Disney films of 2018, ranked
I finally watched Mary Poppins Returns yesterday, and I realized that I watched every Disney film this year, at least, according to Wikipedia.
really weird, I was expecting a Disneynature film, Ghibli film or a Disney India film at least but hey, who cares anyway, we got an Incredibles sequel. Yay. So, here are the 6 Disney films of 2018, all ranked from best to worst.
#1: Mary Poppins Returns
Finally a good Disney film! I have so little to say against the Mary Poppins sequel-- it embraced the original’s magic and resurrected the cadaver that is Disney magic. If we look at only Disney titles (excluding Pixar and the others), the last good Disney film was 2016′s Zootopia, that although very good, was very different. I’m talking the classic Disney magic, the grandiose musical numbers, colorful characters, original narrative and of course, 2D animation. The music is amazing, I don’t know how music works really, but the songs of the sequel matches what I’d call a “musical palette” of the original, hence each new songs sounds like unused musical number from 1964′s Mary Poppins, making it so you could listen to both soundtracks on shuffle together and they’d match perfectly. Then, as you might know the movie features 2D animation, and it is beautiful: exactly what you’d expect from Disney, and I missed it so much I can’t hide that a few tears made their way into my eyes. Emily Blunt nails Mary Poppins, keeping the character very much alive, Lin-Manuel Miranda is Lin-Manuel Miranda, so he is obviously great in this movie also. Still, the film feels a lot like a big broadway musical, which is to be expected since it was produced by the same guys who brought you Into the Woods and La La Land, but the problem is that if feels too much like a broadway musical. Not that much of an issue, but I wondered, a few times too many during the film, why they didn’t just made it into a broadway musical. Finally, it is a sequel, and unfortunately it does exactly what the original did, rather than doing something different, fresh and special. It is frustrating when sequels does that, but that’s a common problem, and even though it makes Mary Poppins Returns less special, it doesn’t make it bad. If you miss the old Disney magic though, that’s the best you’re getting these days.
Beautiful, magical, but still a sequel.
#2: Ralph Breaks the Internet
In a world where big studios try to be relevant to the youth by making films featuring Internet and its wonders, Ralph Breaks the Internet surprisingly isn’t a wreck. The same post-mermaid structure, still very boring, but that’s practically every Disney film these days, so let’s ignore that. The film itself is a great sequel, as nice as the first and they’re trying something different. Sadly, in the end, it’s just Emoji Movie by Disney, a lot of references to giant companies and culturally important websites, making the film feel a lot like one big ad. I won’t go too deep into the film right now, but I’ll say that although I have good things to say about the film, it’s forgettable. They’re still mocking the Disney genre much like Moana, pretending Enchanted never existed, but it’s all fine, then I enjoyed the little hint of a message about Internet hypocrisy in anonymity, but it’s so small you could miss it, and for a film about Internet, I was expecting more of that. The film is so filled with references that it becomes the one thing driving the film forwards, almost forgetting that it is a film, so rushed character introductions leads to a rushed ending when the filmmakers realized they were making a film. Little to see here, but if you like Internet, it isn’t bad, you can try it. For others, this film will be irrelevant. Only notable moment is the Disney Princesses’ appearances, which is excellent, but fan service over-shading the whole film is pretty embarrassing.
Film so empty it makes you wish it was just 112 minutes of Disney Princesses hanging out.
#3: Incredibles 2
Little to say here; to me, Incredibles 2 was a big let down. Misses the magic of the first film, and really fails to give out the same 60s atmosphere the original gave out. Little to no grown-up humor, only the best part from the first, and of course, a lot less fresh and special. If you like the Incredibles, you will get enjoyment out of this one too, the characters are as great as they were in the first. My biggest criticism is that the film doesn’t understand what made Incredibles so special: not only did the original animated a realistic and relatable family as the protagonists, it brought something new to the superhero genre. The first had washed out superheroes and illegal superpowers, really different from the superhero films of the time, like X-Men, Fantastic Four and Spider-Man, but first and foremost it was a family film, about the struggles of an unsatisfied family. The sequel focuses way too much on superheroes, and the superhero part isn’t even anything special: the question of “are we giving too much power to superheroes?” is nothing new, we’ve all seen Civil War and Batman v Superman and we’re all already tired of it.
