out here teachin’ n shit

// a science teacher // she/her // this blog is to share all the ridiculous things I see in the classroom plus random shit I find cool or funny // I still don't know how to tumblr... but I'm trying //

[kroseteaches]

sorry if this is weird but what do u teach? do u only teach sex ed? how does it work? my high school never had sex ed or health so I’m curious if it’s an entire class on its own or how that works? thank you

Not weird! Thanks for the ask and I’m sorry your school never had sex ed! Unfortunately I’m learning that it’s super common to not have sex ed in high school or before????

So I’m certified to teach all science for grades 6-12, but I primarily teach grade 9 biology and usually grade 10 chemistry or earth science. I did get roped into teach a section of grade 8 physical science last year though and that was pretty fun. My degree and most of my lab/field/work experience are in those realms of science, so it works out well :)

And in my district, sex ed (for grade 9) is part of the biology curriculum. It’s the last unit we do during the school year (which I’m thankful for because idk if I could teach anything else to teenagers that have seen me slide condoms onto wooden dicks lol.) We do have a health class that is it’s own standalone class, but it’s more of a broad, general health type of class than sex ed.

I can’t speak for other schools, but this is how it works in mine :) hope that was helpful!

[kroseteaches]

Hey! I just saw your sex ed post and I initially (even though it’s just a funny post) was really amazed and thankful about the way you seem to teach sex ed. I come form the south so I’ve never had any kind of sex ed in school, and idk why the internet troves are coming out as if you were doing anything malicious with your post. 💕 just thought I’d send some love your way 💕

Hey! I appreciate you saying that :) it definitely was a post intended to be funny, so I’m glad it gave you a laugh. I come to tumblr to be silly and get out all the teaching-related stuff I can’t really anywhere else—not really to be educational. But I’m realizing that’s a hard balance to walk here as a teacher blog. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think a lot of people’s frustration around my post came from the omission of context around a lot of the scenes, especially me putting my forearm in a condom. By omitting the educational conversations we had about finding the condoms that fit you correctly, I can totally see how somebody could misconstrue that scene.

Either way, at the end of the day I know what happens in my classroom, and my students are prepared. More prepared than I was, that’s for sure.

But thank you for the love! <3 science and relationship based education is super important to me. I hope that more states (esp. in the south) can adopt more accessible science based sexual health programs!

[kroseteaches]

whats the craziest thing you seen as a teacher???? besides condom post

Whew. There’s no easy answer for this one—especially with all the craziness COVID has caused in education. For context, I’ve been teaching for three years now, and I was a sub for a year before that. I definitely saw a lot more crazy stuff as a sub, but that’s another story.

The wildest things I’ve seen as a teacher?

Here are a few off the top of my head:

-I turned around to one of my students snorting a FAT line of crushed salt and vinegar chips from a two dollar bill.

-Full Miku cosplay at 8am on a Monday

-I teach bio, and at least once a week or so I walk into my storeroom to find my teaching partner setting up labs with a some sort of dead animal or dead animal parts

-One time I got stuck in the middle of (and then had to help break up) a mother-daughter fist fight while working a school sporting event. That was intense.

-Walked into my friend’s classroom to deliver a note, saw this 8th grader blow a hUUUUUUGE vape cloud. When I went over to Chat and collect said vape, he deadass looked me in the eyes and was like ??? “I don’t have a vape” and then the girl next to him ratted him out lmao.

-Covered a seventh grade math class (big mistake) and I literally walked into to the room to see some dude get pelted with an entire uprooted succulent, dirt and all.

-I also will never use a drinking fountain again after watching multiple students straight up deep throat the faucet. Water bottle for life.

-While we were remote, during a staff meeting another teacher didn’t realize they weren’t muted and started talking shit about the principal WHILE THE PRINCIPAL WAS TALKING lmao.

