humanity. Don’t go ballistic on me here… There is science to prove what I’m saying. Unless you’re one of those people who doesn’t believe science, in which case you have my sympathy. Well, no, not really. Sorry. Not sorry.

So, if business is about human relations… Relations between human beings… Then business involves relations with transgender people either as employees or clients.

Newsflash… We are not going away.

What I’m going to ask of you is what is it causes the prejudice to think that hetero normative activities are fine and normal and that transgender people individuals and activities are somehow not normal and somehow less then? Because that is the predominant attitude… And it is really stupid. It is cis gender sexism… And yeah… Think about it… It’s a thing and it’s probably part of you.

This is a growing period for all of us.

Just roll with it and we will all be fine.

But, if you are one of those people who normally comments about how this has nothing to do with business… i’m going to gently suggest that you may want to re-examine your attitudes about what business means. Because you obviously do not have a clue.

And just for the clueless among you… This is very definitely a business post because my business is running a nonprofit that supports transgender people. Transgender people are my business… And they should be yours.”

[sammiedetroit]

The transgender population of the world is far, far larger than anyone has ever possibly even imagined. Those of us that you see represent a small percentage in relation to the piece of the iceberg still beneath the waters.

And so forgive us, but we have an obligation to live as visibly, and as successfully, and as proudly and as happily … as possible.

We have that obligation to those of us who are still struggling for breath, beneath the surface of the deep dark sea.

#wecanalldobetter

www.TGDETROIT.com

[sammiedetroit]

[sammiedetroit]

[sammiedetroit]

We are all born into this world with a ticket for a certain amount of years on earth … and during this time we have the option of choosing to learn and continue learning …or to reach a point where we think we know everything … and then start judging everyone around us… I don’t know… I kind of like the people who keep growing … I kind of like them better…the ones who don’t have all the answers… is that horrible of me?

Moot point… I don’t care 😉

[sammiedetroit]

[chrisflemingslegs]

alright. that's enough.

Why are so many transphobic and panphobic posts being made by young bisexuals?

Hot fucking damn, kids, learn some shit before you post. Educate yourself before you spew all this hate rhetoric onto the internet. I know you're 16/17/18 and think you know what you're talking about but... as someone who was your age pretty recently: No. You don't.

When I was 16 I didn't know that Miss Major was one of the founding members of the early pride movement, or that Marsha P. Johnson called herself a 'transvestite' for many years because that was the language being used by the community at the time.

Nuance in history and in language is important. It is necessary to foster a healthy and loving queer community.

Read. Research. Empathize.

Without trans men and women, there would be no Pride Month. No celebration of freedom. Without trans women of color there would be no reason to dance in the streets in all our cheap Target brand rainbow regalia.

We owe it to them, to ourselves, to be way more fucking kind than I'm seeing. And I'm so goddamn disappointed.

Please, guys. I say this out of love and frustration: Think before you speak. Before you post. Before you tweet.

Stop hurting each other.

[sammiedetroit]

We all stand on the shoulders of someone else

[sammiedetroit]

I was once sitting in a bar… Early in my coming out process… With another transgender person. They learned that I had been a professional actor… And practically squealed “oh…that’s cheating!”… as though my presentation was some kind of performance… some form of acting.

And I thought about that for a long time.

And it made me realize a few things. There’s truth in what she said. But not in the way that she intended.

When I was young I was attacked because the way in which stood was too much like the way the girls stand. And I was beaten up.

When I was young, I was attacked because the way in which I walked was too feminine. And I was beaten up.

I was attacked because the way I held my head was too feminine, and the way in which I laughed was too girly… or the way I looked at people somehow wasn’t “male”.

And I was beaten up.

After a while I got tired of being beaten up.

And so I began looking around at the boys in my school.

I began to pick out the ones that were not out right toxic bullies.

I also picked out the victims.

And in between, I picked out the ones who were not bullies…. and not victims. The ones that got respect …. but without being bullies.

And I watched them.

No… I studied them.

I watched how they stood… how they walked…. talked, held their head, laughed, spoke and smiled.

And I began to copy them… I began to “act” like them.

Before long, I got good at it.

I got really good at it.

And I stopped getting beaten up.

I got so good at it that I no longer seemed feminine.

I seemed male.

I got really really good at it.

Really good.

Sometimes…sometimes I was so good… I even fooled myself.

So, it was no surprise, later… in college, I fell into theatre.