We wanted a sequel, but not THAT.
#4: Christopher Robin
I am huge Winnie the Pooh lover, my childhood was marked by hours of Winnie the Pooh episodes, hence you might think I found 2017′s Christopher Robin a huge embarrassment and disappointment, but you’d be wrong: I loved it, although I recognize it was junk. You don’t understand how much I love Winnie the Pooh, I love him so much you put him in the worst film ever and as long as you don’t mess him up too much, I’ll love your film. So, what about Christopher Robin the film? It’s lovely, because Winnie the Pooh’s in it, but even Winnie and the gang aren’t as lovable as they used to be. They’re good, but they miss the quotable lines and dreamy metaphors to gain forgettable quotes that’ll make you go “I guess that Winnie-ish” and really obvious metaphors that’ll make you “yeah, I got it, thanks.” The Winnie part was failed, and the rest of the film isn’t better. It’s exactly like Mary Poppins Returns, same concept of retrieving your inner child, but done lazily and without passion. Winnie the Pooh was great because you knew it lived in Christopher Robin’s imagination, now seeing Winnie in London is really weird and unpleasant. Nobody asked for that.
Masters of the Universe but it’s Winnie the Pooh.
#5: The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
The Nutcracker and the Four Realms is one of those horrible films that had good ideas, not that it could have been good, but it could have been a lot less horrible. It has an ensemble of characters that are either painfully annoying, terribly boring or plain forgettable, and although it tries to be that grandiose adaptation of the gracious Nutcracker, I wish I could say it’s all “Razzle Dazzle”, but even that isn’t true. I went to see it with my mom and she kept saying how beautiful the film was, and while I guess they were fine, you’ve probably seen awful films with prettier shots, I know I did. Nothing to see here, the story is terribly boring and makes no sense, but it’s so boring you won’t even care about making sense out of it. It’s sprinkled with fragments of good ideas like “let’s have a ballet scene in the film explaining the origins of the four realms” ruined by more obvious annoyingly awful ideas like “but since it’s so genius and subtle and hard to understand let’s have the annoying pink b**ch explain everything during the scene and ruin everything”. Fortunately, I’ll forget about it soon enough. The film tries to be an epic tale but it ends up being insignificant, little, and forgettable.
Let’s make The Nutcracker but stupid.
#6: A Wrinkle in Time
I wish I could hate A Wrinkle in Time with a burning passion, but I just don’t understand it. If I’d tell you the plot of the film, you’d say “This is so stupid, this does not make any sense”, but don’t go thinking A Wrinkle in Time is one of those films, those that makes you go “I mean sure it sounds stupid but if you watch it it’s a lot better.” It is stupid, and the film glorifies not making sense, or at least I think it does. Most scenes I don’t know if it’s one of those glorified scenes of nonsense or just a metaphor for something I don’t get. Scenes come out of nowhere and lead nowhere, to an extent where you’re left with scenes like “so the kids go to the beach and a guy gives them food, but then one of the kid eats sand so the girls’ brother becomes evil” and concepts like “to teleport to another dimension all you need is to set your frequency to love”. With an ending where the kids exterminate all evil in the universe so everyone in the planet becomes good or something, I can’t find anything good about this movie. It’s so weird and unpleasant and incomprehensible, I couldn’t recommend it any less. It’s a mess trying to be progressive and give a message of love, but even Barberella is better in this department.
“...what?” -Me, during the entirety of A Wrinkle in Time.
What 2018 a good year for Disney? Well, it was better than 2017 so I guess yes. This year we’re having a couple of titles too. Remakes of Lion King, Aladdin and Dumbo sure sounds like big disappointments, and I wonder if they’ll give the Genie a kid since he’s played Will Smith-- can’t imagine the guy playing a role other than a tragic dad. Frozen 2 and Toy Story 4 have potential, but they will be sequels. I am curious for that Artemis Fowl film though, but since Kenneth Branagh is directing it (Director of Thor, Cinderella and Murder on Orient Express, all the worst ones) I’m gonna be expecting a bad year.