-Being called a liberal indoctrinator by someone’s grandpa via email for teaching the state mandated sexual health program lol

-Honestly, anytime I walked into the band room they were up to no good too lol. Most times it seemed like I was entering into some sort of cursed sacrificial ritual hahaha. I miss them.

This is like no where close to everything, but some interesting things that have happened to me over the last few years haha. Thanks for the ask!

[kroseteaches]

Can’t forget coming back to my classroom after lunch to find this gem.

[kroseteaches]

whats the craziest thing you seen as a teacher???? besides condom post

Whew. There’s no easy answer for this one—especially with all the craziness COVID has caused in education. For context, I’ve been teaching for three years now, and I was a sub for a year before that. I definitely saw a lot more crazy stuff as a sub, but that’s another story.

The wildest things I’ve seen as a teacher?

Here are a few off the top of my head:

-I turned around to one of my students snorting a FAT line of crushed salt and vinegar chips from a two dollar bill.

-Full Miku cosplay at 8am on a Monday

-I teach bio, and at least once a week or so I walk into my storeroom to find my teaching partner setting up labs with a some sort of dead animal or dead animal parts

-One time I got stuck in the middle of (and then had to help break up) a mother-daughter fist fight while working a school sporting event. That was intense.

-Walked into my friend’s classroom to deliver a note, saw this 8th grader blow a hUUUUUUGE vape cloud. When I went over to Chat and collect said vape, he deadass looked me in the eyes and was like ??? “I don’t have a vape” and then the girl next to him ratted him out lmao.

-Covered a seventh grade math class (big mistake) and I literally walked into to the room to see some dude get pelted with an entire uprooted succulent, dirt and all.

-I also will never use a drinking fountain again after watching multiple students straight up deep throat the faucet. Water bottle for life.

-While we were remote, during a staff meeting another teacher didn’t realize they weren’t muted and started talking shit about the principal WHILE THE PRINCIPAL WAS TALKING lmao.

-Being called a liberal indoctrinator by someone’s grandpa via email for teaching the state mandated sexual health program lol

-Honestly, anytime I walked into the band room they were up to no good too lol. Most times it seemed like I was entering into some sort of cursed sacrificial ritual hahaha. I miss them.

This is like no where close to everything, but some interesting things that have happened to me over the last few years haha. Thanks for the ask!

[kroseteaches]

Just realized that the freshman I taught my first year of teaching are seniors this year and I’m not okay

[images-that-are-only-cursed]

Cursed school presentations? Thank you!

I hate presentations 😂but who doesn’t?

[images-that-are-only-cursed]

[blu3-skyy]

[w0wls]

That shrek one is threatening

[chuck-e-cheese-anime-faces]

How’d y'all leave out this one?

[peter-my-parkers]

[isspeeedyy]

[orchidvioletindigo]

Brothers in arms

[kroseteaches]

Your students and their audacity scare me 💀

That makes two of us lol. Just kidding (kinda)

I will say the class that I posted about is easily my most audacious class. They’re actually hilarious and incredibly clever. It’s a group of like 25 14-15 year olds that have been in the same classes together for like 3+ years, so they’re all pretty tight and honestly just feed off of each other.

But a lot of relationship building went on earlier in the year that made these productive and hilarious conversations possible. I feel fortunate that I have students that feel comfortable enough around me to ask tough questions, but sometimes the things they say… lmao really test my ability to stay composed. Wearing a mask this year really helped in that regard lol.

[kroseteaches]

hey possibly silly question, in all your teaching posts, why do the students call you miss? I've never heard that, in my schooling we'd always address a teacher by name. is this a local sort of thing, or is your school very big on etiquette?

Not a silly question! This is a really interesting question! So there’s a lot of factors at play here, but I’ll try to sum it up.

The go-to for any adult in my building is “miss/mister” or “señor/señora” or sometimes “profe”. It’s not enforced, it’s just what the students do. When students know your name sometimes you get “Ms. Last name/Mr. Last name”, they’ll just call you by your last name, or like a nickname based on your last name—but most of the time it’s mister/miss.

