Sams Certain

"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that death will tremble to take us." -Charles Bukowski

[samscertain]

When life is so shitty that you can't smell anything else...

[samscertain]

When you realize that the fear everyone has about clowns is how you feel about most men....

[samscertain]

Something that has been bothering me!

I am not throwing away my vote if I vote third party!!!!!

I am not voting for Hilary by not voting for Trump

                                          and VISE VERSA!!!

In my eyes voting for a fascist pig to keep out a scary woman

is still voting for a fascist pig......

So I’m keeping my conscious clear and voting for the only reasonable party in the political ring.  

[samscertain]

[samscertain]

The religion of death

I hear heaven in your breath

The holy spirit in your moan

Your mouth opens like death

You won’t go alone.

They injected god in your veins

To suppress life’s persistence

Then waited till he came

To lull your resilience.

Jesus cradled your body

Like a bed and a blanket

Tell him you’re godly

At your heaven banquet.

嗸�C�

[did-you-know]

NASA created retro travel posters for different locations in our solar system in hopes of inspiring young people to imagine a future where common space travel is a possibility. 

Source

[colormebowie-deactivated2017091]

these are really important to me

[samscertain]

Scifi is actually a device to prophesy the future. A lot of scientist advocate reading/writing scifi, because it brings creativity to science and allows people to imagine the blue print of technologies that could be employed. So these posters are giving people the drive to investigate and create a way for these pictures to come true. And the coolest part is, it might happen in our lifetime! 

[chrisriddellblog]

Dark Sonnet by Neil Gaiman.

[neil-gaiman]

I love that Chris Riddell is drawing illustrations for some of my poems for no better reason than pure enjoyment (and what better reason for making art could there be?)

[neil-gaiman]

Happy Poetry Day.

[colfield-blog]

modern day shakespeare adaptions that should exist

southern gothic macbeth. the bloody, brutal themes of the play in the suffocating atmosphere of the genre. the imagery of lady macbeth’s hands dripping with blood! the witches! macbeth’s madness when he believes the swamp has actually come to life to kill him! it’s like it was made for this play

political othello. make him secretary of defense or state. imagine a house of cards like environment. addresses issues of current racism and misogyny in politics, and Iago’s jealous/obsessive love for Othello with very clear homo-erotic undertones. like extremely explicit and how that translates in such a masculine setting to understand Iago’s intent.

police hamlet. hamlet senior as the deputy in nyc. his mysterious death draws his son home from stanford/harvard/what-have-you. a modern day noir-like detective mystery. emphasis on ophelia’s depression and subsequent decent into madness by popping too many pills. the way the “respectful” upper-class tear themselves apart splashed all across the media.

the tempest as lost.

titus andronicus as a proper horror movie, set in the current war in the middle east.

college midsummer nights dream. the fairyland is a popular night club. lots of dubstep music and drugs slipped in dark corners of the dance floor.

[punlich]

One time I used my retail voice on a coworker and she was like, “Don’t use your customer voice on me, I know you’re dead inside like the rest of us, it’s just frightening and weird”

[1980sbusinesswoman]

The other day I asked for a table for two in my customer voice and the waitress squinted at me and I cleared my throat and said “Sorry, still in service mode” and she dropped hers and we swapped stories about our day and my boyfriend was like “You two just became two entirely different people in like .5 seconds…”

[gritsinmisery]

I can be bitching up a blue streak about a customer-from-hell while the store is empty, and when the phone rings swap over to my retail voice practically in mid-sentence. I even have managers and salespeople from other stores in the chain fooled into thinking I’m infinitely friendly and helpful, and my manager’s husband thinks I’m one of the most professional people in the store. One assistant manager’s daughter dubbed me Perky-Pants because she mostly dealt with me over the phone, and was shocked to the core when I dropped an F-bomb at her graduation picnic.

[thesmilingfish]

The acting required in the service industry is beyond the pale. My cousin freaked out when she came to see me at work because I was all smiling and nice while helping someone who was asking inane questions and who basically forced me to walk them to the product and put it in their fucking hand but I was nice as pie until I turned around to walk away and my demeanor changed back to normal and I muttered “what a fucking moron” under my breath as I got back to my cousin. She just looked at me shocked and said “no wonder you’re so exhausted when you get home.” 

[eat-my-dragon-deactivated201611]

this is actually referred to as emotional labor in criminology, and is considered one of the hardest forms of labor

[blasphemous-lies-and-deceit]

The art of bullshit is strong in the service industry 

[c3rvida3]

My new meds make my skin throw a fit. It’s not terribly bad, just a few things here and there, but it’s bumming me out because I’ve never really had too many run-ins with acne.