I mean… sure… no surprise… I’d been acting my whole life already anyway.

So… fast forward … years…decades.

Coming out… finally unable to stand being miserable anymore…. Unable to breathe any longer in the shell of armor I’d built around myself… bruised and slowly dying inside… coming out.

And not long after that…”Oh that’s cheating!”

And maybe it was.

But not how she thought.

My training as an actor was an advantage. Schooled professionally in studying mannerisms, speech, movement and gesture and learning to break these all down and isolate each, I found myself observing myself. I realized that the way I walked came from copying a boy in sixth grade. So I stopped walking that way. The way I stood from someone else in seventh grade. And I stopped standing that way.

And so on.

And as I isolated each piece … I stopped doing it. I eliminated that piece of artificial armor.

And what was left, after the “acting” stopped… what was left was just… me. This tall, gangly, insecure girl finally learning anew to stand, and walk and smile… only…organically. No more pretense. No more acting. No more armor. No more safety. No more pain.

So, you see…she was right. I did have an advantage.

But not the way she thought.

The actors training didn’t help me “act” female. It helped me stop acting male. It helped me stop acting altogether.

I don’t act anymore. I’m just me now.

But I smile a lot more. And I smile like me.

[sammiedetroit]

[sammiedetroit]

[kroseteaches]

Today, on this fateful day in sex ed, I have to teach 25 9th graders how to put condoms on wooden dicks without losing my composure. Wish me luck lmao

[kroseteaches]

Now to find a way to discreetly transport this entire drawer to the other side of the building...

[kroseteaches]

Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some... very silly ones lmao.

Here are some highlights from this morning’s lesson:

Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*

Students collectively: o_O

That one student: nice

—

Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*

Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Let’s try that again

—

Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?

Student: *raises hand* yeah, I’m wondering how you’re feeling about your life choices up until this point?

Me: o-o

—

Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so... slimy?

Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.

Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?

Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*

—

*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*

Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom

Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* here’s why that’s not true

Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dude’s got a watermelon shlong, that’s cap.

Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but let’s refrain from using the word ‘shlong’ in class, please.

—

Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?

Student 1: tell them you don’t want their penis cooties!!

Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure that’s just herpes

Me, internally: like... you’re not wrong

—

Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Don’t forget to throw it away please!

Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT

Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. I’ve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)

Student 3: yeah, most men are

Me: *trying to keep a straight face*

—

Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off

Me: oh, that’s just the lubricant from the condom.

Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?

Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, you’re doing it right

Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah that’s not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.

Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?

Me: *internally self destructs*

—

Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?

Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?

[sammiedetroit]

Omg I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose. Well done.



[sammiedetroit]

Recently, politics has turned its ugly head toward the topic of transgender children and teens. Join us Tuesday May 18 as we welcome Clinical Psychologist Antonio Caretto for an objective look at the reality behind this widely misunderstood topic.

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/trans-kids-w-dr-antonia-caretto-event-51821-tickets-152126818409

www.tgdetroit.com

[sammiedetroit]

We look for the light where we can find it.

I have lately been reading several books filled with understanding and affirmation of who we are.

Recently a member of Congress displayed a transgender flag outside her office in the capital.

And today a transgender woman faced Congress in confirmation hearings to become Assistant secretary of health at the Department of Health and Human Services, and the first openly transgender person nominated for federal office.

I even had my nails done.

And I thought to myself just how far we have come.

The sun even came out and the day was filled with light. 

But then, in the news reports I read that another congresswoman posted a message of hatred toward us directly opposite the transgender flag in Congress.

And in the confirmation hearings, yet another member of Congress spewed vicious hatred toward us.

And in the comments following the news reports I read one posting after another filled with even more hatred toward us.

And I was reminded of just how far we still have to go.

I remembered just how many of us still face lives of quiet desperation, discrimination, and violence.

And the night fell again.

It has been 11 months since this Covid nightmare began in earnest.

It has been 11 months since I last felt my lovers touch.

11 months locked up in my house as though in solitary confinement.

11 months of this second existence in which I am desperately trying to cram an entire lifetime into a few precious and dwindling years.

11 months I will never get back. 

And there is no end in sight.

And tonight, again, I will cry myself to sleep.

But in the morning, I will drag myself from my bed and once more look for the light.

And I will keep living my life the best that I can ...because I know that my very existence, like yours, helps to assure that those coming behind us will have it better than have we have had it.

And that is enough. That has to be enough.

Yes... it’s enough.