Most kids call me miss, coach, or profe. A lot of them call me “miss [my last name]”, but obviously I don’t put my actual last name on the internet, so I just keep it as “miss” in my posts. It’s unfortunate that I can’t share my last name, because students have come up with some hilarious nicknames. (I have a few past students that call me Miss Frizzle and I shed a tear of joy every time.)

I wouldn’t say it’s because the school itself is big on etiquette, but it’s more so the culture of the students at the school? We’re an international school that specializes in dual language education, and we have the highest proportion of students that speak English as a second language in the entire district (also the biggest district in the state). From what I’ve experienced, respect is valued highly in a lot the families that come to our school, so this just results in the existing school culture.

Also, students forget our names sometimes lol. So miss/mister is an easy way to keep communication with a teacher accessible!

[kroseteaches]

Don’t condoms have a greater risk of breaking if stretched too much? There are larger condoms made for people with bigger dicks, so I’m not saying that the “oh it won’t fit” excuse is valid because it’s complete bullshit— but I thought that the point of those was because stretching a smaller condom could increase the risk of tears.

Absolutely! I’m glad this ask is here for anyone that wasn’t able to read my clarification post.

When we first started talking about contraceptives, one of the things I tried to emphasize most was finding what works best for you. People are built differently, and because of that, everyone has different needs. And you might have to try different things before you find what works for you, and that’s okay.

There are risks if condoms are stretched too tight, or are too loose during sex. Stretching condoms too far compromises their integrity, and not only can they break, but can cause damage to the penis too. Condoms that are too loose run the risk of falling off, which defeats the whole purpose of wearing one in the first place.

So we had a long chat about how to find what works for you, and how to know if something works for you. I was also lucky enough to have support from the on-site health clinic during the conversation. This before we even got to putting the condoms on the wooden dicks.

So just because it fits, does not mean it should sits. There are options out there for everyone. You just have to find what works for you :)

[kroseteaches]

is. is the condom post. does that happen in every school.

I can’t speak for other schools around the United States, but in my district (I’m in a fairly progressive suburban/urban district in the southwest us, for reference) all the surrounding high schools have sex-ed as a unit in biology. In that unit is where the condom stuff happens (we also cover other contraceptives, but that’s not what this post is about). So short answer: yes, in my district.

Now, not all schools have the pleasure of having a set of wooden dicks on hand—we were lucky enough to have a wood shop teacher years ago that made them especially for sex ed lol. There’s so much to unpack there but honestly, that’s the extent of what I know since this is only my second year at this school. I know other schools use bananas, carrots, sometimes even cucumbers? I’ve seen some interesting models being used in the tags of my original post lol

[kroseteaches]

Another teacher in my department saw my post on Facebook and tagged me in it like “omg this sounds like something that would happen in one of our classes!!”

And I’m like a ha ha... ya!!!

[kroseteaches]

Today, on this fateful day in sex ed, I have to teach 25 9th graders how to put condoms on wooden dicks without losing my composure. Wish me luck lmao

[kroseteaches]

Now to find a way to discreetly transport this entire drawer to the other side of the building…

[kroseteaches]

Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some… very silly ones lmao.

Here are some highlights from this morning’s lesson:

Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*

Students collectively: o_O

That one student: nice

—

Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*

Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Let’s try that again

—

Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?

Student: *raises hand* yeah, I’m wondering how you’re feeling about your life choices up until this point?

Me: o-o

—

Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so… slimy?

Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.

Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?

Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*

—

*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*

Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom

Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* here’s why that’s not true

Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dude’s got a watermelon shlong, that’s cap.

Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but let’s refrain from using the word ‘shlong’ in class, please.

—

Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?

Student 1: tell them you don’t want their penis cooties!!

Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure that’s just herpes

Me, internally: like… you’re not wrong

—

Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Don’t forget to throw it away please!

Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT

Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. I’ve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)

Student 3: yeah, most men are

Me: *trying to keep a straight face*

—

Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off

Me: oh, that’s just the lubricant from the condom.

Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?

Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, you’re doing it right

Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah that’s not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.

Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?

Me: *internally self destructs*

—

Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?

Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?

[zoobus]

This is funny and all, but “men are lying if they say they’re too big” is wrong and unsafe sex advice. Every time i see men bring up that actually there are differences in condom sizes and if it’s too small it physically hurts, you get twenty dicksplainers insisting that’s a damn lie, I can put my arm (which is not a genital) in a condom ezpz lol you just want to knock women up.

We all know the saying “just because it zips doesn’t mean it fits”

Just because you can force a watermelon in a condom doesn’t mean your watermelon engorged cock is comfortable. And if it’s causing your genitals pain, it’s probably not safe sex. It’s probably going to have a higher fail rate than responding “let’s try a bigger size” would

[zoby]

this exactly what i thought the first time i saw this post, that rhetoric is such harmful misinformation and it is honestly really disappointing to see it from somebody we’re supposed to trust to teach sex ed the proper response is No Sex Without The Proper Size Condom, because that simultaneously encourages safe and proper use of equipment and discourages attempts to bypass it like literally just offer an opportunity to get the right size condoms before sex and boom, you’ve got safe sex AND a filter for selfish people

[bi-rising]

editing to say: op refuses to admit that they’re contributing to and spreading harmful misinformation that can actually hurt people who use condoms (for instance: if the condom IS too tight, then it can cause literal blood clots) and are instead saying that everyone who’s criticizing them is a lying man that’s trying to “um actually” them.

if you’re a sex ed teacher, maybe actually teach you students the correct information, and not things that would lead to them getting hurt. you wouldn’t be corrected on the female body and brush it off bc you don’t care, so don’t do the same for the male body. boys deserve to have correct information on their bodies, too. ignorance and misinformation causes more harm than any good lying to the other party might gain.

sincerely, a woman who cares about girls and boys. thanks.

[femmebisexuelle]

“I pissed off the watermelon shlongs” no, you pissed off people who care about not spreading harmful misinformation, being quirky about it won’t make you right

[green-nonsense]

Lol don’t stretched out condoms also have a way higher risk of ripping? In which case, fucking congrats, that’s not gonna stop the spread of STDs OR lower the risk of pregnancy. You’re better off shoving a balloon on there.

I mean granted it’s probably a funny way to quickly show that “i’m too big to wear a condom (at all)” is just an excuse, but what you could also do instead is say that manufacturers carry a lot of sizes, so unless he’s extremely oversize, that’s probably untrue. Otherwise, if you’re not clear about this fact, you’re teaching teenagers that condom size does not matter, when it’s objectively untrue.

In my sex ed course in middle school, they told us that it’s untrue because condoms are able to hold several liters of water. We submitted anonymous notes to them, and I pointed out this exact thing. They went “yeah sure” and that was the end of it. As if they weren’t misinforming us. So this attitude really pisses me off.

[dashaibo]

Actually most popular condom brands only come in one size. Even the ones marked XL are more about the length than the girth. You need to go out of your way to look for brands that specifically sell condoms of different circumference.

[green-nonsense]

Right, sorry, thank you for this correction. Sorry for my incorrect information in the post.

But I think the point still stands that OP shouldn’t teach teens to just suck it up if they think the circumference (or length for that matter) is wrong for them just because it stretches around an arm. OP should encourage those teens to find the correct size for them, for their health’s sake

[the-defiant-pupil2]

I got to that part and my soul withered a little bit. I feel so bad for the students OP teaches and I really hope someone else corrects that misinformation for them before they get hurt or pregnant. 

I’m really glad people called them out on it though, although disgusted that OP is just doubling down. You’re a fucking teacher (although you shouldn’t be). Maybe get educated for the sake of your children, asshole.

[honeycomb-steak]

It’s a single sexEd lesson and a single mistake. Why is everybody treating this as if she caused the holocaust?