My four-year-old sister, however, is under the impression that it’s just “3D freckles”, and that they look very, very pretty. She wants all of my freckles to “pop out”, especially the ones across my nose; they’re her favourite.

And it puts me in this weird position where I can’t say, “No, this is acne, and it’s bad,” because I don’t want to teach her that it’s a bad to have unclear skin, you know?

Because the more I think about interactions I have with children, the more I realise that children will consistently compliment “flaws” until they’ve been taught not to.

Like, a kid at the library, whose sister has vitiligo, saw my scars once and suggested that his sister and I should be cats for Halloween, since I have “tabby skin” and she has “calico skin”. “I can be a black cat,” he immediately added. “It’s not AS cool, but they’re the spookiest.”

When I started losing weight, my little brother immediately demanded that I gain it back, because I wasn’t as comfortable to cuddle with anymore.

And my other little sister always wants to wear her paint-stained clothes to school so that “everyone can tell [she’s] an artist”.

I don’t know. I guess talking to little kids just reminds me that all of this superficial shit we worry about really is 100% made up.

[micdotcom]

Watch: Brian Yu’s heartbreaking poem will strike anyone with students loans to the core.

[evilspice]

[chibi-masshuu-deactivated202508]

She’s so beautiful.

[rbookbakes]

This is how you approach someone with a compliment

[bimulder-deactivated20250518]

THIS IS THE CUTEST THING

[pdlcomics]

Other Queen

[samscertain]

I’m back in school!!!

So I had my first class today and it was awesome! Poetry for the win!!! During the seminar I started to write again and I’m so excited, so here is a sample of what I got so far:

Language is the monster that lives inside our head; they claw and they bite until we say what they have said. Some come unbidden, unwelcome in the night. But most of our monsters fight the dying of the light. These monsters are mythical and awesome to behold. They bring music to our ears and magic to our souls. They tinker at the tip of unforgotten tongues. Climb upon the ancient ladder of thought rung by rung. 

more to come....

[marinaqua]

story time: i taught my little cousin her first longer word when she was very young. i taught her to say “tax benefits”. and to this day my aunt still doesn’t know where she got it from, but it was a hilarious sight to see a little toddler waddling around the house, wearing a big diaper, all the while yelling “TAX BENEFITS!!!!”

[osmanthusoolong]

My parents did this with me and “nuclear disarmament”.

[bradkey]

I taught my little brother to say “micro-surgical vasectomy reversal” (saw it on a billboard) on a road trip, and he didn’t stop saying it for literal years.

[missvoltairine-blog]

My parents taught me to chant “Get your laws off our bodies!” for a pro-choice rally when I was like four and I went to preschool and taught all the other kids the chant and led them on a mini-parade around the playground and the teachers were like ?????????? ?????????? ????????????

[floralgemini-deactivated2016111]

whenever my brother threw a tantrum as a baby my parents would chant “live free or die” until he calmed down it was fuckin weird

[onceiwashere]

when i was a kid whenever we got stuck in traffic my dad would say “what the fuck?!?” in a very comic voice and i would repeat it and then he would say it with a slightly different inflection and i would repeat that too and so forth and so basically my poor mother would be stuck in standstill traffic listening to her husband and 4 yr old daughter swearing at each other without end

[waspabi]

i’m a preschool teacher and we like to joke around using radical vocabulary with the children, the other day i overheard one kid say ‘this is my truck’ and the other one said ‘no, this truck belongs to the collective’; they all say it now

[daggers-drawn]

That last one.

[thegreenwolf]

This is too good not to reblog.

[its-a-different-world]

help

[samscertain]

My dad taught me to say “That’s another fine example of the futility and hypocrisy of modern day life” when I was four or five. We went to visit my brothers college and he told me to say it to one of his professors. And the Professor just stood there with his mouth agape....and asked for his assistant to come hear what this five year old just said.

[samscertain]

Since Valentines day is coming up...

Cold is the absence of heat. Therefore cold is not real. But Cold feels very real when it reaches the low teens or lower on a Fahrenheit thermometer. No one thinks “wow it sure is not hot in here.” It has become normal to associate the lack of heat as cold. Humanity has named the abyss that isn’t there; humanity has to name everything. Naming something is the equivalent of knowing it. Humans feel the need to know everything. We have even created a measurement that calculates how much something very real, such as heat, drops off to its absence. Is Hate the same way? Is it an absence of love that creates hate? If someone wrongs you is it because they hate you or is it because they do not have enough love? If everyone could consider hate in this aspect would we stop spreading the belief of an abyss of hate and start spreading more unconditional love?