[sammiedetroit]

Something not toxic... no politics, no Covid.

A long time ago I set up a profile on Tinder. Not on any “LGBT” subset, but right out there in mainstream, straight Cisland.

It was an experiment at the time. I slapped up six pictures, and in the profile I very explicitly identified myself as pre-op transgender.

I honestly expected to be ignored or, worse, subject to abuse.

However, I got a LOT of “hits”.

But...

The first thing I learned ? ….

Most guys don't read the profile.

I mean seriously.

Me? LOL I see a picture and immediately read the profile.

But most guys?

Most guys just see a halfway pretty face and swipe yes.

Which, of course, leads to occasional unnecessary awkwardness later.

Understandable... the average straight cis guy on Tinder has no reason to expect a trans woman to be there. No reason not to I suppose...but...we are still a minority, and a small one. So, truly, they can't be blamed for not expecting us.

Of course, there are also quite a few that do read profiles... and that gets interesting.

But I digress... lol

Though I have not actively participated in the site for some time ( I am off the market), the account technically remains active. On occasions of occasional, berserk boredom in the midst of this isolation pandemic ( sorry...one Covid reference), I still open the app and peruse the faces of guys who have expressed an interest. And I browse through them as a diversion. And.... and this got me tonight... consequently why I am writing this.... as I browse the pics of various men, I find myself thinking about each in a series of mental steps and cursory evaluations.

A few wash out immediately based either on character/personality cues which I know will be a deal breaker ( very religious, wrong political orientation (sorry...politics slipped in, too...ugh) physically repugnant...and I mean seriously - I am very forgiving of physicality etc)

Then the next step is trying to imagine what it would feel like to have this person kiss me. This one is tough. I fully recognize the importance of personality.

But...at some point, the same question enters my mind.

How will this person react to my being trans?

Hostility?

Curiosity

Creepy fetishism?

Or maybe...

without judgement but with an open mind?

And, though the entire exercise of browsing these varied male profiles is meaningless, the last question always is the deal breaker in the game I play with these different guys I've never met.

Tonight that started me thinking. About how I view interactions with others. And how I view myself. How I really see and value myself.

The final reveal is that, to me, how these men reflect back how they see me (or rather, how I imagine they will), becomes the true bar for whether I swipe left or right. (I don't actually swipe... I just delete them all. But thats not the point.)

The point is... (and I do not know if I am alone in this... maybe I'm the only one?) … the point is I realized that my first criteria for a potential guy was whether they would be ok with me being trans?

And that bothered me.

I don't think that is necessarily bad. I mean...it is a safe stance.

Prudent. Wise. Safe.

But, shit.... why do we have to ask that question?

Why am I not asking, oh, I don't know.... Is he fun? Is he interesting? Will I enjoy listening to him? Will our lifestyles match? ( lol no! My life is way too weird for most everyone)....

Will I like him?

Or...

Looking at his face is he the guy that will make me happy to see him?

Instead, why am I am asking if will he accept me?

Why would that even go through my head?

Do cis women ask that of themselves? I don't know.

But, to me, it seems bogus... a remnant of self hatred...as though there is something “broken” or “damaged” or “shameful”...about being ….me.

It was as though the first cut was about whether or not I was good enough for him.

And that made me sad.

Because....

Crap... I have no complaints. I have been undeniably lucky. I have things really good. I am comfortable and can move through the world with out trouble. I have many friends and I have a man who loves me. I've been very lucky.

And yet...my first thought was of being not enough. Even in meaningless game.

And then I wondered how many of us feel that way. And that made me really sad.

And it made me mad... really mad... that for so long we have been conditioned by an unaccepting, misunderstanding, bigoted society to feel that way... to feel “not enough”....to be grateful when we are simply accepted instead of indignantly angry when we are not. Not mad at any individual.... they are conditioned just as we are.... but at the system that did the conditioning.

Fuck.

None of us should ever feel ashamed of being who we are. We should be proud.

We are not wrong. The world has been wrong.

We are enough. You are enough.

Not just enough... you are fucking awesome and brilliantly beautiful.

Just as we had to fight for our right to be out publicly and not imprisoned in some hidden closet or dark bar... we now have to fight for the pride in ourselves to know that we are not just enough... we are amazing and awesome and courageous and strong and unique and brilliant ....and beautiful.

All of us.

Next time? I'm not asking myself if I am good enough. Next time I am asking is he good enough for me.