Kids learn sexEd further through other sources. The main take away - don’t take any excuses for not having protected sex. Yeah it’d be better to not have mis-info out there, but she didn’t fuck up immensely.

If this will affect those people directly, they’ll probably research it further than “a lesson in sexEd I had when 13”

[the-defiant-pupil2]

It’s the attitude problem she has. If she had just went “oh shit, my bad” or something like that nobody would be angry. It’s the fact that she’s doubling down, choosing to be willfully ignorant, and on top of that who’s to say they’ll get another teacher  down the road who knows better? Who’s to say they’ll look it up later on especially since teenagers do have sex, y’know? Who’s to say a guy won’t ignore that a condom is uncomfortable or worse and/or will go along with his girlfriend’s misinformation just because he wants to be with her and an STI is spread or a pregnancy is caused? 

Oh and I don’t know where you got this wild idea that all kids everywhere learn sex ed through other sources, but a lot don’t. Many kids are left only with their school lessons. Maybe some will look further on the internet, but this condom myth is all over the internet too.

The point is OP has a duty as a teacher to, y’know, actually teach the kids in their care, especially about something as important as sex ed. And I doubt this is a “single” sex ed lesson – she probably teaches the exact same shit to other students do, therefore causing a bigger problem all around.

As for your tags, nobody is being aggressive here. The worst it got was me calling her an asshole which she is – not for being wrong, but for doubling down and giving such attitude for no good reason. The others are being perfectly polite, even in the face of gross irresponsibility coming from a teacher. 

Lastly, I’m sorry if this comes as a surprise to you, but people tend to care about the quality of sex ed and the health of other people, especially minors. Like, this shouldn’t have to be explained, y’know. Of course people are going to be somewhat put off by someone perpetuating a harmful myth to a bunch of vulnerable youth they have power over and then fully put off by that person reacting like an immature twat when they’re politely corrected.

[honeycomb-steak]

You know what, you might be right. I don’t know at what point OP decided to double down. From how I understood it, they got defensive, not just blatantly trying to be ignorant.

Tone reading isn’t my forté. I think it’s just the sharp U turn from “haha silly post” to “actually this contains harmful information” that makes things appear more aggressive.

Is “the talk” still a thing? Don’t friends share info with each other? Though yeah it’s best if sexEd is actually accurate in school.

[kroseteaches]

“I mean granted it’s probably a funny way to quickly show that “i’m too big to wear a condom (at all)” is just an excuse, but what you could also do instead is say that manufacturers carry a lot of sizes, so unless he’s extremely oversize, that’s probably untrue. Otherwise, if you’re not clear about this fact, you’re teaching teenagers that condom size does not matter, when it’s objectively untrue.”

Given that during that same class, we’d already had in-depth discussions on condoms being both too big and too small and the risks associated with both of those scenarios, that’s exactly what that silly ‘demonstration’ was. It lead to great conversations about the limitations of my arm (and watermelons) as a model for a penis, how to find the right condoms that actually fit, and what it actually means for a condom TO fit. (We are lucky enough to have a fully-functioning health clinic onsite at our school, and after showing students how to research their own personal contraceptive needs, they were directed to the professionals there that can assist them further.) 

Also agree that OP (me) should not teach them to “suck it up”. That’s not what they were taught. I can see how sharing that out of context moment makes it look like that’s the case, though. 

The post I wrote was intended to share the silly things that were said during class, so the educational moments where these issues were explicitly addressed (finding the right size condom and what that means) were not included in the post. I didn’t expect this post to blow up even half as much as it did, but I can understand how omitting the conversations that took place around that instance is problematic, especially from a teacher. So I’m thankful to the people that added the information above for anyone reading! 

Additionally, I totally understand the above frustrations at my attitude. My attitude did not arise from people sharing the above info, correcting, or critiquing me in anyway (feel free--it’s helping me become a better teacher. And that’s not me being snarky.). Honestly, I didn’t even see this particular thread until this morning--I’ve literally never had so many notes to sift through in my life. My attitude came from the numerous dick pics and anon asks giving me detailed accounts of their penises, not from wanting to ‘double down’ on spreading misinformation. 

As I said, I appreciate everyone on this post educating those who may need it when my original post failed to do so!     

[mintywhisker-deactivated2021053]

“draw what makes you happy” well sir i hope you’re ready for 10+ posts in a row of the same two characters and the same two characters only

[liberalsarecool]

Respect teachers. Pay them.

[kroseteaches]

I liked it so much better when my posts only got like 2 notes max lmao. Like, I am but a humble harvest moon fandom blog. If any of you think I’m going to engage in penis discourse with you—especially when I’m not getting paid to do so—you are severely mistaken lol.

[kroseteaches]

Today, on this fateful day in sex ed, I have to teach 25 9th graders how to put condoms on wooden dicks without losing my composure. Wish me luck lmao

[kroseteaches]

Now to find a way to discreetly transport this entire drawer to the other side of the building...

[kroseteaches]

Today went well overall. Lots of great conversations took place alongside some... very silly ones lmao.

Here are some highlights from this morning’s lesson:

Me: *removes the wooden dicks from my bag and slaps them on the table*

Students collectively: o_O

That one student: nice

—

Me: *demonstrating how to put on a condom*

Also me: *puts it on wrong the first time, even though I practiced twice beforehand* So everyone, here we see what not to do. Let’s try that again

—

Me: *finished demonstration, holding a sheathed wooden dick* so what questions do we have about condoms before I unleash you all to practice on the models?

Student: *raises hand* yeah, I’m wondering how you’re feeling about your life choices up until this point?

Me: o-o

—

Student 1: *raises hand* miss, why are the condoms so... slimy?

Me: thats lubricant, it helps get rid of friction that might cause discomfort during intercourse.

Student 2: *raises hand* can you use lube on a slip and slide?

Me: *genuinely considering the possibility*

—

**Edit for clarification: we’d previously been discussing the importance of condoms that fit, and issues that arise when condoms are too big or too small. The below scene is NOT me trying to tell students that one size all fits all. We both know that’s not true—make sure you’re wearing the right size condom folks.**

*during a conversation about excuses people have heard for not wearing condoms*

Student 1: I had a guy tell me he was too big to fit in a condom

Me: *opens a condom, puts entire forearm inside and pulls it up to my elbow* here’s why that’s not true

Student 2: I once saw a video of somebody that put an entire watermelon in a condom before, so unless that dude’s got a watermelon shlong, that’s cap.

Me: *slowly losing composure behind my mask* you have the right idea, but let’s refrain from using the word ‘shlong’ in class, please.

—

Me: what are some ideas of things we can say to people who try to pressure you into having unprotected sex?

Student 1: tell them you don’t want their penis cooties!!

Student 2: penis cooties? Pretty sure that’s just herpes

Me, internally: like... you’re not wrong

—

Me: alright everyone, time to return the wooden models up front. Remove the condoms by firmly grasping the base of the model and sliding it off. Don’t forget to throw it away please!

Student 1: FIRMLY GRASP IT

Student 2: idk if I can return it now, miss. I’ve become attached to mine(the wooden dick)

Student 3: yeah, most men are

Me: *trying to keep a straight face*

—

Student 1: miss, why are the wooden dicks so shiny when you take the condom off

Me: oh, that’s just the lubricant from the condom.

Student 2: so you know you put the condom on right if your dick is shiny after?

Student 3: yeah! If your dick is shiny, you’re doing it right

Me: *trying to keep my composure pt. 36716159* uh, yeah that’s not necessarily the case. You see, these models are wooden. Penises are not.

Student 3: then why is it called morning wood?

Me: *internally self destructs*

—

Me: *casually wiping off the lube from wooden dicks w/ a paper towel before returning them to my bag* so what questions do we have about the use of contraception?

Student: miss can you please not make eye contact with us while you do that?

[yu-efo]

based off this